The Lion and the Lamb
by Alphie
Summary: A retelling of Twilight from Edward's point of view. Now on permanent hiatus. Please read author's note.
1. Chapter 1

_AN: I've been waiting for someone to attempt this sort of story, but have grown tired of waiting and decided to do it myself. I've done something similar when I wrote Prisoner of Azkaban from Remus Lupin's PoV (which you can find here at f f. net). Now I'm going to try it again with Twilight and Edward Cullen._

_Stephenie Meyer has a note on her website in the FAQ section that she wrote the first chapter of Twilight from Edward's perspective and plans on sharing it with us either at the end of the paperback in June or on her website. That being the case, when I set out to write a series of missing moments from Edward's perspective, I specifically avoided Bella's first day. There is no way I would be able to compare my work with hers. Thus, I begin my dive into Edward's view with his return to Forks and his first day back at school keeping in mind all that he has been through. I hope you enjoy my take on this amazing book. _

_Many thanks to Imogen for the beta. You're a life saver!_

_Nothing belongs to me. It's all Ms. Meyer's. And yes, I realize I'm using some exact lines from the book. That's what happens when you write from an alternate PoV. _

_This chapter has been tweaked every so slightly to include some new information I obtained from Ms. Meyer herself after she left me a very nice review. I will share all my information with you in the Twilight Lexicon, which will soon be available for public access._

CHAPTER ONE 

_Do you suppose he'll actually go with us today?_

_Carlisle threatened him if he didn't. The humans will grow suspicious. Besides, if he misses too many days he could get expelled._

_Then maybe he shouldn't go. I would think that not having to spend another day in a classroom would be worth risking expulsion._

_Rosalie, you know that wouldn't help matters._

_I don't think it would do Edward, or any of us, much harm never to have to sit through another dull lecture about the ramifications of World War II on international politics._

_Remember about 20 years ago when I had to convince Jasper not to kill that ignorant teacher who went on about the lack of morals found in confederate soldiers?_

_Maybe we could convince Esme to say we are home schooled the next time we move._

_I wish there wasn't a law requiring us to be in school. I hate pretending to be this young._

_If Edward gets expelled then I'm dropping out. I've already got four diplomas._

_I keep waiting for Alice to see something._

_Maybe he shouldn't go back. I've never seen him so worked up over a human. What if he can't resist?_

_I've hunted with him every day this week. If he can't resist after that, then that's his problem._

_You mean our problem. If he can't resist…then…_

Similar conversations have been going on for nearly a week now, driving me to the brink of my own sanity. It's unfathomable to me that my family doubts my ability to resist the human girl's blood. I've always been one of the strongest in the family. It has been years since I drank from a human. And to think that I naively imagined I could ever be as competent as Carlisle is with his self-control, as if I could develop an immunity to the scent of human blood. That idea was soundly crushed with the arrival of Isabella Swan.

It's maddening, embarrassing even to consider how one insignificant little girl could alter my life by simply walking into a room and sitting next to me. It was as if the Devil himself had set a trap for me, and the dark haired child with the deliciously potent blood was the bait. I had called on every ounce of my strength to keep from taking what I so desperately desired from her right there in that classroom full of unsuspecting children. I'm lucky…_she_ is lucky that I haven't tasted human blood in so long that I could only just manage to get away from her.

And yet the damage was done. My family now knows she affects me in ways no mortal ever has. They know I can break, that my self-control isn't as perfect as I profess it to be. Worst of all, they doubt my ability to protect this family from human suspicion by keeping my thirst for her blood in check. Their privacy and security are at risk by my very actions.

_So, is he coming or not?_

_I haven't seen him this morning. I know he was out last night._

_He's been out every night this week._

I can't take this anymore. I have to move on. I cannot allow such a common human to stand in the way of the existence we have built here in Forks. Nor can I continue to let my family believe that I would put them at risk by my behavior. I'm stronger than this. I can withstand temptation.

It wouldn't be so difficult if I could only hear her mind. If I had any idea what thoughts were going through that head, I might be able to better persuade the beast within me to let her go. If her thoughts were as sweet and innocent as I assumed them to be, it would be much easier to convince my own mind that she wasn't to be touched. As it is, I can't read her at all. She is like a blank to me, which is dangerous to consider. My eyes tell me she is human, but without the aid of her childlike mind, all I can focus on is the scent of her blood.

This is something my family doesn't know about. They know I crave her blood, for that was something I thought they needed to be aware of. But I haven't told anyone, not even Carlisle, that I can't hear the girl's mind. I can't explain why, which both worries and frightens me. It surprised me to no end when I looked at her and found a void. Until I can manage to get past whatever barrier blocks her mind from me, I don't intend for my family to know about the issue.

I took a deep breath and let it out very slowly in a rather mortal attempt to calm my troubled nerves. To have any hope of lasting through the day, I will have to stay focused and composed. This girl is not going to ruffle me. I won't let her.

_We're going to be late. I say let's go._

_Since when are you in such a hurry to get to school?_

_Since I have a test this morning and I really hate being rushed._

I rolled my eyes at their bickering and decided to put an end to the speculation of the morning. I took the steps two at a time, offering what I hoped was a bright and encumbered smile when I came to a stop next to them. "Yes, I'm going."

Rosalie smirked at me. "Chancing fate then, are you? Or are you just anxious to see if she really is as delicious as you had imagined?"

"I didn't imagine it," I bit out. "And I would appreciate it if you didn't goad me about the situation."

Her eyes went wide. "Pardon me." She turned to Emmett and said, "You know, I always thought that hunting made Edward less irritable to be around. Although, given the amount he's consumed this last week, maybe he is suffering from indigestion."

"Rosalie," Carlisle's voice sounded from the far side of the room. "That's enough."

With a loud thud, Jasper jumped to the foot of the stairs. He smiled eagerly around at all of us. "Alice says it's going to snow sometime today. We'd better bundle up."

Emmett's eyes darted to mine and we both broke out in an infectious chuckle. "Snow," he said slowly, his brows rising up.

"Are you challenging me?" I grinned.

"What's the current score?" he asked.

"I think Edward's up by three points," Alice answered for me, lightly making her way down the steps.

"I'll be up by four this afternoon," I said, slipping into my coat.

Emmett laughed. "You wish."

Snow fights, especially wet ones, were always looked forward to, and today was no exception. Emmett and I had been keeping a tally of our battles for years now. The actual score was outrageous, but we usually kept track of who was ahead and just went from there. Snow was a distraction we could easily afford. I loved messing in the cold, wet mush as it was one of the few things on this Earth that actually felt cold in my hands. We all did well in the winter and could tolerate it much better than any human. It was nice to have something else to expect other than the impending and possibly dangerous meeting with Miss Swan.

Feeling a bit lighter than I had just moment's ago, I climbed into my car, along with the other younger members of my family, and sped off towards the school. Jasper and Emmett were making plans for their attack while Rosalie listened on with a warning in her eyes, making it plainly clear she wanted no part of the sport, or more specifically, the possibility of getting wet. Alice only laughed at them all and refused to tell whom she suspected would win this particular challenge.

We arrived at school just before classes were to start, which meant we all had to hurry in order to not be counted tardy. It also meant that I wasn't given a chance to see Isabella. Instead, I was forced to resort to letting my mind drift over the meaningless teenage conversations until I could find her. Well, not _her_, but at least I could find who was talking to her…or focusing on her.

Mike's underdeveloped mind was easily found. A week ago I had scoffed at his lust for this girl whom he hardly knew. I remember laughing at lunch with my brothers and sisters about how all the teenage boys had all taken notice of the 'fresh meat' in the school. Looking back on the comment, I found it amazingly ironic that I had labeled her as such.

I spent the rest of the morning listening in on the mind of that tiny girl with all the fuzzy hair. Jessica. I'd never really noticed her before, but it seemed she had formed a friendship with Bella, and her mind was simple enough that I hardly even struggled to hear her. To my disappointment, I hadn't learned very much about Bella other than she hated the cold and preferred to be called Bella instead of her full name. Not much to go on, but at least it was a start.

On my way to the lunchroom, I was pummeled by half a dozen snowballs. As much as I wanted to have the chance to actually look at the girl who had set my existence upside down, my pride wouldn't allow me to retreat from my brothers without a fight. I picked up a chunk of wet snow with my bare hands and gave as good as I got. We had to be cautious, though, and not use our natural skill for fear of being observed by the passing humans. Even still, it didn't take long before our efforts left us all completely covered. Knowing it would cost me points, but not really caring, I let Emmett win this round and headed for indoors, brushing off some remnants of snow from my shoulders and shaking out my wet hair.

Alice and Rosalie were already sitting at our usual table with a few trays of food when I arrived in the cafeteria. I plopped down next to Rosalie who grimaced and leaned away from me. "Don't even think about getting me wet," she warned.

"How about me?" Emmett said from over her shoulder. Water fell from his body onto her hear.

"Emmett," she scolded as she tired to wipe it off. "Don't ruin my hair."

He leaned in close to her. A little too close for a normal teenage boy and his girlfriend. "Maybe tonight I can get more than just your hair wet." Their eyes met and I had to force myself away from the intimate thoughts that passed between them.

I turned my focus to Jasper, who was taking a seat next to Alice, only to find him giving her a similar look. It was a subtle reminder once more that I was the odd man out in our family.

"All right, cut it out. All of you," I said quietly. "You'll draw attention."

"Speaking of attention," Jasper said, "She's looking at you."

"Who?" But it was silly to ask because I knew exactly whom he meant.

My eyes flashed over to her table to find her staring directly at me. Immediately her eyes darted down to look at the table, a curtain of hair blocking me from seeing her face. The girl with her, Jessica, leaned in to tell her I was still watching. I could hear her plain and simple thoughts so clearly it was ridiculous. It's almost an insult to have to resort to such means, but I needed to know what Isabella was thinking.

_Oh, his eyes. He's so cute. I wish he would look at me like that. _

_Angry? No, he looks…interested. Bella is so lucky!_

_Like you? I don't think he likes anyone outside of his family._

_Okay. I'll stop looking. But, oh Bella, if he were looking at me like he's looking at you…oh wow._

It was like listening in to one side of an adolescent phone conversation. I have to remind myself from time to time that nearly everyone in the building is adolescent, but it doesn't mean I have to enjoy the low level of their thoughts. It frustrated me that the one mind I was desperate to read was the only one I couldn't access.

"What is she thinking?" Jasper asked.

"Why do you want to know?" I replied, not wanting to give away the fact that I haven't a clue what was going on in her mind.

"Morbid curiosity," he said with a grin. "After the way you described your last meeting, she's got to be confused."

Alice leaned forward. "Not to mention that you haven't been here for a week. She's probably scared of you."

I pulled my eyes away from the girl and frowned over at Alice. "She should be afraid of me, but I…don't want her to be."

"Why not?" Jasper asked.

"Because it isn't my intention to frighten her or anyone else in the town. If we're going to stay here for another few years, I don't want the humans to be afraid of us."

"Hey, I don't mind that they are afraid of me. If they fear me, then they wil leave me alone, and the less I have to deal with humans the better I feel," Jasper admitted.

Alice rolled her eyes at him. "But you're still going to class, aren't you Edward?" asked Alice.

"Why wouldn't I?"

"Well look at her." She pointed over to where Bella was still hiding behind her hair. "It looks to me like she wants to avoid you at all costs. What is she thinking about anyway?"

I glanced back over at her, knowing there would still be a blank but hoping beyond hope that I could pick up on one of the others' minds to find what she was thinking. To my disappointment, everyone was discussing the snow. Everyone except Bella. I called on the earlier conversation for my information.

"She thinks I'm angry at her. That I…don't like her."

Jasper laughed out loud at this. "Quite the contrary, huh?"

I ignored him. "And she doesn't want to be part of the snowball fight that they are planning for after school."

That bit of information did the trick, and the topic of Bella Swan's thoughts was instantly abandoned. "Who is planning a snowball fight?" Emmett asked.

"The blond. Mike. In the parking lot."

Emmett's smile was wicked as his thoughts of covering the human boy with snow filled his thoughts. "Are you up to showing them how it's done?" he asked.

"Anytime," I replied, grateful for the change in topic. "But, we will have to go easy on them."

I made sure the conversation stayed on the weather and avoided discussing the human any further, knowing it would be all too soon that I would be face to face with her. Side by side. Trapped once more in a tiny classroom.

I would get through it. I wasn't about to let her control my life. She was insignificant…and she was going to stay that way.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: Thanks to the few of your who reviewed. I hope you keep reading and letting me know what you think of my take on Edward. I'm having fun tapping into his personality and can't wait for a few of the moments I have coming up. I also lowered the rating to T, which in my understanding is like PG-13. For the most part, that will be true. But I need you to understand that Edward's thoughts later on will grow darker, so don't be surprised if there are a few uncomfortable moments. (After all, he very nearly murders the men who were after Bella. I doubt his thoughts will be too clean when we get to that point.)

_Thanks to Imogen for the beta read. _

_Nothing belongs to me. All characters come from the mind of Ms. Meyer. Don't flame me for using dialogue directly from the book. I acknowledge that it isn't my original work. _

This chapter has been slightly tweaked since it's original posting.

**CHAPTER TWO **

As lunch drew to a close, I purposefully waited for Bella to leave first. Rosalie and Alice were too busy teasing Jasper and Emmett over the loss of their snowball challenge due to the fact that it was now raining to even notice that I wasn't walking with them. I watched Bella enter the classroom and take her seat at the table that had once been mine and mine alone. From the doorway, I saw her pull out a pen and begin scribbling on the back of her notebook like any typical teenage girl. For a brief moment I considered her as just another normal human being. Whatever encouragement I felt was dashed when I tried to focus on her mind. Unsurprisingly, she was a void to me. Whatever she was thinking, the thoughts were closed to me.

But I could still smell her.

Mr. Banner, the biology teacher, was already passing out the tools we would need for the class. The bell would ring any minute. It was now or never. If I was going to participate in class, I had to sit next to her. Keeping my sense of smell in check by slowing my breathing, I made my way over to my seat and joined her at the table, making sure I was as far away from her as possible.

"Hello," I offered, wanting to make it clear to her that I wasn't angry and that I most certainly didn't hate her. More importantly, I wanted to make her forget my initial reaction to her. For reasons unknown to me, I didn't want her thinking poorly of me.

Her whole body shifted as she turned to look at me. Her breath hitched and I caught the scent of her in my nostrils. Dear God, her scent was delicious. So sweet. So tempting. Her eyes were so full of emotion. I felt as if I could get lost in the depths of those eyes. The only word that came to mind was…beautiful.

"My name is Edward Cullen," I started once I found my voice again. "I didn't have a chance to introduce myself last week. You must be Bella Swan."

I internally scolded myself for the introduction. Humans normally shook hands when formally introduced, and the last thing I needed right now was an open invitation to touch her, regardless of the innocence behind the gesture. To my luck, she merely looked up at me as if she hadn't heard me correctly. Without being able to read her thoughts, I wasn't sure if she was confused or just annoyed with me.

"H-how do you know my name?" came the reply.

I laughed. Of all the things she could have asked me, this was not the question I expected. After all the lusty thoughts I overheard coming from every teenage male in this building last week, how could I _not _know her name? "Oh, I think everyone knows your name. The whole town's been waiting for you to arrive."

She made a face, which left me awestruck, but again I couldn't place the meaning. It's been so very long since I've actually had to concentrate on just facial expressions for the meaning behind certain reactions that I found it impossible to understand her clearly.

"No," she said. "I meant, why did you call me Bella?"

Again she caught me off guard. This whole idea of not knowing what question was coming next was really aggravating. "Do you prefer Isabella?" I asked, even though I had heard her friends referring to her with the shortened version of her name.

"No, I like Bella," she confirmed. "But I think Charlie – I mean my dad – must call me Isabella behind my back – that's what everyone here seems to know me as."

I wasn't too sure what she was saying because she waved her hand in front of me, and I lost all ability to pay attention to anything other than her glorious fragrance. I looked away, attempting to close my senses off to the assault she was unknowingly sending my way.

Saving me from embarrassment, the instructor began explaining the daily assignment of identifying slides of onion root tip cells in different phases of mitosis. I could do this assignment with my eyes closed I'd done it so many times, but as was the case in all my classes, I had to play along. Biology and history were the two classes I found it most difficult to sit through and pretend I was actually learning something. I'd lived through the last century, so both World Wars were common knowledge to me. Jasper had shared so much about the Civil War with me that I often felt as if I had been there, and Carlisle had filled in most of the rest.

On those same lines, it would be impossible for anyone to live nearly a hundred years with Carlisle and not know the basics of biology. I was even more knowledgeable on the subject, having twice been through medical school to help supple Carlisle with current techniques and information. This time, however, pretending to be an ordinary student in a biology class meant I had to work closely with a human whose very scent captivated me beyond all reason. I forced a smile at her and asked, "Ladies first, partner?"

The look she gave me was so totally pensive I didn't quite know what to make of it. Maybe she wasn't comfortable going first? Maybe science was her worst subject?

"Or I could start, if you wish," I offered when she remained silent.

"No," she said, blushing so deeply that my eyes were transfixed to her face. "I'll go ahead."

I watched as she fitted the slide under the microscope. Her hands were so delicate. Her skin so pale - except for the pink tint still lingering on her cheeks. It was amazing to watch the color fade from her skin as she relaxed into the moment. Every move she made drew me into her more and more. It was riveting to watch her, and maddening at the same time.

She declared the slide to be prophase and started to remove it from its place. "Do you mind if I look?" I asked, and without even realizing what I was doing, I grabbed her hand with mine.

Heat. So warm. So enticing.

Glorious.

I quickly pulled my hand away from hers, suffering immediately from the loss of the sensation and wanting nothing more than to grab hold of her again and never let go. I would willingly burn up under her touch if she would let me. I had to keep my hands to myself. I couldn't allow myself to touch her again, no matter how small the contact.

Trying to act casually about the contact, I looked at the slide and found that she was right. I switched to the second slide and knew right away that it was anaphase. She wanted to check my work, which made me feel slightly challenged that she would doubt my ability. It wasn't often that a human challenged me so directly, and I was surprised to find that I rather liked the idea of Bella contesting my knowledge.

When she asked for the third slide, I carefully placed it in the palm of her hand, avoiding another chance of contact with the heat of her skin. We worked this way, back and forth, through all five slides and finished long before any of the other tables. I glanced at the clock, worried about what we would do for the remainder of the class.

My eyes were drawn to her again, taking note of how uncomfortable she looked sitting next to me in silence. I was so pleasantly surprised at her aptitude. She hadn't missed a single answer, nor had she taken much time to consider her answers. There had to be more intelligence to her than the other humans she was growing close to. If only her mind was open to me, I could see just how intelligent she was. I would hear what she thought about me. I would know what to say to her to make her feel more at ease.

But she shouldn't be at ease around me. It would be too dangerous for her to ever feel comfortable around me.

Her captivating eyes met mine questioningly. "Did you get contacts?"

The randomness of her query left me dazed. "No."

"Oh, I thought there was something different about your eyes."

Instantly I looked away from her. How had she noticed something like that? And how dare she ask me about it? No human had ever noticed such details and lived to comment about it, especially a human from whom I so desperately craved to drink. I wasn't thirsty in the slightest and yet I knew could drink from her until every last drop of blood was consumed. Was it possible that at some base level she had grown aware of my unspeakable desires towards her? Is that why she was so observant about my eye color?

The instructor came to our table and checked over our work. I could hear his thoughts right away and knew he actually assumed I completed the lab without Bella's aid. Wanting to give credit where credit was due, I explained that she had done more of the identification than I had. To my surprise, Bella admitted that she had done the lab once before but with another set of slides. In an age where most humans would have passed the ease of the assignment off on their personal brilliance, I was left speechless by her honesty.

When the teacher walked away, Bella went back to scribbling on her notebook. I didn't know how I would manage to get through another five minutes in silence sitting next to her without my ability to hear her thoughts. The only minds I heard were those of the other students as they tried to figure out the phases on the slides. Dull. Mind-numbing. I needed a distraction from the tediousness of the room – from the power of her scent.

"It's too bad about the snow, isn't it?" I asked in my most casual and friendly voice.

She peeked at me from the corner of her eyes. "Not really."

Of course she wouldn't be disappointed about the melted snow. "You don't like the cold," I stated, remembering clearly how she avoided joining in on the snowball fight conversation at lunch.

"Or the wet," she added.

"Forks must be a difficult place for you to live."

"You have no idea."

Her face twisted in the most beguiling way as she talked. It was so bizarre to hear the words tumble out of her mouth when I had no inclining of how her mind was working. Fascinating.

"Why did you come here, then?"

"It's…complicated."

"I think I can keep up," I said hoping that I could back that up. I couldn't remember the last conversation I had with anyone without the aid of hearing their mind as they spoke. Humans hardly ever said exactly what they were thinking. They censored so many of their thoughts it was pathetic.

She told me about her mother getting remarried last September. "And you don't like him," I concluded from the sadness I heard in her voice. But when she responded by explaining that her stepfather was young but fine, I was left with the ever-growing feeling of confusion. "Why didn't you stay with them?" I asked, curious to solve this little puzzle she had placed before me.

"Phil travels a lot. He plays ball for a living."

Baseball. The information made me smile. "Have I heard of him?"

"Probably not. He doesn't play _well_. Strictly minor league. He moves around a lot."

That explained everything for me. "And your mother sent you here so that she could travel with him." Humans really could be unfeeling creatures.

She frowned at me and thrust her chin up in defiance. "No, she did not send me here. I sent myself."

Now, I was totally lost. Why would she willingly move here if she hated cold and wet when such a move wasn't necessary? "I don't understand."

She sighed and the scent of her sweet breath made my head spin. "She stayed with me at first, but she missed him. It made her unhappy…so I decided it was time to spend some quality time with Charlie."

"But now you're unhappy," I said, noting the unmistakable slump in her shoulders and the way her voice dipped lower as she explained the situation.

"And?"

She was challenging me again. "That doesn't seem fair."

She laughed a cold laugh that I couldn't comprehend. Again her scent left me breathless. "Hasn't anyone ever told you? Life isn't fair?"

"I believe I _have_ heard that somewhere before."

"So that's all," she finished.

But it wasn't all. There was more to her…so much more that curiosity began to consume me. I needed to know more about this amazing human. I needed to get inside that mind and examine just how it worked. It was almost as powerful a need as my thirst for her blood. She was clearly miserable here. My eyes told me that much at least. Yet she seemed determined to pass off her feelings as insignificant and unimportant.

"You put on a good show," I said slowly. "But I'd be willing to bet that you're suffering more than you let anyone see."

She frowned again. Was she annoyed with me again or had I got it right?

"Am I wrong?" I asked after a moment.

She shifted away from me, ignoring me. She didn't want to talk, to oppose me. She hadn't kept quiet about anything I was wrong about all hour…until now. Which confirmed that I was right.

"I didn't think so," I said, feeling confident in my conclusion.

"Why does it matter to _you_?" she snapped without even meeting my eyes.

"That's a very good question," I said softly, admitting to her what I had been wondering myself. I didn't have a good answer for why I was so interested in her. Why was I so fascinated by the expressions of her face? Why did I continue to pester her to talk to me just so I could hear the tone of her voice? Craving her blood was one thing, but I had no real explanation for why I was so mesmerized by every other quality she possessed.

I heard her sigh, her hot breath snapping me out of my thoughts. I glanced at her and saw the most perplexing scowl planted firmly on her face. Dear God, her face was the most expressive face I had ever seen.

"Am I annoying you?"

"Not exactly," she said, shifting her bright eyes from the blackboard to look at me. "I'm more annoyed at myself. My face is so easy to read – my mother always calls me her open book."

For a moment I was rendered speechless. "On the contrary, I find you very difficult to read."

"You must be a good reader then."

"Usually," I said with a smile. It didn't escape my notice that her eyes flickered to my teeth. I would have to be careful with that in the future when near her. Those we hunt for prey are usually very attracted to our mouths. It makes it easer for us to drink from them, should we desire to do so. Even though I had every intention of restraining my urges where Bella was concerned, she could still be considered my prey. I was certain in that instant that were I to ask her to follow me outside after class, she would willingly do so.

The teacher called for the class's attention and began his typical instruction. Thankfully, I already was familiar with the content of the lesson, for there was no way I could keep my mind on Mr. Banner with Bella Swan sitting next to me. It was a mistake to let my mind consider her my prey. My thoughts had drifted off on a treacherous course as I contemplate the many ways I could so effortlessly persuade the girl to let me have what I wanted. She flicked her hair and her fragrance fell over me, drugging me and tempting me to give in to my desire. I shifted as far away from her as was possible and longed for the end of the class.

An agonizing twenty minutes passed before the bell rang. I was out of my seat and rushing from the room as swiftly as I could without drawing too much attention to myself. Once I was a safe distance away from her, I let my eyes seek her out, curious to see her face one last time and try to measure her reaction to our time together.

The boy – Mike – was with her again. What a simpleton. I could hear him so stupidly insulting Bella's intelligence with his assumption that she found the lab as challenging as he did. And then I heard my name in his mind.

_Cullen sure looked cozy with you. _

_Yeah, why was he so weird last Monday? If I had you as a lab partner…all that time to talk…just me and you. I wouldn't sit at the far end of the table, I can tell you that! Someday I'll get my chance._

An unknown feeling swelled in my chest. I couldn't place it, but all I knew what that the idea of Bella spending time alone with that boy was something on which I did not look fondly. I was incensed by the intention behind his thoughts, consumed by the need to hide her away from the world so no one ever thought about her that way again.

No one but me.

I forced myself to attend my next class, but only the stars know what the lesson was on. My mind was most decidedly on the unheard of reaction I had to the possibility of Bella being alone with another man. Not just a man, but _another_ man. A man who wasn't me. A man who didn't have her best intentions at heart. I couldn't very well say that my intentions towards her were exactly well founded, but at least I was doing everything in my power to behave civilly. Mike's intentions were obviously less than honorable, and given the lust I heard in his mind, he would do his best at seeing that wish come to fruition. I didn't like it. I didn't like it one bit.

But why did it even matter? That was what left me so perplexed. It wasn't as if I could have her. She was human…mortal…and I…would only hurt her. Still, I couldn't deny that I had never before been so caught up in another being – vampire or human. Quite simply, Bella Swan was amazing.

When the bell sounded, I headed out to my car to wait for my family. I stood outside the vehicle, even though it was raining. I didn't mind getting a little wet. It felt refreshing. Naturally, my eyes were instantly drawn to Bella when she exited the building. I couldn't even see all of her face, which was hidden under the hood of her coat, protecting her from the rain. She walked to an old, red pick up truck that I would have never guessed belonged to her. Once she was settled inside the cab, I saw her fluff her damp hair and imagined what it would smell like to be seated next to her. As if on cue her eyes flashed up to look back at me for a moment.

The truck's engine growled and she mistakenly took off in reverse. The brakes squealed as she very nearly crashed into the Toyota behind her. The look of shock on her face was priceless. Eyes wide. Mouth open. And that intoxicating blush on her cheeks. I heard the shifting of gears, and the truck sped off past me.

Oh yes, Bella Swan was amazing. Thoroughly and indisputably amazing.


	3. Chapter 3

_AN: Many thanks for the reviews thus far. I feel like I'm starting to catch on to Edward the more I write. I only hope it's as fun for you to read as it is for me to write. _

_Again, I'm using direct lines from the book, which does not belong to me, so don't flame me for it._

_Next chapter…the big fight. Read the bottom of page 272 if you don't remember._

_This chapter has been somewhat modified to fit new information._

CHAPTER THREE

During the night the world had turned into a winter wonderland of white. All of us, even Esme, delighted in the adventure and sport the snow and ice provided for us. Nighttime was often difficult to get through as there was so little to do. Unlike the hustle and bustle found in large cities such as New York or Chicago where we had lived previously, Forks provided for very little entertainment after dark. Thus, we couldn't resist the urge to slide down the slippery slopes of our yard and once again battle it out with snowballs.

Esme and Carlisle retired into the house around four, wanting to spend some time alone before his day shift at the hospital began. Alice and Rosalie went in a while later to ready themselves for the school day. Being wet with dripping snow was fine when no one but family was watching, but Rosalie always insisted on looking her best when she was around the humans.

"As if she could ever look ugly," Emmett chided once the females were out of earshot.

Jasper, Emmett, and I continued our sport well into the dawn. It wasn't until Esme called out to us that it was nearly time for school to start that we abandoned the outdoors and prepared ourselves for the day ahead.

It was a slippery drive to school, but I didn't mind. I love to drive fast, and it's even more exciting when road conditions are less than perfect. At Jasper's request, and Alice's assurance that we wouldn't get caught, I took time to spin a few doughnuts in the parking lot of an abandoned warehouse on the outskirts of town. Even with the detour, we made it to school in plenty of time.

Outside in the open air of the school parking lot, I glanced around for Bella's truck, wondering if she had arrived safely. When I saw no sign of her or the antique vehicle she drove, I decided to stay and watch for her. There was absolutely no logical reasoning behind my actions. I couldn't even explain it to my brothers and sisters, opting instead to tell them I wanted to see if anyone had car trouble or would slide their way to class.

Little did I know how prophetic my reasoning would turn out to be. Had I been blessed with the gift of sight similar to Alice's abilities, I might not have been so eager to see a human in such a potentially dangerous situation. Once I realized which particular human had been destined for a nearly fatal brush with mortality, I regretted the way I anticipated the possibilities earlier. As it was, fate had pointed a cold and cruel finger at the very human I was waiting to see.

I was aware of her arrival not because I heard her mind or picked up her scent, but because the truck she drove was unmistakably identifiable. No one else drove a truck like that. She pulled in to a parking space easily and stepped out of her truck to examine the tires at the rear. I noticed the puzzled look on her face and wondered what she found so interesting about them.

It was in that moment that everything I knew, everything I had spent nearly a century working towards, changed.

Spinning on the black ice, totally out of control and with no hope of stopping, was a dark blue van. It's destination, the old, red truck. And there, standing between her vehicle and the skidding van, was none other than Bella Swan.

It was as if the air was ripped from my lungs and replaced with ice. If my chest had contained a beating heart, I know it would have stopped then and there. The only sound I heard was the bone-chilling squeal of the van's breaks. My mind went blank, unable to fully register what I was witnessing. All I knew was that in the next moment Bella Swan would be dead, and that was simply unacceptable.

_Not her!_ my mind shouted inside my head. _Take anyone else, but leave her alone!_

And then I moved. I don't even remember making the conscious decision to do so, and yet I raced forward with no consideration as to who might be watching or what the consequences of my actions would be. My body slammed against hers, knocking her down behind a neighboring car and pinning her beneath my weight just as the van crashed into the back end of the truck. From the way she landed, I gathered that she must have hit her head on the pavement

But fate wasn't finished with Bella yet. The spinning van swirled around and again headed right for the human I was now protecting. I swore under my breath and instinctively held out my hands, stopping the van from even touching her. I easily pushed the van away from her and pulled her legs to the side so that it would appear she hadn't been as close to death as it seemed. The van settled back down to the earth with a loud groan before silence filled the air.

As quickly as I could, knowing that in a second every student in the parking lot would be questioning what they had seen, I leaned down to make sure Bella really was unharmed. "Bella? Are you all right?" I asked, daringly taking her in my arms and holding her against me. She was so warm…so fragrant. Her heart was beating so quickly I could feel the blood pulsing in her body even though her heavy clothes.

"I'm fine," she muttered and tried to sit up.

"Be careful," I warned as I tried to hold her still. "I think you hit your head pretty hard." Thankfully, my senses told me that she wasn't bleeding. I couldn't begin to imagine what I might do to her if her blood was readily accessible.

"Ow," she muttered, touching her head.

I smiled in gratitude that her only injury was the bump on her head. "That's what I thought."

"How in the…" Her eyes, full of questions, looked up into mine. "How did you get over here so fast?"

She noticed. She saw. And she remembered.

It wouldn't do to have her know of my abilities. That was against the law. The one truth that every vampire is forced to live regardless of their nature to drink from humans or abstain - exposure is not allowed. I would have to convince her that what she thought she saw simply wasn't the truth.

"I was standing right next to you, Bella," I said pointedly.

She went to sit up and I was suddenly overcome with the scent of her. I released her and moved away, still eyeing her closely in case she tried to stand up. One day at medical school had taught me enough about human physiology to know that no one would be secure on their feet after what Bella just went though. It was best for her to stay still for a while.

Suddenly, a swarm of people huddled around us asking questions and shouting for someone to get Tyler out of the van. Tyler. One of Bella's male admirers. I didn't care for him much, but I certainly didn't want to see him injured. I hadn't been careful about the van when I shoved it away from Bella, and I hoped that the boy inside was fine.

My attention was concentrated so fully on Bella to give me time to worry for very long over the boy, though. As I assumed, she tried to stand up. I gently placed a hand on her shoulder to hold her down. "Just stay put for now," I instructed.

"But it's cold," she complained, which I found highly ironic given the heat I could feel radiating off of her body under my touch.

Then abruptly, she gaped at me and said, "You were over there. You were by your car."

I was almost pleased that she wasn't so easily convinced as I had presumed. "No, I wasn't."

"I saw you."

In the midst of all the chaos around us, I could tell she wasn't going to back down from this. It was time to turn on the charm. I looked her directly in the eyes and willed her to believe my words. "Bella, I was standing with you, and I pulled you out of the way."

Her jaw clenched, but she couldn't look away. "No."

Not being able to read her mind had apparently put a damper on my powers of persuasion as well. I resorted to begging. "Please, Bella."

"Why?"

"Trust me," I softly pleaded

In the distance, a siren sounded, yet her eyes were still locked with mine. "Will you promise to explain everything to me later?"

I growled in frustration and gave in. Time was short and I had run out of options. "Fine."

"Fine," she echoed.

Before long, the ambulance had arrived and everyone involved was being treated…including me. I scolded myself for not thinking the whole thing through. Not only did I put my family's secret in jeopardy of being exposed by showcasing my strength in front of a human, but now there were also half a dozen EMT's wanting to take my vital signs…which I knew for a fact would be a literal dead give away that I wasn't exactly normal. Luckily, I was able to use my medical knowledge to convince them that I was fine and that their main focus should be on Bella.

She fought with them over having to wear the neck brace. She even fought with them about being on the stretcher, but I informed the medical personnel that she could possibly have a head injury and that pretty much sealed the deal on her care. When they loaded her into the ambulance, I insisted that I be allowed to ride with her. Not only was I anxious to make sure she really was fine, but I also needed to stay close to her until I had successfully convinced her about what happened.

Before I climbed into the front of the ambulance, I scanned the growing crowd of on lookers knowing that my family would certainly have come out to see what was wrong. I found them at the far end of the parking lot glaring at me. Well, Rosalie, Emmett, and Jasper were glaring. Alice simply looked worried.

_What did you do? _Rosalie's mind screamed at me. _What did you _do_, Edward? _

_You should not have interfered. _Jasper scolded.

This was a mistake. Emmett sneered. 

_Carlisle…take her to Carlisle. _Alice repeated over and over. _He will help._

I knew this wasn't the end of it, but for now I turned away from them and hopped into the front seat. A police car escorted us the short distance to the hospital, which was no surprise considering the man driving the car was Bella's father. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of concern and relief and regret that he hadn't been successful in keeping her safe in the short time she had lived with him. I gathered from my brief conversation with Bella that he tried too hard, teetering between being over protective and not protective enough.

We pulled into the emergency docking bay and Bella was taken right in for her examination. One of the nurses approached me, ready to assess the damage she assumed was done to my body. I could hear her mind going through the usual checklist of procedures and knew that the first thing she was interested in was taking my pulse. I held my hands behind my back and insisted that I was fine and in no need of an examination. She protested, but fortunately Carlisle stepped in and dismissed her.

"What happened?" he asked, pulling me down a quiet hallway.

"Bella was nearly hit by a car."

He winced. "Oh, no."

"She's fine. She might have a concussion, though."

"And where were you during all of this? I was specifically called down here because one of the EMT recognized you as my son and alerted the staff. You have no idea how perplexing it is to be told that your son, who you know can not be easily injured, will be arriving at the hospital in an ambulance."

"Yes, well you should have seen me attempting to avoid the nurse who wanted to take my pulse."

Carlisle stared at me darkly. "What happened?"

"I told you. Bella was very nearly crushed by a car."

"Then why are you here?"

"I…helped her. I was there."

"You were there." He shifted on his feet and pursed his lips in annoyance. "Edward, not everyone has your gift for mind reading. So, why don't we just avoid the argument and skip right to the facts. Tell me exactly what happened, because I know there is more to this than what you are telling me."

He finished by giving me that look that I dread. It's a look I've seen many times in the last eighty years or so. That look that makes me feel all of ten years old; that parental look that cuts right to the core of my being and pulls a confession out of me. How Carlisle did it, I doubted I would ever know. Esme could do it, too. In fact, she was even better at it. I suppose it was something they learned in their adult mortal lives that they were able to carry along with them through the change. Even though I had long ago left childhood behind me, I still found myself giving into Carlisle's demands whenever he looked at me like that.

"I saved her," I admitted.

"How?"

"I pushed her out of the way before the car could hit her."

"And that's it?" Carlisle still had that look etched onto his face.

"Yes… no…"

"Edward?

"All right. It was icy. I saw the car heading right for her and I…crossed the parking lot and pushed her down – pinned her down, covering her body with mine so that I would take the brunt of any hit that might occur."

"Crossed the parking lot?"

"Yes."

"You weren't standing next to her?"

"No."

He grimaced and I heard his mind perfectly. _That was stupid, Edward. You know better. _"And then what? After you pinned her down the ambulance came?"

"Well…the car was still spinning so I had no choice but to…" I faltered on my words as I held my hands out in front of me demonstrating what I had done.

"You stopped it?"

I nodded.

"With your hands?"

"I didn't have a choice, Carlisle. It was going to crush us."

"No, it would have crushed her – not you, and you did have a choice."

I gaped at him. "What was I supposed to do? Let the car hit her?"

Carlisle closed his eyes, his shoulders slumping slightly as he thought it through. _Compassion. I'm always encouraging them to show compassion for the humans. And now when he does, he places us all in danger. How can I make him see the error of his choice without stifling the efforts he is making to be more considerate?_

I spoke before he had a chance. "I realize it was a bad choice. I really do. But I couldn't let that car hit her. I just couldn't. She's too…special."

His eyes met mine. _Special? Compassion is one thing, but to have him label her in such a way is rather unexpected._

"I can't explain it," I said quietly. "I've been trying to figure it out…figure her out and I just…" My gaze lowered to the floor as a combination of guilt and frustration filled my chest.

There was a long silence before Carlisle spoke again. "Did she see you?"

I nodded, and the guilt deepened.

Oh, Edward. The rules. You broke the rules. What have you done? 

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I whispered. With a deep breath I looked back up at him. "Look, the fact remains that she hit her head. I'm guessing she has a concussion. It shouldn't be too difficult to convince her that she didn't see what she thought she saw. And even if she can't be convinced, who would believe her story anyway?" I knew I was deluding myself in thinking Bella could be persuaded that she imagined it all, but I had to at least try.

Carlisle hummed in thought. "It's possible. Let me go look at her X-rays and see how bad the damage is. I never thought I would ever hear myself saying this, but you had better hope that she does have a concussion."

Carlisle did some necessary paperwork on me, filling in all the details without ever stopping to make sure they were accurate. Heart rate, blood pressure, body temperature…it was all a lie of course, but he figured no one would believe that a doctor let his son walk away from a car accident without a thorough examination. He signed the bottom of the form and handed me the patient's copy.

"Thanks," I muttered.

He smirked at me and explained that he would be in to check on Bella once her X-rays came back. "You should go and make sure she has her story straight."

I nodded in agreement and headed for the area where Bella was being taken care of. She was still in the ER in a curtained off area that provided little to no privacy. The walk through the ER was a difficult one, but I managed it. I could smell the blood of wounded humans, the stench of sickness, and even sense the nearness of death, even though I was certain no on in my immediate vicinity was close to dying. How Carlisle maintained his sanity while surrounding himself with such powerful temptation always left me awe struck. I could never do it. Even though I had been to medical school, I had never practiced or even been a resident.

I entered the area where Bella was being administered to. Tyler, who had been driving the van, was in the bed next to her, mumbling apologies and cursing himself for his mistake. He looked a lot worse off than Bella, who had her eyes closed and her head turned away from him. She looked so peaceful and content that I would have guessed she was dead, had it not been for the slow and steady rise and fall of her chest. Not being able to hear her thoughts only added to the illusion.

"Is she sleeping?" I asked Tyler.

Bella's eyes flew open at the sound of my voice.

Tyler started in on his apologies to me. "Hey, Edward, I'm really sorry - "

I put up a hand to stop him from going any further. "No blood, no foul," I joked with a smile and took a seat on the end of his bed. "So, what's the verdict?" I asked, morbidly hoping there would be something wrong with her to stop her from questioning me about what happened. But my wish would not be granted.

"There's nothing wrong with me at all, but they won't let me go. How come you aren't strapped to a gurney like the rest of us?"

"It's all about who you know." I said, taking note that Carlisle was just outside the room. "But don't worry, I came to spring you."

He entered the room and picked up Bella's chart to look it over. I noticed that Bella's eyes went wide upon seeing him and she followed his every move. I squinted at her, wanting more than ever to know what she was thinking. If I didn't know any better, I would have guessed she found Carlisle very attractive…which didn't sit right with me in the slightest.

"So, Miss Swan. How are you feeling?" he asked in his most obvious doctor voice.

"I'm fine," Bella said, sounding as if she was growing tired of answering the question.

Carlisle turned on the light board beside Bella's bed. "Your X-rays look good." The words _No concussion, Edward _came across loud and clear. "Does your head hurt? Edward said you hit it pretty hard." Again I heard _Let me try to find something to help you out._

"It's fine," Bella insisted, scowling at me as if it was my fault she hit her head instead of ending up crushed between two automobiles.

Carlisle probed along her skull, feeling for any tenderness. He obviously found something because Bella suddenly winced in pain.

"Tender?"

"Not really."

I couldn't help but laugh at her mad attempt to fool Carlisle. She really had no idea who she was dealing with if she thought she could get away with lying to him. If anyone could spot a lie, it was Carlisle.

To my surprise and dismay, Carlisle told her she could go home with her father. Oddly, Bella wanted to go back to school, again proving to me that she wasn't like any other teenager I'd ever encountered. What teen would chose to go to school when they had a perfectly logical excuse for taking the day off?

"Does _he_ get to go to school?" she said, indicating me.

"Someone has to spread the news that we survived."

Carlisle started to sign her release form and said, "Actually, most of the school seems to be in the waiting room."

"Oh, no," she groaned and covered her face in the most appealing way.

"Do you want to stay?" Carlisle asked.

"No, no!" Bella said and hopped off the bed so quickly that she nearly fell down. I jumped up to catch her, but Carlisle was closer.

"I'm fine," she said as if she, too, could hear Carlisle's impending question of "Are you all right?"

Instead he instructed her to take Tylenol if she had any pain, which, in typical Bella style, she brushed off. "It sounds like you were extremely lucky," he said, finishing off her paperwork with his messy signature.

"Lucky Edward happened to be standing next to me."

Carlisle's eyes darted to mine. _She knows, Edward. Fix this as soon as you can. _He fussed with the stack of papers he was holding and casually answered Bella by saying, "Oh, well, yes." He then turned his attention to Tyler, who would not be leaving the hospital that day.

Bella approached me and hissed under her breath, "Can I talk to you for a minute."

She smelled so sweet that I had to back away from her. "Your father is waiting for you," I said, hoping she would just let this go and move on. But that wasn't going to happen.

"I'd like to speak with you alone, if you don't mind."

I know it was rude of me, but I turned my back on her and walked to the other side of the room, turned the corner, and headed into a deserted hallway. I walked quickly, knowing very well from the sound of her shuffling feet that she was following me in spite of the trouble she was having keeping up.

"What do you want?" I asked, turning to face her.

She seemed puzzled. "You owe me an explanation."

"I saved your life – I don't owe you anything."

Her brows furrowed together, not in anger but with sadness at my cold words. "You promised."

I sighed, knowing she was right. "Bella, you hit your head, you don't know what you're talking about."

Now I could definitely see the anger in her expression. "There's nothing wrong with my head."

_Damn it_ I swore in my mind. _Why won't she give this up? _"What do you want from me, Bella?"

"I want to know the truth. I want to know why I'm lying for you."

"What do you _think_ happened?"

She spoke hurriedly, rambling on about how I was no where near her – that Tyler didn't even see me next to her. How I stopped the van with my hands. How I picked the van up and moved it off of her. By the end, tears were swelling up in her beautiful eyes. It pained me to look at her, to listen to the agony in her voice. She knew what she saw, but she was having difficultly believing it. I wished I could tell her she wasn't crazy – that I wasn't like her – that I saved her because she was special. But I couldn't. I had to make her believe my version of the story or my very existence would be in danger of exposure.

"You think I lifted a van off you?" I said purposefully.

She nodded shyly.

"Nobody will believe that, you know," I pointed out. Anyone she told would assume she was crazy or had imagined it all.

To my total surprise she said, "I'm not going to tell anybody."

Good. "Then why does it matter?"

"It matters to me. I don't like to lie – so there'd better be a good reason why I'm doing it."

Stars! She was so frustrating! "Can't you just thank me and get over it?"

"Thank you," she said with an edge to her voice.

Oh, how I wish I could hear her mind! I needed to know that she would get over this and move on. If she didn't, she would forever hold something over my head. I had foolishly given her and edge over me that put me and every single member of my family in danger. She had to let this go. But from the look on her stony face, that wasn't going to happen.

"You're not going to let it go, are you?" I voiced.

"No."

"In that case…I hope you enjoy disappointment."

Her eyes held mine in a fierce and intense stare. If I didn't know better, I would think she was looking directly into me…past me…into the core of my being. Color rose on her cheeks, so glorious and freshly pink. Her luscious mouth parted slightly as she inhaled.

"Why did you even bother?" she said grimly.

The question caught me completely off guard. How could I explain to her that she was a prize among humans? How would she react if I told her the thought of her death frightened me more than it was reasonable? The truth was, I didn't quite know why I had these feelings. I wasn't even sure what these feelings were, as I had never felt them before in my entire existence. I searched her face and gave her the only answer I could offer.

"I don't know."

I wasn't able to stay next to her for another moment. Everything about her, from her scent to the warmth of her breath, was penetrating my very soul. I walked away, desperate to clear my head and make sense of everything I was experiencing.


	4. Chapter 4

AN: Many, many thanks go out to those of you reviewing and coming back for more. To thank each one of you individually would take too long, but I'm very happy you are enjoying it. Trust me when I say that I know that list and I check it often!

This chapter was a particular nightmare as I KNEW it happened, I KNEW it was awful, but what I didn't know was how it was resolved. We have so little information on the members of Edward's family that I felt almost as if I were inventing them as I went. You have no clue how frustrating it has been tapping into six characters' internal struggles and giving them separate voices to keep them as individuals! AGH! I think I have read and reread every line referring to Jasper 100 times, as he is the one that stumps me the most. Anyway, I really hope you think it turned out well.

_Special thanks go to Imogen and Hellish Red Devil for beta reading. _

_Next chapter, Esme has a chat with a very pensive Edward._

_AN#2: This chapter has been tweaked, but not as much as I thought I would have to. I was rather surprised to find that the way I had Jasper reacting is pretty well in character, now that I know a few more things about him. I would like to add that as of Noon yesterday, Stephenie e-mailed me to say that she was on a writing binge working on this very scene, so I'm totally freaked out about that._

_Anyway, since I know some of you are going back and looking for the changes, they are very subtle and, so far, have had nothing to do with plot. To better help you along, you can find changes to lines spoken by or pertaining to Jasper, as I have a much better feel for him now. FYI – Jasper is the oldest of the family after Carlisle, having been turned during the civil war, as is the most "vampire-y" of all the Cullens. The other changes refer to Edward and the fact that he attended medical school twice…but he never practiced. From that information, I assumed that Edward never went through a residency either, but I haven't had that confirmed. _

_Until I have the lexicon up and running, I intend to drop a new facts at the start of every chapter so that everyone can begin to benefit from the good fortune I've had. If you have a question for Stephenie about Twilight, (and please, no "Will Bella be a vampire?" questions) feel free to drop it along with your reviews and I will pass the good ones on to her with my next e-mail. _

_Your new fact for the day is inspired by all the "Bella becomes a Vampire" fics out there. We assume that a vampire's eye color is directly related to the power of their thirst. It's actually based on the amount of blood they have in their body. The more blood, the more golden the eyes appear. If a vampire drinks from a human, the eyes look burgundy. A newly changed vampire has bright red eyes due to the massive amount of blood still held in their veins. The redness fades over the course of the first year until their eyes look like the other vampire's eyes._

**CHAPTER FOUR**

I hadn't returned to school that day, which turned out to be a wise decision once I found what was waiting for me at home. I could hear the enraged thoughts coming from my family as I approached the house in my car. I was tempted to drive right by and avoid seeing any of them at all, but figured the longer I waited to confront the issues, the worse it would be.

I knew they would be angry with me for what I had done; I was angry with myself, so how could I blame them? It was a silly, thoughtless thing I did and I was most certainly going to pay for it. Deciding that I could no longer delay the inevitable, I got out of the car and stepped onto the front porch. I could immediately hear Rosalie yelling out a detailed list of what she wanted to do to me when she saw me.

"And so the torture begins," I said, entering the house.

Five grim faces stared back at me, all expressing different emotions. I was bombarded with irate and irrational thoughts as one by one my family members tossed their inner worries at me.

How dare you? You had no right! 

_You broke the law, Edward!._

_You should not have interfered. _

_I could kill you for putting us in this position._

_What is so special about this girl that you would risk everything to save her?_

The last thought came from Esme. I looked over at her to see worry etched on her kind face. "Edward. What happened?" she asked gently.

"I told you what happened," snapped Rosalie. "He jumped in front of a van to save that juvenile little girl with the appetizing blood."

Esme frowned at her. "Thank you, Rosalie, but I'd like to hear it from Edward."

"I'll tell you what I'd like to hear from Edward," Emmett said stalking forward. "I'd like to know why Edward thinks he has the right to make such a public display of his abilities." He turned to me, raging and strong. "Just the other day you scolded the rest of us for getting too close to each other in the lunchroom. You said we should back off or we'd draw too much attention. Well, I've got news for you, Edward. That stunt in the parking lot - it drew plenty of attention today."

"You broke the law," Jasper reminded me.

"I realize that," I bit out.

"Do you realize that everyone in the school questions how you saved her?" Jasper said. "Everyone. All day long we were pestered with humans gossiping about how brave you were and how you even managed it. It was irritating and it made us vulnerable."

"Jazz," Alice said, putting a hand on his arm to calm him down.

"No, Alice," he said, jerking away from her. "He has to answer for this."

"But I saw - "

"I know what you saw, and if that vision would have come true then we wouldn't have a problem here. As it is, we have a huge problem and it's all Edward's fault!"

I was curious to know what Alice had seen, but Esme spoke too quickly and the subject headed down another path.

"Now wait a minute," Esme started. "Edward saw danger and saved a human life. Are you all saying that if you had the chance to save a life that you wouldn't take that risk?"

"Not if it meant jeopardizing everything we have here," Rosalie countered. "Yes, Edward saved a life, which under any other circumstance might be considered heroic given what his is. But let's consider the circumstances of his actions. First of all, he did it in a parking lot full of other humans. Secondly, he did it in such a way that makes it impossible to explain without giving away our secret. And third of all – and to me this is the most important one – he saved the life of the very human he's been lusting after!"

"Stop right there!" I demanded. "You have got this all wrong Rosalie."

"Oh do I?" Her brows went up and she slowly edged her way closer to me until we were face to face. "You mean to tell me that had it been any other human out there – some random student you knew little to nothing about – that you would have abandoned all sense of reason and jumped in front of a van to save their life? I don't think so, Edward. You did this because it was _her._"

I squinted at her, rage growing in my chest, not because she was wrong, but because she was so very right. However, I wasn't about to admit that to her. "What would have had me do, Rosalie? Let the van crush her?"

"Yes!" she roared.

"It would have saved us a lot of problems," Emmett agreed.

I peered around Rosalie to look at Emmett. "Oh, you think so? It would have been better if I had stood by and watched from the side while her blood was splattered all over the ground? You think I would have been more discreet had her blood been spilt right in front of me?"

"We would have restrained you," Emmett said.

I laughed coldly at his flippancy. "I would have liked to see you try and keep me from her blood. How _you _can suggest such a thing is a beyond me; you, who knows very well what it is to be tempted with blood so potent."

Emmett growled in anger. "This has nothing to do with my choices."

"No, this is about _my _choices!" I raged. "I have chosen not to kill – not to drink, regardless of how much I desire it or how strong the temptation is."

Emmett's nostrils flared. "I suppose you think that makes you better than me?"

"I never said that!"

"You implied it!" Rosalie said, taking a stand next to Emmett. "So what if he took what he craved? It was a long time ago. And given the position you have placed us all in, you should have followed Emmett's example and taken this girl's blood before things got out of control."

The door slammed behind me, announcing Carlisle's return home. "I knew I would find you all bickering over this mess, and although I am sure some of your arguments are well grounded, I can not believe what I just heard!" His fierce eyes focused on Rosalie. "How dare you. How dare you encourage your brother to not only drink from the girl but to take her life! Have you learned nothing from me?"

Rosalie held firm, trying not to show fear at Carlisle's words. But I could hear in her mind how frightened she was that Carlisle would punish her in some way for her suggestion. "She is a nuisance. She distracts him to the point that he left us. In spite of what Edward says he is capable of, we all know it's only a matter of time before he gives in to his true nature."

"I won't drink from her!" I howled.

"She knows too much!" Jasper shouted. "She has seen too much. For that alone she needs to die."

"NO!" I yelled.

"Why not?" Rosalie spat, incensed beyond anything I had ever witnessed from her. "It's too risky to have humans knowing about us – knowing what we can do and who we are. It's why we live the way we live. It's why I agree to pretend to be this young – so that you and Emmett and Alice and all of us can have some kind of protection. It's the _law_, Edward. Exposure is not allowed! And now you go and destroy everything we have worked for these last two years to save one insignificant human. So tell me now, Edward!" She was yelling, fury pouring from every word. "Tell me why you had to save her. What is it about this girl that has made you so willing to put us all in jeopardy? Why her? What is so special about Isabella Swan?"

"I don't know!" I said, as I truly didn't have a logical answer.

"Oh! You don't know!" Her laugh was icy and cold. "Well, I'm glad we cleared that up then."

Ignoring her, I continued by saying, "What I do know is that she is no threat to us."

Jasper let out a loud, "HA!" in disbelief.

"She'll talk. She'll tell everyone what happened," Emmett said.

"She gave me her word that she wouldn't."

"Oh, her word!" Rosalie mocked. "Because a human so unexplainably special must be an honest person."

"She said she wouldn't tell and I believe her. Besides, who would believe a story like that anyway?"

Jasper slumped down into a chair. "That's not good enough, Edward. Someone is going to push her for information and at some point she will break, and then what?"

Carlisle held up his hand to stop anyone from saying anything else. "You all seem to forget that we have an advantage here. Should this girl decide to tell anyone the truth, Alice will most likely see any danger coming. Even more than that, Edward can hear the girl's thoughts. He will know right away if she is even considering telling anyone about the unusual circumstances of the accident."

A chill went down my spin upon hearing Carlisle's words.

"And then," he went on, "if she did tell, Edward would still be able to hear the mind of the listener to know how the information was received." The room was quiet for a moment as everyone considered what Carlisle had said. "Now, I agree with Edward that should she chose to tell someone the truth, no one will believe her. But if she does, we at least have these resources to use to our advantage."

I could feel the rage from Rosalie's stare as she glared at me, and I knew exactly what was coming. I heard the question in her mind the moment before she voiced it. "Just what does Isabella Swan think happened? What exactly is going on in her mind?"

I froze. I had managed to avoid the topic for more than a week now by using what I heard from the minds of the people Bella spoke to so that I could interpret her reactions. Deep down I knew that at some point I would have to explain to my family my inability to hear Bella's mind, but I hadn't planned on it being so soon. I wasn't ready for them to know of my weakness – of my limitations.

"Aren't you going to tell us?" Emmett sneered. "Or are her thoughts too personal to share? Too private …too… licentious."

Rosalie's eyes went wide. "Is that it? She finds you attractive, so her thoughts are too carnal to share with us?"

I was incensed by the insinuation. I clenched my fists, fighting back the rage building within me.

"That's it, isn't it?" Rosalie pressed on. "This young, innocent, virginal little girl lusts after you the same way you lust after her blood. I bet she's undressed you in her mind, and you enjoyed every minute of it. Her thoughts must be just as delicious as her scent."

Something cracked inside of me as my hand found Rosalie's neck. I held her fast and hard, my fingers digging into the cold flesh of her throat. "Don't ever talk about her that way!"

"Edward!" Esme gasped. "No!"

"Let her go, Edward!" Carlisle ordered.

Rosalie wasn't even struggling against me. In fact, there was a twisted smile on her face that only made me tighten my grip.

Again Carlisle barked at me. "I said let her go!"

Slowly, I released my hold from her neck. Once free, she tossed back her head in triumph at what she supposed to be true. Emmett was at her side in an instant.

Rosalie ran her hands up and down Emmett's chest, her voice sounded silky as she spoke. "Really Edward, if that's what this is all about, then you should have said something sooner. After all, every one of us has felt that same desire. Everyone…but you, that is. You have nothing to be ashamed of."

"I have nothing to be ashamed of because it isn't like that," I said slowly.

Emmett laughed. "Then why did you get all upset?"

"Exactly," Rosalie agreed.

I was at a loss for how to proceed. Did I really desire Bella in the way they were suggesting? I desired her, that much was certain, but my focus had always been on her blood. To insinuate that I desired her as a man desires a woman was something I had never considered.

Or had I?

I remembered hearing the thoughts of Mike Newton and how disgusting I found the idea of Bella spending time alone with him. I didn't like it. I didn't want her to be with anyone – any _man _but me.

But she didn't feel that way about me. I may not have heard it in her mind, but I could read it from her body language, and I told my family just that. "Whatever I feel…it's not the same for Bella. She doesn't think of me that way."

"But she could be persuaded," Jasper said.

"Now, why would I do that? It's ridiculous. She's human."

"She doesn't have to be." Alice elbowed Jasper in the ribs.

"No," I stated plainly.

Rosalie groaned. "If she doesn't think that way about you, then what does she think?"

I shook my head, trying to figure out a way to avoid telling them the truth. Before I could even register what I was saying, I mumbled a very soft, "I don't know."

"You don't know?" Emmett asked. "What do you mean you don't know?"

I closed my eyes and squeezed the bridge of my nose, pressing back the thoughts that were coming at me from every angle.

_How can he not know? He had to hear her._

_Maybe he's confused._

_He's hiding something. I just know it._

Why won't he just tell us what she thinks? Is it that bad? 

The stress of the day and the pressure I felt had grown beyond my ability to control. I couldn't fight anymore, and I gave in. "I don't know what she thinks," I said slowly.

"What does that mean, exactly?" Rosalie quipped.

"It means that I -" I stopped mid sentence and took a deep, calming breath. Keeping my voice low, I admitted to my family that Bella was a total mystery to me. "It's as if I'm looking at a blank wall. I see her move. I hear her voice. I smell her blood. All of my natural senses tell me she is a living, breathing human being. And yet…when I focus on her mind…there's nothing."

Emmett made a confused face. "Are you trying to say she's empty headed?"

Rosalie laughed.

"No, Emmett. She's not stupid. She's…brilliant. I worked a lab with her and she got every answer right. From the few conversations I have had with her, I can tell that she's very intelligent. But that's it. Everything I know about her has to come to me verbally. I can't hear her mind."

The room was silent for a moment as my revelation sunk in.

"Why not?" Alice asked at long last.

"Again, I don't know. I wish I did. It would make everything so much simpler if I could."

"Now, hang on a sec," said Jasper, looking puzzled. "At lunch yesterday you told us what she was thinking. You said she thought you didn't like her."

"I picked it up from one of her friends. Even still, I don't know for certain if that's true. I only know that's what Bella said. As I know from vast experience, humans don't often say exactly what they mean."

"So, let me get this straight," Rosalie said. "You don't have any clue what's going on in this girl's mind. You don't know how she really feels about you. You don't know if she's planning on telling her police chief father about your super stunt. You don't even know if she trusts you enough to keep quiet. So, that whole thing about how she gave you her word, that was a load of shit."

"No, Rosalie, she did give me her word."

Rosalie's fury was rising again. "How do you know she wasn't lying? What if she just said that to get you to leave her alone long enough for her to blab about it all around town?"

"I believe her."

"Why? Because she smells good?"

"Rosalie," Carlisle cautioned.

"Carlisle," she echoed in a mocking tone. "How can you side with him? We have no guarantee that this girl is going to keep her trap shut about what she knows. Our very safety is at risk here."

"I'm not debating that," stated Carlisle. "But I have seen this girl. I examined her myself, and I believe that if she were going to say anything she would have done it already. Besides, I got the distinct impression that she wants to put all of this behind her and forget it ever happened."

Emmett huffed in disbelief. "So what do we do? Sit here and wait to see what she does and just…do nothing?"

Carlisle nodded. "I don't think that we have very many options."

Jasper tutted. "We have a perfectly good option. Unfortunately no one is willing to do it."

I had had enough and wanted to make that clear to everyone. "If we're back to talking about killing her, then I'm done with this conversation."

"It's like Rosalie said," Jasper continued. "She knows too much. She should die. It's against the law to let a human live once they've witnessed our powers. Why do we have to start now?" I could feel his persuasive powers growing and it left me even more enraged than before.

"Look, I didn't save her life just so one of you could go out and kill her!"

"You're only delaying the inevitable – risking fate. She was supposed to die and you stopped it!" he bellowed.

I froze at his words. "What did you say?" I asked with rising fear.

"The human…Bella…she was supposed to die. Alice saw it."

Alice gaped at him. "Jasper!"

"It's true and I'm tried of trying to keep it from him."

My mind was racing. They were keeping something from me about Bella and I didn't appreciate it one little bit. "What did you see, Alice?"

She looked up at me with that pixie face of hers. "It doesn't matter, now. It's in the past."

"What did you see?" I repeated more sternly.

"It's not important."

"Alice, so help me, either you tell me what you saw or I will pull it out of your mind myself!"

"All right!" she said. Her eyes darted to Jasper for support. _Which one? _I could hear her thinking.

"You had more than one vision concerning Bella?" I asked.

She looked back at me with regret on her face. "One vision…two endings." _And you won't like either one, I'm sure._

"Tell me."

"I saw the accident, and I saw her dead."

Purposefully, I took a deep breath. "When? When did you see it?"

"Right after you left for Alaska, but the only person I told was Jazz. He wanted to come after you, to try and convince you to come back. He didn't understand why you would let some girl chase you out of town."

"And then she told me that Bella would be dead soon," Jasper added, "and that you could come back safely once she was gone. So…we just left things alone."

"But then you came back on your own before she was dead," continued Alice, a hint of desperation to her voice. "I thought about telling you, but then…" Her eyes met Jasper's pleadingly. _He won't like it. Don't make me tell him._

"Alice!" I shouted. "If you can't say it then just tell me with your mind."

It came at me in a jumble of spoken words and thought. "I had the vision again, but it ended differently." _Because you were there. _"She was injured badly." _But she wasn't dead. _"And you went to try to help her." _There was so much blood that you nearly went insane from it. _"She was dying." _You could feel her pulse going weak. _"And you knew from her wounds that she wasn't going to make it. So…you brought her to Carlisle." Y_ou begged him to help her. You begged him, Edward. You couldn't let her go. So he…he… _

"No."

Her eyes burned into mine with such honesty that I couldn't deny that the vision had been real. "He changed her, Edward." _He did it for you. So you wouldn't be alone._

"No," I said more forcefully.

"That would solve a lot of problems right there," Emmett muttered.

I rounded on him, my rage suddenly reaching a breaking point. "It solves nothing! I won't do it. I won't do any of it. I won't drink from her. I won't kill her. And by God I won't change her! I won't damn her to this life!"

Esme reached out to me and gently said, "Edward. Think about what they are saying."

"I am thinking!" I roared. "I'm thinking very clearly. You all want to take a girl who is young and innocent and intelligent and beautiful – a girl who tragically ended up in a biology class with only one empty seat - whose biggest flaw is that she is so full of life that I can hardly resist her – and you want me to rob her of everything that makes her special and condemn her to a life of darkness. Well, I won't do it!"

"You're a vampire. Do what's in your nature to do and drink from her."

"Jazz!" Alice scolded.

Jasper grimaced once he realized what he had said. "I'm sorry for that, Alice, but it is the truth. It isn't as if I'm telling him to go out and start hunting the humans. We're talking about one girl here."

"And I won't do it," I repeated.

"Then let one of us," Jasper offered.

"NO!" I screamed, feeling his influence deepen and take hold of me.

"She's only human!"

"Bella's different," I insisted.

"Different to you, but not to the rest of us."

"Don't you even think about laying one finger on her!"

"Fine!" he roared. "But I'll only leave her alone if you make the same promise!"

"What?"

"I won't touch her, but you can't touch her either."

"Fine." I pointed a stiff finger at each one of them as I spoke. "She is not to be touched. She's not to be bothered. She is not to be harmed in any way. And yes, I am including myself in this. I will leave her alone if only to ensure her safety. I don't want to hear any more talk about her death in any way, shape, or form."

The silence of the room was heavy and thick as one by one I looked into their minds to make sure they understood my meaning. It wasn't much of a surprise to find that Emmett doubted I could manage to stay away from Bella. I doubted it myself.

"You don't think I can do it." It wasn't a question.

"No, I don't. Like you so skillfully pointed out earlier, I know first hand the temptation you are facing."

He was right. And it was time for me to own up to that. "I said I would leave her alone and I meant it."

"How?"

"I'll leave."

My announcement was met with a mixture of emotion from disbelief to disappointment.

"Edward, don't do this," Esme pleaded.

"I don't have any other choice, Esme. I don't want her dead."

"You are so much stronger than you think. You can resist her, I know you can. You are part of this family, Edward. Even though our tempers have gone out of control tonight, I know for a fact that this family would not work if you were to leave us permanently."

She glanced around the room, locking eyes with everyone as she spoke. "I want Edward to stay, and I am willing to give him whatever support he needs to get though this. But it's going to take more than just my support." When no one said anything, she resorted to singling them out one at a time. "Alice? Jasper? Emmett? Rosalie? Do you really want to see Edward, who has been a member of this family longer than any of us, to leave us and go off on his own?"

No one said yes. Not even in their minds. I was surprised and greatly comforted by that knowledge.

"Edward stays," she added. "And Bella will be left alone. We will take this one day at a time. If we need to reevaluate things in the future, then we will. But for now, we stay as a family. Agreed?"

Heads nodded and words were mumbled in hesitant agreement. Rosalie glared at me before pulling Emmett outside and away from the house. Alice tugged on Jasper's hand and they made their way up the stairs. Being left alone with Carlisle and Esme, I looked from one to the other, wanting to ask forgiveness for bringing such trouble into our home, but not finding the words to express it. Instead, I darted from the house and hopped into my car, wanting to put as much distance as I could between my family and me for a few hours.

As I drove off, I distantly heard the thoughts coming from Carlisle and Esme.

_I think he loves her._

_I think he does, too._


	5. Chapter 5

_AN: Again I offer my sincere thanks for each and every review. They truly are the life blood for any author, and I'm no exception. I'm touched that so many of you are finding my interpretation of Edward to be true to canon. That is totally my intent and I want you to let me know if you think I ever stray from that path._ _Many thanks to Imogen and Hellish Red Devil for the beta. You guys rox and your comments always spur me on._ _This chapter sort of took on a life of it's own, as I hadn't intended for Esme and Edward to chatter on as long as they did. But it seemed that Esme had lots to say and Edward was being pigheaded about it, as usual. I promise to get back to canon with the next chapter as Edward reacts to Mike asking Bella out to the dance. Hehehe…._

AN#2: Your new canon fact for the day pertains to Esme and Carlisle. They first met when Esme was 16 and broke her leg falling out of a tree. Carlisle was the doctor who set her broken leg, and she was never able t o forgot the dreamy doctor who tended to her. Nearly a decade later, when she awoke after her attempt at suicide, she was happy to be reunited with the "man of her dreams" even though he was a vampire.

With that information, I added to the very end of this chapter. It was something I wanted to put in originally, but was just too worried about how to flesh it out. Now that I have their story, I added it in. The rest of the chapter remains the same.

CHAPTER FIVE 

The month that followed the gut-wrenching events of that icy cold morning was by far the worst month of my entire existence. Not only had I hastily agreed to avoid Bella at all costs, but I was also forced to dip into the minds of various teenagers just to manage any glimpse of how she might be handling the situation. It was dreadfully tedious and boring work, but my family had given me no other option. They wanted to know if she would keep her word to me and not tell anyone what really happened, and rightly so. I had placed my family in a difficult position, and they deserved to know whatever information I could manage to pull from Bella's main conversations.

I spent the school days staring blankly at pages of books while my mind wandered the halls and classrooms searching for Bella. It only took a day or so to learn her normal schedule, which made it that much easier to find her and avoid her. At first, I paid close attention to every thought concerning her, waiting for her to slip and spill the secret of her survival, but it never came. She was bombarded with questions at first, and simply passed it off by giving me all the credit. I was surprised to hear her describe me as a hero, explaining what courage it must have taken for me to risk my own life to save hers. But what surprised me even more was that she really did keep her promise and never told anyone about what she had seen that day.

It annoyed me to no end that I couldn't at least thank her for keeping quiet. I agreed to stay away from her, and I kept my word on that, but it was more difficult than I anticipated. After all, I sat next to her for a full hour five days a week. She tried to talk to me the day after it happened, but I gave her the cold shoulder, not even bothering to look at her. She didn't try to talk to me after that. But she still watched me. I felt her eyes on me so many times it was starting to become a nuisance.

And yet, I wanted her to pay attention to me. I wanted her to be affected by my presence the way I was affected by hers. I needed to know that I wasn't the only one suffering from our enforced separation, even though she was clueless to the fact. In a very twisted way, it helped ease some of the pain to know that on some level she wanted more from me than I was able to give. It would have been too distressing had she been able to ignore me and forget all about me, for try as I might, I couldn't forget or ignore her.

I tried. Really, I did. I didn't speak to her at all, not even in biology when it was most difficult. I could make it through an entire day of school and not let my eyes dart to her once. I even managed to stop listening in to so many of her conversations, but that wasn't so much of a hardship as I often found the minds' of her friends to grate on my nerves. It would have been much more difficult to ignore Bella's mind, had I been able to hear it, and so for that, at least, I was thankful.

However, it wasn't during school but rather after school was over that I struggled to keep the agreement I made with my family to stay away from Bella. It was too easy in Forks to keep track of her movement. Home and friends' houses were her usual haunts, and with all the tree coverage, I could quickly find a convenient hiding place out of sight. I spent my afternoons watching her from a distance, wishing with all my might that she didn't have such a hold over me. And at the same time, I savored the fact that I had these feelings at all, however unfamiliar and unsettling they were to me.

I still couldn't name the feelings within me. Or maybe I was unwilling to name them. Having overheard Esme and Carlisle the night of the argument, I couldn't help but ponder the assumption they made on how I was falling in love with her. I could admit to lusting after her, for there was no way to deny how I craved her blood. But did I love her? I would have to be a fool to fall in love with a human such as Bella.

It was after nearly three weeks of silence between us that I found myself unexplainably sitting at the piano late one night, picking out a tune while images of Bella drifted though my mind. I don't know how long I sat there all alone, tinkering away at the keys, but it was long enough for me to actually form a bit of a tune. I fussed with it a bit, unhappy with a note here and there, until I noticed Esme standing at the foot of the stairs.

"It's lovely, Edward."

"How long have you been there?"

Her brows shot up. "Don't tell me you didn't hear me come down."

I looked away from her in embarrassment. It had been a long time since a member of my family had been able to sneak up on me and take me by surprise.

"You must have been really lost in thought," she said, stepping up to the piano and resting her elbows on the lid.

"I was," I admitted, since there was no use trying to hide it. "Where is everyone tonight?"

"Hunting. You should have gone with them. You look pale."

"I don't think they want my company right now."

Even though I had technically stayed away from Bella, my family knew it was driving me mad. They knew that I watched her and no one was overly supportive of that choice. It didn't bother Alice or Carlisle much, but I knew they worried about me. Esme wanted to see me happy, whatever I needed to do to get through this time. Jasper was slowly growing accustomed to the idea; clearly, Alice was influencing him. Emmett thought I was insane, but didn't much care as long as the family was safe. And Rosalie…I doubted if Rosalie would ever fully forgive me for what I had done. Deep down it wasn't so much that Bella was suspicious of me, but rather that Bella might start to wonder what it was about _her_ that angered Rosalie.

"In all fairness," Esme noted, "you haven't given any of us much of a chance to spend time with you lately. I, for one, treasure your company very much. I wouldn't have been so insistent upon you staying with the family had I not enjoyed having you here."

I racked my fingers through my hair. "I appreciate that, Esme."

"But it's not my company that you want, is it?" she surmised.

I huffed out a small laugh. "Since when have you become a mind reader?"

"I'm not a mind reader, but I do have some skills at non-verbal communication."

"And what exactly do you think I'm saying?" I inquired.

"That you're miserable," she stated with perfect perception. "That you want something you think you can't have. It's all you ever think about, isn't it? You're so preoccupied with her that you don't know what to do with yourself when she's not near you."

I swung one leg over the piano bench to straddle it so I could see Esme better. "You make it sound as if I have a choice in the matter."

"You do."

"No, I don't. I made an agreement to stay away from her."

"Which you aren't keeping."

Her accusation stung. "I haven't spoken to her in almost a month. Do you have any idea how difficult it's been to ignore her?"

"But that's just it, Edward. You're not ignoring her." Her mind added, _How can you ignore someone you love?_

"I'm not in love with her, Esme. I know you think I am, but… it's not… I couldn't…" I faltered under her penetrating stare. "Even if I did, she hates me, so what would be the point?"

"Hates you?" she sounded surprised. "Why do you think she hates you?"

"Well, for one thing, I've been totally deceptive towards her. I've forced her to lie for me. I won't talk to her. I won't even acknowledge her."

"How does that prove that she hates you?"

"How could she not hate me after all of that?"

"Oh, Edward," she sighed, rolling her eyes. "How can you be as experienced in the world as you are and not know anything about women?"

Her question confused me to no end. "You think… you think she does… like me?"

"Absolutely," she declared. "Why would she keep your secret if she didn't care about you in some way? From what you've told us about her, she doesn't seem to be the type to just sit back and allow herself to be ordered around, and yet she has done exactly as you have asked."

I frowned at what Esme was suggesting. It didn't make any sense to me at all. A typical human would be livid at the way I was treating Bella, but then Bella had never behaved as a typical human should.

"You said you've haven't spoken to her since the accident," Esme said. "Has she tried to speak to you?"

"Yes, but only once, and it was right after it happened."

"And then nothing?"

I nodded.

Esme had a peculiar smile on her face and I reached in to her mind to hear what she was thinking. _More proof that she's smitten with him. How can he not see it?_

I was rather frustrated with her way of thinking. "Esme, she doesn't talk to me. Usually, if you like someone, you talk to them."

She laughed. "Logically, yes, but human girls tend to be more illogical than that. Generally when a girl is interested in a boy, she tries not to talk to him for fear that he will see that she likes him and tease her about it – or reject her. So usually when a girl likes a boy, she keeps quiet around him. She shrugs her shoulders and plays with her hair, glancing at him from the corner of her eyes to see if he's looking at her."

As she spoke, Esme demonstrated her words, hiding behind a cocked shoulder and flicking her hair around to act as a curtain. She peeked over at me shyly and then darted her eyes back down to the floor. I was mesmerized by what I was watching, for I had seen Bella doing the exact same thing over and over again in biology class.

In another instant, the spell was broken as Esme stood up straight and resumed her normal mannerism. "It's called flirting Edward. I'm sure even you have heard of it."

I grimaced. "You know, Esme, I'm not as naive as you think I am."

"I never said you were naïve. Just…inexperienced." _You were so young when Carlisle changed you._

A groan escaped me. "That's even worse." I shook my head at her in disagreement. "It isn't inexperience and it isn't that I was too young. Those factors don't have anything to do with it. I just never felt the need to go outside of myself to find completion. I have always believed myself to be whole – as whole as one of our kind can be, anyway. Finding a companion has often seemed more like an expectation than a real need. I assumed that I had everything I needed here within myself, and what that didn't fill I could get from one of the family."

She smiled gently at me. "But you don't feel that way anymore?"

I opened my mouth to oppose her, but then shut it again. It was difficult enough to admit these things to myself let alone to Esme. She would most likely tell Carlisle, and I wasn't sure if he would approve or not. I didn't want to upset this family anymore than I already had.

Tell me, Edward. What is it you feel? 

I closed my eyes, listening to her gentle prodding, and let the words spill out of me. "I can't stop thinking about her. Every moment of every day I wonder what she is feeling, what she is thinking. I walk the halls of the school purposefully avoiding her path but secretly hoping she will make an unexpected turn and bump right into me. I sit next to her in class, pretending not to notice how the light dances around her, trying with all my might to ignore the urge to lean into her and let her scent fill my senses. That's all I ever do anymore – all I _want_ to do is think about her or be with her. I don't even know why, and it's driving me insane."

I turned my eyes up to look at Esme's concerned face. "All these years, I have never once envied what you have with Carlisle – or Rosalie with Emmett, or Alice and Jasper. I respectfully pulled away when conversations or situations became intimate or romantic. And it never bothered me. I was happy for all of you. It was what you wanted and needed and it felt right. And on those rare occasions when I was the odd man out, I treasured the time I had to be alone, with no thoughts in my head but my own. I never ever felt left out…or alone."

I paused and swallowed hard before adding, "Until now."

"Oh, Edward," Esme sighed, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder.

"For the first time in my entire existence, I'm…lonely. I feel hollow inside, Esme. Like something's missing and the only way I can fill it…" I couldn't finish the sentence, even though I had already given so much away I was certain Esme knew how it would have ended.

"What am I going to do?" I asked, more confused than I had ever been in my life.

"That's up to you, Edward. I can't make decisions for you."

"How very parental of you," I grumbled.

A smile played at the corners of her mouth. "I suppose so. If you were my natural son, I would say the same thing. You have to do with your life that which you think is best. My only hope is that it will make you happy. I want to see you smiling – hear you laughing. If it takes letting a human into your life for a while…then so be it."

I jumped at her words, startled by the suggestion she made. "But the others - "

"Want you to be happy, too," she declared.

"I don't know, Esme. I don't want anyone to get hurt. Most of all, Bella."

"So, tell her that, and let her make her own decisions. You won't know how she really feels unless you ask her."

"I can't just ask her. She already thinks I'm crazy."

"And how do you know that? You can't hear her thoughts."

It was a valid point, one that I couldn't overlook.

"I'll tell you what," she exhorted, leaning on the piano casually. "You wanted advice, well here is what I would do if I were you. I would stop pretending Bella isn't there. Pay attention to her. Watch how she reacts to you in comparison to her other friends – specifically, her male friends. I think you might be surprised at what you see."

"And then what?"

"Well, that's your choice. Do what feels right."

"Even if it's the wrong thing to do?"

"Sometimes we have to choose between the lesser of two evils, Edward. Not every choice can be an easy one."

"I'm learning that the hard way. A century on this planet and I still have lessons to learn!"

She laughed at me then. "Indeed, we all do. I think you're going to enjoy learning this particular lesson, though."

If I could have, I would have blushed. I looked away from her so quickly it was impossible to hide the embarrassment. I could hear her worry in my mind. _I didn't mean to upset you. _"Sorry, Esme. You didn't upset me. You just…" I sighed deeply. "This is all so new to me."

"Don't ever apologize for loving someone, Edward."

Her use of the word love wasn't lost on me. "I told you I'm not in love with her. I'm just…curious."

"Um hum," she hummed teasingly.

"How did you know?" I inquired tentatively. "With Carlisle…how did you know?"

Her face softened and a dreamy smile formed on her lips. "Carlisle saved me – figuratively and literally. My marriage had failed. I didn't love my husband… I didn't even like him. I had no respect for him. And with the death of my baby… I felt I had nothing left to live for. You remember those days, Edward. Men back then would never look twice at an old woman of twenty-six who'd already had a baby. Men wanted young, untouched wives. So when Carlisle changed me… when he wanted me… it gave my life a new meaning."

She looked into my eyes with such intensity that I couldn't look away. "Everyone needs for their life to be validated. That's why we search so diligently for someone to share it with – someone who will treasure our experiences. It isn't natural for someone to go through life alone."

"But how did you know?" I repeated anxiously.

"There isn't anyway to explain it. When it's right, you just know." Her hand rested on my shoulder and she leaned in closer to me. "You know, Edward. You know."

I exhaled loudly in protest and shook my head in defeat. Esme patted my shoulder and turned to head back up the steps. I watched her until she was out of sight and then followed her mind as she encountered Carlisle.

Learn anything new? 

_And why should I tell you about a private conversation?_

_Because Edward is important to me and I want him to be happy._

_I think he will be…once he realizes that he's found his companion._

_You really think so? Even though she's human?_

_We were all human once upon a time._

I pulled away from their thoughts, finding the progression of the conversation distasteful. I could never do what they were suggesting. Bella's humanity was too extraordinary to simply be ignored. I would never take that away from her. I knew that I would most likely break down and give in to my desire to be close to her, no matter how earnestly I swore that I wouldn't. But I would never go back on my promise to leave Bella as a mortal. I would destroy myself before I would let that happen.


	6. Author's Note

HUGE author's note that needed addressed all on it's own. Sorry, this is not a chapter update but PLEASE read, for I promise that you will be glad you did.

So there I was, checking my stats as I normally do, when I saw that I had a received a new review. As I get giddy and excited about every review, I eagerly clicked to see what the review said. What I found left me totally speechless and very nearly crapping my pants in astonishment

"_I'm having a great time reading your vision of things, Alphie--I have to say The Lion and the Lamb is my favorite! I can't read all of it yet, though, because I'm working on the same project and I don't want your take to influence mine. I'm in the middle of chapter four of Edward's version right now (I'm moving slower than you are, but my chapters are quite a bit longer, so that will be my excuse). As soon as I'm done, I'll be back to read how it happened in your head! Keep up the great work--you're an excellent writer."_

And it was signed by Stephenie Meyer.

I sent her an e-mail and have had the good fortune to "talk" to her a few times and get an insiders look into her world of Twilight. As it turns out, her Edward is darker and more angsty than the one I have created, but that doesn't mean I'm going to be altering my fic to fit that interpretation. She reassured me that she wasn't bothered by my take on these events, so I have her "permission" to go forward keeping Edward in character as he has been from the start of my fic, even though that character my vary from how she writes him. I hope that makes sense! LOL!

Anyway, I've been greatly encouraged and writing like mad as a result of her comments. We discussed a few other things in regards to a project I've been working on and I thought I would test the waters here to see if there is any interest. I proposed to Stephenie that a lexicon of sorts be created where fans can easily find the information they need without having to sift through the book (as I have been forced to do!) I've collected so many notes in the process of working on this piece, and have now been given too many new details to even list here, that I would gladly take on the task. She gave me the go ahead, but I was curious to know if anyone would find such a site useful. Let me know what you think when you leave a review. Hint hint!

Lastly, let me say that yes – she really does read our fan fiction folks! She pays attention to her fans and she is a very delightful person to chat with. Pretty much any question I have asked her has been answered. Now, you have to keep in mind that I asked her about things from Twilight, and stayed away from spoilers for New Moon. She did tell me that no one has even come CLOSE to guessing the plot of New Moon, but I've been able to piece a few things together on my own from some of the information she purposefully left out of her e-mails. (She will say from time to time "But you'll get the rest of that story in New Moon", and even a few in book three.)

One thing I do want to get out to the fans right away, as so many of us (myself included) have used this device in our fiction. This is a direct cut from one of Stephenie's e-mails, so this is not my interpretation. This is fact to the AU.

"_My vampires do not have fangs. Their teeth are so sharp and strong that fangs are hardly necessary (they could bite through steel, if so inclined--a human neck is like butter, ha ha). The non-vegetarian vampires don't leave living victims (unless they are changing someone into a vampire); this isn't the neat-and-tidy, two-small-holes-in-the-neck kind of vampire attack that you see in other vampire mythologies."_

So no fangs, guys. Spread the word. Edward does not "grow fangs" when he hunts.

Lastly, because I have so much delicious information about these characters, I plan to go back and tweak my story a bit to include some of these details. The plot won't change, but a few minor details might. For that fact, I won't be updating the story for a few days. Instead, I will be fixing things to better fit with what I now know. Nothing major. Just tweaking. I have two chapters ready to be posted, and I promise you that I won't make you wait too long for them.

Thanks for reading. And please let me know if you would like to see a lexicon made up for Twilight.

Alphie


	7. Chapter 6

_AN: SO this is the first new chapter I'm posting since the big explosion of information. I encourage you all to go back and read all the author's notes at the start of each chapter as I have been placing tid bits of information from Stephenie at the start. _

_Again, thanks to the betas Hellish Red Devil and Imogen. (Who was on line when I got the big review and was privy to my freak out session of "HOLY FREAKING CRAP!")_

_Your extra bit of Twilight information for today is something I've alluded to a few times in the revised chapters. I'm going to copy this directly from Stephenie's e-mail so you have exact wording:_

"_One last thing--there are laws, or really, just one law, to being a vampire: you have to keep a low profile. Exposure is not allowed. And who is not allowing it? Ha ha ha--read New Moon."_

_I have my own interpretation of that, but take it how you will and run with it._

CHAPTER SIX 

Adolescent minds are so filled with the most dull and tiresome scraps of information that I have often wanted to run screaming from the school building. Today was no exception, seeing as how the annual spring dance was right around the corner, creating all sorts of fantasies and daydreams. Every human in the building under the age of eighteen fussed over whom they would ask or what they would wear or what songs they would dance to. It was no surprise that the majority of thoughts eventually wandered into lustful territory at some point. There were even a few students for whom I honestly worried, as their thoughts were just plain filthy. And naturally, there were those others who told their friends how trivial and childish the whole affair was, while desperately wishing within their minds that they would be asked to attend.

All this commotion over a silly little dance; it was absurd, really. What was the point? Humans spent way too much money on clothing that they would never wear again, not to mention the required flowers and limousines, all for a few hours of underdeveloped bodies wiggling to thunderous music. I truly didn't understand the point of it all.

However, as the night of the dance grew closer and closer, I couldn't help but wonder who would be escorting Bella. There was a long list of possibilities, none of whom were worthy of spending even ten minutes in her presence, let alone an entire evening. But there was one thing I did know for a fact about Bella's date, and that was that it wouldn't be me.

After my talk with Esme, I was even more determined not to budge on my promise to stay away from Bella. Even though Esme had nearly persuaded me to let go and give it a try, the conversation I overheard between her and Carlisle convinced me that I couldn't back down. I knew they believed I was in love with her, in spite of my protests, but now I also knew that they believed I would bring Bella into our family. That was something I couldn't let happen. And so, once more, I resigned myself to keeping my distance from her and prayed every day for the strength to disregard my desires.

It was my normal routine to keep my mind trained on Bella's friend with the fuzzy hair, no matter how simple her thoughts were. At least she wasn't hateful or conceited as too many of the other girls in the school were. Jessica was, in all honesty, a nice person, and I was glad that Bella had a friend that seemed genuine.

That's why it completely took me by surprise this morning to hear Jessica thinking such spiteful and self-depreciating thoughts. She hardly said a word to Bella, which I gathered was a good thing considering her state of mind, as she didn't seem to have anything nice to say.

_I can't stand being around her today. _

_Why does he like her, anyway? Just because she's so pretty and new and different… I can be different. _

_I've liked him since ninth grade. She has no right to come in here and steal focus like that. Besides, she said she didn't want to go with him. So then…what's wrong with me? Why won't he go with me?_

Mike Newton. It had to be. I'd heard Jessica think a few scandalous things about the boy, so he must be the cause of her teenage woe. But why put such blame on Bella? It wasn't Bella's fault that she was so attractive. It was only logical that Mike would be so drawn to her. It was me who didn't have a right to concentrate so directly on her, not Mike.

By lunchtime, Jessica's thoughts had shifted slightly as she poured all of her efforts into making Mike jealous. She openly flirted with adolescent boy number two while Mike sat at the opposite end of the table, lost inside his own head and not paying one bit of attention to her. The whole situation was far too juvenile for words, and yet I found myself growing increasingly interested in seeing the situation play out, especially once I discovered exactly what was going on inside Mike's brain.

I should just ask her and get it over with. What's the worst she could say? 

_She could say no. That would suck._

_I wonder why she hasn't asked me anyway. _

_Maybe she's already going…but I would have heard about it. _

_What if she's going to ask someone else? Cullen… her savior? She hasn't been the same since the accident. What if she likes Cullen?_

_I should ask her before it's too late._

So _that_ confirmed the trouble and only added to my anxiety. Mike wanted to go to this silly dance with Bella. The fact didn't sit well with me in the slightest considering that he saw me as a potential threat. A picture popped into Mike's mind of Bella dressed in a too tight little costume showing more skin than was appropriate, her arms wrapped around Mike's waist as their bodies swayed in rhythm. My chest tightened and for a moment I felt as if I couldn't breathe. I closed my eyes and willed myself to stay still and not leap from my seat to attack the boy right then and there for thinking such things.

I had to gather some distance between the boy and myself, and so without offering any explanation to my family, I left the cafeteria and sought solace in the cool outdoors. Purposefully taking several long, deep breaths, I repressed the rage I was experiencing and refocused my mind on the fact that I had no right to such feelings. Believing I had mastered my emotions, I entered the classroom and waited for the class to begin.

Once again, fate was not going to let me escape facing my inner demons so easily. I was prepared for Bella to take her customary seat next to me. However, I was not in any state of mind to have Mike come with her and make his intentions known in such a way that I would be able to hear every single word of the conversation.

"So, Jessica asked me to the spring dance," he said, leaning against Bella's desk.

"That's great." Her sweet voice sounded enthusiastic and light. "You'll have a lot of fun with Jessica."

"Well…"_ I wish you didn't sound do happy about it. You should be worried that I won't be able to go with you._ "I told her I had to think about it."

"Why would you do that?"

_Cause I don't like Jessica as much as I like you. _"I was wondering if…" _Don't blow this. _"…well, if you might be planning to ask me."

Personally, I was wondering the same thing. If only I could hear her thoughts! This was pure torture!

"Mike, I think you should tell her yes," she recommended, much to my pleasant surprise.

_Cullen…did she…? _"Did you already ask someone?"

It took every bit of my control to not turn my full attention to them.

"No, I'm not going to the dance at all."

_Yeah…right… _"Why not?"

Bella paused then, ever so slightly. It wasn't enough that any normal human would have given her pause much thought, but for me it was like a huge vacuum of silence taunting me with my inability to hear the inner workings of her mind.

"I'm going to Seattle that Saturday."

It was a lame excuse if ever I heard one, and for the life of me I hadn't any idea why she was lying to him. It had to be a lie. The heat rising in her body told me as much.

_Seattle? What the…? _"Can't yougo some other weekend?" Mike said in obvious irritation.

"Sorry, no. So you shouldn't make Jess wait any longer – it's rude."

"Yeah, you're right." _So much for that. Looks like I'm stuck with Jess after all. _

Mike walked away, and for the first time in a long time I noticeably allowed my eyes to rest on the tempting human form next to me. Bella sat with her eyes closed, pressing her fingers to her temple. I had seen many a human make such an action when they had a headache or weren't feeling well. Had the conversation with Mike been painful for her? She looked pained, but in an emotional sense.

What on earth was going through that lovely head of hers? Had she wanted to go with Mike, but said no because she knew her friend was interested in him? Or could it possibly be that she found Mike just as annoying as I did and was rather bothered by his persistent attention? With no way to secure the truth from her mind, I was left to simply hope that she genuinely wasn't interested in him.

The instructor started speaking and Bella opened her eyes, immediately fixing her gaze on me. Staring deeply into those dark brown orbs, I searched for the hidden meaning behind her words and actions. I half expected her to look away from me and hide behind the curtain of hair she normally uses to separate us, but to my delight, she didn't. It was as if time slowed down and permitted me to drink in her appearance like a man starved for food. The blush that rose to her cheeks was intoxicating.

Somewhere in the back of my mind I noticed that the teacher was rambling on about the tricarboxylic acid cycle. "What's another name for this? A more simple name?" I heard him say in the distance. "Mr. Cullen?"

Reluctantly, I pulled my eyes away from Bella's beautiful face and answered, "The Krebs Cycle."

The spell had been broken and Bella tossed her hair over her shoulder to block my view from her. I watched her for the rest of the hour as she shifted uncomfortably in her seat, trying to keep her eyes away from mine. Every move she made reminded me of the conversation I had with Esme about the way human girls flirt. Every sigh that escaped her full lips intensified the desire I felt to talk to her, to let her know she wasn't the only one suffering.

At the sound of the bell, she turned her back to me and began gathering up her things. Her hair fell down her back smoothly. I recalled how soft it had felt under my fingertips the one time I had held her. Everything about her had felt soft – and warm. She sighed once more and I knew that this couldn't go on. I had to put an end to it for both of our sakes.

"Bella?" I tried to sound as friendly as I possibly could, but there was no mistaking the hesitancy in the slow way she turned around to face me. The hard expression on her face made me worry that I had totally misread her reactions, and so I stayed still and didn't utter another word for fear that she would think I was being more of a cretin than I'd already been towards her.

"What?" she lashed out after a moment. "Are you speaking to me again?"

Was I? I didn't even know for myself what I was doing approaching her. I promised my family - I promised _myself _I wouldn't. But I hadn't planed for her to actually show interest in me. Not trusting myself under her intense gaze, I said, "No, not really."

She closed her eyes and inhaled deeply, transforming every feature of her perfectly feminine face and unknowingly luring me in towards her. Her jaw was clenched and I would have given all the money I had to know what she was thinking. I got my answer soon enough.

"Then what do you want, Edward?" she asked as her eyes remained closed.

What I wanted was for her to open her eyes so I could have a better chance at working out her thoughts. What I wanted was to tell her how deeply she moved me – how one look from her could send my head spinning. I wanted to scoop her up in my arms and take her off to some hidden place where only I could enjoy her laugh… her smile… her scent. A place where people like Mike or Tyler or any other boy who might come along could never touch her. But I couldn't do any of those things, no matter how much I wanted to.

"I'm sorry," I said with pure sincerity. "I'm being very rude, I know. But it's better this way, really."

Her eyes opened to search for the meaning behind my words. I willed her to understand that I found her special – that I wasn't avoiding her because she wasn't interesting, but that she was too unique and tempting for me to be close to.

"I don't know what you mean."

Again, my powers of coercion didn't seem to work on Bella. "It's better if we're not friends. Trust me."

Something flashed in her eyes. Was it anger? "It's too bad you didn't figure that out earlier," she hissed at me through clenched teeth. "You could have saved yourself all this regret."

I was stunned. "Regret?" I didn't regret anything other than the fact that I couldn't offer her a better explanation. Damn the fact that I couldn't read her mind! "Regret for what?"

"For not just letting that stupid van squish me."

It was as if she had punched me in the gut with her words. After all I had done for her, she honestly thought I wanted her dead? If she only knew how hard I fought to ensure her safety, she wouldn't be making such outlandish statements. It was unimaginable and slightly ironic, that after fighting desperately to keep my own cravings for her blood in check, and restraining my family from attacking her, that she believed I wanted her dead. Perfect. Just perfect.

"You think I regret saving your life?"

"I _know _you do," she snapped.

Anger boiled within me. "You don't know anything."

With her chin thrust high into the air, she turned sharply and headed for the door. I wanted to call her back, but before I had the chance, she tripped on the door jam and spilled her books all over the floor. Instantly, again without thinking, I was by her side making sure she didn't go down with her books. The protective nature of my reaction left me slightly dazed, but I brushed it off and bent to pick up her things. I passed the stack to her, making sure to avoid contact with her skin.

The only reward for my actions was a cold, "Thank you."

"You're welcome," I replied, knowing there was still so much I should say, but opting to just let it go.

And so she went, and I didn't follow after her. Even still, she was in my thoughts all through the remaining hour of school. I still couldn't quite decide on Bella's reasoning behind the decision to turn down Mike's offer. Did she really have plans for that weekend, or had she made that up at the spur of the moment? And why would she ever believe that I lamented my own decision to save her life? Had I really treated her that badly this last month?

Yes, I had.

Once school was over, I made it a point to wait for Bella outside. I wanted to talk to her and again apologize for my rudeness. It was vital to me that she understood I had no ill feelings towards her. But as I approached her car, I was greeted by hopeful adolescent boy number two – Eric – who was so far beneath my notice that I hadn't a clue as to what his last name was. His thoughts were like an open book.

_Just make it really easy and be casual about it. Bella, would you like to go to the dance with me. Easy. Smooth._

_Don't be so forward about it. That's probably why she turned down Mike. _

I was surprised to find that news of Bella's rejection had already spread, but once again my chest tightened at the idea of her spending an evening alone with someone as unimaginative as this boy seemed to be. I narrowed my eyes at him and for one fleeting moment considered how easy it would be to dispose of him.

I caught Bella's scent and was brought back to my senses. "Hey, Eric." She sounded relieved for some reason.

"Hi, Bella." _Smooth… calm… focus._

"What's up?" She unlocked her door, completely oblivious to how nervous the boy was.

"Uh, I was just wondering… if you would go to the spring dance with me?" I nearly laughed out loud at the sound of his voice cracking on the last word. Such a child.

Bella, however, only frowned at him. "I thought it was girl's choice?"

"Well, yeah." _But since you haven't asked anyone... Oh come on. Say yes. Say yes!_

I could tell that the smile she offered him was forced. "Thank you for asking me, but I'm going to be in Seattle that day."

It was the same excuse she'd given Mike, but this time it flowed from her lips with ease, as if she'd practiced it for this performance. Personally, I was elated that yet again Bella refused to be shuffled around. It spoke to her character that she had more taste than that.

He eventually gave up and, with round shoulders indicative of a child who hasn't had their way, plodded back to the school. I couldn't hold back my laugh anymore, but I managed to somehow keep it subtle enough as to not draw too much attention to myself as I walked past her to my car. I could feel the heat from her body as well as her penetrating glare. As loudly as she could, she opened her door, got into the truck, and slammed it hard.

To add to the humor of the moment, I noticed Tyler Crowley driving up towards Bella's car, his thoughts coming through loud and clear.

_Don't drive away, Bella. Just stay put so I can ask…'cause if I don't ask now I might never work up the courage to ask again. Especially now that I know you don't like Mike._

This I had to see. She'd refused Mike and Eric all ready. How would she react to one more invitation to the dance? I had to make Tyler's wish come true. As quickly as I could, I slipped into my car and backed it out before Bella could get around me. She was now hopelessly trapped between me and the hormone-happy boy behind her. Oh, this was going to be good!

From my rear view mirror I saw Bella's reaction to her predicament. She wasn't pleased in the slightest, and when Tyler left his car to walk up to her passenger side, she looked completely irritated by the whole situation. I'm sure if I had been able to hear her thoughts they would have included a few choice phrases about the fact that I blocked her exit. Instead, I had to rely on Tyler's mind for Bella's words.

_Keep it cool._

_Thank God Cullen blocked you from leaving!_

_Just ask her and stay cool. Will you ask me to the dance? Simple._

_Not in town – same line she gave Mike._

_I figured you didn't want to go with Mike. _

_But it's still cool. We can always make it up at prom._

Unable to contain myself, I roared in laughter just as my family joined me in the car.

"What's so funny?" Jasper asked.

"Nothing," I laughed.

But Rosalie eyed me suspiciously and noticed how I was watching the rear view mirror with interest. She turned around to look at Bella, who was now quite visibly angry.

"What did you do, Edward?" she asked.

"I didn't do anything. I just… listened."

The look that passed between Rosalie and Emmett did not escape my notice, nor did it bother me. I pressed my foot to the gas pedal and sped home, feeling surprisingly lighter than I had in days.


	8. Chapter 7

_AN: Many MANY thanks to everyone reviewing. You keep me going with your kind words. I've had such a rush this last week with all the e-mails and comments. I'm a bit over whelmed to tell you the truth. The end of this chapter may seem familiar to some of you who have read my other piece of Twilight fan fiction "The Chasm Between." As I'd already written the scene once, I didn't feel I should have to write it again, so I stole from my own work. I changed a few moments, but it's still very similar._

_Also, you might see a slowing down in the frequency of my posts as I've been working full force on the lexicon. I can't write a lexicon AND a fan fic as quickly as I can write just a fan fic. Sigh. _

_Your bit of new vampire information comes from a comment that just totally made me laugh when I read it in the e-mail. I asked her about all the traditional Vampire legends like garlic, reflections, holy water, and of course the ol' stake through the heart. Here is her reply:_

"_Bunch of garbage. I think I get them all addressed in New Moon except for garlic and stakes. But you try shoving wood through granite." _

**CHAPTER SEVEN**

"Are you going to tell us what was so funny?" Emmett asked as we flew down the road for home.

"It's an inside joke. Don't worry about it." I brushed it off.

"Excuse me, but if it's about Isabella Swan, then I think we're going to worry about it," Rosalie contested.

"Really. It was nothing. Just teenage… angst."

"Since when do you find teenage angst humorous?" Jasper asked.

"Since his mind hasn't been able to focus on anything other than Isabella," answered Emmett.

"Not true," I said. "I've often found it comical how humans – teenagers in particular – can get so worked up over nothing."

"My guess is that it has something to do with the dance coming up," suggested Alice.

I looked over at her. "Did you see something?"

Her eyes went wide, almost as if I had caught her off guard. "I just thought the angst might be about the dance. Everyone is talking about the dance. Why would you assume I've seen something?" _Because I didn't see anything. I didn't see anything at all._

I frowned at her in frustration. She was trying to block me from her thoughts by tricking me into believing she had nothing of interest in her head. It stunned me that she would try to hide something so unimportant from me, for after all, what did I care about the dance? I'd never been interested in any of those traditional human rituals… rites of passage… however you wanted to label them.

But I quickly realized that I did care, much to my astonishment. If Alice had seen something about Bella and that ridiculous dance, then that was information I certainly needed to know. As much as I had enjoyed watching Bella break the hearts of three hopeful suitors today, I knew that somewhere out there was a man who would eventually win her affection. That knowledge pierced my heart in the most incomprehensible way.

I couldn't place the sensation, as I don't believe I had ever felt it before. On the whole, there was nothing wrong with Mike or Eric or Tyler. They were the right age for Bella and, most importantly, they were human. But I couldn't help feeling consumed with rage at the idea of one of those silly little boys pawing at her skin. That they would be given permission to touch her when they would never fully appreciate how precious and unique she was. I would never take that for granted. I would worship her, should I ever be given the chance.

For the first time since I could remember, I wished that I could be like one of the humans. I envied the fact that one of those boys could easily spend an evening alone with Bella and I couldn't. I coveted the closeness they could achieve to her without being tempted to taste her blood. It was difficult to own up to it, but the only word I found to describe it was jealousy. I was jealous, plain as that.

And now it seemed as if Alice knew something about Bella and her escort to the dance. I had to know before I went mad.

We arrived home and I pulled Alice to the side before she entered the house. I somehow managed to keep my voice steady as I said, "Alice, if you've seen something about Bella going to the dance, then please tell me. I need to know who she goes with."

"The dance?" she asked, looking confused.

"Yes. I've just enjoyed the heartbroken thoughts of three boys as Bella refused their invitations to the dance. Now, if you've seen her going with someone - "

"Edward, why do you need to know who Bella decides to go to a dance with?" There was an edge to her voice I didn't care for.

"I don't need to know, I just… would like to know."

"It sounds voyeuristic to me, and I thought you were going to stay away from her."

I scowled at her. "Hey, I could have sworn that you were on my side where Bella was concerned."

"I am on your side. I want what you want. I want Bella to be safe because it makes you happy to know she is safe."

"Then why won't you tell me who she goes to the dance with? I happen to know for a fact that there aren't very many boys at that school with honorable intentions, so if she ends up going with someone who - "

Alice groaned and rolled her eyes at me. "I didn't see anything about the dance, okay?"

"But you did see something."

She looked away from me, but I didn't need to see her eyes to hear her mind. _Yes… but don't ask me about it because you won't like it. Please, just let it go._

"Look, it's fine with me that you didn't see her at the dance. Actually, I'm more than fine with that. I knew she wasn't planning on attending; I just wanted to make sure. If you saw her with someone then… I needed to prepare myself for that. Not that it would sit well with me, but still, I would at least be able to get used to the idea."

"Well, what I saw had nothing to do with the dance. So, let's just drop it."

I wasn't going to let her off that easily. "Did it have anything to do with me?"

"Edward! Stop!"

"All right!" I said, tossing my hands up in the air in defeat. "I'm only curious."

"Don't be. You don't want to know."

I searched her eyes for the deeper meaning behind her words.

_You know what I've seen. Don't make me explain it again._

A sudden chill went down my spine. "You had the same vision? The one from before when I… "

_When you changed her._ Her mind finished the sentence for me.

I shook my head, the anger rising within me. "That's not going to happen, Alice. I won't let it."

"I can't deny what I've seen, Edward. And I've seen it more than once – different scenarios all with the same conclusion."

"Let me guess. You saw me with her at the dance, and I change her – drink from her right there in the middle of the dance floor!"

"I told you, I didn't see anything about the dance!"

But I didn't hear her. All I could think about was her insistence that someday I would bring Bella into the misery of my dark life. "It will not happen. I swear to you, I would rather destroy myself then see Bella brought across."

"Have you ever considered that you might end up not having much of a choice in the matter?"

I took a step back, bewildered by her meaning. "There is always a choice."

"Yes, that's right, but sometimes the choices we have are not between what's right and wrong, but between what's wrong and what's… less wrong."

Now I was really lost. "What?"

She ruffled her hair and sighed in irritation at me. "Okay, what if Bella were injured – badly injured – and the only way to save her was to bring her over?"

I didn't like where the conversation was headed. "I would stop her from being injured in the first place."

"But you can't be with her all the time, Edward. There are places you just can't go with her. She won't stay in Forks every day for the rest of her life."

Something clicked inside my brain. "You saw her leave Forks?"

Alice looked down at her feet, avoiding my eyes.

"Alice, this is important." I held her arms tightly with my hands, forcing her to look at me. "Where was Bella in your vision when she was hurt? Was she in Seattle?"

Her eyes flashed. _How did you know?_

"Bella told all three of those boys today that the reason she couldn't go to the dance was because she had plans in Seattle."

Alice's eyes closed and she muttered a quiet, "Oh, no."

"You saw it, didn't you? You saw her in Seattle."

She nodded in agreement. What little warmth there was in my body evaporated in that instant. "What happened to her?"

"I don't know," she said honestly. "All I saw was that she was hurt. She was dying and you…" _You found her and saved her. _"You brought to her Carlisle, just like you always do in every vision I have of you and Bella."

The anger that I suppressed earlier began to boil to the surface. "Where? Where in Seattle did I find her?"

"I'm not sure. To be honest, I'm not even certain it was Seattle. I just know it wasn't Forks. Just some dark, creepy alley. I thought it was unusual that she would be in a place like that."

"She's not going to be in a place like that. Not if I can help it." I stalked away from her feeling more enraged and determined than I had in years.

"What are you going to do?" Alice called to me.

"I'm going to save her life – again."

She ran after me. "How?"

"By breaking my promise to stay away from her."

"Edward?"

I stopped and abruptly turned to face her. "It's pointless, anyway. Everyone in this family knew I wouldn't be able to stay away from her, most especially you. So, if I'm going to break the rules, then I'm going to break them all the way. I'm not holding back anymore, and I will _not _let her die." I articulated the last sentence with precision.

Alice's face contorted in worry. _But you'll be tempted… I'm afraid for you._

"I'm going hunting now, Alice. Go back to the house and tell the others that the deal is off. If they don't like it… so be it."

With preternatural speed, I darted away from her before she had the chance to talk me out of my decision. I raced for the woods behind the house, desperate to rid my body of the anxiety I was feeling. The jealousy of Bella with another man – the fear of her life being shortened – the unmistakable sensation of wanting her more than I had ever wanted anything in my entire existence.

I ran as fast and as furiously as I could, wishing I could run away from the path fate had laid out in front of me. The wind ripped around me as I tried to escape from the tight rope destiny had begun to wrap around my body. I was now deep into wood and the scent of fresh blood filled my nostrils.

In the distance, I spotted my prey - a helpless, harmless deer, which would prove to be a limited challenge to procure. It would have served me better to hunt in our usual place and find a more worthy opponent, but I didn't have time. My thirst was too powerful and I needed to drink to help clear my mind of the irrational thoughts plaguing it.

Within mere seconds, I had the deer's neck between my teeth. The animal fought and thrashed around, but stilled as the venom seeped into his system. I drank from him, sucking out the essence of his life and savoring the warmth of his blood as it spread through my veins.

I wondered what Bella would think if she could see me now as I drained a defenseless creature of it's blood. I wondered what she would think if she knew how my thirst for this animal's blood was nothing compared to my lust to taste her. She would be disgusted, of course, and rightly so. To me, blood was a necessity, without which there would be no life. I know from experience that the pain of abstaining from drinking was too fierce for even the strongest of my kind. But to Bella, drinking blood was sure to be something only a monster would do.

And I was a monster.

I drank, and when I had finished, I found another and drank from him as well. My thirst was far from quenched, and I morbidly considered that Bella's blood was the only blood potent enough to satisfy my thirst. I dropped the limp and lifeless carcass to the ground and stood still against the blowing wind, contemplating my next move. I gazed up at the darkening sky, praying for some divine intervention from whatever deity would listen to me. Maybe my attention should have been cast downward to Hell rather than up at the Heavens, for certainly it was the Devil who had placed me in this position.

All my thoughts were on Bella and the distance between us, both physically and spiritually. Everything I had done since the day she arrived in Forks has been for her own good. I had placed my own wants and desires on hold in order to guarantee her safety. And now I was faced with the possibility that my efforts may have been in vain. As unbelievable as the situation was, by staying away from her I only put her at greater risk. The only way to protect her was to be with her. It was against the rule – against nature – but I was left with no choice.

My feet began to move of their own accord, heading back past the house, back into town. It didn't matter to me that it was growing dark. I made no complaint about the stinging, wet weather. My only concern was for Bella and determining how I could keep her safe without damming her to my personal Hell.

I stood outside of her house, under the window of her bedroom, and waited for all sounds around me to vanish. There were no lights on in the building ,and the only thoughts I could pick up on were the subconscious streams of a dream coming from her father. The stars above me confirmed the late hour, and I took the risk of entering Bella's home.

The moonlight spilling onto the floor provided the only source of light in the dark bedroom, but then I didn't need much light to be able to see her with my inhuman eyes. Her features were so delicate and beautiful - the whiteness of her skin…with a slight blush on her cheeks. That blush served as a constant reminder of her humanity, and the chasm that would always separate her from me.

I watched her chest rise and fall in a steady rhythm, the sound of her breathing so loud against the stillness of the room. I began breathing in time with her, wanting to match her, be equal to her on some basic level. It was an impossibility, of course, for her mortality made her far superior to me.

And then I realized something so profound, it very nearly knocked me backwards. Had it not been for the change, I would be long dead and I would have never been granted the opportunity to lay eyes on the amazing creature sleeping in front of me – never hear the lilt to her voice – never smell the fragrance of her skin. It was worth a century of blood to stand in her presence.

I wanted to keep her alive and mortal…and yet I knew I couldn't have her in that way. I am too selfish a creature to only take a little and deny myself the whole prize. To be with her, to have her in my life would mean sacrificing the very essence of what drew me to her. I wanted her to be human, but I also wanted her as a companion. I permitted myself to admit it at long last. I wanted Bella to be for me what Esme was to Carlisle. But that could never be as long as she was human, and I wasn't willing to steal her mortality away from her.

She shifted in her sleep, tilting her head back and revealing to me the soft skin of her slender neck. My eyes were instantly drawn to the crimson, life-giving liquid pulsing through the thick vein on the side of her throat. Oh, how easy it would be to drink from her! How I would savor the taste of her. One taste was sure to sustain me for ages. I bent forward and inhaled her sweet fragrance. If I took what I wanted, I would lose her forever. And I wanted her for forever.

What's the old human saying? Have your cake and eat it, too?

I stood up, never making a sound, and glanced down at her in a last ditch attempt to read her mind. If only I knew her feelings, this wouldn't be such a torturous decision to make. Would she accept me as a friend? And if she ever discovered the whole truth of what I was, could she ever look on me with without fear and disgust? What did she want? My mind shouted the questions at her. _What do you want, Bella?_

And then she spoke my name.

I froze, wide-eyed and curious, like an animal caught in the headlights of an on-coming vehicle. I wondered for a moment if my movements had somehow woken her up, but she was so still and deeply asleep. Had I imagined the sound of her voice? My eyes never left her face as I watched her mouth form my name once more.

"Edward."

The movement of her eyes behind her lids told me she was dreaming. More so, she was dreaming of me. I let the thought swim in my brain as I stood rooted to the spot, uncertain of how to proceed. For the first time in nearly a century, I could have sworn I felt my heart beat.

And then I heard Esme's voice echo in my head. _It isn't natural for someone to go through life alone._ My vision was filled with only Bella. The urge to reach out and touch her was consuming, but I would not interrupt her sleep. I closed my eyes and imagined how it would feel to hold her in my arms again, inhale her fragrance, taste the salty sweetness of her skin, drown in the sound of her accelerated heart beat.

Try as I might, I could not escape fate… or Bella. I left the shadows of her bedroom to return to my hunt, for I would need to be strong if I were going to let fate guide my actions.


	9. Chapter 8

_AN: Thanks and double thanks for all the kind words of support. The lexicon is making progress and I hope to be able to share it with all of you with in the week. I got another review from Stephenie, which really made my day. It's still so weird to me that she is reading my stuff. And she's reading some of yours too, keep in mind. Here is what she said in case you didn't see it. You all might find it interesting:_

"_Great job, Alphie! This is such a wild and interesting experience for me, to read someone else's take on my Edward's thoughts! You've come up with a very intriguing alternate version--I'm surprised at how much difference there is between this and the version I'm writing. They are two very different stories, and yours certainly stands on its own legs. Keep up the good work! (For those who have been asking, yes, my version will probably be published eventually, but the timing will be up to my publisher). Keep writing, Alphie!"_

_So there you have it. She would like to publish her version, but it's up to her publisher if that happens. Remember that she has promised to at least let us have a look at chapter one. Let's just hope it's sooner rather than later. I'm sure my version will be INFINATLY different from hers._

_For this chapter, I have to thank Stephenie personally for allowing me to quote her book in the way I do. I ran it by her just to be safe, so she's ok with it. I did not write hardly any of the dialogue in this chapter. It's all hers. In fact, that's going to be happening quite a bit now that I'm into the heart of the story. _

_Thanks to the betas – Imogen and Hellish Red Devil._

_Your lexicon bit of information for the day is inspired by the first question I can honestly say Stephenie has avoided answering for me. I asked, as I'm sure you all have, why Edward can't hear Bella's thoughts and was told that I'm asking the wrong question. The question should be why can Edward hear everyone else's thoughts. Take that and mull it over in your head for a while. See if you get as dizzy as I did. LOL!_

**CHAPTER EIGHT**

"You're not seriously going to do this, are you?" Emmett asked as we pulled into the school's parking lot.

I huffed in displeasure. "I'm not having this discussion again."

"We're only concerned for you, Edward," Alice sighed. "No need to get snappy."

I didn't appreciate her accusation that I was the one being snappy about the situation, but I wasn't in the mood to argue about it anymore. I had spent most of the morning quarrelling with my family about my decision and the potential dangers of the situation I was going to put myself in. I knew them all, as I had warred with myself all night, so I found it immensely aggravating that they felt the need to remind me of the risks I was taking.

It took me but a few seconds to glance around at the other cars and realize that Bella hadn't arrived at school yet. My family climbed out of the car and quickly started for the school, trying to avoid the rain, before they noticed I wasn't following them. One by one they turned around to cast worried looks at me.

Aren't you coming in? 

_Don't do this, Edward._

_Are you sure you can resist?_

_Don't let it go too far._

I shook my head at them. "Don't worry about me. I'll be fine once I talk to Bella."

Four sets of eyes looked as if they didn't believe me before turning away and leaving me alone to wait for my date with destiny. I was glad for the solitude of the moment. It was the first time since I returned to the house last night that I hadn't had warning thoughts shouted at me. Now all that surrounded me were the trivial inner ramblings of children and the wet splatter of rain.

My attention was immediately drawn to the familiar red truck approaching the school. It passed my car and didn't come to a stop until it reached the other end of the parking lot. I chuckled to myself at Bella's obvious attempt to put as much distance between the two of us as possible. She was probably still angry with me for preventing her from escaping from Tyler yesterday. She would get over it, though.

I walked up behind her, taking in the gentle way her hair fell down her back. A breeze carried her delicious scent to my nostrils and I inhaled slowly. She clumsily dropped her keys into a puddle, scowling. She was completely unaware I was even close to her. Making my presence known, I retrieved the keys and leaned against her vehicle.

She jumped. "How do you _do_ that?"

"Do what?" I asked, dropping the keys into her outstretched palm.

"Appear out of thin air."

"Bella, it's not my fault if you are exceptionally unobservant."

She grimaced at me and then suddenly glanced down at the pavement. "Why the traffic jam last night? I thought you were supposed to be pretending I don't exist, not irritating me to death."

I found the comment slightly discomforting, but laughed nonetheless. "That was for Tyler's sake, not mine. I had to give him his chance."

"You…" Her mouth went wide as she choked on the vile word caught in her throat. Her face was turning red with anger and I could feel the heat from her body even at this distance.

"And I'm not pretending you don't exist." Not anymore, at least.

"So, you are trying to irritate me to death? Since Tyler's van didn't do the job?"

I glared at her, distressed by her repeated suggestion that I wanted her dead. If only she knew the truth. "Bella, you are utterly absurd."

With clenched fists and a face displaying her fury, she spun on her heel and stalked away from me seething. I hadn't meant for this to go badly. She wasn't supposed to be angry with me now that I was a willing participant in her survival. It wouldn't do for her to be angry with me if I had any chance of convincing her to allow me to escort her on her trip.

"Wait," I called out, easily catching up to her and falling in step with her small stride. "I'm sorry, that was rude." She maintained her silence, ignoring me. "I'm not saying it wasn't true, but it was rude to say it, anyway."

"Why won't you leave me alone," she grumbled in reply.

"I wanted to ask you something, but you sidetracked me." I laughed at the very idea that Bella, and only Bella, had the ability to make me lose my train of thought, thanks to the fact that I couldn't hear her thoughts to know what was coming next.

"Do you have a multiple personality disorder?" Her voice was harsh and her body rigid.

"You're doing it again," I accused.

She expelled her breath and again my senses were inflamed. "Fine then. What do you want to ask?"

"I was wondering if, a week from Saturday – you know, the day of the spring dance - "

She rounded on me so fast that even I was a bit startled by the movement. "Are you trying to be _funny_?" Her face contorted with so much anger as she looked up at me I very nearly laughed.

"Will you please allow me to finish?"

In a pointed display of being forced to impatiently wait for me to continue, Bella huffed and clasped her hands together.

She was beautiful when she was angry.

"I heard you say you were going to Seattle that day, and I was wondering if you wanted a ride."

She blinked in surprise. "What?"

"Do you want a ride to Seattle," I repeated simply.

"With who?"

"Myself, obviously." I articulated the word slowly to make sure she hadn't missed the meaning again.

She made a face of total confusion…or was it disgust? I wasn't certain. "_Why_?"

"Well, I was planning to go to Seattle in the next few weeks, and, to be honest, I'm not sure if your truck can make it." I had come up with the excuse early that morning when Jasper pointed out how Bella would never believe I just wanted to escort her with no ulterior motives.

But she wasn't convinced. "My truck works just fine, thank you very much for your concern." She walked away from me, still angry.

"But can your truck make it there on one tank of gas?" I persisted, matching her steady gait.

"I don't see how that is any of your business."

"The wasting of finite resources is everyone's business."

"Honestly, Edward," I nearly gasped at the sound of my name coming from her lips again, reminding me how very much I enjoyed hearing it last night. "I can't keep up with you. I thought you didn't want to be my friend."

"I said it would be better if we weren't friends, not that I didn't want to be," I corrected.

"Oh, thanks, now that's _all_ cleared up." The sarcasm was dripping from her voice.

We stopped under the canopy of the cafeteria where the rain couldn't hit us and she looked up at me with those deep, chocolate eyes that so captivated me. "It would be more… _prudent_," I stressed once I'd found the most appropriate word, "for you not to be my friend. But I'm tired of trying to stay away from you, Bella."

Her eyes lingered on mine, boring deep into my soul. Her face softened as a glorious blush rose to her cheeks. I could stare at that face forever.

"Will you go with me to Seattle?" I asked softly.

Hesitantly, she nodded her reply. A surprising warmth spread in my chest upon seeing that nod, but the lingering blush on her face reminded me how very human she was. "You really should stay away from me," I stated. Not trusting myself to stay with her longer than necessary just yet, I finished the conversation by saying how I would see her in class and then turning around and forcing my feet to carry me away from her.

I traveled the halls of the school hoping to find some sort of distraction from how affected I was by Bella's subtle reactions. I had a few hours before I would see her again and I needed to use that time to clear my thoughts and ready myself to sit close to her for an entire hour. It would be tricky, but deep in my soul I longed for it.

I was lost in my thoughts, about to enter my first period class room when Emmett broadsided me and pulled me around the corner to a more secluded area. His voice was loud in my mind.

_Don't go down the biology hallway. Stay away from there at all costs._

"Emmett, I'm not having this discussion with you again. I told you that - "

_They're blood testing today._

I stilled, uncertain I had heard his thoughts correctly. "What?"

_Blood tests. _"Just a finger prick, but still…" _Open blood._

"You're certain?"

"They're having a blood drive next weekend in Port Angeles. So, today they're doing the blood testing in case someone wants to donate."

I swore under my breath. Just the thing to add to an already complicated situation. Open blood… no matter how small the wound, I knew I wouldn't be able to handle sitting in a closed room with twenty odd bleeding fingers – one of which would be Bella's. The temptation to taste would be too great.

_You can't go to biology today._

"I know that, Emmett. Thank you very much."

"Well, you looked as if you were trying to decide what to do."

"I am," I admitted.

"But Edward - "

"I'm not going to risk it, so you don't have to bother with convincing me to stay away."

"We're all planning to ditch class," he explained. "Jasper wanted to go home right now and avoid the situation all together, but Alice wouldn't let him."

"Good for her."

"So then… you're going to ditch as well."

"I don't see how I have much of a choice. I worry though…" I let the sentence go unfinished, not wanting to put my feelings towards Bella out for examination again.

"You can't see her today, Edward," Emmett declared as if he could hear my thoughts. "I know you want to, but you can't."

I eyed him with determination. "You want to bet? If I don't see her, she'll think I'm angry with her again. I just managed to make a little progress and I'm not going to let that go to waste."

Emmett sighed, his eyes forming slits. _I don't believe you. You can't just ignore – _

"Lunch," I said, stopping him mid-thought. "I'll talk to her at lunch. That way I can tell her I'm skipping class and she'll know that it has nothing to do with her."

_Even though it has everything to do with her._

I smirked at him, but didn't comment. "We'd better get to class."

He nodded and left me alone with my thoughts, again. It was a good thing we had classes apart from one another, for it would certainly look suspicious if we all decided to ditch at the same time. It was difficult enough having reasonable explanations for where we were on sunny days. But if we had biology all together and left four empty seats when we had been at school all day, someone would be bound to ask why. It was for possibilities like this that Carlisle insisted we take separate classes.

Rosalie didn't like it, for she never wanted to be left alone in a group of humans without a member of the family. Jasper was the same way, but for different reasons. Rosalie, was always worried that she would draw too much attention and that someone would grow curious enough to approach her about it. As much as she liked attention, she didn't enjoy speculation over what made her different. If she could have her way, she would be human again in a heartbeat. Jasper, on the other hand, simply didn't trust himself enough yet. He lived by our rules for Alice, but he didn't necessarily have any trouble drinking human blood. He'd grown up surviving on humans, and he would do it again if he were given no other choice.

I struggled through the school day, not because of the blood testing, but because it seemed to me that time was going very slowly. I longed for the opportunity to see Bella again, hear the soft melody of her voice, see the lovely tint of her skin, inhale the lush fragrance of her blood. After having been denied it for so long, knowing that I had a chance to be in her presence again stirred something deep within me. Lunch couldn't come fast enough. I found myself laughing at the irony of the thought.

Once lunch did arrive, I took a seat at the opposite end of the cafeteria away from my family. Rosalie shot daggers at me, but I could hear Emmett's mind as he tried to soothe her anger. Alice had apparently already worked her magic on Jasper, as I didn't hear many hateful comments from his mind, only words of caution. I made a mental note to thank Alice for helping me out, even if her motives may have been suspicious.

My senses alerted me to Bella's presence the moment she entered the lunchroom. Her eyes fell on my usual table, and I felt a thrill from the look of disappointment on her face once she realized I wasn't there. She was looking for me. How gratifying it was to know that she wanted to see me. I willed her eyes to search for me on the other side of the room, but her with regretful eyes she blindly followed Jessica through the line and over to her seat.

I very nearly shouted at her to look up at me, but I knew that it would only draw more unwanted attention. Since my mental powers thus far had proved to be useless on Bella, I turned my attention to Jessica and sent a silent command for her to notice me. She did. It was almost too easy.

_Edward Cullen is staring at us… no… at Bella. BELLA!_

_And he's alone? Why isn't he with his family?_

Bella's eyes met mine in a flash. Beautiful. Not wanting her to be confused about my wishes, I wiggled my index finger at her, suggesting that she come and join me at my table. The surprise on her face was intoxicating.

_No way. He doesn't mean you, does he?_

_Biology homework, my foot! He wants something. Oh, wow._

Her footsteps were soft as she tentatively approached the table and stopped behind the chair opposite from mine. Her face held so many questions and it pained me that I couldn't hear them so that I might ease her discomfort. Instead, I offered her a seat.

"Why don't you sit with me today?"

To my surprise, she sat down without arguing with me. I was almost disappointed, as I had some very good comments to counter whatever objections she might have had. As it was, she just watched me with open curiosity. Her eyes lingered on my face, and I offered her a smile.

"This is different," she said after a moment's pause.

"Well," I sighed, "I decided as long as I was going to hell, I might as well do it thoroughly."

It was the honest truth, and yet she squinted at me in disbelief. "You know I don't have any idea what you mean."

"I know," and it was a good thing, too. For if she did have an idea, I'm sure she would run away from me in an instant. Maybe she _should_ run away from me.

From the corner of my mind I heard the distant comments of Mike and Jessica.

_Why is she with Cullen? _

_I don't know either. I would be so nervous._

_I don't like it. She shouldn't be with him._

_I wish Mike would pay that kind of attention to me rather than to Bella. _

"I think your friends are angry with me for stealing you," I informed her.

"They'll survive." She very nearly turned around to look at them, but I held her eyes locked with mine.

"I may not give you back, though." Even though I meant for the comment to sound like a tease, Bella undoubtedly heard the honesty behind my words and visibly swallowed, hard. "You look worried," I laughed.

"No," she squeaked. "Surprised, actually… what brought all this on?"

She still didn't believe me. "I told you – I got tired of trying to stay away from you. So I'm giving up."

"Giving up?" she echoed.

"Yes – giving up trying to be good. I'm just going to do what I want now, and let the chips fall where they may." Fate be damned.

"You lost me again."

Oh, how she made me smile. "I always say too much when I'm talking to you – that's one of the problems."

"Don't worry – I don't understand any of it."

"I'm counting on that."

"So, in plain English, are we friends now?" There was uncertainty to her voice that I could only hope meant she wanted to be more than friends. But then, I was probably hearing what I wanted to hear, rather than the truth. I would never know as long as I couldn't access her mind.

"Friends…" I said with a slow hiss, ruminating over the word.

"Or not," she mumbled under her breath.

A smile tugged at the corners of my mouth again. I found it impossible to resist smiling at her fully, regardless of the uncertainty of the conversation. "Well, we can try, I suppose. But I'm warning you now that I'm not a good friend for you."

I noticed that she shivered slightly and her skin paled. "You say that a lot."

"Yes, because you're not listening to me. I'm still waiting for you to believe it. If you're smart you'll avoid me." But I knew that she wouldn't be able to. If she so much as tried, I could easily coax her back into my life. I had started down a path from which there was no turning back.

Apparently, I had said the wrong thing again, for Bella's eyes turned to slits as she bit out, "I think you've made your opinion on the subject of my intellect clear, too."

I could only smile, yet again, in contrition.

"So, as long as I'm being… not smart, we'll try to be friends?" She made the most delightful face as she tried to work out the details of our conversation.

"That sounds about right."

Her eyes fell to the lemonade bottle in her hands. Her lips were pursed and I knew, I just knew, she was trying to think it all through. I couldn't hold back the question from escaping me. "What are you thinking?"

"I'm trying to figure out what you are."

Once again, she caught me off guard for that wasn't what I assumed she was thinking about. "Are you having any luck with that?" I hoped she would say no and was more than slightly relieved when she confirmed that she hadn't. "What are your theories?"

The blood rushed to her cheeks bringing the most charming tint of pink to her skin. Her teeth bit down on her luscious, pouty bottom lip and very nearly sent my head spinning as I imagined what it would feel like to have her lips between my own teeth.

I forced the thought from my head.

"Won't you tell me," I pleaded.

She shook her head no, sending her scent wafting through the air. "Too embarrassing."

"That's _really_ frustrating, you know," I grumbled.

"No, I can't imagine why that would be frustrating at all." The heavy sarcasm was back, as was the narrow look. "Just because someone refuses to tell you what they're thinking, even if all the while they're making cryptic little remarks specifically designed to keep you up at night wondering what they could possibly mean… now why would that be frustrating?"

My breath hitched at the mention that she couldn't sleep for thinking of me.

"Or better," she continued bravely, all inhibitions slipping away with the release of her animosity, "say that person also did a wide range of bizarre things – from saving your life under impossible circumstances one day to treating you like a pariah the next, and he never explained any of that, either, even after he promised. That, also, would be _very _non-frustrating."

Was it mad of me to find her even more attractive when she was angry? The way her blood pumped through her veins was mesmerizing. "You've got a bit of a temper, don't you?" I observed.

"I don't like double standards."

Our eyes locked as I tried to surmise her true feelings for me. I reached out with my mind, desperate to touch hers, but again was met with a blank. The only mind I was able to pick up on clearly came from the direction of Bella's normal table.

_He's bothering her. She's mad at him, I can tell. Maybe I should go over there and tell Bella to come back and sit with us. I wonder what Cullen would do._

What would I do? I dare you to come and find out.

"What?" Bella asked.

"Your boyfriend seems to think I'm being unpleasant to you – he's debating whether or not to come break up our fight." It was laughable that he would even think such a thing.

"I don't know who you're talking about, but I'm sure you're wrong, anyway." Her voice was cold, but the heat rose in her body.

"I'm not. I told you. Most people are easy to read."

"Except me, of course."

"Yes, except you." I considered her for a moment, wondering if she knew at all the struggle it was for me to manage a coherent conversation with her. Perhaps that's why we had a tendency to argue. I didn't quite comprehend her words as well as I could. It left me baffled. "I wonder why that is."

She pulled her eyes away from mine and took a drink of her lemonade. For the first time since she joined me, I noticed she hadn't brought any food over with her. "Aren't you hungry?" I asked out of concern.

"No. You?"

"No, I'm not hungry." Oh, the irony of the question! The prey asking the hunter if the target was ready to be hit. Immediately, I scolded myself for referring to her in such a way.

"Could you do me a favor?" she hesitated.

I was cautious to say yes, even though I knew I would do anything she asked of me, even if it was to stay away. "That depends on what you want."

"I just wondered… if you could warn me beforehand the next time you decide to ignore me for my own good. Just so I'm prepared."

I fought back a laugh and said, "That sounds fair."

"Thanks," she replied.

But she had opened the door and I simply couldn't resist taking the invitation. "Then can I have one answer in return?"

"One."

"Tell me _one_ theory." From the wide-eyed expression on her face, I must have taken her by surprise with my question, but I simply had to know.

"Not that one."

"You didn't qualify," I countered, "you just promised one answer."

"And you've broken promises yourself." She was trying to distract me again by changing the focus of the discussion. It wouldn't work.

"Just one theory – I won't laugh."

"Yes you will."

She was right; I probably would laugh, as I sincerely doubted she could ever work out the truth. I gazed at her, willing her to tell me, but when no response came I resorted to begging. I leaned in close to her and muttered a simple, "Please?"

She blinked, appearing to be in a daze of some sort. "Er, what?"

The charm must have worked somewhat this time. Not wanting there to be any further confusion, I articulated my request very slowly. "Please tell me just one little theory."

"Um, well, bitten by a radioactive spider?" She stammered out her far-fetched conclusion.

I had to admit, it was a first, even if it wasn't very original. "That's not very creative."

She scowled a bit. "I'm sorry, that's all I've got."

"You're not even close." Thank God.

"No spiders?"

"Nope."

"And no radioactivity?"

"None."

"Dang." She looked slightly disappointed.

"Kryptonite doesn't bother me, either," I finished, unable to get in one last tease.

"You're not supposed to laugh, remember?"

I forced my face into a solemn expression, but found that the struggle was unnecessary when I heard her next comment.

"I'll figure it out eventually."

All humor was set aside at her warning. "I wish you wouldn't try."

"Because…?"

"What if I'm not a superhero? What if I'm the bad guy?" Even though I was being as honest as I could with her, I tried to maintain a smile.

"Oh, I see."

I could see the wheels turning in her head, and I grew fearful that she very well did see. "Do you?" I asked, wishing with all my might that I could know what was going through that lovely head of hers.

"You're dangerous?" she asked, as if she were working out the full measure of all my comments leading up to this moment. I forced my body to remain still and not give away how nervous I was that she might reach an unwanted conclusion.

"But not bad," she resolved, her voice no more than a whisper. "No, I don't believe that you're bad."

"You're wrong." I swiped the bottle top from her and began spinning it on the table as a distraction. I was bad. I was very bad for being drawn to her. It was wrong of me to desire her the way I did. Even talking to her could be considered as breaking the rules. But I couldn't just give up now. I had to protect her. I cared for her too much to see her injured in any way. But how would I ever protect her from myself?

Suddenly, she jumped to her feet. "We're going to be late."

I almost forgot we were in school; I was so distracted by her presence. "I'm not going to class today."

"Why not?"

"It's healthy to ditch class now and then." And the Devil only knows what I would do to you if I came that close to your blood.

"Well, I'm going." She said it, but she didn't make any motion to prove it.

"I'll see you later, then," I promised, letting it be known that I desired further contact with her.

She stood still, waiting for something and just watching me. It was maddening that I couldn't know her thoughts. She didn't move until the sound of the bell snapped her from her unidentified thoughts and she ran from the lunchroom.


	10. Chapter 9

_AN: And it's going to be LONG, but you're used to that. First off, thanks for the reviews and for the excitement over the lexicon. I hope everyone will enjoy it! _

_Secondly, this is a HUGE chapter and that's simply because I couldn't find a decent place to stop it. It's ALL from Twilight, so no bashing me for stealing from the book. I have permission. Hehe…_

_Since it's going to come out when you see the lexicon, I have spoken to Stephenie on the phone, and she is delightful! I adore her! We spoke for over an hour and NOTHING was about Twilight. Can you imagine? We did eventually get there, but a lot of it was rehashing with me going all fangirl on her and her teasing me with comments like, "Well, when you read New Moon, you'll know the answer to that." AGH! Can I pull out my hair now?_

_So yes, I have her total permission to be doing this. I'm stunned really, if you want the truth. She was even so kind as to send me the typed text of a few bits of scenes so I would have to type it all out myself. How sweet is that? If ever I get to meet her, and it looks like I will in November, I'll be sure to give her a big ol' THANK YOU gift! _

_Many thanks to Red Devil and Imogen for the beta._

_Oh and, your lexicon information for the day is…_

_How about you just go and look at it for yourself. It's at www . twilightlexicon . com_

_But still read and review my chapter!_

**CHAPTER NINE**

I adore my Volvo. It's a beautiful piece of machinery. Normally, I used my car as a place and means of escape. All alone inside a locked car, I could speed down a stretch of highway and feel almost normal with no voices inside of my head and no thirst for blood over powering my senses. In situations like this one now, it being the middle of the school day when I couldn't very well drive away with any surety of making it back in time for my next dull and pointless lesson, I would sit in the vehicle with my eyes closed and music blaring, drowning out any and all distractions. After living eight decades with constant chatter in my head, it was a relief to be able to tune it out every now and then.

Yet today, the solace I sought for in the closed confines of my car eluded me. My mind kept wondering over the conversation I just had with Bella. How deep her eyes were when she let me look into them without shying away. How beautifully her face colored under my gaze. How her pulse would quicken at the most unusual times. I could go insane trying to figure out the inner workings of her mind. It baffled me to no end how easily she could distract me and change topics. I never knew what to say next to her, and I was an expert at always saying the right thing. I was an expert at saying the exact thing someone wanted or needed to hear. After all, that was part of my gift.

With Bella, however, I always seemed to say the wrong things. When I thought I was being polite, she interpreted my words with an attack. If I thought I was being complimentary, she took it as being critical. I was beginning to think I would never win her over. And yet, maybe that was the point – that I wasn't supposed to win her over. I was dangerous to her - more dangerous than a van skidding on ice – more dangerous than whatever it was Alice saw in that dark, creepy alley. No one could hurt her the way I could – and at the same time, no one would ever love her as much as I did.

It was an irresolvable paradox.

I extended my arms backwards over my head, taking in the calming effect of stretching out the matured muscles in my back and shoulders. I wasn't tired, but I could feel the stress of the day wearing on my body. The fluid strains of Debussy flowed around me as I tried to relax and just be patient for classes to end. Classical music always calmed me – a fitting testament to the old adage of how music soothed the savage beast.

But my mind wasn't cooperating with the atmosphere I was trying to create. I was too focused and preoccupied with Bella to fully relax. I wanted to see her again, but I doubted if I should approach her so soon after the blood testing. A small pick on her finger was nothing in the grand scheme of things, and yet it was everything. It would be easier to smell her scent with an open wound, no matter how small, which was sure to make the temptation irresistible. Even the idea of her blood clotting under the gauze of a band aide sent my thoughts to a place they shouldn't go.

Even if the blood wouldn't prove to be a problem, I would still have to convince her that I wanted to attempt a friendship. Friend. It was laughable that she defined our potential relationship with such an ordinary and nondescript word like 'friend.' It could be so much more if I could maintain any control over the monster within me. I was breathless at the possibilities.

I opened my eyes and took in my surroundings, reaching out with my mind to find Bella, or rather the void where she should be. Against my better judgment, I sought out Mike Newton's inane mind, for he was certain to be thinking about Bella. He was almost as obsessed with her as I was. Almost. To my utter surprise, I saw him coming out of the building before I heard him, and Bella was next to him.

_She really looks bad. Perfect time to offer some comfort._

_Oh, she doesn't want me to touch her, I guess. I've never seen someone react to blood like that._

I was out of my car in the next second. Bella had dropped to the ground, pale and nearly lifeless. My breath hitched in sudden and indescribable fear. What the devil had Mike Newton done to her?

_She's going to get all dirty on the ground. And man, look at the color of her skin. I've never seen anyone that color._

"Wow, you're green, Bella," I heard him say as I ran up to them, careful not to run too fast to be suspicious.

"Bella?" I called, and instantly I heard the internal groan come from Mike. I ignored him. I didn't have time to deal with his dislike of me. My only concern was Bella.

"What's wrong - is she hurt?" I didn't smell any blood, thank the stars, but her skin was much too pale and her pulse was too greatly accelerated for my liking. Mike was right, she did look green. Only the dead had skin that color – a fact I knew very well.

"I think she's fainted," Mike said, troubled. "I don't know what happened. She didn't even stick her finger."

"Bella," I soothed, dropping to my knees beside her and keeping my voice as calm as was possible. "Can you hear me?"

"No," she whimpered. "Go away."

She was lying with her head on the cold, wet cement of the sidewalk, which I found humorous because I knew she didn't like the cold or the wet.

"I was taking her to the nurse, but she wouldn't go any farther." His tone and his whole body position told me I wasn't welcome, but I really didn't care.

"I'll take her," I insisted, effectively drawing the battle lines between the boy and myself. "You can go back to class." It wasn't a suggestion but rather a command.

_Like hell I will! I'm not leaving her with you. _"No, I'm supposed to do it."

I didn't have time to argue with the boy. It would only make me angry and considering my state of mind lately, I didn't even want to imagine what I would do to him if I allowed myself to get angry. Besides, the longer we fought for the rights to tend to Bella, the worse her condition grew. I knew it was more important to get her some help than it was for me to make it clear to Mike that she wasn't interested in him.

She couldn't be interested in him. I wouldn't tolerate it.

Gently so as to not hurt her fragile body, and carefully avoiding contact with any exposed skin, I lifted her off the cold ground and held her in my arms. There was warmth there, but not as much as there should be. I didn't like it. She had felt hot the last time I gave myself permission to be this close to her, and now she was cool to the touch. Her eyes flew open in astonishment.

"Put me down!" I could smell the bile on her breath, confirming how ill she was.

"Hey!" Mike protested from behind me. _You jerk! How dare you_._ Damn Cullen. I can't stand him._

Mike's opinion of me mattered little considering I felt the same way about him. I focused instead on the delicate creature in my arms. "You look awful," I stated, offering her a smile to try to make her feel more at ease. She was stiff in my arms and I could almost hear the fear in her mind that I might drop her.

Not a chance.

"Put me back on the sidewalk," she requested, but I couldn't. She might faint again and hit her head. She escaped a concussion once – I wasn't about to let her risk it again.

"So you faint at the sight of blood?" I asked, knowing the answer already, but enjoying the irony of the fact. I crave it, she is repelled by it. Fitting.

But she didn't answer. She only closed her eyes and pursed her lips against whatever ache she was feeling.

"And not even your own blood," I concluded, for she hadn't pricked her finger. I could only imagine what she would think of me were she to ever learn the truth. Her repulsion at the very sight of blood was bound to make her hate me should my true nature ever be revealed.

I eased her inside the building and entered the office, catching Ms. Cope by surprise.

"Oh, my," Ms. Cope said when she saw Bella.

"She fainted in biology," I explained and made my way around the counter to the nurse's office. Mrs. Mabel was engrossed in one of her romance novels again.

_His hand brushed lazily against my hips before he crushed his body against mine and…_

_Oh. OH! A student. Shoot. Just when it was getting good._

I quietly placed Bella on the paper-covered cot and took up position against the wall on the opposite side of the room. The nurse would likely check her over and I didn't want to risk catching the scent of her breath on a deep exhale for worry that I would react.

"She's just a little faint," I told Mrs. Hammond, who was still pondering the outcome of her trashy book. "They're blood typing in biology."

She nodded in understanding. "There's always one."

Leave it to Bella to be singled out among the norm. It only proved to me that she was indeed very special.

"Just lay down for a minute, honey, it'll pass."

"I know," Bella moaned. I was relieved to see the color returning to her face.

"Does this happen a lot?" asked the nurse.

"Sometimes."

It was my guess that it happened anytime she was near blood. Could fate have chosen a more complicated situation to put me in? After years and years of being alone, I end up falling for the one human whose mind I can't read, whose blood I craved more than any other, and who fainted at the smallest sight of blood.

"You can go back to class now," the nurse informed me.

"I'm supposed to stay with her." I said it in that authoritative voice that humans rarely challenged and was rewarded with the desired result.

"I'll go get you some ice for your forehead, dear." She hurried out of the room, leaving us alone. I took the opportunity to really look over Bella's features, checking her pulse and inhaling her scent to see if she was doing any better.

"You were right," came the unexpected moan from her chapped lips.

"I usually am—but about what in particular this time?" I was anxious for her answer.

"Ditching _is_ healthy." She took several steady breaths, composing herself. I was glad I had enough foresight to position myself away from her.

I watched her silently for a moment before admitting to her how frightened I had been a moment ago. "You scared me for a minute there. I thought Newton was dragging your dead body off to bury it in the woods."

"Ha ha," she mocked, her eyes still closed.

"Honestly—I've seen corpses with better color." It was the truth. "I was concerned that I might have to avenge your murder." For I would have certainly turned my back on my upbringing and committed murder myself had Newton harmed her.

"Poor Mike. I'll bet he's mad."

She had no idea. "He absolutely loathes me," I confirmed without remorse.

"You can't know that," she countered.

Yes, I could. "I saw his face—I could tell."

Her hand rubbed at her stomach and I wondered if she was going to be sick. "How did you see me? I thought you were ditching."

"I was in my car, listening to a CD." I omitted that I was obsessed with her and that nothing would escape my notice from now on.

Mrs. Hammond returned with the ice for Bella's head. She placed it across her patient's forehead saying, "Here you go, dear. You're looking better."

"I think I'm fine," Bella muttered, sitting up slowly. My stance was on guard instantly; ready to catch her should she fall. Before the nurse had a chance to make Bella lie back down, the door opened and Ms. Cope announced the arrival of another patient.

"We've got another one," she warned.

Bella, always more willing to help others than help herself, hopped down from the cot to free up the bed for the next invalid saying, "Here, I don't need this." She handed the ice pack back to the nurse.

That's when I smelled it. Blood. Fresh blood. Not as potent as Bella's, but it was open and flowing and too close for comfort. Mike Newton, who must have been trying to play the hero today, stumbled in supporting another boy from our biology class. They were both bleeding from the tiny pinpricks in their index fingers.

"Oh, no." If Bella saw the blood, she would likely be sick. "Go out to the office, Bella."

She glanced up at me with those wide, brown eyes in confusion.

"Trust me—go."

She did exactly as I said and left the room without any further explanation. It wasn't like her to just do as she was told. She liked to argue with me, so this obedient action really was a shock.

"You actually listened to me."

"I smelled the blood," she said, making a face of disgust.

That was impossible. "People can't smell blood."

"Yes I can," she contested. "That's what makes me sick. It smells like rust…and salt."

I was beside myself with astonishment. Never in all my years had I ever met a human who could smell blood. Taste it, yes. Humans often tasted blood – their own blood. I'd seen many humans sucking on a paper cut or biting their cheek accidentally, causing them to bleed. But smell… as far as I knew, blood wasn't fragrant enough, for a mortal to smell at least– especially in such a small dose.

"What?" she asked, looking up into my stunned face.

"It's nothing." But it was everything.

We were interrupted then by the ever-bothersome presence of Mike Newton. His eyes met mine for a moment and I heard his animosity clear as crystal. If only I could hear Bella that easily.

_You really think you're going to win this one, don't you Cullen. Why don't you go back to whatever rock you crawled out from under? _

If he'd said those words aloud – if I wasn't as disciplined to resist – I would have done away with him. I resisted killing Bella all those weeks ago; I figured I could resist killing Mike Newton.

The boy's eyes settled on Bella. "_You_ look better."

"Just keep your hand in your pocket," she ordered.

"It's not bleeding anymore." _It really grossed her out. Huh. Now if only Cullen weren't here._ "Are you going back to class?"

She gaped at him. "Are you kidding? I'd just have to turn around and come back."

"Yeah, I guess… So are you going this weekend? To the beach?" His eyes flashed to mine again. _Yeah, that's right Cullen. She's going out with me. Take that!_

"Sure, I said I was in." She obviously didn't know the true intentions behind Mike's invitation.

"We're meeting at my dad's store, at ten." _And you're not invited, Cullen. I wouldn't be caught dead hanging out with you._

I wanted to tell him that the only way I would ever spend time willingly with him was if he was dead, but of course I held my tongue. (Love this line!)

"I'll be there," she confirmed.

"I'll see you in gym, then." He hesitated at the door, not wanting to leave. _I can't wait to get her away from Cullen. Man, I hate that guy._

The feeling was mutual. Knowing it would incite the boy further, I silently took my place by Bella's side. It was a place I expected to be from now on, so Newton would just have to get used to it.

"See you," Bella called as Mike finally left the room.

I smiled to myself, inwardly cheering that I had won the match. Newton could believe what he wanted to believe, but Bella wasn't interested in him. I knew that even without having the luxury of her thoughts.

Then she groaned the word, "Gym," bringing my focus fully back to her.

"I can take care of that. Go sit down and look pale." If Bella didn't want to go to gym class, then Bella wasn't going to go to gym class. I couldn't blame her. I despised gym just as much. It was so dull and boring having to hold back and pretend I couldn't outrunevery student in the school.

Bella sat down and rested her head against the wall. The coolness must have been soothing and I wished it would be possible for her to lean against me. It would certainly be the first time my cold skin would be a welcome and helpful comfort. But it would mean being close to her – too close. Letting her touch my skin. It would be glorious and frightening at the same time.

I brushed the thought aside and leaned onto the counter. "Ms. Cope?"

"Yes?" The woman's eyes locked with mine and I knew I had her. Some humans couldn't resist the pull of our immortal eyes, and Shelly Cope was a perfect example. She found us all to be very beautiful, and I was her favorite. We all had used her this way to get out of doing things – being excused from classes we couldn't or didn't care to attend. This should be easy. In that voice that I knew would send her head spinning, I said, "Bella has gym next hour, and I don't think she feels well enough. Actually, I was thinking I should take her home, now. Do you think you could excuse her from class?"

"Do you need to be excused, too, Edward?" She blushed. _Students have no right to be that handsome._

I smiled. "No, I have Mrs. Goff, she won't mind."

"Okay, it's all taken care of. You feel better, Bella." _With Edward Cullen taking care of you, I'm sure you'll feel better in no time._

I turned to face Bella. "Can you walk, or do you want me to carry you again?" The offer was for show, and Bella picked up on it right away.

"I'll walk."

Slowly and tentatively, she stood up, testing her legs. I was ready to catch her, but she seemed steady enough. I politely opened the door for her, like a gentleman should for a lady, and followed behind her as we stepped out into the cool mist of the afternoon.

"Thanks," she said softly. "It's almost worth getting sick to miss gym."

"Anytime." The wind blew against us and my nostrils were filled with her scent.

"So are you going? This Saturday, I mean?" Her question, as always, came out of thin air. I didn't quite know how to respond. And then I realized… she would be leaving Forks. And Alice had seen her in danger.

"Where are you all going exactly?"

"Down to La Push, to First Beach."

That was an unforeseen complication. Yet another in the ever-growing list of things. Even if I had wanted to, I was forbidden to go there. The Quileutes had kept their end of the bargain for all these years. I wasn't about to be the one to break our long-standing agreement with them. Still, I couldn't think of any dark, creepy alleys around First Beach. I smiled down at her, thankful that I wouldn't have to talk her out of going. "I really don't think I was invited."

She sighed, and again I caught her scent. Her breath smelled sweet again, as it should. "I just invited you," she stated.

It thrilled me more than it should that she wanted me to attend. But I had to turn the offer down. I'd made that agreement with the Quileutes myself. I opted to explain my absences in a more traditionally teenaged fashion.

"Let's you and I not push poor Mike any further this week. We don't want him to snap." I wasn't sure who would snap first, Mike or me, but even still, I didn't want to chance it.

"Mike-schmike," she drawled teasingly, heading for her truck.

I grabbed at the back of her jacket and held her in place. She couldn't be considering driving. It was insane. "Where do you think you're going?"

Her face contorted into her confused look I knew so well. "I'm going home."

"Didn't you hear me promise to take you safely home? Do you think I'm going to let you drive in your condition?" She'd have an accident and kill herself. All this work to keep her alive – I wasn't about to let her endanger herself.

"What condition? What about my truck?" she grumbled.

"I'll have Alice drop it off after school." I pulled her toward my car, insistent that she not drive home by herself.

"Let go!" she protested, but I ignored her. I held tight to the back of her coat until we reached my Volvo. I must have been pulling her more forcefully than I thought for she stumbled into the car when I let her go.

"You are so _pushy_!" she complained.

"It's open," I replied before getting into the car myself. I didn't want to give her any chance to get away.

But in typical Bella fashion, she wasn't going to comply until she fought with me first. "I am perfectly capable of driving myself home!"

She stood there in the rain, pouting and getting ridiculously wet in the process. It was sweet, really, that she thought she could defy me. I lowered the passenger side window and told her to get in.

She was quiet and I could just imagine the plan formulating in her head. I shook my head at her will power. "I'll just drag you back," I warned.

She huffed and jutted her chin out in defiance, but opened the car door and climbed in. She was dripping wet, her hair nearly plastered to her face, but still I found her beautiful. The color was back in her cheeks and her heart was beating out its usual patter.

"This is completely unnecessary."

I had to give her credit; she put up a good front. Not many humans would have been able to resist for as long as she could. It only fascinated me more.

I keyed the ignition, turning down the music and making sure the heat was up. She needed to be warmed to avoid further illness. I headed out of the parking lot, keeping my eyes straight ahead and my senses as closed off as I could keep them. Having her scent trapped in my car could prove to be a bad decision, but I willed myself to keep calm.

Her body was stiff as she tried not to be affected by my presence. I knew that we had a scent that humans found alluring, but I'd never really given much thought as to how it would affect someone I cared about. Bella was clearly trying to ignore me and having a difficult time doing it.

"Clair de Lune?" she said suddenly, breaking the thick silence.

"You know Debussy?" Few teenagers these days paid attention to classical music.

"Not well," she admitted. "My mother plays a lot of classical music around the house—I only know my favorites."

"It's one of my favorites, too." It was comforting to have something in common with her, considering the vast differences between us.

My mind began to ponder over her mother. From the brief conversation I had had with Bella, I knew that she and her mom were good friends, which couldn't be said for too many of the teens I passed in the halls of the school. She must miss her mom a lot, and vice versa. Even though I didn't remember my natural parents very well, I still missed them. More so, the few years I separated myself from Carlisle were some of the loneliest I'd ever experienced. So, I knew what it was to be away from those who cared for you.

"What is your mother like?" I knew she hadn't been expecting the question from the strange expression on her face.

"She looks a lot like me, but she's prettier. I have too much Charlie in me." Interesting that she would chose to start with physical descriptions. I'd never sensed much vanity from Bella. It was one of the things I cherished about her. I had enough vanity living with Rosalie. "She's more outgoing than I am, and braver," she added. "She's irresponsible and slightly eccentric, and she's a very unpredictable cook. She's my best friend."

The frown that fell on her face confirmed that she missed her mother deeply.

I rounded a corner and came to a stop at her house. She seemed completely oblivious to the fact that we had even arrived. I looked over at her, pondering the complexity of her very existence. She was so very young, a fact I had to remind myself of when my thoughts strayed into forbidden territory. I was attracted to her, that much was certain, and I sensed that she was attracted to me. But I was fooling myself into thinking someone as young and as beautiful as Bella would ever fall for a monster like me.

"How old are you, Bella?" I finally asked, unable to contain the question within me any longer.

"I'm seventeen." She said it as if I was clueless, which, for the most part, I was.

"You don't seem seventeen."

She laughed then at some inside joke, which only drove home the annoyance of not being able to hear her thoughts.

"What?" I was forced to ask.

"My mom always says I was born thirty-five years old and that I get more middle-aged every year." She laughed again, creating music to my ears. "Well, someone has to be the adult." Her eyes formed slits. "You don't seem much like a junior in high school yourself."

She was more observant than I gave her credit for. "So why did your mother marry Phil?" I asked, changing the subject away from my old age.

She seemed flustered for a moment, though I didn't know why. "My mother…she's very young for her age. I think Phil makes her feel even younger. At any rate, she's crazy about him."

I wasn't convinced she thought Phil was a good match for her mother. "Do you approve?"

"Does it matter?" she countered. "I want her to be happy…and he is who she wants."

I was stunned at the maturity of the answer. "That's very generous…I wonder." And then my mind traveled down that forbidden path yet again to contemplate how her mother would respond to me, should Bella ever see me for more than a friend.

"What?"

"Would she extend the same courtesy to you, do you think? No matter who your choice was?" Her eyes were wide and I could see my face reflected in the dark color. I shouldn't have said that, for it opened up too many possibilities for disappointment. What if her choice wasn't me? It shouldn't be me, but I wanted it nonetheless.

"I think so," she stammered. "But she's the parent, after all. It's a little bit different."

"No one too scary then," I said, and was granted a smile in response.

Bella's face was even more beautiful when she smiled. I would make it my mission to make her smile every moment of her life. "What do you mean by scary? Multiple facial piercings and extensive tattoos?"

"That's one definition, I suppose." But a relatively inaccurate one at the same time.

"What's your definition?"

I answered her in my mind. How about a bloodthirsty vampire who could drain you dry and still your heart all in one swift blow?

"Do you think that _I_ could be scary?" I dared to ask, slightly smiling. I kept my mouth closed, not wanting to draw attention to the way my mouth watered at the very thought of drinking from her.

She considered the question, leaving me aching to have her thoughts. "Hmmm…I think you _could_ be, if you wanted to." I knew she had more to say and was editing her response, but it would have to do.

"Are you frightened of me now?" It was a serious question - all teasing vanished.

Her answer came without hesitation. "No."

I smiled at her bravery. If anyone should be scared of me, it was her . I wanted so much from her – more than friendship or companionship. No matter how much I loved her, I would always and forever lust after her blood.

"So, now are you going to tell me about your family?" She asked innocently. "It's got to be a much more interesting story than mine."

Given the line of questioning that I had followed, it was only logical for her to ask me the same questions, but I immediately put up my guards, for I was worried that her observant nature had picked up on the things we tried desperately to hide. I was hesitant when I said, "What do you want to know?"

"The Cullens adopted you?"

That was simple enough to answer. "Yes."

"What happened to your parents?"

She meant my biological parents. Again, easy to respond to without raising too much interest. "They died many years ago."

"I'm sorry." She sounded sincere.

I was touched and wanted to make it clear that the loss of my natural family wasn't so painful anymore. "I don't really remember them that clearly. Carlisle and Esme have been my parents for a long time now."

"And you love them," she stated matter-of-factly.

It made me smile. "Yes, I couldn't imagine two better people."

"You're very lucky."

"I know I am."

"And your brother and sister?"

Now we were getting into dangerous territory. With each addition we made to the family over the years, explanations grew more and more complex. It wasn't something we could just easily recite anymore. As an honest diversion, I used the late hour as my excuse to escape from her curiosity. "My brother and sister, and Jasper and Rosalie for that matter, are going to be quite upset if they have to stand in the rain waiting for me."

"Oh, sorry, I guess you have to go." She made no move to get out of the car.

She needed more persuading. "And you probably want your truck back before Chief Swan gets home, so you don't have to tell him about the biology incident."

She sighed heavily, her breath sweet and feminine. "I'm sure he's already heard. There are no secrets in Forks."

Now_ that _was funny. She may be more observant than I first took her for, but she had no idea of the revelations in store for her. That is, if I ever found the courage to tell her. For now, I would enjoy what closeness I could obtain and bask in her life-giving warmth for as long as she would allow.

But there wasn't time for that now. I had told the truth when I said my siblings would be angry with me if I made them run home in the rain. "Have fun at the beach…good weather for sunbathing."

Something flashed across her expressive face. What was that? Disappointment? "Won't I see you tomorrow?"

She would miss me. The thought warmed my frozen heart. "No. Emmett and I are starting the weekend early."

"What are you going to do?"

I thought - _I'm going to try and satiate my thirst so I can manage to be in your presence without wanting to drain you of ever drop of blood_. "We're going to be hiking in the Goat Rocks Wilderness, just south of Rainier."

"Oh, well, have fun." She tried to sound sincere, but again, the disappointment was obvious.

I wanted to tell her that I would miss her, too. That the thought of not seeing her, not being close to her, frustrated and worried me to no end. I wanted to say that I would return as fast as I could, that she wouldn't be alone ever again. But I couldn't – it might frighten her away. Instead, I settled on the gentle request for her to be careful. "Will you do something for me this weekend?"

She nodded, her eyes transfixed to mine as I attempted to look into her soul.

"Don't be offended, but you seem to be one of those people that just attract accidents like a magnet. So…try not to fall into the ocean or get run over or anything, all right?" I offered her a soft smile.

My words upset her and she glared at me. "I'll see what I can do."

Hurriedly, as if she was flustered by the whole conversation, she dashed out of the car, slamming the door behind her. She haphazardly sloshed her way to the door, nearly slipping as she went. Even through her clumsy nature she was beautiful.

Hopefully, the memory of her beauty would sustain me while we were apart.


	11. Chapter 10

_AN: I have been dreading this chapter…and somewhat the next one as well. If I were doing chapter titles I would call this one Watching Bella, because that's pretty much all Edward does. I'm sure Stephenie Meyer has some great scheme for Edward through all of this, but all these sunny days really are troublesome. Ugh. I felt like I was pulling teeth though this. Now, I DID enjoy writing Emmett. He has become so fun for me. I hope you enjoy his banter as much as my betas did. _

_On that note, this fic is fast becoming much more mature than the rating sometimes suggests. I originally had the rating at M knowing that there would certainly been some scenes that were more adult than the others. There is a possible sexual relationship to deal with… and Edward isn't a teenager. There are dirty minded thugs in the next chapter and Edward's inner turmoil to kill them. When we get to the scenes with James Edward's thoughts are going to be far from reasonable. So here is your advanced warning that every now and then the fic will touch the dark side of things. This chapter is pretty much ok. Just a few subtle hits here and there from Emmett, but I hope you find it funny. Next chapter, when we get to Port Angeles, there will be some heavier issues._

_No lexicon news anymore. Go visit the site if you're that interested. www dot twilightlexicon dot com._

_Thanks to Red Devil and Imogen for the beta. And many thanks for all of your support and reviews. I read and smile at every single comment. They make my day!_

**CHAPTER TEN**

Competition. Other than Rosalie, it was the one thing that Emmett loved. He thrived on competition, as if he would suffocate without it. Being a vampire made this difficult for him in the fact that he could easily best any human challenger. The only beings he could effectively compete against were other vampires or himself. Thus, he was constantly trying to prove himself – better himself at whatever task was set before him. Today was no exception.

I watched him for the third time now as he darted across the forest, up the hill to where he could find his prey, and return with a triumphant smirk planted firmly on his face. He'd been so quick about it, he spilled some blood on his shirt. I only shook my head in disapproval.

"So how fast was that?" he asked, dropping to the earth beside me.

"I didn't time you," I answered from my position flat against the ground.

"You said you would," he complained

"I did – the first time you went out."

"And what about the other two?"

I shrugged. "It seemed faster. I'm not sure."

"You're not – ugh – Edward! You're taking the fun out of this!"

I glared at him.

"I'm not going to come hunting with you anymore if you're going to be all love-sick and depressed."

I sat up in a flash. "I'm not all love-sick and depressed."

"If you say so." But his mind mumbled in complaint, pointing out my frustrating behavior of the last twenty-four hours.

_All this fuss for such an ordinary girl? I don't get it. But hey, if he loves her then I suppose we have to put up with him. He should be happy that we didn't just kill her. That would have been a much easier solution._

"You realize that since we're the only two sentient beings within four miles that yours is the only mind I can hear."

"So?"

"So stop. Please."

"I can't just stop thinking."

"You can stop thinking those particular thoughts."

"But that's what I'm curious about."

"I don't care. Think about something else."

It was quiet for a moment before scandalous images of Rosalie came floating into my mind.

"Emmett!"

"You told me to think about something else, and I did!"

I groaned and rubbed my eyes. "I really don't have any desire to see Rosalie half naked."

"I know – and I thank you for that," he grinned suggestively. "I don't think I've ever said thank you for turning down Rose. I mean, when I first found out about that – when I figured out that Carlisle had intended for you and Rosalie to hook up and that you weren't interested, I thought that you were - "

"Emmett," I interrupted him.

His eyes were wide. "Well, I did."

"I know you did," I replied.

"I mean, come on, what man is going to turn down Rosalie? There had to be something wrong with you."

I rolled my eyes. This was not the conversation I wanted to have. "There is nothing wrong with me. In fact, I was doing myself a favor by staying away from her. We're like oil and water – we don't mix."

"Well, duh, I know that now. But you have to admit that all these years without a companion…"

"I never wanted a companion," I corrected.

"Until now," he added matter-of-factly. I looked at him in surprise. "I'm right, aren't I?"

I pulled my eyes from him, wondering if for a split second he had managed to tap into some kind of extrasensory perception and hear the constant thoughts of my mind.

Emmett flashed a big toothy smile at me. "I may not have telepathic powers but I know when a man wants a woman."

I sighed and shook my head, trying to fight back the laugh building suddenly inside of me. "Why does everything have to be about…"

"Sex?" he finished. "Everything's not about sex…and you can't even say the word!"

"I can, too," I assured. "I'm just more respectful about it than you are."

He snorted and stuck out his tongue.

"There's my proof. Definitely more respectful."

He gaped at me, not speaking, only thinking. _Love is about respect. Sex is about passion. When Bella's one of us, you'll understand that._

"Emmett," I warned.

"Why are you fighting it, anyway?"

"We're here to hunt, not to discuss Bella's future."

"But see, that's the problem." He shifted to face me better, his legs crossing in front of him. "Ever since Bella Swan arrived in Forks, she has been the only thing you can focus on. Day and night – no matter where we are – it's all about Bella."

"What's your point?"

"My point is that you're obsessed with her, and until you do something about it, the rest of us have to suffer through your moods."

"And in your opinion, what I should do is kill her."

He shrugged again. "Or change her."

I glowered at him.

"What?" he cried.

"Have you not heard one word I've said about this?"

"Oh, come on, Edward," he chuckled. "You can't really just intend to keep her as a human."

"That's exactly what I intend to do."

He laughed full out this time. "You have to be joking! I mean…you can't…_do_ anything…with her."

I knew what he meant, but I chose not to acknowledge it. "I can be with her, and besides, at this point we're just friends. That's all."

Emmett rolled on the ground, laughing at me in delight. "Oh wow, she's really got you wrapped around her little finger, hasn't she? This is really going to be fun to watch. I never thought you'd ever be this entertaining, Edward. You're always so _serious_."

"I'm serious about this, too, Emmett, so I'd appreciate it if you'd stop mocking my good intentions."

"Oh, I'll grant you that your intentions are good, I just think you're being a bit too naive."

I snapped at him, irritated at his assessment. "I'm really tired of being accused of naivety. I'm older than you are, Emmett. Just because I haven't been lusting after a woman for the last century doesn't mean I don't understand how the world works."

His smile fell and his voice grew hard. "You honestly think you're going to be in this girl's presence, inhale her scent, hear her heartbeat, feel the heat from her skin, and not respond to it? What are you going to do – just sit there next to her? How long do you think you can keep that up? Five years? Maybe ten? Bella'd be what…twenty-eight? 'Cause that wouldn't raise any eyebrows, with you looking seventeen."

"I can pass for twenty-five," I said bitterly.

"Yeah, and she could pass for _thirty_-five." He paused, while I seethed. "If you're going to do it, you better do it fast, but if you're not going to do it, you'd better let her go."

I couldn't sit still anymore. I was too frustrated. I had to run. I had to hunt before I turned and lashed out at Emmett. His points were valid, but I wasn't willing to accept them. Bella was too innocent – too pure to be attacked by a bloodthirsty monster like myself. I would just have to quench my thirst the best way I knew how.

I darted off into the trees, immediately picking up the scent of the bears Emmett had been playing with all day. They weren't difficult to find, for Emmett had really riled them up. They were angry over their fallen comrades, and when they spotted me, they held nothing back.

That's what I wanted – a fight. There were three of them roaring and charging right at me. Their eyes pierced mine as I readied myself for the attack. I snarled at them, baring my vicious teeth and making my intentions clear. They growled in reply, one going up on his hind legs to tower above me and swipe at me with his paws. It was thrilling.

Leaping over my head and pouncing on the bear standing up right, Emmett attacked with as much vigor as I'd ever seen. His teeth tore at the animal's throat and the lush smell of blood filled the air. I took out the bear closest to me just as easily, ripping into his neck and drinking down the warm fluid as fast as I could. My system took pleasure in being filled so fully with blood. I felt my insides begin to thaw as the blood rushed through my veins. I savored the taste in my mouth, desperately trying to convince myself that this blood was just as good as any other but knowing very well that I was fooling myself.

When I had consumed the last drop of the animal's blood, I glanced over at Emmett, who was standing over the carcass of the third bear. _What a waste._

"What's the matter?"

"I had to take this one out before I was done drinking. He was about to clobber me. Now his blood's gone all cold. I hate that." He frowned in disgust.

"He can't be too cold," I said, stepping over the remains of my grizzly and coming to stand beside the one Emmett was complaining about. I touched the animal's thick fur and felt the warmth still lingering. "We can still drink."

Emmett sneered. "No thanks. You go ahead. I like them when they're still struggling."

"You just want the danger," I corrected.

"Not much danger in a grizzly bear anymore, though," he laughed. "Still, I wasn't much afraid of them even when I was human and I could get hurt."

I stilled, my mind drifting uninvited back to Bella. Humans were so very fragile, and they seemed to have no idea of this concept. Mortality was seldom a topic found at the forefront of a human mind. And yet, it should be. After all, Emmett and I were proof of how destructible humans were; disease took my life, a bear took his.

I couldn't help but wonder what would eventually take Bella's life and stop the beating of her precious heart.

"Now what?" Emmett groaned.

I snapped my eyes to meet his, suddenly aware that I had lost track of my thoughts yet again. "I'm sorry," I muttered quietly.

"And here I thought that you were back to having fun. Do you have to mope so much?"

I opened my mouth to protest, but then shut it, conceding defeat. "I really am sorry, Emmett. If I could stop thinking about her, I would."

"Her – so we _are _back to Bella again."

I smirked at him.

He huffed and sat down on a log, stretching out his long limbs casually. "What is it this time? Please tell me you've decided to change her and get it over with."

"No, Emmett. Quite the opposite, actually." I joined him on the makeshift bench.

"So, you really are just going to keep her human?"

I breathed deeply before answering. "That's what I want, and I do see your point. Really I do. But I can't imagine her with cold skin and no heartbeat. I just can't. It seems to me that everything special and unique about her would be lost, all to satisfy my cravings. It isn't a worthy enough reason, in my opinion."

"Well, if you've ever wanted to prove that you're stronger than I am, I suppose that would do it. I wouldn't last five seconds."

"You didn't last _two_ seconds," I corrected.

He nodded silently, and then shook his head. "I still can't see how it's going to work. I mean, you'll have to be careful even touching her. If you held her too tight…"

"I know," I sighed. "I've already considered that. Hell, I'm always thinking about how easily she could be harmed, and Bella is more accident prone than any human I've ever met. I feel as if it's my duty to make sure she doesn't… break."

"Even though you could snap her like a twig." Emmett was never one for displaying too much tact.

I thought for a long moment, carefully considering how to approach the concerns floating around in my head. I figured if Emmett could be blunt, then so could I. "Bella is at First Beach today."

Emmett's eyes instantly met mine. "Really? Why?"

"Her friends invited her."

"Well," he stuttered, "she _is_ allowed to go there. It isn't like she's already one of us."

I ignored his use of the word "already". "I still don't like her going there. I don't think the Quileutes would ever harm her, but Bella is special. If I can recognize it, then someone else will eventually recognize it as well."

"But she's human. What can they do to her?"

I was slightly appalled at his lack of thought on the subject. "She's always human, but think about the things you or I could do to her." Before Emmett could comment, I admitted my last and final concern. "I don't like her being that far away from me. What if she were to be injured and I wasn't there to help her?"

Emmett made a face at me. "What's she gonna do on the beach? Get a sunburn? Stub her toe on a rock?"

"Considering that she not only escaped being crushed by a van, but that she also has managed to stay alive in spite of having several angry vampires after her, I wouldn't put it past her to get into some kind of trouble this weekend."

"And you care because…"

I really wanted to strangle him at that moment. "I care because I love her! You know, Emmett, sometimes I wonder if your brain is even working."

"Funny, I was thinking the same thing about you. I see the many flaws in your little plan, whereas you can only see Bella."

I hummed, pursing my lips and cocking an eyebrow. "Kind of like you when I'm arguing with Rosalie. You can never see my point, regardless of the issue. All you can see is that Rosalie is upset and you want to fix it."

"Yeah, but that's different."

"How so?"

"Well, Rosalie is my… wife."

"And you love her."

"Of course."

"And I love Bella."

He rolled his eyes and thought, _Whatever._

I stood up, taking a few strides away from him. "I'm going back tomorrow." I made the decision hours ago, but only now chose to make it known to Emmett. I was annoying him, and vise versa. It wouldn't do either of us any good to stay out here and argue for hours on end.

Besides, I was too worried about Bella to be this unaware of her physical status. I needed to hear that heart beating in her chest. It was a physical ache not to have proof of it right this second.

"But Alice said we'll have sun through Wednesday. There's no reason to go back now," he protested.

Again, I was disappointed at his absent-mindedness. "There is a reason…for me."

_Bella._ I heard the internal groan. _I'll be glad when he changes her so we can stop all the fuss. It's irritating._

I very nearly punched him for that, but opted to take out my aggression on the mountain lion I had just spotted. The animal had blood. Emmett didn't. And I needed more blood if I wanted to be near Bella again.

Sunday came and I kept my word about going back, much to Emmett's dismay. I told him he could stay if he wanted to, but I knew he wouldn't. Emmett liked hunting with someone too much to stay out in the woods alone. He liked the thrill of showing off his strength. He enjoyed hunting as a team, like some crude sport where the only rules were to leave no evidence behind and the loser ended up dead. But that was Emmett, plain and simple.

When we reached the Forks city limits, I jumped out of the Jeep without giving Emmett a warning.

"Where're you going?" he called, slamming his foot on the break and skidding on the wet pavement.

"To see Bella," I replied honestly.

"What if she doesn't want to see you?"

"She's not going to see me." I turned and walked away from the truck, hearing Emmett's doubtful mind speculate about my sanity. I wasn't too certain myself. The one thing I did know was that Bella was the most important thing to me – the most important person I'd ever met. My need to be with Bella was second only to my need for blood.

I found myself at the edge of the woods just outside of her small house. It was still early, but Chief Swan's car was already gone. He must have been on duty today. I was upset at him for some unknown reason for leaving Bella all alone. If I had a daughter as accident prone as Bella, I would want to protect her as best I could. But then, Bella wasn't my daughter, she was just my friend. I could only hope that someday she would be so much more.

I'm not sure how long I watched the house before I saw movement through the glass of the windows. It was Bella, of course, and she looked… angry? She disappeared for a moment, and then the front door swung open, revealing a slightly rumpled looking Bella dressed in a raincoat and boots. I was instantly at attention, curious about her state of mind and why she felt the need to go out on such a gloomy morning as this one. It wasn't normal.

Since when had Bella Swan done anything normal?

She stomped past her truck and headed right for the very last place I ever wanted her to go – the forest. There were dangers in the forest unlike those found out in the open. Animals, broken tress, slippery slopes...not to mention the creatures that hid within the shadows. With Bella's history, she would certainly encounter one, if not all of the dangers, getting into as much trouble as she could.

My senses went into overdrive as I followed her. I breathed deeply, seeking out any unwanted beast that might cause her harm. It was painful to do so, given the nearness of her potent scent, but I wouldn't let her come to harm just so I could be comfortable. I was most decidedly uncomfortable with the idea of her being taken from me when I could prevent it.

The earth made a squishing sound under her feet and the birds overhead squawked as they flew by. I froze, half expecting her to turn around and look at me, fearing my movement had startled the birds. But Bella kept on her course, down the thin path into the heart of the woods.

She plodded through the brush with a fierce expression plastered on her face. I had read her correctly, she was angry, and I allowed myself a moment of congratulations for getting it right. Whatever joy I felt over my astuteness fled as I begin to ponder the source of her anger. It was far too early in the day for such emotion, and she had most likely spent the morning alone. Had something happened at the beach yesterday? Had Mike made an inappropriate advancement towards her?

I began imagining Mike's mangled body lying in a heap, his blood flowing freely.

No. That couldn't be it. Bella was too strong of an individual to ever let someone like Mike take advantage of her. She had gone with a group. I couldn't let myself believe that she would put herself in a situation where he could take advantage of her in such a crude way. She was too smart for that.

Or was she?

She'd been all alone in a car with a vampire just the other day. A vampire who craved her blood over the blood of every other living thing. That certainly wasn't smart.

And now she was plopping down to sit on a fallen tree in the middle of a wild forest with that same vampire watching her. Anything could hurt her out here. I could hurt her. But I wouldn't, nor would I allow anything to come near her. I took my place behind a large tree and stood stock still, my eyes glued to her form.

She sat in total silence for an inhuman amount of time. Just thinking. I could see her making faces as she internalized some sort of struggle. It ate away at my brain that I couldn't share those thoughts. I wanted them so desperately. It was cruel that she could be so worked up and I had no way of knowing what bothered her. I wanted to comfort her, make that pain go away. I knew it wasn't my place, but to see her so obviously hurting inside made my cold heart break.

My nose caught the scent of one of the beasts kept hidden from the humans. I whipped my head around quickly, my eyes searching for the source. I saw nothing, but then these creatures were well equipped to hide in the trees. Bella needed to leave.

She needed to leave now.

My mind screamed at her to go. _RUN!_

If she didn't move soon, I would have to make my presence known and drag her out of there myself before she would be killed. I could see her frightened and astonished face glaring at me for secretively following her – daring to save her life. She would hate me for it, I was sure.

And then the rain began to fall.

To my great astonishment, Bella rose from her position on the tree and headed out of the woods. I stayed as close to her as I could without being spotted, my eyes and ears tuned in to every sound the forest made. They wouldn't hurt her. I wouldn't let them. It might start a war between our kind, but so be it.

It took too long for Bella to find her way out of the shadows and into the open world, but she eventually made it, and all in one piece. I sighed in relief as she marched back to her house – back to safety. She casually entered as if nothing had happened. She was completely unaware that her life had been spared, yet again.

At that moment I made the promise that would eventually come back to haunt me. I would never let anything hurt her – not even myself. If I had to destroy myself to protect her, I would, and gladly. My love for her might just be the end of me, but I couldn't avoid it. And I would watch over her like a hawk to make sure I didn't break that promise.


	12. Chapter 11

_AN: Thank you for all the support you've given me! I get so thrilled to hear how much everyone is enjoying my take on this story, even though I know it's far from the truth. Already I have proof that I'm off track. Stephenie Meyer posted at MySpace this comment about "what's in the woods" and Edward's warning to Bella about staying away. _

"_It was because the Cullens aren't the only vampires in the world. They are often visited by old friends and newcomers (like James). Most of the time, it's just a friendly visit, but it's still not going to work out so well for a human who happens to be in the visitor's path. Edward knows how Bella is always in the wrong place at the wrong time, and he knows that she smells better than most humans, even to others besides himself."_

_I'm sticking to my original plan, as I can't figure out how to work in extra vampires right now. Also, I'm afraid that my updates might begin to slow down as we reach the heart of the story. This might seem silly to you, but I find the most difficult thing to do is work around the already existing text. A short scene I can handle. It's these long moments that I have difficultly with – and from here out it's almost ALL long scenes. So hang with me. I'll get there, but it might be slower going than normal. _

_Again…I give you more of Edward watching Bella. And remember, I would rate THIS chapter at a more mature level. The ending tends to be a bit creepy. Well, at least I think so. Next chapter – the dinner conversation. Hehehe…_

CHAPTER ELEVEN 

The next forty-eight hours were excruciating. Whatever complaints I had had last month about having to watch Bella through the thoughts of her friends while trying to avoid her were nothing compared to watching her in the same way while knowing that she would welcome my company. The trouble wasn't with Bella or me this time. The trouble was the damn sun that chose this week, of all weeks, to shine brightly over the tiny town of Forks. Fate stepped in, once again.

I was forced, literally forced to hide from Bella. I watched her by driving around in the car she wouldn't recognize; my Vanquish. I would park some distance off and just listen for the minds of her friends to include her in the conversation. It was frustrating to no end, since most of the time I couldn't see her face. I never realized how much humans, or even my family for that matter, relied on facial expressions to help sort out the meanings behind certain words, but I was learning fast. I couldn't hear her speak most of the time, so I didn't have the bonus of listening to the tone of her voice when she made certain confusing statements.

It really was bothersome.

Sunday evening wasn't all that bad, for it was just her father that she spoke to. What could be confusing about fish and a paper on Macbeth? Bella didn't spend much time with her father that evening, retreating to her room to work on her assignment, but Charlie Swan thought about his daughter a great deal, and I was able to pick up some valuable information.

Her birthday was in September, and he wondered if she would stay with him long enough to celebrate it here in Forks. Charlie hadn't celebrated a birthday with his daughter in her whole life due to his divorce. It saddened him that he hadn't been there for her more, but he was thrilled to have her now. That's why he kept a certain distance from her and never pushed for much; he wanted her to like him and hoped that she would stay.

If Bella knew how much her father loved her, she would think twice about calling him Charlie the way she does.

That night I watched her sleep again. She was so beautiful when she slept. So calm, so still – almost too still for my liking. But I had to watch her, for it was in her sleep when her unguarded thoughts came out. The words would tumble from her full lips, unedited, uncensored. Comments about her mother, about Forks and how green everything was. About the rain. She seemed to fuss when the rain pounded on the roof.

And then there were the comments about me that would pierce me through and through. Usually it was just my name, as it had been that first night. But every now and then she would sigh and wonder at what I was. It didn't bother me as much as it should that she was still so curious. All I could focus on was that she was dreaming about me again.

I wished I could dream about her.

On Monday the confusion of her silent thoughts took hold almost as soon as she arrived at school. I had seen the pleased look on her face that morning when she stepped out into the sun, so naturally she chose to sit outside for a while before classes began. It didn't take long for the shark to find his bait and start bothering her, yet again, with proof of his idiocy.

_There she is. Alone. No Cullen. Perfect. Maybe the beach convinced her she had been wrong about me. _

I growled in response, trying to pick through his brain to find out what happened at the beach. Did she do anything specific with him? Kiss him? Hold hands? Whatever it was, it was too much.

_Hey, she likes my hair. Cool. I like her hair. I like her everything._

I hated everything about the boy.

_What did she do yesterday? Hopefully she wasn't with Cullen._

_Homework. No Cullen. Good. The essay? When is that due anyway? Thursday?_

_Oh…Wednesday. I wonder what's she's doing it on._

_I have no idea what she just said. Whoa. She's smart. If she's really smart though, she'll go out with me._

For the first time I could recall, I was aching for Jessica to show up so I wouldn't have to listen to Bella through Mike anymore. If I did, I might end up doing something I'd regret. But for now, I had no other option.

_Why would going out be a bad idea?_

Because I would rip out your throat if you touched her.

_Jessica? Why would Jessica care?_

Could Mike be any more dim-witted than he was?

_Oh… Jess likes me? Really? Is that why Bella is staying away?_

_Class. I didn't notice. Yeah, I don't want to be late either – hey… Bella? _

_Damn._

I smiled. She'd given him the brush off yet again. I felt slightly warmed by her treatment of him and relieved that she wouldn't have to be with him again until lunch.

Jessica Stanley's mind came into focus. Unfortunately, she wasn't much concerned about Bella as she was too preoccupied with purchasing a dress for this silly dance so she could go and sway her body up against a teenage boy who wished she were Bella. I felt sorry for her really, knowing what I did about Mike and how little he really cared for this girl who was so head-over-heels in lust for him. I wanted to go up to her and tell her flat out that she was wasting her time. But I couldn't. Something about Jessica's hope for her impossible relationship gave me some hope that Bella and I could manage to work things out.

Impossible, but there was no harm in hoping. Or was there?

Jessica prattled on and on about dresses and shoes and flowers and all those things a normal human girl should go on about. I wondered if Bella was feeling left out? Did she really want to go and was just putting on a show? Or was her story about Seattle just her chance to escape from these mindless adolescents? I doubted I would ever really know.

It wasn't until Jessica invited Bella to go shopping in Port Angeles tonight that I really sat up and paid attention to the conversation. Bella had said yes, if Charlie would agree to it. Why wouldn't he? Again, I wished that Chief Sawn would keep a tighter leash on his daughter, but I knew from listening to his mind that he would say yes to her. He wanted her to have fun in Forks. He wanted her to stay.

I wanted her to stay, too.

Port Angeles was nothing but a tourist trap with high priced food and expensive shopping. But it was outside of Forks, and something told me that Bella was longing to escape for a while.

And then I realized… she would be leaving Forks tonight.

The memory of Alice's vision came into my mind again. I darted though Port Angeles in my mind, searching for the sinister alley that might be Bella's final resting place. There weren't many options for it, but there were some. I couldn't let her risk it. I would have to go to Port Angeles as well. I would have to follow her to keep her safe.

They would be leaving after school, once Bella talked to Charlie. The end of school was several hours away, but if I were going to follow her… there would be the chance that I would end up near her. I internally checked my thirst. It had only been a few days since I'd last hunted, and yet I didn't trust myself. I couldn't take risks where Bella was concerned.

Putting the Vanquish in gear, I pulled out from my hiding spot along the side of the school and sped home. It took me all of about five minutes to make the drive, which was a record that Emmett was sure to attempt to break once he found out. It wasn't much of a surprise to find Carlisle waiting for me on the front porch. Alice had probably told him I was on my way home.

"Are you staying long enough to actually talk, this time?" he asked.

"I really don't want to discuss it." I brushed past him, past the house all together, and headed for the woods, blocking out his mind. I didn't want to be distracted.

But he wouldn't be ignored and his soft voice called to me as I ran. "I believe that my position in this family, as well as my legal status as your father, permits me the right to at least one private discussion with you about this topic."

I stopped; my back was still to him. "There isn't anything you could possibly say to me that I haven't already said to myself."

"Still, I deserve the opportunity to at least say those things to you anyway."

I laughed coldly. "Why? So you can try to talk me out of this?"

"I would never talk you out of this, Edward."

His admission surprised me, and I opened my mind and let his thoughts seep into my brain. _I would never talk you out of love. _

Abruptly, I turned to face him. "Then you agree with me?"

He smiled softly. "The lines between agreeing and disagreeing… right and wrong… they're all so muddled, aren't they? There is no black and white in this situation, only shades of gray. That's why I worry."

"Don't," I spat.

"Oh, Edward," he laughed warmly. "You can't tell me not to worry about you anymore than I can tell you not to love this girl."

"Then we don't have anything to talk about."

"Yes, we do." He was beside me now, and I knew that if I chose to run, he would easily stop me. "I want to know what your intentions are."

"I intend to keep her safe – keep her human."

He hummed knowingly. "And after that?"

I stared at him blankly. _After five or six years? Then what will you do, Edward?_

"Nothing! I don't - " My jaw clenched and my voice softened. "I don't know." I couldn't look in his eyes and admit it, so, like a coward, I looked away.

"That's why we need to discuss this. It's been a long time since we've had any additions to this family."

My anger flashed. "That won't happen."

"So you say."

"So I know."

"Listen to me, Edward. Hear me out without interrupting. You owe me that much courtesy for putting up with this mood you've been in for so long."

I stood quietly, silently fuming.

"You're in love with her, Edward. In almost a century, I've never see you so dedicated, so fascinated with another being. I now understand why you never took to Rosalie when I brought her into the family. Bella and Rosalie are like day and night, and you've always favored the daylight over the dark. I know you, and I know you won't give her up easily."

"I won't take her life," I growled, unable to hold it back.

"That's good because I would be disappointed in you if you did. But I don't think you'll respond well to letting her go, either, should that be your ultimate decision."

I looked into his golden eyes, questioningly.

_I'll do what you want me to do, Edward. I'll help you in any way I can, but you have to trust me._

I crumbled. "I don't know if I can do this. I want her. I want her more than I've ever wanted anything. And it's not just her blood…" I trailed off, my voice dropping to a whisper. "I can't even begin to imagine what one drop of her blood would do to me."

I paused and inhaled the damp air surrounding me. "But it isn't just her blood. It's… her… everything. Her warmth, her eyes, her… touch. I don't like it when she touches other people."

There was a long pause before Carlisle asked, "And that worries you?"

"Yes," I admitted. "I don't know how to deal with this. It's all so foreign, like it's against my nature. And it is. To want her… when I know I can't have her."

"It's human of you to want her in that way," he assured me.

"Even though I want her blood more than her body?"

For that, Carlisle didn't have an answer. And yet his thoughts betrayed him. _You don't have to suffer like this. I want you to be happy. If she makes you happy… there is a way…_

"I can't," I sighed, dropping my head. "I won't damn her to this non-life." I looked up at him directly. "I know there is a God… because I know there is a Devil. I know without a doubt that God would unleash all his terrible fury on me if I ever harmed a creature as innocent and as precious as Bella."

"And what if you did it to save her, as I have done? What of your innocence? Of Esme's? Do you think God will punish _me_ for what I have done?"

Why did he have to ask the difficult questions? "This is different."

"It's only different because you love her."

Nothing was said for the longest time. Carlisle even kept his thoughts from me, giving me space and time to ponder the conversation so I could take it all in. Then his mind was suddenly clear again. _Where were you going?_

"To hunt."

His eyes became slits. "You don't need to hunt."

"Yes, I do. To be near her, I can't be the slightest bit thirsty."

_I see. Please be careful._

"I'm always careful with Bella."

He let me go then, off to hunt on my own. I never used to enjoy hunting alone. My kind doesn't do well in solitude. It's ironic that Hollywood and Gothic novels have always depicted us as lonely and solitary creatures, when the truth is that we crave companionship. I had always assumed that my family was all I needed. However, now that I knew Bella, now that I had spent time in her presence and understood the ache of being separated from her, I couldn't fathom ever being without her. Now, as I went off to curb the subtle appetite growing inside of me, I realized that as long as Bella lived, I would never be alone. Even though there was no being close by for me to converse with – laugh with – I still wasn't alone. I had her.

I would have her, I corrected.

I arrived at Bella's home just in time to catch her heading out the door. I heaved a sigh of relief, but it stuck in my throat when her phone began ringing. She walked back inside and I darted up to the house to listen in on her conversation.

Jessica had called to cancel.

"No, it's all right. I understand," Bella's lyrical voice rang through the walls to my sensitive ears.

"Really. I think you'll have a great time. No, it's what you want."

She laughed, but it sounded forced.

"Really, Jess, go and have dinner with him. We can go shopping tomorrow night."

Could this woman be anymore selfless?

I could hear her grumble as she hung up the phone, indicating how dreadfully she wanted to go. But she messed in the kitchen for a while, taking her frustration out on the fish her father brought home yesterday. I could smell the rotting flesh and hear the clanking of dishes even from this distance.

Things were quiet for a while, and I thought that she might have fallen asleep. I had just decided to approach the house and possibly enter it when the front door flew open. I dashed back to my hiding place in the woods to watch. There was Bella, in the bright light of the afternoon sun, holding a book and a blanket.

Quietly and rather gracefully, she spread the quilt out over the small yard and plopped down on her stomach to start reading. It was a rather large book – much larger than the normal teenage fluffy novel. She flipped through the pages, looking for something, and then settled down to begin reading. I longed to know her thoughts, hear her mind as she glossed over the text. And then, after reading several pages I heard her grumble my name.

"Ugh…Edward. How did I forget that?"

Forget what? It ate away at me that I didn't know what she was complaining about. What had I done? She hadn't even seen me today. Maybe that was the problem.

She flipped through the book again, continually muttering under her breath. "Edward… Edmund…can't she pick names that don't remind me of him?"

Her discontent was obviously centered on me, but for the life of me, I couldn't fathom why. She hadn't seen me in several days. What I had done wrong now?

But my train of thought was lost as the breeze brought her strong scent over to my hiding place. I closed my eyes and consciously inhaled, reveling in the fragrance, letting it seep into my skin. It was glorious yet toxic at the same time.

When I opened my eyes, Bella had flipped onto her back and spread herself out on the quilt as if she were sunbathing. I watched her intently. She _was _sunbathing, I was sure of it. She was trying to soak up as much of the sunlight as she could into her pale, flushed skin. I swore in that moment that I could hear her thoughts – hear her shout how much she adored the sunlight, craved its life-giving light.

My breath hitched in my chest. How would she respond to an eternity of darkness?

The sound of wheels spinning on the drive drew my attention to her father's arrival. I drew back, retreating deeper into the shadows. Bella's eyes flashed open and her voice was startled.

"Charlie?"

Had she heard me? Seen me?

Her eyes looked around, searching for something but seeing nothing. She shivered and quickly gathered up her things before heading inside the protection of the house. I darted up next to it, daring to be so close but needing to hear the conversation within the walls.

"Sorry, Dad, dinner's not ready yet – I fell asleep outside."

"Don't worry about it. I wanted to catch the score on the game, anyway."

There was no mention of the possibility of someone watching the house. Bella would have to learn to be more observant than this if she ever hoped to survive in Forks.

They ate and watched television. There was little discussion between them, but Charlie's thoughts were constantly attentive to his daughter. He liked having her home. It was special to him that she would chose to sit with him for no other reason than to provide company.

I could completely understand his reasoning.

When she asked her father about the shopping trip, I wanted so very much to rush in and tell Chief Swan to forbid her to go. Keep her near you at all times, I wanted to warn him. But just as I knew he would, he gave her permission to go.

My concern for her safety lasted long into the night as I watched her. Sneaking into her bedroom had become second nature, and the need to have her words as she slept was too overpowering to resist. I was beginning to time how long it would take her, once she entered R.E.M. to mumble my name. Tonight, it happened right away, and was followed by a few unexplainable sighs.

But my time close to her was limited to the darkness, and I escaped her room just before dawn to head back to my own home. My kind might not need to bathe as often as the humans, but none of my family particularly enjoyed wearing the same clothes every day. It could be argued that Rosalie was the biggest clotheshorse who ever lived. And Alice's shopping addiction didn't help matters either, but at least she would purchase things that would rise in value over the years. Alice was good at spotting future treasure.

I dashed into my house and darted up to my room where I could change. On my way out, I stilled when I caught my reflection in the mirror hanging in the hall. I looked…different, even though I knew it an impossibility. There was a brightness to my eyes that I'd never seen before. I wanted to brush it off as a trick of the sunlight, but I couldn't help but consider that for once in my long, tired existence, I had a reason to continue. In Bella, I had found my will to go on.

It wasn't long before I was parked outside of the school, waiting for the day to end. I arrived after class had started, but I could see Bella's red truck sitting in the back, a clear sign that she made it to school without incident. The day dragged on as Jessica explained about her date with Mike the previous evening and maintained her overzealous enthusiasm for the dance. My mind was going numb listening to her, and I wondered if

Bella was feeling the same way.

When the day ended, I stealthily followed Bella and Jessica back to Bella's home where the red truck was abandoned for Jessica's more reliable, yet considerably old, white Mercury. I could see the excitement on Bella's face as she climbed into the passenger side of the car. Was she excited to go shopping, or was it the draw of actually being away from Forks that made her so giddy with delight? More importantly, was it me from whom she was trying to run away?

They stopped to pick up Angela before hitting the highway and passing the Forks city limits. I kept my Volvo at a safe distance, always staying at least five car lengths behind them. Jessica was too interested in getting details on the men in Angela's life to pay much attention to the cars behind her.

Secretly, I wished she would ask Bella if there was anyone who had caught her attention.

Once in town, they found the department store and went inside. I couldn't risk stepping into the sunlight and drawing attention to myself, so I waited for them outside in my car. Jessica was easy to hear and I wasn't worried about Bella finding trouble in such a well-populated place like a shopping center. No one could do much harm to her without being spotted right away. Thus, I turned on the radio and began to relax.

It was only about an hour later when I heard Jessica's mind more clearly, coming into focus.

_We have lots of time. We should go to the bay!_

_Oh, car first. I don't want to get my new dress all dirty down there. _

_Yeah, whatever. She can be odd that way._

I was confused, uncertain about whom she was finding odd. It had to be Bella.

I backed my car up and started driving around, keeping my distance from the parking lot where I knew they were currently putting their collected items in the trunk. The bay wasn't far off, so I headed down to wait for them. In their minds, they were still going on about boys and dresses, as if there wasn't any thing else of importance in the world.

And then they came into view.

And Bella wasn't with them.

My eyes went wide as I dived into Jessica's thoughts to see where Bella had vanished. The image of the local bookstore came into focus, and I sped off to find her. How could she be so stupid as to wonder off on her own? How could I have been so careless to let her out of my sight?

I stopped in front of the bookstore and rolled down the window to peer inside. I could smell the lingering scent of her skin in the air and knew right away that she had traveled on, going south, heading right into the less populated – less friendly areas of the city.

She would have to come back this way, I told myself in a poor attempt to calm my nerves. She would have to return to her friend's car eventually. But the idea didn't offer me much comfort.

My mind was racing as I drove in circles around the town, my breathing somehow labored. My eyes sought out every tiny nook and cranny of every alleyway I passed, but I was limited to the places my car could fit into. Damn the sun! It couldn't set fast enough. I could find her more quickly on foot.

And then I heard it. I heard _him_.

_Whoa…now that's a fine piece of ass if I've ever seen one._

_I'd love to get my fingers on that. _

Bella. Her face – her body was clear as crystal in his mind. And what he was imagining doing to her made my head spin.

_Oh, oh, oh, sweetheart – are we gonna have fun with you tonight!_

_I can't wait to get inside that. I hope she's a virgin._

_I hope she screams in delight._

Fury – rage – anger unlike any I had ever felt before pulsed through what little blood I harbored in my veins. I was burning inside, on fire by the wicked thoughts of the man and the way he anticipated hurting Bella with such pleasure.

Correction…_men_. In the plural. I could hear four distinct minds all with the same vicious intentions. They were following Bella, each hoping to be the first one to steal her innocence. And even if they weren't lucky enough to be first, they would at least take their turns.

I growled and the killer in me plotted to take them out one by one. It would be easy… if only I could find them.

My foot pressed the gas pedal all the way to the floor as I raced through red lights and stop signs without even glancing to see what I might hit. The image of Alice's vision filled my mind. Bella lying in a dark alleyway… her blood spilled… she would die. The monster inside of me roared as the car spun around the corner and headed down another road.

I could see Bella in the minds of the attackers. They were circling her as she tried to run from them, forcing her into a secluded area where no one would see them or hear her screams.

_Oh now sugar… don't run. You'll like this._

_I'll like it even more._

_I bet she's tight with sexual frustration._

_I can't wait to be inside her._

With ferocity and vicious intent, I spun the wheel and the car skidded around the corner, nearly taking out one of the bastards in the process. My eyes found Bella immediately, lying on the hard ground, her expression concentrated and surprisingly focused. With expertise, I spun the car around and flung open the passenger side door.

"Get in!" I demanded, wanting to get her out of there as fast as possible.

The four men glared at me, their thoughts violent and angry that I had stolen their fun away. I wanted nothing more than to jump from my car and tear each and every one of them to shreds. It would be easy. They would all be dead in less than four seconds, and I would enjoy every minute of it. They had indeed chosen a secluded area of town, so there would be no witnesses.

No one except Bella.

She climbed into the car promptly, her eyes full of relief and gratitude. Her face was flushed pink. I could hear her heart racing in her chest, thumping so loudly I wondered if I hadn't put her in more danger by rescuing her. But I didn't ponder on it long.

The slam of her door signaled to me that she was safely inside the vehicle. I forced the gas pedal to the floor and in a squeal of tires, we sped off and away from the human monsters.


	13. Chapter 12

_AN: So now we come to the part of the book that everyone has waited for and I have been dreading. Really guys, this is like pulling teeth. Replacing the "he saids" with "I saids" is not as easy as it looks! And to make sure I get every tiny detail included. Grrr…. I'm bound to miss something. I hope you enjoy it in spite of the horror it's been to get through. I usually stay a chapter ahead of myself, and by posting this I am not. I'm up to the "Myth…myth…myth, I can't sleep" section of the next chapter, so don't hold your breath for it to be done really soon. _

_Many thanks to Imogen and Red Devil for the beta. And a special thanks to Stephenie Meyer who made me feel better by admitting to me that she didn't think this section was easy to get through either. And she knows Edward better than anyone! So there._

**CHAPTER TWELVE**

"Put on your seat belt," I ordered.

She did as she was told without hesitation. The silence in the car was thick; the only sounds came from the hum of the engine and Bella's panting breath. She had to calm down before she hyperventilated. She had to stop breathing so heavily before I went dizzy from her scent.

I held my breath, trying to keep my sanity, which was difficult considering the state of mind I was in. Everything in my nature told me to turn around and return to the place where Bella had been very nearly hurt so that I could take the lives of the men who had threatened her. It would be so easy, and incredibly rewarding, to see their bodies mangled, to taste their blood in my mouth as punishment for even thinking they had the right to touch her. They lived on the fear of women. It would be only fair for them to experience the same sort of fear and lose their lives in the process.

I drove hard and fast, trying to put as much distance between the disgusting brutes and myself. I had to think of Bella now. I couldn't let her see what I really was, no matter how powerful the temptation to kill was. Why save her from one set of monsters only to expose her to an even more ferocious and vicious monster? I wouldn't do it. She was too pure to see such violence.

"Are you okay?" she asked, breaking the silence.

"No," I growled. I hadn't meant to sound so angry, but my emotions were out of control.

I could feel her eyes on me. Her heart was racing in her chest at an inhuman speed. Her breathing was shallow – too shallow for her own good. With every passing second, the rage within me grew. Those men had brought her to this – caused her body to respond in a potentially dangerous manner. They would have to pay for what they had done.

Without understanding why, I suddenly slammed on the breaks and brought the car to a screeching stop. Bella's body lurched forward, still in motion. Her concerned eyes drilled into me.

"Bella?" I asked, trying not to sound so upset.

"Yes?" Her voice was a whisper, and she cleared her throat to help release the tension.

"Are you all right?" It was a silly question. Of course she wasn't all right, but I couldn't hear her thoughts to know just how severe the damage was to her system.

"Yes," she managed with difficulty.

I hated the fear I heard in her voice. I loathed those men for bringing this upon her.

"Distract me, please," I barked.

"I'm sorry, what?"

I exhaled in frustration. When I breathed again, I was immediately hit with a wave of her scent.

"Just prattle about something unimportant until I calm down." I really couldn't think clearly. Between the urge to find the men and rip their hearts out and the luxurious scent of the creature next to me, my mind was totally befuddled. I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose, trying to keep her scent from me for a moment.

"Um," she stammered. "I'm going to run over Tyler Crowley tomorrow before school?"

That wasn't what I had expected, nor did I understand it very well. I never understood her words. They always took me by surprise.

"Why?"

"He's telling everyone that he's taking me to prom—either he's insane or he's still trying to make up for almost killing me last…well, you remember it, and he thinks _prom_ is somehow the correct way to do this. So I figure if I endanger his life, then we're even, and he can't keep trying to make amends. I don't need enemies and maybe Lauren would back off if he left me alone. I might have to total his Sentra, though. If he doesn't have a ride he can't take anyone to prom…".

"I heard about that." I didn't tell her that I had heard it in his mind.

"_You_ did?" She sounded irritated again, but she continued babbling out her intentions. "If he's paralyzed from the neck down, he can't go to the prom, either," she added.

She was trying to be funny, but I couldn't find the laughter in the moment. I sighed and opened my eyes.

"Better?" She sounded hopeful.

"Not really." I figured it was pointless to deny it. She would have to be blind not to see how angry I was. Her scent was so potent in the small confines of my car. I inhaled deeply, leaning my head back and trying to find something on the ceiling to focus on rather than my desire to kill the human excrement I knew were just a few blocks away.

"What's wrong?" Her voice was hushed and full of worry.

"Sometimes I have a problem with my temper, Bella," I admitted, peering out the window and hoping the men had followed my car so I would have a more logical excuse to murder them. To my disappointment, there was no one to be seen. "But it _wouldn't_ be helpful for me to turn around and hunt down those…" The word I wanted to use got caught on my tongue. I'd heard words like that uttered all over the high school, but Bella didn't need to hear them now. She had been through enough as it was. "At least, that's what I'm trying to convince myself."

"Oh."

She seemed so small physically. She was so breakable. What had I gotten myself into, thinking I could keep her alive?

"Jessica and Angela will be worried," she said suddenly. "I was supposed to meet them."

I'd nearly forgotten about them. In my rage and fury – in my attempt to rescue Bella once more from the jaws of Fate - I forgot that she was here with friends who would worry about her should she not return to them. I wasn't ready to let her go, not now, not when I had made a spectacle of myself. I couldn't hear her mind, but I was certain Bella was questioning why I was here.

Another more dark and sinister part of me was afraid that if she left me alone in my current state of mind that I may very well abandon all rational thought and hunt down the malicious men who tried to hurt her. It wouldn't be wise for her to leave me.

I turned the car around and sped back into town, picking up on Jessica's mind just as easily as I always had. Why was it so easy to pick up on her mind when Bella's thoughts were such a mystery? I saw right away that they were at the local Italian restaurant. Within no time, I pulled into a space in front of the building, just as Bella's friends were walking by.

"How did you know where…?" Bella muttered. She shook her head in confusion and her scent filled the air. I had to get out before I lost my mind.

"What are you doing?" She called to me as I started out of the car.

"I'm taking you to dinner." The explanation was simple enough, but I could see the hesitation in her lovely face as she got out of the car.

My eyes darted up the block to where the other two girls were walking away. "Go stop Jessica and Angela before I have to track them down, too. I don't think I could restrain myself if I ran into your other friends again."

It was the truth, and for once Bella believed me. I saw her shiver, and the blush on her skin paled slightly.

"Jess! Angela!" she yelled to them.

The two girls turned around in relief at hearing Bella's voice. And then their eyes fell on me.

_Oh, my gosh. Is that… no way._

_Edward Cullen? How the hell did she end up with him?_

"Where have you been?" Jess asked, suspicious. _And where did he come from?_

"I got lost," she lied. Well… almost lied. "And then I ran into Edward." Which was partially the truth.

"Would it be all right if I joined you?" I tried to sound as casual as I could, given the circumstances and my heated temper.

_Whoa… is he hot._

_Did he just ask me a question?_

_Am I still standing up?_

_I wish we hadn't already eaten. I would love to spend time next to him._

"Er…sure," Jessica managed through her befuddled thoughts.

"Um, actually, Bella, we already ate while we were waiting—sorry," Angela declared.

Both girls were surprisingly flabbergasted by my very presence and I wasn't even trying to charm them. I wondered if I had the same effect on Bella – if a simple smile was all it took to make her thoughts go blurry. How disappointing that I would never know.

"That's fine—I'm not hungry," Bella shrugged.

I didn't like that. Her body had had a shock and she needed food if she hoped to avoid passing out. I leaned in and softly, but authoritatively, said, "I think you should eat something." My gaze shifted to the wide-eyed face of Jessica. "Do you mind if I drive Bella home tonight? That way you won't have to wait while she eats."

_Did he just talk to me again? _"Uh, no problem, I guess…" _Is that what Bella wants? I mean, she'd be an idiot not to want to be alone with Edward Cullen, but still. _

I wondered the same thing. Did she want to be alone with me? I wanted to be alone with her so badly that my own desires were fast becoming all I could focus on. But then, from the corner of my eye, I saw Bella wink at her friend. It was all the assurance Jess needed, not to mention that it spoke volumes to me.

"Okay." The blunt reply came from Angela. "See you tomorrow, Bella…Edward." _Come on. They obviously want to be alone._

Angela tugged on Jessica's arm, pulling her towards their car parked across the street. Once they were in the car, Jessica turned and waved to Bella, who waved back with a smile. I could hear their thoughts as they drove away.

_EDWARD CULLEN!_

_Oh wow! How did she pull that off?_

_He's so hot._

_Wouldn't you just die?_

The last thought made me catch my breath.

But I couldn't think on it long, for Bella had turned her glorious eyes on me once more. "Honestly, I'm not hungry,"

"Humor me."

She wasn't getting out of having dinner. I knew more about human physiology than she did, and I was well aware that she needed to eat. Her pale color, her racing heart – there was even a slight change to her scent. She was low on sugar, and I wouldn't be doing my job as her protector if I didn't get her eating soon.

I held the door to the restaurant open for her and waited, as a gentleman should, until she had brushed past me. The place wasn't crowded, but then it was off-season in Port Angeles. What mortal in their right mind would chose to visit Washington State in March, when it was sure to be rainy and cold? The hostess approached us with a smile and I informed her that we needed a table for two.

_Whoa. How cute is he? _

_Two, huh? He can't be with her. They aren't holding hands. It can't be too serious. I'm going to seat them right in the center so I can keep an eye on him. Maybe I can slip him my number._

She led us to the table, all the while imagining how easy it would be to lure me away from Bella. How very wrong she was.

"Perhaps something more private?" Casually I slipped the girl a twenty. I didn't want distractions tonight. There had been too many all ready.

"Sure," she replied willingly. I'd never known a human to turn down money for anything. They were all exceptionally greedy, whether they were willing to admit it or not.

"How's this?" the girl asked.

"Perfect." I offered her a smile as payment this time. Or maybe it was a warning. Her eyes flickered to my teeth, just as I knew they would.

"Um," she stuttered, clearly getting the warning. "Your server will be right out."

Finally, I was alone with Bella.

"You really shouldn't do that to people," she scolded. "It's hardly fair."

I hadn't the foggiest idea what she was talking about. Was it the money? "Do what?"

"Dazzle them like that—she's probably hyperventilating in the kitchen right now."

Dazzle? What did she mean by _dazzle_?

"Oh, come on," I snickered. "You _have_ to know the effect you have on people."

Was she admitting to me what I thought she was admitting? I looked at her curiously. "I dazzle people?"

Her eyebrows shot up. "You haven't noticed? Do you think everybody gets their way so easily?"

But I didn't hear her question. I could only wonder if by 'everyone' she meant herself. Did I have that effect on her? Not hearing her mind, I resorted to asking flat out. "Do I dazzle _you_?"

"Frequently."

My mind spun at her admission. So I did have some ability to charm her. I was immensely pleased to have this knowledge and would set about to put it to good use.

And then we were interrupted; again by another mindless girl with high hopes of stealing my attention away from Bella. Not a chance, not now that I knew how I affected her.

"Hello. My name is Amber, and I'll be your server tonight. What can I get you to drink?" Oh yeah. Kellie was right. WAY hot, this one. On fire! 

I was tempted to reach out and touch her, just to prove how wrong she was, but my eyes wouldn't leave Bella's face.

"I'll have a coke." Bella said, sounding unsure.

"Two cokes," I replied.

"I'll be right back with that." And she was gone. I wanted to tell her to take her time, but I could see that Bella needed nourishment. Her skin was paler than usual. Her eyes were not as focused and determined as they normally were.

"What?" she demanded

"How are you feeling?"

"I'm fine." Typical Bella.

"You don't feel dizzy, sick, cold…?"

"Should I?"

I laughed at her imprudence. "Well, I'm actually waiting for you to go into shock."

"I don't think that will happen," she said, after taking a moment to stare at me openly. "I've always been very good at repressing unpleasant things."

I was sure of that, given how she was able to look me in the eyes and not tremble in fear. "Just the same," I said. "I'll feel better when you have some sugar and food in you."

As if she had been summoned, the waitress returned with the drinks and a basket of breadsticks. For some curious reason, Bella looked up at her shyly, a faint blush rising to her pale cheeks.

"Are you ready to order?" the waitress asked.

"Bella?" I signaled, drawing her attention to the menu.

"Um…I'll have the mushroom ravioli." She ordered quickly, not even really reading over the various items the restaurant offered.

The waitress turned to me now. "And you?"

"Nothing for me." My eyes never left Bella's face.

"Let me know if you change your mind."

Again we were left to ourselves. I immediately set out to get some nourishment in Bella's system.

"Drink," I said pointedly.

I'd never before paid much attention to a human when they ate or drank. It always seemed a bit disturbing how some of them ate without manners. The churning of the gastric fluids in the stomach was never appealing to someone with sensitive hearing, either. And yet, my eyes were drawn to the way the straw danced along the slit of Bella's mouth – the moisture that was left behind on her full lips - the gentle bob of her throat as she swallowed.

She finished off her drink and I gladly pushed mine forward for her to take as well.

"Thanks," she muttered, sipping slowly.

And then she shivered. Her skin broke out in gooseflesh, drawing my attention to the contours of her body. The chill affected her body naturally, as it would any common mortal woman, and for the first time I was visibly aware of just how feminine she was.

"Are you cold?" I was beginning to sound like a doctor.

"It's just the coke." She tried to brush it off, but I saw that she was still shivering.

"Don't you have a jacket?" Given the temperature of the area, it was only logical for her to have one.

"Yes." She started to reach for something next to her, but she stilled, frowning. "Oh—I left it in Jessica's car."

Before I could reason with myself for doing it, my leather jacket came off in two simple movements. It wouldn't do for her to catch a cold, but I wondered about the sanity of having her scent imprinted on my clothing. If I ever wore the jacket again, the lingering fragrance would surely drive me wild.

I passed the jacket over to her, noticing how her eyes skimmed over my frame. Did she like what she saw? Or was I too foreign – too alien for her uncorrupted mind?

"Thanks," she muttered, sliding her arms into the jacket. She shivered again, and I mentally kicked myself when I realized that any normal human would have passed on their body heat to a jacket. I, however, only passed on my unnatural coolness. Yet Bella didn't seem to mind. Instead, she wrapped it around her and inhaled the leathery scent. Humans generally enjoyed the smell of leather, and it was a strong enough smell to mask my own unusual scent.

The fabric of her blouse brushed against her curves, drawing my eyes once more to her form. She was wholly intoxicating.

"That color blue looks lovely with your skin," I praised as an excuse for why my eyes were lingering longer than was acceptable.

She blushed under my scrutiny and I was again reminded of how white she looked. Bella was always pale, but this evening she was paler than usual. Wanting her to eat, I pushed the breadsticks forward on the table.

She didn't want them. "Really, I'm not going into shock."

"You should be—a _normal_ person would be. You don't even look shaken." Any other human, especially a female, would be crying or scared out of her mind by what had happened. But not my Bella.

"I feel very safe with you." Her confession was soft, but I felt it all the way though to my cold heart.

But it wasn't supposed to be like this. As much as I wanted her to feel safe, she shouldn't. She should run away from me now and never look back. Yet, I knew that if she did, I would only chase after her until she was mine again.

"This is more complicated than I'd planned." I was sure that the inner turmoil I felt was evident in my voice.

More casually than I would have liked to see in her, she chose a breadstick from the basket and began nibbling on the end. My eyes were glued to her mouth and the tongue that slipped out every now and then to wet her ample lips. I noticed that the skin on her palm was scraped and wondered when the injury occurred.

"Usually you're in a better mood when your eyes are so light." The sound of her voice startled me. Without the benefit of her thoughts, I never knew exactly when she would speak. I would have to pay better attention from now on.

"What?" I honestly wasn't sure I had heard her correctly.

"You're always crabbier when your eyes are black—I expect it then. I have a theory about that."

So she's back to figuring me out. I expected that, but I wasn't sure if I was ready to hear what her conclusions were. "More theories?"

"Mm-hm."

She had no idea how beautiful she was, just sitting there munching on her bread. I could watch her for hours. I leaned towards her, to inhale her fragrance.

My mind wandered back to the topic of conversation. "I hope you were more creative this time…or are you still stealing from comic books?" I was waiting for some reference to the X-men, as if some mad scientist could have created me.

Her body shifted forward, closing the space between us by a fraction of an inch. "Well, no, I didn't get it from a comic book, but I didn't come up with it on my own, either."

She was holding back something – and it drove me wild. "And?"

Before she could answer, the mindless waitress again interrupted us. At least this time she had food for Bella, so I didn't mind too terribly.

"Did you change your mind?" the girl asked me once Bella's dish had been delivered. "Isn't there anything I can get you?"

_Coffee… tea… me? I would go with you gladly!_

Idiot girl. Couldn't she see I had no interest in her? "No, thank you," I said curtly, waving my hand at the two empty glasses on the table, "but some more soda would be nice."

"Sure." Off she went again, taking her lusty and rude thoughts with her.

"You were saying?" I pressed.

"I'll tell you about it in the car. If…"

"There are conditions?" I was surprised, to say the least.

"I do have a few questions, of course."

"Of course."

For what I hoped would be the last time, the silly waitress dropped off the drinks and walked away, thankfully not uttering a word.

Bella sipped her drink slowly, taking her time and drawing out the moment.

"Well, go ahead." I was generally a patient being, but not when it came to Bella Swan's personal thoughts.

"Why are you in Port Angeles?" she started.

I didn't think she would take too kindly to the fact that I followed her. Folding my hands together, I smiled at her and said, "Next."

"But that's the easiest one," she gasped.

"Next."

She looked down at her plate of ravioli with a frown. I didn't think her expression had anything to do with the food, for in another moment she was chewing a hearty bite. The discontent was still visible on her face as she mulled over what to say next. Now would be the most opportune time for me to hear her mind, but that wasn't to be.

After a sip of soda, she looked up at me with hard eyes. I could tell that whatever was coming next would be a whopper of a question. "Okay then. Let's say, hypothetically of course, that…someone…could know what people are thinking, read minds, you know—with a few exceptions."

She got it. Almost. "Just _one_ exception," I corrected, "hypothetically."

"All right, with one exception, then." She blushed again, and I couldn't tell if it was from fear or from excitement. "How does that work? What are the limitations? How would…that someone…find someone else at exactly the right time? How would he know she was in trouble?"

Impressive. She was good. "Hypothetically?"

"Sure."

"Well, if…that someone…"

"Let's call him 'Joe.'"

I wanted to laugh, but held back. "Joe, then. If Joe had been paying attention, the timing wouldn't have needed to be quite so exact." I couldn't believe the honesty I was permitting her. Only Bella could bring this out in me. Only Bella would see what others refused to see. "Only _you_ could get into trouble in a town this small. You would have devastated their crime rate statistics for a decade, you know."

"We were speaking of a hypothetical case." Her tone was cold, but I found it humorous.

"Yes, we were," I laughed at the pretense. "Shall we call you 'Jane'?"

"How did you know?" Her curiosity was thoroughly piqued and she leaned in to hear the whole story.

Problem was, I didn't know if I wanted to tell her the whole story. It wasn't allowed. It wasn't done. No mortal had ever kept our secrets. To tell her, to let her into my world, would be a breach of etiquette I wasn't certain I could explain to my family. She knew too much as it was.

"You can trust me, you know," she assured, as if she could hear the inner workings of my mind. Her bruised hand slid forward towards mine in an intimate and friendly human gesture of comfort.

I couldn't. It was hard enough feeling her warmth, even from this distance, even though everything about her was drawing me in. Her scent. Her eyes. I was lost.

"I don't know if I have a choice anymore," I lamented softly. "I was wrong—you're much more observant than I gave you credit for."

"I thought you were always right."

"I used to be." I shook my head in defeat. "I was wrong about you on one other thing, as well. You're not a magnet for accidents—that's not a broad enough classification. You are a magnet for _trouble_. If there is anything dangerous within a ten-mile radius, it will invariably find you."

"And you put yourself into that category?"

I gazed at her, stone-faced. "Unequivocally."

Her hand slid forward once again, and this time I let her touch me. Even though it was just her fingertips brushing lightly against the back of my hand, the heat only enforced the fact that I was probably the most dangerous thing she'd come in contact with since she moved to Forks.

"Thank you." From the tone of her voice I could tell that she meant it. "That's twice, now."

The tension I was holding within my body seemed to fade under the warmth of her touch. "Let's not try for three, agreed?"

She made a face at me again, one of those puzzling angry faces that I found so endearing. She did trust me, though I couldn't fathom why. Given how much she'd already figured out, I reasoned with myself that I should let her have the truth of how I found her. After all, some humans claimed to be mind readers. Maybe she wouldn't find my gift too repulsive.

I pulled my hand away from hers and placed it under the table where she wouldn't be able to reach. If I was going to expose the truth, I would need to be able to concentrate, and I wasn't certain as to how well my mind would focus if she continued her gentle stroking.

"I followed you to Port Angeles," I started, the words falling from my mouth very quickly. "I've never tried to keep a specific person alive before and it's much more troublesome than I would have believed. But that's probably just because it's you. Ordinary people seem to make it through the day without so many catastrophes."

She smiled at me and my concentration was lost.

And then she spoke. "Did you ever think that maybe my number was up the first time, with the van, and that you've been interfering with fate?"

"That wasn't the first time," I grumbled at her. Oh no, her life has been in jeopardy ever since I first caught her scent. "Your number was up the first time I met you."

I couldn't look at her. I was too afraid of her reaction to my admission. And then I had to look at her. I had to know what she was thinking, if she knew what I was referring to at all.

From the paleness of her face, I could tell that she did.

"You remember?"

"Yes," she answered calmly.

"And yet here you sit." I was still amazed that I managed to behave myself as much as I had.

"Yes, here I sit…because of you. Because somehow you knew how to find me today…?"

She wanted more information, that much was clear. Just admitting that I had followed her wasn't enough. She wanted details. Part of me wanted to tell her so that she would run away from me as any normal human should. And yet part of me feared it as well. Something inside my cold, stone heart told me that she wouldn't run.

"You eat, I'll talk," I offered, noticing that she hadn't touched her food in a while.

She did as I asked and scooped up another forkful of ravioli.

"It's harder than it should be—keeping track of you. Usually I can find someone very easily, once I've heard their mind before."

She stopped eating - stopped chewing. I wasn't positive if she was surprised that I had actually confessed my abilities or if she was genuinely worried. When she popped another bite into her mouth, I continued with my explanation

"I was keeping tabs on Jessica, not carefully—like I said, only you could find trouble in Port Angeles—and at first I didn't notice when you took off on your own. Then, when I realized that you weren't with her anymore, I went looking for you at the bookstore I saw in her head. I could tell that you hadn't gone in, and that you'd gone south…and I knew you would have to turn around soon. So I was just waiting for you, randomly searching through the thoughts of people on the street—to see if anyone had noticed you so I would know where you were. I had no reason to be worried…but I was strangely anxious…"

I worried for a moment if I was giving too much away. At our last agreement, we were only friends. And yet my obsession with her certainly crossed the line of mere friendship.

"I started to drive in circles, still…listening. The sun was finally setting, and I was about to get out, and follow you on foot. And then—"

The fury I felt roared back into life as I remembered the vicious thoughts of Bella's would-be attackers. I could not let her see that rage. I forced myself to act calm.

"Then what?" she encouraged, her voice a whisper.

"I heard what they were thinking," I growled, and the monster within me sneered. "I saw your face in his mind."

The image of Bella – innocent and beautiful – being handled by the man. His sweat dripping on her as he violated her body. The joy and triumph he felt from simply considering what he could do to her.

All my instincts told me to rush back out into the streets and find the men from earlier and kill them. Wanting to hide the anger and aggression I was feeling, I covered my eyes with my hand, stopping Bella from seeing the monster within me.

"It was very…hard—you can't imagine how hard—for me to simply take you away, and leave them…alive," I still wanted to kill them. "I could have let you go with Jessica and Angela, but I was afraid if you left me alone, I would go looking for them." If ever I ran into one of them again, I knew I wouldn't hesitate to make them suffer.

Bella didn't make a sound. We sat in silence for what seemed like an eternity – me in my rage, she in her confusion. It didn't take a mind reader to know that what I had told her left her feeling confused.

After a good long while, I sought out her face, hoping to find the answers to my questions about her emotions. All I could tell was that she had lost her appetite.

"Are you ready to go home?" I asked, feeling guilty for having ruined her dinner.

"I'm ready to leave," she replied, and I didn't miss the fact that she said _leave_ rather than _go home_. She still had questions, and she wasn't going to let me off as easily as I hoped.

Showing the first sign of good customer service, the waitress appeared and asked, "How are we doing?"

"We're ready for the check, thank you." When she didn't move to fetch the bill, I looked up at her, my eyes a bit fiercer than she deserved.

"Sure," she stuttered. "Here you go."

She passed me the slip of paper from her apron front and I handed her back a fifty.

"No change." I stood up from the table with Bella rushing to join me.

"You have a nice evening," the girl said politely.

Oh, I intended to.

We left the restaurant side by side, and I wondered briefly if I was behaving in the proper manner for a first date, if this could even be considered a date at all. This was more like an unexpected pleasure. If I were human, I would offer her my arm as an escort. Or was that too formal for boys and girls these days? What was it that Bella expected? Would she jump if I touched her? Would I be able to control my inhuman urges if I touched her?

My mother – my human mother – had always taught me to treat a girl like a lady. Be polite. Be a gentleman. Open the door for her and let her go in first. Seeing as how we were already outside, Bella would have to settle for an open car door.

She climbed in the passenger side and I gently closed it once she was settled. I took my place behind the wheel, starting the car and adjusting the heat to a more comfortable temperature for my human companion.

Once we were on the road and heading back to Forks, I said, "Now. It's your turn."


	14. Chapter 13

AN: Sorry for the delay. I should have warned my readers that now is about the time in my fan fiction when I start to slow. I get SO excited when I first start writing that I can't stop. Now I have a dozen things going on and this is just one of many things I'm excited about. I hope this chapter will hold you over for a while yet. I have about half of the next chapter written and that is saying something considering all that has been going on in my life! Hang with me. I'll get through this.

_Thanks to Imogen and Red Devil for the beta. Again, thanks to Stephenie for letting me "borrow" her text so I wouldn't have to type all this dialogue. You have NO idea what relief that is! And thank you thank you thank you to all your wonderful readers who take time to review. It's because of you that I'm still here trying to get through this. _

_This one was rough. I hope I did it justice. _

**CHAPTER THIRTEEN**

"Can I ask just one more?" she begged.

I wanted more than anything to hear this new theory of hers, but she clearly had too many questions still to give up the floor just yet.

"One," I granted, wondering if I was pressing my luck.

"Well…you said you knew I hadn't gone into the bookstore, and that I had gone south. I was just wondering how you knew that."

Damn. I glanced out the window, not wanting her to see my agitation. Why did she have to remember that? Couldn't she just accept that I saved her and leave well enough alone?

"I thought we were past all the evasiveness," she mocked.

She had thrown down the gauntlet and challenged me. She wanted the truth; that much was certain. Yet how would she react to the truth once she had it?

"Fine, then. I followed your scent." Let her take that information and chew on it for a while. I purposefully said _your_ scent, not her perfume, not her shampoo. Her. Bella.

She faltered for a moment. "And then you didn't answer one of my first questions…"

I looked over at her with a frown. As far as I was aware, I had answered every one of her questions. "Which one?"

"How does it work—the mind reading thing? Can you read anybody's mind, anywhere? How do you do it? Can the rest of your family…?"

"That's more than one," I interjected.

Bella folded her hands in her lap and waited for my reply. Her unyielding persistence was remarkable.

"No, it's just me. And I can't hear anyone, anywhere. I have to be fairly close. The more familiar someone's…'voice' is, the farther away I can hear them. But still, no more than a few miles." There had to be an easier way to explain it. "It's a little like being in a huge hall filled with people, everyone talking at once. It's just a hum—a buzzing of voices in the background. Until I focus on one voice, and then what they're thinking is clear.

"Most of the time I tune it all out—it can be very distracting. And then it's easier to seem _normal_," as if I'm ever normal, "when I'm not accidentally answering someone's thoughts rather than their words."

"Why do you think you can't hear me?"

I'd asked myself that same question over a million times, and I still had no good answer for it. I looked over at her, focusing on the void her mind presented, and offered the best explanation I had come up with.

"I don't know," I admitted softly. "The only guess I have is that maybe your mind doesn't work the same way the rest of theirs do. Like your thoughts are on the AM frequency and I'm only getting FM." The comical suggestion made me smile.

"My mind doesn't work right? I'm a freak?" From the way she spit out the word _freak_, I could tell that my assumption hadn't pleased her.

"I hear voices in my mind and you're worried that _you're_ the freak?" Now that was truly funny. "Don't worry, it's just a theory…" Speaking of theories, Bella still hadn't told me hers. "Which brings us back to you," I prompted.

She sighed deeply, filling the car with the scent of her sweet breath.

"Aren't we past all the evasions now?" I used her own words against her, hoping to draw her out of whatever shyness kept her from telling me her ideas.

Rather suddenly she shouted, "Holy crow! Slow down!"

"What's wrong?"

"You're going a hundred miles an hour!" Her eyes went wide as she frantically glanced out the window to take in the surrounding images burring by. It was one of the first times Bella had ever behaved like a truly normal human, and yet I found it slightly annoying. As if I would crash the car and hurt her in any way.

"Relax, Bella."

"Are you trying to kill us?" she screeched.

"We're not going to crash."

Her voice was softer this time. "Why are you in such a hurry?"

"I always drive like this," I bragged, turning to look at her with a smile.

"Keep your eyes on the road!" This time, she didn't even try to mask her fear.

How typical that the one time I want Bella to take my life style in stride is the one time she literally freaks out. "I've never been in an accident, Bella—I've never even gotten a ticket." I tapped my forehead as a reminder of my abilities. "Built in radar detector."

"Very funny." Her blood was boiling beneath her delicate skin. "Charlie's a cop, remember? I was raised to abide by traffic laws. Besides, if you turn us into a Volvo pretzel around a tree trunk, you can probably just walk away."

"Probably," I agreed with a laugh. "But you can't." This was one time I would have to give in to her request. I didn't want her to worry about being injured, and if she remained in such a fury, her pulse would only race and tempt me more than I could withstand. Reluctantly, I let off the gas and let the friction of the road on the wheels slow the car down. "Happy?"

"Almost."

"I hate driving slow," I muttered under my breath.

"This is slow?"

"Enough commentary on my driving," I frowned. "I'm still waiting for your latest

theory."

She was quiet. Her teeth grazed her lips in the most tantalizing way. It was torture to not be able to hear the thoughts spiraling around in her mind.

"I won't laugh," I promised.

"I'm more afraid that you'll be angry with me."

Really? "Is it that bad?"

"Pretty much, yeah."

She must have moved off of superheroes then if she thought it was bad. Maybe she had taken my suggestion and was now picturing me as the villain in the story. Still, whatever her mind had concocted couldn't be as frightful as the monster of my reality.

"Go ahead," I prodded gently.

"I don't know how to start," she breathed.

"Why don't you start at the beginning…you said you didn't come up with this on your own."

"No."

"What got you started—a book? A movie?" There were too many evils on television these days.

"No—it was Saturday, at the beach."

I frowned in confusion. What evil ideas could she have come up with on the beach out in the sun having fun with her classmates?

"I ran into an old family friend—Jacob Black. His dad and Charlie have been friends since I was a baby."

Jacob Black. She said the name as if I was supposed to recognize it, and yet I didn't. It was only vaguely familiar.

"His dad is one of the Quileute elders."

I stilled upon hearing the word. She knew. She had to know.

"We went for a walk and he was telling me some old legends—trying to scare me, I think. He told me one…" She faltered.

"Go on," I said, even though I knew what was coming next.

"About vampires."

Hearing that word fall from her innocent lips was painful, and I gripped the steering wheel hard to resist the howl of rage building up inside of me. She wasn't supposed to know. I hated myself more now that she had the truth.

"And you immediately thought of me?" Somehow, I maintained a steady voice.

"No. He…mentioned your family."

So that was it then. I had wondered how the Quileutes were handling the fact that Carlisle had returned to this place, bringing with him more of our kind than before. Our people didn't get along well with theirs, but the treaty was in place and as long as everyone kept to the terms, no harm would be done to either side. Still, I had to wonder.

And now I had proof. They knew we were here. More than that, they were warning Bella against us. She hadn't confessed to any warning, but how could they not at least try to convince her to stay away from us? To stay away from me. In a way, Jacob Black had just broken the treaty.

"He just thought it was a silly superstition," she added in a rush. "He didn't expect me to think anything of it." She paused a moment before saying, "It was my fault, I forced him to tell me."

"Why?"

"Lauren said something about you—she was trying to provoke me. And an older boy from the tribe said your family didn't come to the reservation, only it sounded like he meant something different. So I got Jacob alone and I tricked it out of him."

Tricked him? Tricked him! For some reason, the idea of Bella being able to trick a member of that tribe seemed rather humorous and I let out a laugh.

"Tricked him how?" I had to know.

"I tried to flirt—it worked better than I thought it would." She blushed in embarrassment.

"I'd like to have seen that." Being witness to Bella flirting shamelessly with a boy too young for her would have been great entertainment. After all, I knew very well how persuasive her flirtations could be. "And you accused me of dazzling people—poor Jacob Black."

She blushed deeper and glanced out the window. My eyes skimmed down the stark whiteness of her neck to her pulse point to confirm the rapid, nervous beating of her heart. I took a deep breath and let her scent fill the ache within me. A feeble attempt to satiate my shallow thirst.

"What did you do then?"

"I did some research on the Internet."

"And did that convince you?" I'd seen it all by now. I myself had used the Internet to do research on my kind. More accurately, my family used it to make sure we were covering our tracks every time we moved locations or forged documents. The Internet was a remarkable and most valuable invention for my family.

Bella answered my question with a shake of her head. "No. Nothing fit. Most of it was kind of silly. And then…"

"What?" I hated it when she stopped mid-thought, especially when she was on the verge of confessing to me how much she knew about my hellish existence.

"I decided it didn't matter," she whispered.

"It didn't _matter_?" I was astonished by the very suggestion, and my voice reflected that.

"No," she murmured softly. "It doesn't matter to me what you are."

It was unfathomable. How could this not matter to her when it mattered so very much to me? "You don't care if I'm a monster? If I'm not _human_?"

"No."

Was she insane? Had she lost all rational thought? She had just discovered that the creature sitting next to her in Biology…the very thing driving too fast down with her as a captive passenger… was an inhuman monster – and she didn't care? She should have run away from me screaming in fright, and yet, here she sat, calm and beautiful. Did she have any idea how her actions resembled a lamb going willingly to the slaughter?

"You're angry," she groaned. "I shouldn't have said anything."

"No." I wasn't angry – I was dumbfounded. "I'd rather know what you're thinking—even if what you're thinking is insane."

"So I'm wrong again?" she questioned.

I wish I could tell her that yes, she was very wrong. But I couldn't. "That's not what I was referring to. 'It doesn't matter'!" I said through my teeth.

She gaped at me. "I'm right?"

HA! Caught! "Does it _matter_?"

She inhaled sharply. "Not really." After a paused she added, "But I _am_ curious."

Should I remind her that curiosity killed the cat? "What are you curious about?"

"How old are you?"

"Seventeen," I responded instinctively from years of practice.

"And how long have you been seventeen?"

I very nearly smiled. "A while." I didn't think she was ready to learn that the creature rapidly falling in love with her was over one hundred years old. One shock at a time.

"Okay."

She slurred the word slowly, as if thinking over my answer. My eyes rested on her flawless, pale skin, noting the heated blush on her cheeks. Her heart was still racing as she processed the information she had just been given. I wondered which organ was getting more of a workout from our conversation – her heart or her brain?

She smiled up at me, bright and content, looking pleased that she had been right about her speculations. I would rather she scream in terror and beg me to never come near her again. It would be a much more intelligent reaction than encouraging me on.

"Don't laugh," she started, "but how can you come out during the daytime?"

I couldn't help but laugh. Hollywood strikes again. "Myth."

"Burned by the sun?"

"Myth."

"Sleeping in coffins?"

"Myth." Where did horror writers ever get the idea that vampires could sleep, let alone that we would chose to sleep in something as uncomfortable as a coffin? "I can't sleep."

Bella did a double take upon hearing my words. "At all?"

"Never," If I could, I wouldn't be as bored with this existence. The days wouldn't run together as freely as they do. That was, at least until I met Bella. My days had been anything but boring since she moved to Forks. And even then, if I could sleep - if I could dream - my dreams would be filled with her and only her.

I glanced over at the object of my obsession, allowing my eyes to meet hers and try to communicate to her a small portion of the internal struggle I felt having her beside me. I breathed in her maddening scent, wondering why she hadn't asked the most obvious question of all.

"You haven't asked me the most important question yet." I broached the topic that I was sure would take her from me, for what human could ever stand to be around a monster who fed off of blood?

She looked puzzled "Which one is that?"

Was she putting me on? "You aren't concerned about my diet?"

"Oh, that." It was so casual I didn't quite know how to interpret it.

"Yes, that." If I were human, this would be my first question. "Don't you want to know if I drink blood?"

She shifted in her seat. "Well, Jacob said something about that."

"What did Jacob say?" I was curious to hear how the elder members of his tribe had described my family to their offspring.

"He said you didn't…hunt people. He said your family wasn't supposed to be dangerous because you only hunted animals."

"He said we weren't dangerous?" I didn't believe that for one second.

"Not exactly. He said you weren't _supposed_ to be dangerous. But the Quileutes still didn't want you on their land, just in case."

It was the truth. The Quileutes were a proud and honorable people rich in tradition. They had passed on the stories of my family honestly, and now Bella had that knowledge.

"So, was he right? About not hunting people?" Her voice was amazingly smooth and calm considering the topic.

"The Quileutes have a long memory," I confirmed. Bella seemed pleased that I had admitted the truth to her – too pleased.

"Don't let that make you complacent, though," I cautioned, wanting to make it clear to her that being with me was not as safe as she presumed. "They're right to keep their distance from us. We are still dangerous."

"I don't understand."

"We try," I stated. "We're usually very good at what we do. Sometimes we make mistakes. Me, for example, allowing myself to be alone with you."

"This is a mistake?" She sounded sad, almost disappointed.

"A very dangerous one," I growled.

Would I ever be able to convince her how dangerous I really was? Did I want her to believe me? She needed to understand, especially now that she knew what I was capable of and what kind of beast I really was. And yet, I reveled in her acceptance of me. As much as it bothered me that she wasn't thus far repulsed by what I was, it made me even more anxious for the day when she _would_ realize exactly what I had been trying to explain to her all this time – that I was a monster, not worthy of her goodness and innocence.

And then what would happen? She would leave, of course. And I would be alone again. I feared that day more than anything I'd ever feared before.

"Tell me more," she urged gently. Her simple curiosity amazed me.

I looked at her, wondering if by answering her questions I would end up frightening her enough that she would run away as she should. Yet I found myself saying, "What more do you want to know?"

"Tell me why you hunt animals instead of people." She sounded like a student in a lecture hall taking notes for a random, upcoming assignment.

"I don't _want_ to be a monster." I wanted to be human so badly in that moment.

"But animals aren't enough?"

She really had no idea? I knew Bella had an extraordinary ability to smell human blood, so I assumed she could smell all types of blood. I found it interesting that she had never picked up on the fact that animal blood was much less potent and fragrant than that of human blood.

I explained it to her the best I could. "I can't be sure, of course, but I'd compare it to living on tofu and soy milk; we call ourselves vegetarians, our little inside joke. It doesn't completely satiate the hunger—or rather thirst. But it keeps us strong enough to resist. Most of the time." I learned that lesson well the first time I breathed in Bella's scent. "Sometimes it's more difficult than others."

"Is it very difficult for you now?" she inquired.

I had been so honest with her that I had to say, "Yes."

"But you're not hungry now," she stated matter-of-factly.

I was. I would always be thirsty around Bella. Her scent was too tempting to deny. But I had to know why she believed otherwise. "Why do you think that?"

"Your eyes. I told you I had a theory. I've noticed that people—men in particular—are crabbier when they're hungry."

I found her insight comical. "You are observant, aren't you?"

She didn't answer me, only merely tilted her head at me and smiled. I laughed again. She certainly was amazing.

"Were you hunting this weekend, with Emmett?" she asked after a moment, as if I were off on some typical sort of camp out rather than cutting into grizzly bears with my own teeth.

"Yes." There was so much to tell her, but I had to be careful with my words. I walked a fine line between wanting her to run and wanting her to stay. Selfishness made me phrase my words so that I wouldn't scare her too much. "I didn't want to leave, but it was necessary. It's a bit easier to be around you when I'm not thirsty."

"Why didn't you want to leave?"

"It makes me…anxious…to be away from you." I could hear Emmett in my head, laughing at the poor description of my behavior. Anxious wasn't the right word. Paranoid was closer to the truth. "I wasn't joking when I asked you to try not to fall in the ocean or get run over last Thursday. I was distracted all weekend, worrying about you. And after what happened tonight, I'm surprised that you did make it through a whole weekend unscathed." I quickly glanced at her hands and corrected myself. "Well, not totally unscathed."

"What?"

"Your hands," I said, nodding in her direction.

She looked down at the scrapes on her palms. "I fell."

"That's what I thought." Did she have an inner ear problem that made her body off balance? "I suppose, being you, it could have been much worse—and that possibility tormented me the entire time I was away. It was a very long three days. I really got on Emmett's nerves." I could hear my brother's voice in my head, mocking me for my infatuation with the beautiful human currently sitting next to me.

"Three days? Didn't you just get back today?"

"No, we got back Sunday."

"Then why weren't any of you in school?" There was an edge to her voice, and from the slit of her eyes I could tell she was angry. How curious.

"Well, you asked if the sun hurt me, and it doesn't. But I can't go out in the sunlight, at least, not where anyone can see." Not if I wanted to maintain any level of ambiguity.

"Why?"

"I'll show you sometime," I promised before I had time to really consider what I was offering.

She frowned, lost in thought. Was she trying to imagine what would happen to me in the sunlight? Was she picturing my skin blistering and puckering under the ultraviolet rays of the sun?

"You might have called me," she said, surprising me.

"But I knew you were safe." What would be the point in calling her and making it known how obsessed I was with her safety?

"But _I_ didn't know where _you_ were. I—" Her eyes fell.

She did it again. Stopped mid-thought. I would have to break her of that habit. "What?"

"I didn't like it. Not seeing you. It makes me anxious, too." She blushed deeply.

A warm, tingling sensation passed through my stone cold heart. She had been thinking of me – being away from me was troubling to her. This was what I wanted from her. And yet, I knew I couldn't have it. It wasn't natural for a beast such as I to be loved by someone as beautiful as her. She deserved warmth. She deserved light. She deserved so much more than I could ever give her.

"Ah," I moaned in grief. "This is wrong."

Her brows furrowed. "What did I say?"

"Don't you see, Bella? It's one thing for me to make myself miserable, but a wholly other thing for you to be so involved." It was impossible to give her up, and yet I would have to – for her own safety. "I don't want to hear that you feel that way." It was the truth and a lie at the same time, but I had to say it, no matter how much it might hurt her. No matter how much it hurt me. "It's wrong. It's not safe. I'm dangerous, Bella—please, grasp that."

"No." The worry on her face changed to anger and her lip jutted out in a pout.

"I'm serious."

"So am I. I told you, it doesn't matter what you are. It's too late."

"Never say that," I bit out at her more forcefully than I intended. Although it was too late for me to ever be free from her, it wasn't too late for her to turn away from me and lead a normal life. I would always be haunted by her scent – her beauty. But she could grow to forget me in time.

I didn't want her to forget me.

She was quiet beside me, staring blankly out at the road in front of us. Her mind was still a void, but at least I now had the freedom to ask her what was going on in that mind of hers. "What are you thinking?"

She shook her head in silent reply. I glanced over at her, stunned to see moisture forming around her eyes, threatening to fall down and stain the soft skin of her cheeks "Are you crying?"

It sickened me that I caused her to cry. Fear I could handle. I was prepared for her fear. I wasn't prepared for her tears.

"No," she croaked.

A drop fell from her eyes and slowly slid down her face. I was drawn to it, wanting to taste it. It would be salty and moist and filled with her essence. I reached out towards her, telling myself that it was just one drop, and it wasn't even blood. I would love to taste her blood. And then I jerked away, pulling my hand back and clutching the wheel tightly.

"I'm sorry." I apologized for being the monster that I was – for craving the very thing that made her mortality so priceless. I had upset her, yes, but my thirst for her blood made it difficult for me to even offer her comfort at this moment. I'd never felt more like a monster than I did in that moment.

Well, except for when I contemplated taking her life and the lives of everyone in the classroom her first day of school.

Or maybe even a few hours ago when I very nearly killed the men who tired to harm her.

Suddenly, I remembered something from that moment that made me very curious. "Tell me something," I started, trying to lighten the mood between us.

"Yes?"

"What were you thinking tonight, just before I came around the corner? I couldn't understand your expression—you didn't look that scared, you looked like you were concentrating very hard on something."

"I was trying to remember how to incapacitate an attacker—you know, self defense. I was going to smash his nose into his brain."

She never failed to surprise me. "You were going to fight them?" It angered me that she would even attempt such a feat. "Didn't you think about running?"

"I fall down a lot when I run."

True. But there were other things she could do. "What about screaming for help?"

"I was getting to that part."

This was pointless. There was no way I would ever manage to keep her safe if she thought she could fight off four violent and dirty-minded men at once – let alone a blood-thirsty vampire. "You were right—I'm definitely fighting fate trying to keep you alive."

As we entered the Forks city limits, she asked, "Will I see you tomorrow?"

"Yes—I have a paper due, too." _Macbeth_. One of my favorites. What wasn't to like about a conniving thane who murdered everyone in his path just so he could be king? "I'll save you a seat at lunch." I didn't bother with asking her to join me, for I knew she would.

I rounded the corner and stopped in front of her house, which seemed much smaller now given the circumstances.

She didn't move to get out of the car. I looked at her expectantly, waiting.

"Do you _promise_ to be there tomorrow?" she demanded.

"I promise." How could I refuse her anything?

She pursed her lips and then nodded, apparently finding my answer satisfactory. She shrugged off my jacket, inhaling the leathery scent once more.

"You can keep it—you don't have a jacket for tomorrow." It wouldn't do for her to catch a cold, and Heaven knows I wouldn't get sick without it.

But she handed it over anyway. "I don't want to have to explain to Charlie."

"Oh, right." I almost forgot that she had someone to answer to. I wondered what she would tell him of this evening's events. Not that I was worried she would spill my secret, for I trusted her implicitly on that matter. I just wondered if she would mention me at all.

Some movement in the tree beyond her house caught my attention.

"Bella?" I said, cautiously.

"Yes?" Her face was hopeful, almost as if she were expecting me to do or say something specific. If I could have heard her mind, I would have done whatever it was if it meant making her happy.

Instead, I said, "Will you promise me something?"

"Yes," but there was hesitancy in her voice.

"Don't go into the woods alone."

She blinked in confusion. "Why?"

Again the trees moved.

"I'm not always the most dangerous thing out there. Let's leave it at that."

I heard her heart thump nervously in her chest at my warning. "Whatever you say."

"I'll see you tomorrow," I sighed in regret. I didn't want her to leave, but her father would soon grow suspicious.

"Tomorrow, then." She opened the door unwillingly.

The lessons of my mortal mother returned again. Always be a gentleman, Edward. "Bella?" I called to her, leaning in close and inhaling her sweet smell.

"Sleep well," I breathed, and her eyes clouded over in a fog. Is that what she meant when she said I dazzled her? I liked it. I hoped to see that look more often, even if it was wrong of me to do so.

I pulled away from her and let her exit the car. She stumbled slightly and grabbed the door to stop from falling. Oh yes, she was dazzled. I didn't know whether to pat myself on the back or burn myself at the stake for letting her feel that way. But I laughed in spite of my worry.

She closed the door and I drove off into the night, left alone, at least for a few hours until Bella fell asleep and I could unknowingly watch her again, to ponder the surprising events of the night. My only hope was that I could manage to resist the urge to return to Port Angeles and hunt down the vile men who plagued my thoughts.


	15. Chapter 14

_AN: Not much to say this time. This chapter might seem a bit shorter than the last few, and that is due to the way I had to splice things. I usually like 8 or 9 page chapters and the last few were about 14 or 15 pages, so you've been spoiled as readers! _

_I hope you like the plan with Rosalie. Thanks go to Stephenie herself for giving me the go ahead with that. I know it may seem odd that I asked for permission, but what I plan to do will not be nice. Wink wink. I didn't want to do something that would be offensive to my favorite author!_

_Thanks to Imogen, Pel, and Red Devil for the beta and for the suggestions. You guys rox!_

_And as always, thanks for the support from all of you. I really wish I could e-mail each and every one of you personally, but it's just not possible. I thrive from your encouragement. I would like to say, though, that if you do have a gripe about the story, and there have been a few, please leave me a valid e-mail address so I have the option of contacting you to defend my position. It really is a cheep shot to offer criticism and then not sign in properly so the author can contact you. Reviews – ALL reviews – are important. Sometimes the ones that spot the problems end up meaning more than the ones that only offer praise. Example – there were two or three of you that pointed out the Hamlet/Macbeth problem. TOTALLY my mistake! And I fixed it right away! Thank you for that. So make sure you review honestly and be brave enough to leave your e-mail address if the review isn't so great. Thats all for now._

**CHAPTER FOURTEEN**

It took a colossal effort to leave Bella's bedroom that morning. She had spent the whole night muttering my name and sighing heavily as she dreamed. I imagined that she was dreaming of me and that her dreams were happy, human dreams where I wasn't a monster ready to drink her precious blood. I got lost in my own imagination, picturing a world where I was just as mortal as she was, an existence where she and I could walk hand in hand along the beach under noon day sun without a worry in the world. That's the sort of life she deserved – the sort of life I could never offer her.

The clock on her desk told me it was nearing time to leave. Her father would be awake soon and he always poked his head in to check on her before he left for the day. He was a good father, even if he allowed her a bit too much space, in my opinion. Charlie's thoughts were never far from his daughter or his work, and I respected him for that.

I slipped out Bella's window as I normally did to venture out into the foggy morning. I made my way through the trees to my home, managing the miles in a matter of minutes. It didn't surprise me to find Alice at the front door waiting for me. I hadn't spoken to any of my family about last night and I knew from the look on Alice's face that she had seen what happened…or what almost happened, whichever the case might be. Her thoughts confirmed as much.

_Is Bella all right?_

"She's fine, Alice," I answered, closing the door behind me. "I take it you saw?"

"I saw that they wanted to hurt her. And then I saw that she was safe with you."

I flinched at her word choice, for Bella most certainly wasn't safe with me. But I knew what Alice had meant.

"I saw something else, Edward."

I stopped on the steps to turn to look at her.

"You told Bella, didn't you? She knows everything."

I should have realized I wouldn't be able to keep what I had done under wraps for very long. "She knows, but not everything."

"But she knows what we are?"

I answered with a simple nod.

"And she wasn't frightened?"

I smiled. Alice was just as surprised as I was by Bella's reaction.

"That explains it then," she said under her breath.

"Explains what?" I took a step down, curious as to what Alice had seen.

"Well, I keep having visions of Bella here with us."

My anger flared. "Alice, don't even start - "

"And she's human." She finished.

I took a moment to think about that. "You see Bella spending time with us without her being a vampire?"

"All the time. I've been seeing it for a few days now."

I wasn't sure if this information upset me or comforted me. Spending time with vampires wasn't exactly a healthy choice for a human to make.

"I saw something else that you need to know about," Alice frowned. "Something I'm sure is not going to sit well with you."

"About Bella?"

"No, about those men from last night."

My hands balled into fists at the mention of the vermin. "What about them?"

"I saw one of them reading a newspaper, laughing at the headline."

The image Alice had seen filled my mind as if I had witnessed it. The red-headed man from the streets held a paper in his hands. The headline read "Police at Dead End on Local Rape and Murder." His laugh was cold and heartless. I knew in that instant that he had done the crime.

"How many?" I asked.

"I see three rapes…one murder," Alice said quietly.

"You should have killed then when you had the chance," Rosalie scolded as she came down the steps. "You saved one human and endangered three others."

"I didn't know this would happen!" I lashed out at her.

She laughed at me. "Come on, Edward. You know as well as I do that human men are essentially no different today than they were seventy years ago. When it comes to women, they have one thought and one thought alone – 'which one will go to bed with me next?' And if they can't find anyone willing, then they will take what they want, when they want."

"Not everyone in the world is that evil, Rose," Emmett broke in, coming to stand next to her.

"But these men are evil," she countered. "Edward had the chance to get rid of them and he left them alone."

It was Carlisle's voice that spoke next. "We don't kill just because we can. We don't have any right to take the law into our own hands."

"I'm well aware of that, Carlisle," she sighed. "But I would like to know why Edward just left those men alone. He could have at least taught them a lesson."

"I had Bella with me," I explained harshly.

"Oh yes, Bella." Rosalie rolled her eyes. "We mustn't upset poor Bella."

"What did you want me to do?"

Her eyes went wide. "Fix it! You could have easily knocked some sense into those men, without killing them, and yet you left them alone just because you didn't want your precious Bella to know what kind of monster you really are. How is that fair to the three other women that are going to be raped?"

I clenched my jaw. "Fine then. What do you want me to do?"

Rosalie tossed her hair over her shoulder. "Help me teach them a lesson."

"You?"

"What? You don't think I can do it?"

"No, I'm just wondering why you're so adamant that these men are taken care of."

She thrust her chin in the air. "Look at me for once, Edward. Really look at me. Every day I deal with men looking at me…thinking of me in _that_ way."

"You enjoy it," I stated.

"I enjoy my beauty, and I may use it to my advantage, but that doesn't mean I give every man permission to have lustful thoughts about me. It doesn't take mind reading skills to know when a human man is aroused. More than that, these particular kinds of men enjoy it when the woman is afraid. It's about domination for them and I would gladly teach these rapists a lesson."

Emmett sniggered. "That's my girl."

Rosalie's eyes never left mine. _What do you say? Are you up for a bit of fun after school? You and me…against a gang of human excrement._

I inhaled deeply. "Fine. But I will not kill them. I haven't taken a human life in nearly seventy years, and I have no intention of letting these men ruin that score."

Even though they deserve to die? 

The thought came from Jasper, now standing beside Alice and looking hopeful that we would ask him to come along with us. Alice looked up into his eyes and stroked his cheek in the soothing way she always did when Jasper's thirst flared.

"You want me to come, too, baby?" Emmett asked, wrapping his arms around Rosalie and kissing her cheek.

"No," she replied, leaning back against him. "Edward and I can handle them. Besides, I don't think you'll want to see me enticing to these guys."

Emmett stood up, surprised. "What do you mean?"

"I think the best way to get revenge on them is to give them exactly what they want. Let them dominate me for a moment." Her voice was like silk. She smiled up at Emmett – a twisted and dark smile. "Then I'll show them just how strong a woman can be."

Emmett chuckled and leaned in to kiss her deeply. Their thoughts headed into a place I didn't want to follow. With Alice calming Jasper's desire to join our "game" and Esme saying a loving good bye to Carlisle, I was once again reminded that I didn't have the companionship the others in my family enjoyed. The object of my affection was currently waking up from her vampire-filled dreams.

"I'm taking Bella to school today," I announced. Three sets of couples stopped to look at me.

"Did you have to mention her again and spoil my good mood?" Rosalie moaned.

"I know that this isn't the way things are done. I know that I'm breaking the rules, but…" I stopped and considered how I should phrase my next thought. I decided that honesty was probably the best way considering the danger I placed everyone in by letting Bella in on our secret. "I love her. For as long as she will let me, I need to be with her."

"And you still intend for her to remain human?" Carlisle asked.

My eyes drifted from one face to the next, taking in their thoughts of disbelief and worry. "I don't expect you to understand this. I don't expect you to agree with me, but I would hope that you can respect my wishes. Let me have this one thing for as long as I can."

"Fine, but you can't expect us to like her," Rosalie warned.

"That's your choice. I'm going to go change and then pick her up for school."

"I'm not riding with a human," Jasper said more to Alice than to me. _I don't think I could resist being that close. It would be too easy._

"I understand, Jasper, believe me – I do! I'll pick Bella up alone."

"I can drive," Emmett offered.

"Let me," Rosalie chimed in. "I'm feeling very… daring today."

It only took me a few minutes to change my clothes and ready myself for the day ahead. I was on my way out the door when I heard Rosalie remind me that she and I had a date after school in Port Angeles. I would have to keep the sinister activities of the future out of my head while I was around Bella today.

Alice came out to the porch to see me off. "Edward," she called. "You'd better rearrange your plans for Saturday."

Of course she would have seen my trip with Bella into Seattle. "Why is that?"

"It's going to be sunny." She offered me a smile and headed back into the house.

I exhaled a frustrated breath. My first official date with Bella and I wouldn't be able to go. I wouldn't let it stop me, though. Sun or no sun, I was determined to spend Saturday with Bella, even if it meant wearing long sleeves, gloves, and a wide brimmed hat. Alice hadn't said that it would be warm, she only said it would be sunny. If it were cool enough out, I could easily get away with my unusual outfit.

Which reminded me…

The chilly morning air hadn't escaped my notice. I could tell from years of practice that today was cooler than normal and most humans would prefer a coat. My leather jacket was still in the car, draped casually over the passenger seat. I brushed my fingers over it as if I were caressing Bella's own skin. Her scent lingered there just enough to drive me wild and spark my thirst. I inhaled deeply, willing my thirst into submission, before revving the engine and speeding off to Bella's home.

I arrived just in time to see her stumble out her front door. She peered through the fog, as if she was trying to make sense of what her eyes were telling her. Surprise lit up her face as she looked at me.

"Do you want to ride with me today?" I asked, holding the passenger side door open to make sure she understood that there really wasn't an option. I would drive her myself or I would follow behind that poor excuse for a vehicle that she owned.

To my delight she said, "Yes, thank you," and slid into the car.

I shut her door and moved to join her. From the expression on her face, I gathered that I made my way around the car a little too quickly for her. She knew what I was, but she needed time to get used to the idea. I made a mental note to remember to behave and move more slowly.

As I started the car, I noticed the way she regarded the jacket behind her.

"I brought the jacket for you," I explained. "I didn't want you to get sick or something." I omitted the fact that having her scent on my clothing was more intoxicating than any perfume could ever be.

"I'm not quite that delicate," she replied, but she tugged on the jacket to bring it into her lap for extra warmth. She slid her arms through the sleeves, wearing the jacket backwards.

"Aren't you?" I disagreed, forcing my mind away from her scent.

I wasn't sure if she heard me, but she made no reply and simply inhaled the leathery fragrance of the jacket. I made a mental note that Bella liked the smell of leather. We started towards the school. I purposefully kept the speedometer at an insanely slow speed. Rosalie would beat us there by a long shot. She would gloat, I was sure of it.

Beside me, Bella seemed tense, nervous. I wondered if she was having second thoughts about trusting me after what she had learned last night. It was what she should be doing. Her natural survival instinct was bound to kick in sooner or later. It amazed me that she hadn't already run away in horror.

I tried to offer her a gentle smile to ease whatever nerves she had. "What, no twenty questions today?"

"Do my questions bother you?" she asked calmly.

"Not as much as your reactions do," I stated honestly.

Her brows knit together. "Do I react badly?"

"No, that's the problem." A part of me wished she would react badly, and yet another, more desperate part of me, rejoiced that she had tolerated my presence as much as she had. "You take everything so coolly—it's unnatural. It makes me wonder what you're really thinking."

"I always tell you what I'm really thinking."

"You edit," I rebuked.

"Not very much."

"Enough to drive me insane."

"You don't want to hear it."

But I did. It was an unending craving I had to hear her mind – almost as powerful as my thirst for her blood. Almost. It unnerved me that Bella was a blank page in the seemingly open book that was humanity. What message was I supposed to take from that? Was God warning me to stay away from her – from one of his most innocent, most special creations?

We turned into the school parking lot and her sweet voice broke me out of my reverie. "Where's the rest of your family?"

"They took Rosalie's car." It wasn't difficult to spot the shiny red convertible among the vast array of colorless hand-me-down cars that covered the parking lot. I pulled up next to it and cut off the engine. "Ostentatious, isn't it?"

"Um, wow," she gasped in awe. "If she has _that_, why does she ride with you?"

"Like I said, it's ostentatious." I couldn't have described Rosalie any better. "We _try_ to blend in."

"You don't succeed." She laughed and the sound was like music to my ears. I would certainly have to try to make her laugh more often.

"So why did Rosalie drive today if it's more conspicuous?" she asked, waiting for me at the front of the car.

"Hadn't you noticed? I'm breaking _all_ the rules now." I really didn't care either. If I had to go against everything I had been taught to stay with Bella for one more day, so be it.

We walked towards the school building side by side. I could feel the warmth radiating off of her skin, smell the luscious scent of her blood. A stray lock of her hair fluttered loosely along her delicate skin at her neck. I walked as closely to her as I possibly could without invading her space too obviously. She had willingly touched me last night, the memory of which made my thoughts flutter, and I wondered if she would try to touch me again today. Would I let her touch me again? Could I stand it?

"Why do you have cars like that at all?" she wondered. "If you're looking for privacy?"

"An indulgence." It wouldn't be polite to say that we had to spend our money on something. Why purchase a vehicle if it wasn't going to be the best? I gave her the other explanation instead. "We all like to drive fast."

"Figures," she muttered quietly.

As we approached the cafeteria, Jessica Stanly was waiting for Bella, a jacket hanging over her arm. Her eyes went wide when she saw us.

_He's still with her? Oh wow. Wow – wow – wow!_

"Hey, Jessica," Bella greeted casually. "Thanks for remembering," she said, taking her jacket from an unusually quiet Jessica.

But she wasn't quiet in her head. Her thoughts were screaming in wonder, excitement, and jealousy. Typical human female response, very much unlike Bella.

"Good morning, Jessica," I said with a polite nod of my head.

_Oh gosh is he handsome. Is Bella dating him? If she is, I'm going to throttle her for keeping this a secret!_

"Er…hi." Jessica stuttered.

_Say something smart so he won't think you're an idiot. That's stupid – he probably already thinks you're an idiot. Look at me. I'm staring at him. How does Bella do it?_

She pulled her eyes from me and looked to Bella, saying, "I guess I'll see you in Trig."

_And you are going to spill the WHOLE story!_

Bella sighed, sounding disappointed. "Yeah, I'll see you then."

As Jessica walked away, she stopped to take a few peeks at us over her shoulder.

_I wonder… is she falling for him? I would be. Every girl in this school is in love with Edward Cullen. One look in those golden eyes and I'd be done for! I can't wait to get the details on this! _

Me neither. I wanted those very same details. "What are you going to tell her?" I asked.

"Hey, I thought you couldn't read my mind!"

I looked down at her, surprised. "I can't." And then I understood. Bella was trying to think of an explanation for our…relationship. The thought made me smile. "However, I can read hers—she'll be waiting to ambush you in class," I warned.

She moaned and shrugged off my jacket. I took it from her, conscious of how warm it felt and how aromatic it smelled. But the question still remained. "So what are you going to tell her?"

"A little help?" she begged with puppy eyes. "What does she want to know?"

As if I would tell her that and ruin the element of surprise! "That's not fair."

"No, you not sharing what you know—now _that's_ not fair." She turned and led the way to her first period class, the lock of hair teasing me and tempting me the whole way.

I wanted to know the answers to Jessica's questions more than Jessica did, and I would have those answers if I listened close enough. If I told Bella what was coming, she would have time to prepare – to think through her answers and edit out any information she didn't want me to know. But if I didn't tell her, she might start to distrust me or think poorly of my abilities as a gentleman. Esme would scold me if she knew I was even considering not sharing the information.

We came to a stop outside the door and I decided it might cost me, but I really should give her the heads up. "She wants to know if we're secretly dating," I said. Even more softly, I added, "And she wants to know how you feel about me."

Bella's face twisted. "Yikes. What should I say?"

I wasn't too sure how to take this particular reaction. Was she disgusted by the question or the answer?

"Hmmm," I thought to myself, unable to resist the urge to wind that one loose bit of hair back into place. My hand lingered momentarily at her pulse point and it was no surprise that her heart was racing. If I had a working heart, it would probably skip a few beats just from the very nearness of her.

"I suppose you could say yes to the first…if you don't mind—it's easier than any other explanation." I was surprised at how nervous I was to suggest the idea of dating officially. It seemed juvenile, and yet so right.

"I don't mind," she said timidly.

"And as for her other question…" I took a deep breath, feeling how her fragrance filled my throat and lungs. I smiled at her, hoping she couldn't see through me to the desperation behind my thoughts. "Well. I'll be listening to hear the answer to that one myself."

Before I let my greed to be near her overpower my judgment, I willed my legs to turn me away from her and walk to my first class. "I'll see you at lunch," I promised.


	16. Chapter 15

_AN: Sorry for the delay. I'm afraid the next chapter will be even a long wait as I have yet to write ANYTHING past this point. I've been sick and then the holidays came and…well… you see how behind I can get. So I have plans for it and I WILL write it, I just don't know how soon I can get it to you. Hopefully this will satisfy your craving for now. _

_Many thanks to Imogen, Red Devil, and Pel for the beta. And again to Steph who is letting me use her dialogue._

CHAPTER FIFTEEN 

The first three periods blew past me in a blur. During my Calculus class, I could hear Bella talking with Mike Newton, who still harbored lustful thoughts for her, but he was caught up in another set of imaginative fantasies about Jessica. That boy really needed to make up his mind. I could tell from his thoughts that he was only using Jessica as a placeholder until Bella saw the light and started dating him. I really felt badly for Jessica and hoped Mike wouldn't go too far and compromise her in any lasting way.

The next two hours were spent with my mind darting between my own classes of Government and English and Bella's classes. She had English before me, so I knew ahead of time that there was a quiz. Pop quizzes were never a worry for me as I could pull the correct answers directly from the teacher's head if I needed to, but that was a rare case. Seldom did I take a class in high school that I hadn't already taken. It was only at the university level where I could honestly find any challenging work.

As I sat and waited at my desk for class to begin, Bella headed into her Trigonometry class, where Jessica was dancing from foot to foot with impatience waiting to talk to her. Earlier, I had heard Jessica speculate with a few of her other friends on the details of Bella's relationship with me. Based on the questions I knew she was anxious to present to Bella, this was going to be an interesting and informative conversation.

My English teacher began passing out the pop quiz, which I hastily finished and then pretended to go back over my answers while I listened in on the infinitely more interesting conversation taking place in the Trigonometry class room. With my pen poised over my paper, I waited anxiously to hear how Bella would respond to Jessica's questions.

_OH! There she is! She has to tell me EVERYTHING!_

_What happened last night?_

_Dinner! And alone time in the car! But how did they get home before we did?_

Oops. I would have to be careful about mistakes like that in the future.

_Wild driver, huh? That has to mean something. Oh yeah…was it arranged? Angela wanted to know if they had planned it._

_A surprise? Well I suppose that's romantic. But it would have been even more romantic if they were having a secret rendezvous! Still…he picked her up for school today, right?_

_Another surprise? Are they or aren't they going out? _

_OH MY WORD! They are going to SEATTLE together! _

_That's totally a date! More than a date! _

_I'm just…wow. WOW!_

_Wait! A whole day together… have they kissed even?_

My breath stopped as I considered what it would be to kiss Bella. Her soft, warm lips pressed against my stone cold ones. I immediately brushed the thought aside. How ridiculous was it to even contemplate? I wouldn't ever be able to, of course. I couldn't even fathom it. The temptation there would be too great. Still, the desire lingered and warmed my cold heart in a way that was unfamiliar to me.

_So no kissing…yet. Maybe he will on Saturday._

I'd never done any kissing in my mortal life, at least no romantic kissing. When I was human, courtship was an art and had strict rules from which any true gentlemen would never dare to stray. Kissing a woman's hand was about as much as I had ever done, but those distant human memories didn't provide me with much experience. The only memories I had of ever really touching a woman were after my transformation. Esme taught Emmett how to dance when Rosalie insisted on it for their first wedding. I'd had the pleasure of serving as Esme's dance partner as she demonstrated the correct moves. Other than my family, I had touched only a handful of human women in the last seventy years, but those were usually accidents…except Bella. That was no accident.

Having the ability to hear the thoughts of lovers as they kissed was never something that I enjoyed, in fact it had become a matter of retaining my personal sanity to learn how to block them out. Those moments were private. No one should worry about there being an unintended audience when they are at their most vulnerable. However, now as I contemplated actually having the chance to experience a moment like that for myself, I couldn't help but dwell on some of the things I had been witness to with the men in my family – the way their lives centered on the woman they loved. They each reacted and responded differently to the passion bestowed upon them – and yet it was the same. The thrill of loving and being loved in return was something that had changed these men forever. I saw it happen before my very eyes when Carlisle fell in love with Esme. It was as if a part of him was missing until he found her. Afterwards, he was, well, happier about everything. He had something else to look forward to everyday. It was inspiring. It was dangerous and exciting to even hope that I might be able to experience that with Bella.

To hold her…kiss her…

I smiled at the suggestion, but the smile soon faded. It would certainly be a thrill to kiss Bella…if I could somehow manage to resist drinking her blood and killing her first. I wished it could be different, but it was against my nature to see her body first and her blood second. Blood – especially her blood – would always be a greater temptation than anything else.

Suddenly, Jessica's banal thoughts snapped me back to the present.

_God! How can she not want to kiss him? I would SOOOO be kissing him!_

_If they didn't kiss, then they had to have talked. _

_Oh come on. Tell me what you talked about!_

I froze for a moment, wondering just how much of our conversation Bella would expose. It wasn't that I was worried she would reveal my secret, for I trusted her implicitly on that account. I did, however, wonder what her feelings were about the situation. Was she more afraid than she was letting on? Was she repulsed by what I was and just too scared to let it show? I found myself hoping that her words would help clarify her true thoughts for me.

_He didn't even look at the pretty waitress? That's a good sign at least._

_And a more mature waitress, too! If he didn't look at the waitress, then he must really like Bella. Lucky. _

'_Course, I would probably faint if I were ever lucky enough to be alone with Edward Cullen. He's so…well…_

_He intimidates me. What would I say to someone that gorgeous? _

_SHE has trouble? Anyone would have trouble talking to a guy that hot._

_There's more to him than being hot? What more could you want?_

_More behind the face, huh? Like under his clothes? _

I could hear the giggle rumble through her body in my mind. From a date to a kiss to taking my clothes off…typical. Was that all humans ever thought about? Was it so impossible to believe that two people could be attracted to each other for reasons above and beyond sexual gratification? Granted, that physical attraction was important, but my love for Bella was so much deeper than just that. If she cared for me the way I hoped she did, then I wanted it to be based on something other than my unnatural beauty. All vampires were beautiful to their prey. I wanted more from Bella.

Of course, that was assuming she cared for me at all.

_So then, she must like him._

I listened more closely, preparing for the answer that could destroy me or save me.

_Of course she does, but I mean _really_ like him._

_OH! Look at her blush!_

A smile formed on my mouth as the image of Bella's blush filled my mind. I could see her though Jessica's thoughts, biting at her bottom lip and turning the most tantalizing shade of red. It thrilled me.

_And how much does she like him? _

_Well…yeah…Edward Cullen is like that. He isn't interested in anyone as much as they're interested in him. It doesn't surprise me that she likes him more than he likes her. _

_Isn't that just like a guy though? I like Mike so much more than he likes me._

Her thoughts strayed off into the predictable and dull land of Mike Newton as Bella had obviously changed the subject from her own romantic life and focused on Jessica's.. Jessica's prattle didn't bother me because my own mind lingered on what Bella had concluded. Did she really believe that that her feelings for me were stronger than what I felt for her? How could she say, "I like him more than he likes me?" She was very wrong, indeed! "Like" wasn't even the right word. In my opinion, "love" didn't even express my feelings deeply enough. She was my everything, and it chilled my already cold heart to know that Bella had yet to realize how much she meant to me.

I would have to prove it to her.

All through gym, and a monotonous game of badminton, I considered how it could be done. My skills at courtship were severely underutilized. Oh, I knew the usual routine: flowers, dinner, a nice gift. It was one thing to know what was expected, but I had never done any of them, ever. This was all complicated by the fact that all of that seemed rather trite and convoluted when I tried to picture myself doing such ordinary things to win her. Bella was extraordinary, and she deserved so much more than commonplace dating tactics by an amateur.

She deserved so much more than I could ever give her. I would never deserve her, and yet she seemed to believe that it was the other way around – that she didn't deserve me. What would it take to prove her wrong? I could lavish her with expensive clothing, buy her all the diamonds in the world, or even build her a palace that would eclipse the glory of the Taj Mahal. I doubted that any of it would make her see how I truly felt. For Bella, it would take something seemingly small and priceless – something only I could give her. It would have to be some gesture worth more than any dollar amount.

What could I do that would be that unique and meaningful? I suddenly felt vulnerable, as if my love for her was on tenuous grounds unless I could prove myself…unless…perhaps that was it, what had made the difference to Carlisle and Esme. They were not afraid to reveal their vulnerability to each other. I could give her...well, for lack of a better word, myself. And not in the vile and crude way humans often thought these days. I could give her part of the things I really valued, not cars, not expensive clothes-things that money couldn't buy. All my thoughts...even my worries and fears. If I gave up all my secrets to her and showed her how much I trusted her by revealing even the darkest aspects of my being, maybe then she would understand. I could take her out into my favorite meadow, out in the bright sun, and let her see for herself exactly who and what I was. I had been hiding from her for too long. The time had come to stop pretending and welcome reality.

It was frightening to think about, but it would have to be done. Bella might take one look at me and run away screaming. Once she knew how I craved her blood above all other's, I wouldn't be surprised if she asked to never see me again. But it was the one sure way I could think of that would show her how very much I trusted her - how very much I loved her.

I decided to invite her to go to the meadow on Saturday, that was unless she insisted on going into the city. I highly doubted that her need to go to Seattle was anything more than an excuse to get out of going to the dance with one of her many admirers. I would simply ask if we could rearrange our plans and do something else instead.

That would give me a few days to prepare myself for whatever reaction she might have - prepare for the worst-case scenario. I wouldn't fight her if she said she hated me, but I might beg for forgiveness. Still, I would never force her to stay with me against her will. It would be the most difficult thing I would ever have to do, of that I was certain, but if the time came, I would let her go. Most certainly, I should be ready for the pain of that reaction

Of course, in all fairness, I should be ready for just the opposite to happen. It was beyond insane to expect her to accept everything I had to tell her and not react badly, but I couldn't help but hold out some hope that she could care for me once she had the full truth. And if after all my admissions of guilt she didn't turn me away… I would have to be ready for that as well. I would have to hunt and make sure my thirst was as satiated as I could possibly manage it so that I wouldn't be as tempted to drink from her. It was laughable that I would ever be able to resist her, but it was imperative that I manage it.

An image formed in my mind, unexpected and completely shocking. I saw Bella standing in the bright sunlight, dressed all in white and blushing in the most seductive and tantalizing way. My arms were outstretched and open to her as she walked towards me, her beautiful eyes looking back at me, so full of love and acceptance. She stepped into the circle of my waiting arms, wrapping her arms about my waist and resting her head against my chest as I cradled her in my arms.

And then I realized that not once in my briefly imagined scene had I wanted to taste her blood. I only wanted _her_.

The coach blew his whistle signaling everyone to make their way into the locker rooms to change and forcing me out of my glorious daydream and into harsh reality.. Lunch was next, and I would have the chance to spend it with Bella. She had no knowledge of all the optimistically romantic thoughts I had been having, even though they were potentially dangerous to her health. All she knew was that I probably had listened in on her conversation with Jessica. I would have to keep my emotions in check – stay calm and focused.

Bella's classroom was right around the corner from my own and I was able to make it to her door before she had even gathered up her books. She and Jessica were still talking and, thankfully, because of the close proximity, I didn't need to depend on Jessica's mind to hear Bella's voice.

"You're not sitting with us today, are you?" her friend assumed.

"I don't _think_ so," Bella replied unsurely.

I didn't like that. It only confirmed to me that she didn't know how much I cared for her.

They came out into the hallway and Bella met me with a smile that brightened my whole day. Jessica rolled her eyes saying, "See you later, Bella," while in her mind I heard how she would be calling Bella after school for details on our lunch conversation.

Women. I very nearly laughed, had it not been for the fact that I was growing tired of the required reports Jessica demanded from Bella about me. It was bad enough that my family was pestering me about it. Bella should at least have some privacy.

"Hello."

"Hi."

She didn't say anymore and I was slightly worried that she wished I hadn't listened in on her personal conversation. Her body was tense and I could hear her heartbeat begin to accelerate. I wondered at the cause for this reaction.

The thoughts of nearly every mind were directed at us as we entered the cafeteria. It had been a while since I'd heard my name repeated so frequently in so many minds that it was difficult to ignore them all.

_Is that…Bella Swan with Edward Cullen?_

_How did she hook up with Edward Cullen?_

_Cullen is with Bella? I should have known. Jerk._

That last voice I recognized right away, coated with animosity and hatred. I was tempted to pass him and say, "The feeling is mutual, Newton," but it would be rude of me.. Instead, we walked on past the gaping crowd.

_Be careful, Edward._

The warning came from Emmett.

_You've got some explaining to do later on, Edward!_

In typical Rosalie fashion, she was angry with me. Probably because Alice explained to her that Bella now knew the full truth about what we were. I would pay for it, one way or the other, of that I was sure.

_Bella will love the meadow, and you shouldn't worry. She'll be safe with you._

I grimaced. Naturally, Alice had all ready seen that I had chosen to take Bella to the meadow. I would still have to ask Bella if she wanted to go, but now I knew that she would say yes. Sometimes Alice spoiled some of the fun, but then again, at least I wouldn't have to worry that Bella would refuse me.

Once we reached the counter, I began selecting a vast array of food for Bella. I was surprisingly curious to know what kinds of food she enjoyed. I already knew she enjoyed ravioli, so I chose a piece of pizza, as it was the only Italian food being served. I also selected some fruit and some chips and drinks. Oh yes, and some chocolate. Every human woman I had ever encountered loved chocolate. In spite of the fact that Bella was the most unique mortal I'd ever encountered, for some reason I doubted that she would stray from the norm on this matter.

"What are you doing?" she complained. "You're not getting all that for me?"

I shook my head and paid the clerk. "Half is for me, of course."

She looked at me in disbelief.

I led her over to the table we sat at the other day, ignoring the amazed and self-indulgent seniors sitting at the far end of the table, who were insulting Bella in their thoughts. If I hadn't been so focused on the chance to actually confirm what I had overheard from Jessica and start in on showing Bella how very much I cared for her, I would have taken time to put them in their place. I wanted Bella to see me as a gentleman, and not as the monster I really was.

We took our places across from one another. "Take whatever you want," I insisted, pushing the tray toward her.

Her eyes formed slits as she picked up an apple and examined it closely. "I'm curious. What would you do if someone dared you to eat food?"

"You're always curious." I frowned at her and wondered if it really was worth the battle this time, or if now was the perfect time to cave. I went with the second choice.

Of the food I had purchased, the only one that held any strong flavor or smell was the pizza. If I was going to do this, I should at least get something out of it. I picked up the pizza, keeping my eyes on Bella to make sure she was watching, and bit off a hearty mouthful. Since I didn't have any saliva or taste buds with which to taste the food, the only flavor I could discern came from my sense of smell. I could faintly smell the garlic and the spice of the sauce, but it was virtually flavorless and certainly unappealing. I chewed the glob of food quickly, making sure it was mashed into as many tiny pieces as possible. The venom in my mouth would dissolve some of it, but even still I knew it would be more comfortable not to have a large chunk of food sitting in my stomach for very long. Unfortunately, I would have to cough it up later. It was worth it to see the astonished expression on Bella's face.

"If someone dared you to eat dirt, you could, couldn't you?" I asked derisively.

She bunched up her face in a familiar sign of disgust. "I did once…on a dare. It wasn't so bad."

Of course, leave it to Bella to eat dirt. The idea made me laugh. "I suppose I'm not surprised."

_She made him laugh! OH! OH! That's so great!_

Jessica. I glanced over my shoulder to catch her eye. She looked down quickly, caught in the act of watching us.

_OH NO! He saw me! I hope that doesn't ruin things for Bella. It was going so good. _

_Does Bella even realize how lucky she is?_

"Jessica's analyzing everything I do," I explained. "She'll break it down for you later." I returned my focus back to the attractive young woman sitting across from me and pushed the revolting pizza away.

To my total surprise, Bella picked up the food and bit off a bite from the very same spot I had eaten. Did she have any worry about germs? Not that I would infect her with germs, but I could infect her with something much, much worse. I worried for a moment if any of my venom lingered on the bite she was now swallowing. It wouldn't hurt her to swallow it. Venom had to go directly into the blood for it to cause any sort of change. Still, I didn't feel entirely comfortable with the idea of Bella being in any sort of danger of infection from me.

I guess kissing really was out of the question. I'd have to think about that one. There were more pressing topics to discuss right now.

"So the waitress was pretty, was she?" I started as casually as I could.

"You really didn't notice?" She seemed amazed by this.

"No. I wasn't paying attention. I had a lot on my mind." Like how to keep from hunting down the vile men who very nearly abused you.

"Poor girl," she muttered, looking away from me.

The suspense was killing me. I had to know if I had interpreted her conversation with her friend correctly. "Something you said to Jessica…well, it bothers me." I tried to keep my voice as calm as I could.

"I'm not surprised you heard something you didn't like. You know what they say about eavesdroppers," she scolded.

"I warned you I would be listening."

"And I warned you that you didn't want to know everything I was thinking."

"You did." I had to give her that. Even though I craved her thoughts more then anything, I was bound to find something troubling in them. "You aren't precisely right, though. I do want to know what you're thinking—everything. I just wish…that you wouldn't be thinking some things."

She frowned. "That's quite a distinction."

"But that's not really the point at the moment." I leaned in toward her, resting my chin on my hands. I wanted this conversation to be as private as I could make it in a lunchroom full of curious spectators.

"Then what is?" She inclined her body to match my own, placing her hand on her neck. Oh, how I longed to be able to touch her neck like that. Her throat…

_Look at that body language! He is so totally into her!_

Jessica again. I ignored her this time. I had a question to ask and I wasn't going to be detoured.

"Do you truly believe that you care more for me than I do for you?" There. I did it. I put it out into the open for her to explain.

Her eyes held mine for a moment, wide and full of wonder. Her breathing hitched and I could hear her pulse increase. She exhaled sharply and I was overcome by the scent of her sweet breath.

"You're doing it again," she mumbled, her eyes looking away from mine.

I thought for a moment and couldn't understand what she meant. "What?"

"Dazzling me." She blushed and looked up at me from under her dark lashes.

"Oh." I hadn't meant to do that. I realized that what Bella seemed to refer too as "dazzle" was actually one of the many weapons I had to lure in my prey. I openly used that technique when I wanted something from a person and they were unwilling to give it. In this case, though, I didn't want to take away any of Bella's free will. If she wanted to answer my questions, I wanted it to be for her reasons and not mine. I would have to be careful with that from now on as it appeared I dazzled her far more often than I intended.

"It's not your fault," she sighed. "You can't help it."

I could help it, and I would from now on. But that wasn't the point. "Are you going to answer the question?"

She cast her eyes down. "Yes."

Yes…what? How frustrating. "Yes you are going to answer, or yes you really think that?" It really would be so much easier if I could hear her mind and didn't have to have her clarify every statement she made.

"Yes, I really think that."

She didn't look up at me, but I could tell from her rapid pulse and shallow breath that she was afraid her answer might upset me. It did upset me, but not for the reason I believed she was thinking of. I got the impression from the way she blushed that she was worried about how I would react to hearing her admit that she cared about me. Instead, my distress came from the fact that Bella really had no idea how much I loved her.

"You're wrong." I made sure my voice was soft, and that I didn't sound harsh in any way.

She looked up at me with eyes full of hope.

"You can't know that," she disagreed softly, shaking her head and looking so sad that it very nearly broke my heart.

"What makes you think so?" I hated having to ask such a question of her. If I could, I would crawl into her mind and sift through every bit of information it held just to find the reasoning behind her beliefs.

She didn't answer me. She just sat there looking back at me with those wide, deep brown eyes. Her face scrunched up in a manner indicative of worry or frustration. What was going on in that mind of hers? Was she ever going to answer my question or would I be left to draw my own conclusions from her silence. I didn't like this – it was damn near intolerable not knowing. If she had any idea how aggravating this was for me to have to wait for an answer, she would reconsider ever making me wait again.

"Let me think," she insisted, holding up a finger in the international symbol for wait.

So she was going to give me an answer; I just had to wait even longer for it while she decided exactly how to word it. Perfect. She would edit again, and this time I would be well aware of it.

She played with her fingers for a moment, considering which words would be best for me to hear. I wondered if it would speed things up if I told her I wanted to hear them all.

Her mouth opened and she began her explanation. "Well, aside from the obvious, sometimes…" She stopped again. Damn it, just say it! "I can't be sure—_I_ don't know how to read minds—but sometimes it seems like you're trying to say goodbye when you're saying something else."

Interesting. She had picked up on the fact that I thought she really should stay away from me. And yet she didn't stay away. I had tried to keep a distance from her, and I failed. But if I had to leave her to keep her safe, I would. Still, it was very insightful of her to pick up on that fact.

"Perceptive," I whispered. "That's exactly why you're wrong, though." It wasn't that I was saying goodbye, it was that I needed her to tell me to leave. I doubted at this point that Bella would ever ask that of me.

There was something else she had said that made me curious. "What do you mean, 'the obvious'?"

"Well, look at me," she cried, and I took the invitation to glance at her figure. "I'm absolutely ordinary—well, except for bad things like all the near death experiences and being so clumsy that I'm almost disabled. And look at you." Her hand waved around in the air as she pointed at me.

I didn't quite understand. She was ordinary? How could she think that? And how could she compare herself to me? My appearance was founded in an unnatural beauty, while hers was totally pure and perfectly human. Was she saying…that she didn't think she was…pretty?

I knew that nearly every human teenager fretted over their appearance and hoped that someone would someday find them attractive, but I'd never once considered that Bella would think such things. She was beautiful! Unique. A diamond placed mysteriously in a pile of rocks. It was obvious to me. It was obvious to every male in the school. He she forgotten the attention she garnered on her first day here? If she wouldn't take my word for it, maybe she would take theirs.

"You don't see yourself very clearly, you know," I pointed out. "I'll admit you're dead on about the bad things," I laughed just thinking of her clumsiness, "but you didn't hear what every human male in this school was thinking on your first day."

She paled upon hearing my words, blinking her eyes and looking at me with incredulity. "I don't believe it…" she mumbled, unable to finish her thought.

"Trust me just this once—you are the opposite of ordinary." I gazed on her beautiful face, open and honest, willing her to believe me and see how very much I loved her.

She must have picked up on something for her face blushed pink under my scrutiny. Pink was fast becoming my favorite color.

"But I'm not saying goodbye," she reminded me.

"Don't you see? That's what proves me right." It was difficult to admit this, but it needed to be said. "I care the most, because if I can do it, if leaving is the right thing to do, then I'll hurt myself to keep from hurting you, to keep you safe." I fought back the tremor that went through my body at the very idea that I would ever have to separate myself from her. It would probably kill me to do it, but I would, if it became necessary, to save her.

Bella's eyes were fierce. "And you don't think I would do the same?"

"You'd never have to make the choice." She wouldn't. If ever it came to that, I would leave before she would have the chance to even consider leaving me. I wouldn't put her though that sort of emotional decision.

The frown on her face spoke volumes and I knew the conversation had taken a turn for the worse. I wanted to see her happy, and so I decided to change the topic. With a smile, I said, "Of course, keeping you safe is beginning to feel like a full-time occupation that requires my constant presence."

"No one has tried to do away with me today," she replied, her mood growing a bit lighter.

"Yet," I stressed.

"Yet," she echoed.

There was a quiet moment, in which I recalled that I had decided to take her to the meadow. Now was as good a time as any to ask, I supposed.

"I have another question for you," I said casually.

"Shoot."

"Do you really need to go to Seattle this Saturday, or was that just an excuse to get out of saying no to all your admirers?"

She scowled at me. "You know, I haven't forgiven you for the Tyler thing yet. It's your fault that he's deluded himself into thinking I'm going to prom with him."

"Oh, he would have found a chance to ask you without me—I just really wanted to watch your face." The memory of that moment made me laugh. And then I simply had to ask, "If I'd asked you, would you have turned _me_ down?" I held my breath, waiting for her answer.

To my great pleasure, she said, "Probably not." She shrugged and added, "But I would have cancelled later—faked an illness or a sprained ankle."

Now I was totally confused. Did she or didn't she want to spend time with me? "Why would you do that?"

She heaved a sigh and shook her head in disappointment. "You've never seen me in gym, I guess, but I would have thought you would understand."

I understood now. "Are you referring to the fact that you can't walk across a flat, stable surface without finding something to trip over?"

"Obviously."

"That wouldn't be a problem." I would never let her fall. "It's all in the leading." Before she could contradict me, I pressed forward, determined to get an answer to my earlier question. "But you never told me—are you resolved on going to Seattle, or do you mind if we do something different?"

"I'm open to alternatives," she offered. "But I do have a favor to ask."

Why was I suddenly afraid? "What?"

"Can I drive?"

No. "Why?"

"Well, mostly because when I told Charlie I was going to Seattle, he specifically asked if I was going alone and, at the time, I was. If he asked again, I probably wouldn't lie, but I don't think he _will_ ask again, and leaving my truck at home would just bring up the subject unnecessarily. And also, because your driving frightens me."

She had to be kidding me. "Of all the things about me that could frighten you, you worry about my driving." There was no fear that I would kill her, drink her blood, steal her and run off with her. No. Her worry was that I drove too fast. Truth was, my fast driving was probably the safest thing about me when it came to Bella.

Then I realized that her father thought she would be alone. Sneaking off with me without parental permission wasn't exactly a good idea. "Won't you want to tell your father that you're spending the day with me?"

"With Charlie, less is always more." She changed the subject before I could argue with her. "Where are we going, anyway?"

"The weather will be nice, so I'll be staying out of the public eye…and you can stay with me, if you'd like to." I waited for her to refuse, hoping that she wouldn't, but knowing that she should.

"And you'll show me what you meant, about the sun?" She grinned far too enthusiastically.

"Yes," I smiled, baffled by how excited and anxious she was to be alone with a killer. "But if you don't want to be…alone with me, I'd still rather you didn't go to Seattle by yourself. I shudder to think of the trouble you could find in a city that size."

My implication that she couldn't take care of herself made her angry. "Phoenix is three times bigger than Seattle—just in population. In physical size—"

"But apparently," I interrupted, "you're number wasn't up in Phoenix. So I'd rather you stayed near me." I held her intense gaze, making sure there was no argument about her safety.

I noticed the dazzled expression on her face and mentally kicked myself. I didn't want to take away her choices, even if I didn't exactly think she was making the right ones

"As it happens," she stated, "I don't mind being alone with you."

"I know." That was the problem. "You should tell Charlie, though."

"Why on earth would I do that?"

I had to be brutally honest with her to make her see reason. "To give me some small incentive to bring you back."

She swallowed hard, but her features softened after a moment. "I think I'll take my chances."

There was no hope for her. I should just give up now.

"Let's talk about something else," she suggested.

"What do you want to talk about?" I was still angry at her for not taking the danger of being alone with me seriously.

Her eyes wondered around the lunchroom. I was curious as to what she was looking for, so I, too, glanced around. I caught sight of my family staring at us.

_I can't believe you told her. How DARE you!_

_So now she knows everything? Great. Just great._

_You aren't seriously going to take her out in the sunlight, are you? She'll freak._

They were angry with me, and rightly so. None of us had ever been this open with a human before. Whenever a human grew suspicious or came close to guessing our secret, we would move. This was uncharted territory for us all to have a human know so much about our family. Only Alice had something nice to say.

_She will be safe with you, Edward. You'll never hurt her. I see it so clearly now. _

Suddenly, Bella's eyes were back on me again and all I could focus on was her. "Why did you go to that Goat Rocks place last weekend…to hunt? Charlie said it wasn't a good place to hike, because of bears."

She really didn't just ask me that, did she? I already told her I didn't hunt people. What else would I hunt?

Realization lit up her face. "Bears?" Her expression was priceless. "You know, bears are not in season," she chided me,

I smirked at that. "If you read carefully, the laws only cover hunting with weapons."

She thought about it and I could just see the wheels turning in that glorious brain of hers.

"Bears?" she repeated skeptically.

"Grizzly is Emmett's favorite." I spoke truthfully, but waited for her reaction. Any moment now she was sure to figure out how dangerous I was and make a run for it.

She hummed thoughtfully and took another bite of pizza, followed by a long drink of her coke. She wasn't looking at me. In fact, she was avoiding my eyes. I wondered if I was right and now was the moment where she would say she'd heard enough.

But I was wrong. Her eyes flitted up to mine as she asked, "So, what's your favorite?"

It was worse than I had anticipated. Not only was she not disturbed by the suggestion that we hunted and killed wild animals for their blood, but now she wanted to know which animals held a particular interest for me. I debated not telling her, but then opted to go ahead and give her what she wanted. Was her question really any different than a girl asking a boy what his favorite food was? "Mountain lion," I said bluntly.

"Ah." Her reply was not only vague, but it was also noncommittal. I hated not knowing the meaning behind it.

"Of course," I continued, "we have to be careful not to impact the environment with injudicious hunting." It was my sorry attempt to pass myself off as a conscious and well-mannered hunter rather than a vicious, bloodthirsty monster. "We try to focus on areas with an overpopulation of predators—ranging as far away as we need. There's always plenty of deer and elk here, and they'll do, but where's the fun in that?" I smiled in spite of myself. Deer were probably the easiest animal to catch, and they weren't very tasty or satisfying. As much as we craved blood, we also craved the hunt. Deer only served as something to tide us over until we could find something more fulfilling.

"Where indeed," she muttered, taking another bite of the pizza. I noted how she was avoiding making any kind of real comment on my revelation.

"Early spring is Emmett's favorite bear season—they're just coming out of hibernation, so they're more irritable." Emmett held a personal grudge against bears ever since his death. However, if you were to ask him about it, he would say it was worth it seeing as how he got Rosalie in the deal.

"Nothing more fun than an irritated grizzly bear." Her tone was distant, almost as if she was detaching herself from the conversation and trying to distance herself from my monstrous side. That's what she should have been doing, but Bella seldom did what she should.

She was driving me crazy. "Tell me what you're really thinking, please."

"I'm trying to picture it—but I can't," she clarified. "How do you hunt a bear without weapons?"

"Oh, we have weapons." Did I say that we didn't? I smiled widely, flashing her my teeth and letting her take in the full effect of the danger. I went a little too far, though, for she shivered and paled. I hadn't meant to frighten her, but perhaps that was just what she needed to see. "Just not the kind they consider when writing hunting laws. If you've ever seen a bear attack on television, you should be able to visualize Emmett hunting."

She shivered again and glanced over her shoulder to where my family was sitting. Emmett and Rosalie were in a heated discussion about the fact that I was casually sitting here spilling all the family secrets to an innocent, young human. From the looks of things, I was in for a vicious battle when I got home tonight. I hoped Rosalie would take her anger out on the men we were going to go look for in Port Angeles and not focus it all on me, but that was doubtful. I would have to pay for this, one way or the other.

"Are you like a bear, too?" Bella's soft voice brought me back to the conversation.

"More like the lion, or so they tell me," I admitted. "Perhaps our preferences are indicative."

"Perhaps." Her smile was forced as she echoed my word again. "Is that something I might get to see?"

"Absolutely not!" Whatever blood I had in my system drained from my face. I felt chilled by the very idea of her not only watching me in my most carnal state, but of the danger it would put her in. With my senses open and on the prowl, I wouldn't be as mindful of her safety. She would be my prey and I would take her blood without a second thought. My eyes lingered on the pulse point at her neck. How easy it would be. How glorious she would taste.

No.

I sat back, positioning myself as far away from her as possible without making her alarmed, and folded my arms in front of myself. I had to stop these thoughts. If I ever hoped be stay with her, protect her, _and_ keep her human soul intact I couldn't allow myself to even consider that she carried in her veins the most precious and tempting liquid ever created.

"Too scary for me?" she squeaked, trying to hide the fear she felt from my reaction.

I very nearly choked. "If that were it, I would take you out tonight. You _need_ a healthy dose of fear. Nothing could be more beneficial for you."

"Then why?" she pressed.

I didn't want her to ask me that. I didn't want to have to prove it to her. I wanted her acceptance as much as I wanted her to realize that I didn't deserve her. It was a dangerous game I was playing, but I couldn't help it. I wanted her – no – I _needed_ her. As much as I wanted her to realize the danger, I didn't want her to hate me. I could tolerate her fear, but not her hatred. Someday, when I better understood her humanity and she had a better grasp on my thirst, I would explain it to her.

"Later," I said, hoping that would be the end of the discussion. I stood up and motioned for her to join me. "We're going to be late."

She jumped up, startled and somewhat confused to see how empty the lunchroom was. She slung her bag over her shoulder and looked me directly in the eyes.

"Later, then."

She wasn't going to let the question go unanswered. I would have to do some serious thinking on how to explain my desire for her blood, and her blood alone, in such a way that wouldn't offend her or leave her petrified. It would be tricky, but I would manage. For now though, we had a Biology class to attend. 


	17. Author's Note 2

I posted this at the lexicon, so if you visit over there this is old news. But I wanted to put it here as well so my readers would know why I've been delayed in getting the next chapter of Lion/Lamb out to you.

With all the hype surrounding the release of New Moon, many of the fans here at the lexicon have learned about the existence galley copies. I've also seen a few questions about how a person actually gets their hands on one of these copies. Well, there are several ways. If your are a book buyer or you work for a book company or a library or something along these lines, you may be fortunate to receive a copy for you to examine and determine if you would like to order the book for your store or library. The other way to get a copy is to know someone from the publishing company, or the author. and be in good enough standing with them that they will want to give you copy as a gift.

When we created the lexicon, we did it out of pure necessity to keep the facts straight. We did it because we love this book and we wanted to create a place for fans to gather to have easy access to information. We did it because we wanted to, not because someone asked us to, and we had no intention of getting a "reward" for our efforts. However, Stephenie Meyer thought other wise, and as a gift for organizing her notes, so to speak, she was kind enough to give both Imogen and I a galley of New Moon.

Yes, you read that correctly, we have read New Moon.

We've had the book for about a week now, which gave us plenty of time to read it and think about it and even talk to Stephenie about it. I've actually read the book twice, as there was SO much new information I simply didn't get it all in the first read through.

I don't want to spoil the book for any of the fans here, but I will tell you that the book is just amazing. First of all, it's HUGE! That's always a plus, in my opinion. Second of all, it's very similar to Twilight in the way that it has a great deal of character development and exploration and growth at the beginning and through the middle, followed by a knock out, drag them through the mud action/adventure sequence at the end that is bound to send chills down your spine. It's got enough of the romance to satisfy those cravings most of us have, while at the same time it will most likely cause you to feel every emotion possible: from love to hate to friendship to loss to confusion to bewilderment to disbelief to terror and all over again. New Moon is a wild ride that sets up the possibilities and hopes of the third book just beautifully.

Let me assure you, fans will not be disappointed. I can't say that this is the book everyone thought it would be. However, I personally think it's better than the speculations. There is SO much we learn about Bella and the other characters surrounding her in life that she really comes alive for me as the heroine of the story. More than just the girl who falls in love with the vampire, but as a young woman taking some control over her destiny. Bella learns and grows so much in the book that I found myself becoming even more attached to her.

So whatever your doubts and fears are for the book, don't jump to conclusions until you have read it. And on a more personal note, please don't swamp my e-mails with question about the plot above and beyond what I have posted here. I simply will not give anything away. I was thrilled to have the chance to read it early, and I'm not going to look a gift horse in the mouth by spilling the beans here in the lexicon and ruin the good, friendly relationship I have with Stephenie.

Lastly, I need to comment on the status of my fan fiction The Lion and the Lamb. Having read New Moon, there are one or two bits of information I have learned that could potentially change the way I would have written a few up coming scenes. However, I promised Stephenie that I could continue writing my fic without incorporating the "spoilers" so long as my readers understood that point as well. What this means is that I will continue to write my story so long as everyone understands I am keeping to my original course and NOTHING I write will be a spoiler. NOTHING. I will not be including any new information that any fan should consider true to fact. The Lion and the Lamb has been and will continue to be MY personal take on the events of Twilight separate and apart from anything I have learned while reading New Moon. If I start getting reviews that make me think other wise, or if too many people have a problem with that, then I will be forced to abandon the fic. I don't want to have to give it up, but I will if there is too great an interest in spoilers. I hope everyone can understand where I am coming from, both as a fan who doesn't want to spoil the fun and as an author who wants to finish her plot. Let me know if you simply can not believe or accept that Lion/Lamb will contain no spoilers. Depending on the response I get from this, I will decide if I should continue the fic.

Again, allow me to reiterate that I loved New Moon. Imogen loved New Moon. I have no doubt that all the fans who visit the lexicon will love New Moon. And because of this, I am on the edge of my seat for Eclipse!


	18. Chapter 16

_AN: It's shorter than I would like, but I figured someone might hunt me down soon if I didn't update. I promise that it won't be this long before my next update. I owe it to each and every one of you that has sent me well wishes and promised me that you will take this fic for exactly what it is – FAN fiction and nothing pertaining to spoilers. I'm writing this as if I have no more knowledge than what is posted on Stephenie's web site or at the lexicon._

_Speaking of which…_

_Stephenie gave out Edward's class schedule at the MySpace group. With this new information, I went back and tweaked the last chapter to match his schedule. If you don't want to go back and reread it, that's fine. You won't miss anything. However, it will seem as if Edward goes to Spanish twice. I had him taking Spanish first hour, when he really takes Spanish at the end of the day. _

_Many thanks to Red Devil, Imogen, and Pel for the help and the beta._

**CHAPTER SIXTEEN**

_What's with Edward Cullen and Bella?_

_No way is he really going out with her. _

_I wouldn't have believed it if I hadn't seen it._

_She is, like, SOOOO lucky!_

Every thought from every person we passed on our way to our seats in the classroom seemed to echo the same incredulity that Bella and I were more than friends. I wondered momentarily if they were surprised by the fact that Bella had been able to get one of the usually standoffish Cullens to actually open up to her, or, just as Bella expressed earlier, that they were more amazed that out of every girl in the school, I chose to pay attention to Bella? It couldn't be the latter. Every other male in the school had his eye on winning her. Why should I be any different?

I would win her. And I would do it in the most gentle and non- frightening way I knew how.

We took our seats at our lab table, sitting unusually close to one another. Until now, every time I had the chance to sit at a table with Bella, we sat across from one another. That was all well and good as it provided me with the best view of her eyes, which I relied on heavily to understand her, as I didn't have the benefit of hearing her thoughts. But this time we sat side by side, our bodies very nearly touching. If I were to lean an inch to the side, my arm would brush against hers. It was thrilling to be that close, and terrifying at the same time.

Mr. Banner wheeled in a mammoth stand with an ancient TV and VCR placed on top, signaling to the class that today was movie day. It took all of two seconds for me to hear that he hadn't had time last night to prepare the lab for today, so he had taken the typical fix-it standard of picking out an instructional film for us to watch. He hadn't even typed up the usual worksheet of silly questions for us to answer to make sure we were following along.

Perfect. A whole hour with nothing to do but revel in the heat radiating off Bella's skin. My mind wandered off into dangerous territory.

And then the lights went out.

A charge surged though my body unlike anything I'd ever felt before. It was as if there were an electrical current flowing between Bella and me, pulsing and growing with intensity. I watched her from the corner of my eye and saw the familiar pink blush of her cheeks and the way her body unnaturally stiffened and became rigid next to mine. Was she feeling this as well? Was she experiencing the same thing I was?

Her eyes flashed up to mine, and from under the dark lashes I could see desire. I'd seen that look before from a handful of female vampires who felt I would make a good mate for them, but never in my entire existence had I reciprocated. Their eyes were always hungry and lustful, and yet Bella's were innocent and loving. It was such a new experience for me to be looked at in such a way that it took my breath away.

I wanted to touch her. I needed to touch her, to make sure this was real and that I wasn't imagining the angel sitting next to me. But I couldn't. I didn't dare. Not once this morning had she made an effort to touch me. Even though I walked next to her, even though she could have taken my hand at lunch if she had wanted to, she didn't. From the few times I had had the pleasure of touching her, she could probably remember how cold my skin was. Cold and hard, like stone. It probably revolted her and that was why she hadn't moved to reach out to me. I would resist reaching out to her.

I tucked my hands under my arms and held on to myself as tight as I could, my fists clenched together. With each surge of longing I felt – longing to touch her – I would press tighter against myself, willing my desire into submission for the moment.

My eyes drifted over to look down at Bella once more, and to my amazement, I found her body in a very similar position to mine. How interesting. Was she shying away from me? Was she trying to look casual about being so very close to me? Or was it – and I could hardly believe I dared to think such a thing – but was she having just as much difficulty keeping her hands to herself as I was?

I smiled down at her, hoping to ease some of the tension between us, only to be rewarded with another flush of her skin, a racing pulse, and eyes that instinctively shied away from mine. I didn't want her to look away, for it was in her eyes that I was only ever able to see some of the truth and meaning behind her actions and words. I depended on those eyes so much that it thrilled me every time she did chance a glance in my direction.

The movie droned on and on. I hadn't a clue what the topic was, for I only had eyes for Bella. It was as if we were lost in our own little electric world, where pulse after pulse of energy flowed between us as easily as the air flowed around us. That energy grew and grew and almost became unbearable. If I didn't stop this – if I didn't touch her soon-- I felt as if my dead heart would burst inside of my chest. And I knew, as the hour progressed, that Bella did feel it, too. How could she not?

Was this love? Was this the actual current of love manifesting itself in energy form? Bella had said that she cared for me more than I did for her. Even though I knew her to be wrong, the statement at least confirmed that she did care for me. She cared for me more than she was ready to admit to her friend. Did that mean she loved me?

My mind turned a somersault at the very idea.

Suddenly, and without warning, Mr. Banner flicked on the lights and the moment was lost. I had been so lost in Bella that I hadn't even registered Mr. Banner's and the other students' thoughts that the end of the class had arrived. In the bright, artificial glow of the room, whatever it was that passed between us vanished in an instant.

Beside me, Bella stretched out her arms in front of her, wiggling life back into her fingers. Her face was still pink, but it was the heat from her eyes that spoke to the intensity of the experience. I could tell she was trying not to make a big deal out of what had transpired, which only made me laugh.

"Well, that was interesting," I marveled.

Her only response was a gentle hum.

"Shall we?" I asked, rising from my chair and motioning for us to head to our next class.

It seemed utterly ridiculous that we had to separate now, of all times. I wanted for the moment to continue. Would we be able to recreate that feeling ever again? Did she want to recreate it?

We walked in silence to her next class, which was gym. I turned to look down at her to bid her farewell, but I couldn't. I was at a loss for words. Remembering the enormity of the last hour, I gazed down at her with such longing. I wanted, more than anything, to scoop her up into my arms and to run away to some private and secluded area so that I wouldn't have to share her with anyone or be parted from her ever again. I knew she had no idea how completely devoted to her I was, and I didn't want to scare her with the magnitude of my love for her.

Feeling very daring, I slowly raised my hand to her face. Too much pressure and I could break her. But I couldn't resist touching for a moment longer. With careful precision, I lightly brushed the tips of my fingers along her cheekbone. Her skin was so warm, so soft. Completely and totally opposite from mine. I felt the heat of her face rise as her blood pulsed more rapidly and made her face blush.

I tried to ignore the way my own body responded to that heat, but it was impossible. I'd never felt like this – never had this response. It was in my nature to crave the heat and warmth of her blood, but it was a new sensation to crave the heat and warmth of her skin against mine. If I stayed here too much longer, I just might go with my instincts and carry her off to some faraway land never to return.

With tremendous effort, I pulled my hand away from her glorious face and forced my body to turn and walk away from her. Surely I deserved some sort of a reward for being able to keep my distance this long. I was in agony being separated from her, and that pain grew with each step I took that increased the distance between us. I wanted her next to me, beside me. I wanted her close where I could keep an eye on her, where I could touch her again if she would allow it. I wanted her in my life, at the center of my life. I wanted…her.

The next hour was torture, but I made it. I had a hard time separating my thoughts from the Spanish lesson I was sitting though. The class was working on the use of the word "would," which I had mastered decades ago, but was forced to play dumb in situations like this. Unfortunately, my mind wasn't cooperating.

"Querias tomar una bebida?" the teacher asked.

Would I like a drink? I nearly snorted out loud. Even worse was the repeated response that we as students were expected to echo in unison. "Si, me qustaria tomar una bebida." I rolled my eyes as I said the words.

"Eduardo," the teacher said suddenly. My eyes snapped to her face and I could hear the disappointment. _He thinks this is boring. I can tell from that annoying eye roll of his. I hate that from students. _

"Estas irritado, Eduardo? Si no querias tomar una bebida, que querias?"

Of course I was irritated! If she had any idea what I really wanted, she would run from the room screaming. But I had to answer her as a student, so I innocently replied, "Quiero saber que crea."

I thought it was the perfect answer. It wasn't a lie, for I did want to know what Bella was thinking. However, to my teacher it sounded as if I wanted to know what _she_ was thinking, as I didn't specify to whom the pronoun referred. I finished off the answer with a brilliant, wide smile, hoping the teacher would move on and forget all about me for the rest of the class.

_Good lord, he's handsome. Let it go. Just move on and don't think about him that way._

"Que chistoso, Eduardo!"

It worked. I wasn't bothered for the rest of the hour. Instead of Spanish, I kept my mind focused on the one person I envied most at this moment, which ironically was Mike Newton. He was bravely partnering Bella in a game of badminton. Brave was the perfect term for it as Bella managed to nearly take him out with one swing of her racket. She only clipped him on the shoulder, though, and saved the real wallop for her own head. That confirmed it; Bella Swan was the most accident-prone human being who ever lived. Mike was taking a real risk being her partner. However, I had to give the boy credit for being polite to her. Regardless of how truly horrid she was as a player, Mike always managed to include her in the victory whenever they – or rather _he_ - won a game.

All through the period I expected Mike to bring up Bella's growing relationship with me, since that had been the only thing on his mind other than hitting the birdie over the net. His thoughts were a jumbled mess of questions and derogatory comments, all aimed at making Bella see just how dreadfully wrong she was about me. I nearly laughed at the irony of Mike trying to convince her to stay away from me when I had been doing the same thing for days now.

It wasn't until the end of the class that Mike worked up the courage to confront her about the situation. I completely ignored the assignment being given in my own Spanish class and paid close attention to Mike and his spiteful mind.

_Just be casual. Ask gently. You and Cullen, huh?_

_Just because it isn't my business doesn't mean I have to like it._

_I don't like the way he looks at her. He looks…hungry. It's not right._

I was startled by the perceptivity of the thought. And even more amazed at how easily Bella brushed it off. In Mike's mind, I could see her walking away from him, unfazed by the candid comment. It really didn't affect her that at any given time I could end her precious life without her ever knowing what hit her. It was perverse of me to think it, but knowing how much she trusted me made me love her even more.

Mike, on the other hand, was a nuisance. I hated to admit that he was right in thinking that Bella shouldn't be around me. Still, that was for me to deal with. Bella wasn't interested in him, and in my opinion, Bella's safety was not his worry. That was my job. There wasn't any room for Mike Newton in this picture. I forced myself to ignore his immature thoughts and focus on Bella.

I waited for her at the door to the gym. My mind raced through the facts I had learned over the last twenty-four hours, taking account of how I felt concerning those facts. First of all, Bella knew what I was and, even though she should be repulsed and terrified, she didn't hate me for it. Which lead me to fact number two. She cared about me. More than cared…she could possibly love me. Even though I had always known love in my life, it had always been love from family members. I knew my real father and mother had loved me. Carlisle and Esme loved me as their son, and even Alice loved me as a brother. Yet I had never experienced romantic love of any kind. It was new and exciting territory to be in.

When she walked out of the gym, she seemed genuinely surprised that I was waiting for her. I wondered how long it would take her to realize that I was attached to her.

"Hi," she smiled brightly, warming my heart.

"Hello." I smiled back at her, careful to not give the toothy grin reserved for startling people. "How was gym?" I asked as innocently as possible.

Her smile fell a bit. "Fine."

Liar. "Really?" I wanted to call her out on this one, but my attention was drawn to the person sending vicious thoughts in my direction. Mike Newton stood in the distance, glowering and threatening me in his mind. When Bella turned to find what I was looking at, Newton took the non-confrontational route and stalked away.

"What?" she asked.

I looked down into her brown eyes and answered honestly. "Newton's getting on my nerves."

"You weren't listening again?" She sounded rather upset.

"How's your head?" I asked, ignoring the rise in her temper.

"You're unbelievable!" Turning away from me, she stomped out to the parking lot in a rather funny display of anger. She was so lovely when she was angry, not that it was my favorite of all her emotions, but it did always make her cheeks turn a delicious shade of pink. Of course, I had learned a few other ways to provoke the same reaction on her skin without making her mad. For now though, she was mad, and I owed her an explanation.

I fell in step next to her and said, "You were the one that mentioned how I'd never seen you in gym—it made me curious."

Something in the way she ignored me told me that my reason for watching her wasn't a good one. This didn't bode well. Perhaps she was just a little angrier than I assumed. She continued her march forward without so much as a word to me, and only stopped when we were a few steps away from my car.

A herd of teenage boys stood around Rosalie's car, coveting the vehicle and gaping at its glory. I brushed past them and got into my car. "Ostentatious," I muttered to myself.

Bella was climbing into the passenger side of the car. The gentleman in me told me that I should have opened her door for her, but I had the feeling that Bella would take that as a sign that I was being too protective or some other silly thing I was quickly growing used to. Plus, I was grateful she was getting into the car at all considering that she hadn't said a word to me since she stalked away after gym.

When Bella did chose to speak, at long last, it took me by surprise.

"What kind of car is that?" she asked.

I hadn't been expecting that sort of question. I was prepared for a verbal scolding on personal privacy. Clearly, I wasn't yet in tune with the inner workings of Bella's mind. I wondered if I would ever be.

"An M3," I answered her hastily.

"I don't speak _Car and Driver_." She was still obviously upset because her tone was far from pleasant.

I hadn't said anything to belittle her; I only answered her question. Apparently, she wanted something simpler. "It's a BMW," I offered, rolling my eyes and pulling out of the parking space while trying to avoid the mass of boys still looking longingly at Rosalie's automobile.

The only reply I got was a nod.

"Are you still angry?" I asked, even though I knew the answer. Mind reading wasn't necessary for this one.

"Definitely."

In my opinion, it was silly to be angry over something I had warned her about, but I couldn't stand the idea of her being angry with me. "Will you forgive me if I apologize?" I offered.

"Maybe…if you mean it. _And_ if you promise not to do it again."

Never do it again? Was she insane? How could I promise to never again listen in on her life? That would only leave her open to more accidents than I could even imagine. It was out of the question. I would simply have to change the conditions.

"How about if I mean it, _and_ I agree to let you drive Saturday?" It pained me to make the offer, but at least I was giving her something she wanted in exchange for not making such a ridiculous promise.

She considered it for a moment, and then agreed. "Deal."

I turned to look at her intently. "Then I'm very sorry I upset you." Her breathing hitched and I heard her heartbeat pulse erratically. She obviously believed me. "And I'll be on your doorstep bright and early Saturday morning," I added with a playful grin.

"Um, it doesn't help with the Charlie situation if an unexplained Volvo is left in the driveway."

I very nearly rolled my eyes at her, but I held my smile. "I wasn't intending to bring a car." Sooner or later she would stop thinking of me as a human.

"How—"

"Don't worry about it," I interrupted her. "I'll be there, no car." Today wasn't the day to explain everything.

"Is it later yet?" she asked pointedly.

Or maybe it was the day. Did she have to learn all the gory details in one day? "I suppose it is later."

She sat quietly and waited for me to continue. I knew what she wanted. At lunch I had promised her that I would tell her exactly why she couldn't watch me as I hunted. It seemed pointless to me because of how obvious the answer was, but it wasn't obvious to Bella. Naturally, herability to protect herself and stay out of dangerwas completely null and void.

I stopped the car behind her truck and looked over at her, trying to decide just how ready she was to hear the whole truth. I'd already decided to tell it to her, I just wasn't expecting to do it today. I thoroughly enjoyed this euphoric feeling of being in love and wasn't quite ready to end it just yet, for I was worried that once she knew everything she would run away in terror.

But then she turned her eyes to meet mine and whatever I was worried about seemed to fade. Her eyes looked on me with such gentleness. I could refuse her nothing.

"And you still want to know why you can't see me hunt?" It was almost comical that I would have to explain this to her. The predator telling the prey how he hunted.

"Well," she refined, "I was mostly wondering about your reaction."

I wondered about her reaction to my reaction. "Did I frighten you?"

"No." She was a terrible liar.

"I apologize for scaring you," I expressed, in spite of her insistence that she wasn't scared. And then my mood shifted as I considered, yet again, what it would be like to have Bella near me while I was in my most natural state. "It was just the very thought of you being there…while we hunted." I could barely manage the words.

"That would be bad?"

Bad was an understatement. "Extremely."

"Because…?"

I dreaded admitting this to her – that I desired her blood over all others – but that was the answer to her question. If my senses were openly seeking blood, and my thirst was such that I would attack the closest and weakest creature around, I shuddered to think what I could do to Bella. Even though I was determined not to hurt her, I wasn't so foolish to realize how futile that would be if I were truly thirsty and in a hunting state of mind.

Yet I owed her an answer. Something that wouldn't scare her too terribly.

I inhaled deeply and looked up at the sky, for there was no way I could get through this while looking into her sweet eyes. "When we hunt," I started slowly, cautiously, "we give ourselves over to our senses…govern less with our minds. Especially our sense of smell. If you were anywhere near me when I lost control that way…" I couldn't finish the sentence. An image filled my mind of Bella screaming and running helplessly away from me as I chased her down. I shook it off and forced myself to turn my gaze back to her face and see the gentleness there, to focus on the purity and the love. I would never hurt her – _could _never hurt her. I would destroy myself before I allowed that to happen.

The familiar electric pulse I had experienced only a few hours ago returned in full force. It seemed impossible, but I was suddenly more aware of her than I had been all day. The deep chocolate of her eyes pulled me in, captivating me. Her breathing had all but stopped as she gazed back at me. The gentle separation between her full lips allowed me a glimpse of her tongue and I couldn't help but wonder what she would taste like. The soft blush on her skin served as a reminder of her humanity. Her blood was pounding in her veins, hard and strong, calling me to her. How tempting she was, and in more ways than one. My thirst roared to life.

She drew in a long, ragged breath, breaking up the electric connection enough for me to regain my own sanity. I knew in that moment that I was in too deep. I had to leave her before my lust for her blood…for her body, overwhelmed me. I'd never felt this sort of desire before and I wasn't sure how well I could maintain a distance from her or how long I could refrain from touching her.

I closed my eyes and forced my voice to say, "Bella, I think you should go inside now."

The sound of her door opening and the rush of fresh air that filled the car was a welcome distraction. She stepped out of the car and the door shut behind her. I didn't want her to leave thinking poorly of me, for I wasn't certain how she was feeling about the moment that had just passed between us. I couldn't tell if her inability to balance properly right now was because she had felt something similar to what I had felt or if that was just typical Bella.

I rolled down the automatic passenger side window and called to her, my voice sounding smoother than it had a moment earlier. "Oh, Bella?"

"Yes?" she turned to look at me.

"Tomorrow it's my turn."

"Your turn to what?"

I couldn't help the wide smile from forming. "Ask the questions."

I pulled the car away from her house before she could protest.

Spanish words and phrases:

Querias tomar una bebida? – Would you like to take a drink?

Si, me qustaria tomar una bebida. – Yes, I would like to take a drink.

Estas irritado, Eduardo? Si no querias tomar una bebida, que queries? – Are you annoyed, Edward? If you wouldn't want to take a drink, what would you want?

Quiero saber que crea. – I want to know what she's thinking.

Que chistoso, Eduardo! – What a joker you are, Edward!


	19. Chapter 17

_AN: As I'm sure all of you already know,s ince the last time I updated Stephenie Meyer has been gracious enough to let fans have a look a chapter one of Midnight Sun – the real version of Lion and the Lamb. If you haven't read it, I suggest you do so as it is amazingly intense! Now, hopefully you will all be able to see what I mean when I say that my own work is rather inadequate and falls far from the mark. Don't fret, though – I'm going to keep going anyway in spite of that fact. _

_It's been a while since I've written anything that's 100 from my own head and doesn't use dialogue from the book so I must thank the beta readers on this one. Pel helped fill in some holes to the argument at the beginning as well as flesh out how the end sequence should work, and Red Devil caught a few transitional problems. So well done, for both of you! _

_Please do not look for another update anytime much before the end of the month. I might be able to get the next chapter posted before then, but I just don't want to get your hopes up. You see, I leave home next Wednesday for a weekend visit with my beta reader Pel that will include having lunch with Stephenie Meyer. I won't return home until Monday, and thus it's just impossible to think that I'll be able to whip up anything coherent in the mean time. I'm just giddy with excitement!_

_I hope this chapter is long enough and full of fun vampire moments to tide you over until next time. I do need to warn everyone that this chapter pushes the rating a bit, so beware of foul language and adult situations._

**CHAPTER SEVENTEEN**

It was no surprise to find Rosalie waiting for me at home in a panicked rage. I had been mentally listening in on her temper tantrum from the car, so I knew what was in store for me. I had expected as much from her, but still, her anger wasn't something I was looking forward to dealing with in the slightest. Of all my family members, even Emmett and his mighty strength or Jasper and his weak control, Rosalie was the one with the worst temper, and for that, I was worried some over the argument I knew was coming. I hadn't even stepped one foot into the house when the accusations and verbal insults began flying.

"You _bastard_! You total and complete bastard!"

"Nice to see you too, Rose," I sighed. I did a mental survey of the house to locate the rest of my family. Carlisle and Esme were listening in from the kitchen, keeping their distance, but close enough to step in if this got out of control. Emmett and Jasper were in their own rooms, wisely staying out of Rosalie's path. Alice was the only mind I couldn't locate.

Rosalie's eyes were fierce and dangerous as she glared back at me. "Don't even try to sweet talk your way out of this one. You had no right to tell her everything! Have you no respect for any of the rest of us?"

"Yes, actually, I do have respect for all of you, but you're wrong in assuming I told her everything."

She laughed cold and mockingly. "You're such a liar. I could hear the conversation you were having with her at lunch. She knows. She knows what we are, what we do, where we hunt…"

"I never told her where we hunt," I corrected.

Her eyes flashed in anger. "But she knows! That's the point here, Edward. She knows! You told her!"

"No," I reiterated. "As I said before I didn't tell her. She guessed."

"She only guessed because you dropped enough clues right in front of her face. She would have to be an imbecile not to figure it out sooner or later."

"In all honesty, if you want to blame someone for dropping hints blame one Jacob Black."

"Who?" She was thrown for a moment.

"Jacob Black. He's a Quileute. He's the one who told Bella the truth."

My father stepped out from the dinning room where he had been listening with my mother right behind him. "One of the Quileute tribe told a human about us?" It wasn't like Carlisle to be home in the middle of the day, but his thoughts told me why he felt it necessary for him to be here. _Rosalie called me and told me what you had done._

That explained it. "Technically, I didn't do this, Carlisle. This boy, this Jacob Black told her about his people and our history with them."

"So, he broke the treaty?" Carlisle said evenly. "That's rather hard to believe. Why would he do such a thing – what did he hope to gain?"

"It may be hard to believe, that that's what happened. Still, I don't know all the details."

"Who gives a damn about the treaty," Rosalie interrupted. "The real problem here is that now we have to worry about some silly human girl running around telling everyone about the vampires that live on the outskirts of town!"

"Rosalie - " I started, but I couldn't get a word in edge wise.

"He watches her when she sleeps! He stands in the shadows of her room like some sick voyeur." Rosalie announced. "Alice told me."

"You what?" Carlisle gasped from the side.

I cringed internally, but held my ground. I hadn't told anyone in my family what I did every night. They assumed I was simply watching Bella's house, not that I actually went inside – an assumption that up until now I hadn't had any intention of correcting.

"Edward?" Carlisle's voice probed. He was disappointed. Clearly we would be having a talk later, but I couldn't worry about that right now.

It was a half-hearted explanation at best. "She never knows I'm there. I leave no trace, make no sound. Really, she doesn't know."

"But she will now," Rosalie pressed. "Now that she knows your secret, she'll be aware of you – aware of all of us. And sooner or later, she's going to talk."

"Bella would never say anything," I insisted.

"And how do you know that?" she challenged.

"Because I know Bella. She wouldn't hurt me or any of you."

"Oh yes, you _know_ her. You _love_ her." She was mocking me. "You don't know a damn thing about her, Edward! You think obsessing over a human - watching a human while she sleeps gives you insight into the inner workings of her mind? You can't even hear her thoughts!"

"I trust her not to say anything."

"Well, pardon me if I don't share in your trust!"

"What is it that you're afraid of, Rosalie? I mean, really?" I snapped.

"She'll tell!"

"And if she did, no one would believe her!"

"It's against the rules! Leave no trace. Tell no one. You've broken the most ancient of our rules, Edward, and I am not going to be the one to pay for it."

Much as I hated to admit it, she had something of a valid point. "Again, technically, I didn't break any of the rules, and no one will expect you to pay for it."

"But you expect us to leave her alone – to let her know about us and not do one damn thing about it."

"Absolutely," I nodded.

"Language, Rose," Esme said softly.

"I'll swear if I damn well want to, Esme. Edward is expecting us to do nothing, which essentially means we would be helping him," she spat. "If we don't do something about this human knowing our secrets, then that makes us conspirators. I, for one, am not going to be sent to Hell for your inability to think properly."

I scowled at her. "What do you mean?"

She scoffed at me, rolling her eyes. _You're so naive sometimes._

"Naïve about what?"

"Oh, please. You're just like every other man, mortal or vampire. When you are in love, you forget to think with your brain and let other areas of your body make the decisions."

My temper flashed and I took a menacing step towards the beautiful blond who smirked at me.

"Edward," Carlisle cautioned. _Don't do it._

I took a deep breath, trying to calm the emotions that raged within me at her vulgar suggestion, when a sudden thought came to my mind. "You know, Rosalie, I'm not surprised that you would scold me about having difficulty thinking clearly when it comes to the person I love. After all, you know all about the consequences of making rash decisions."

Her eyes formed slits. "What are you talking about?"

"Why don't we get Emmett in here and ask him about it."

I had obviously pushed the right button this time, for Rosalie roared at me now. "I saved him!"

"You wanted him, so you took him!" I corrected.

"He was dying!"

"You know, Rose, I am so tired of listening to you go on and on about humans and how we should keep our distance from them. Had you practiced what you preached, Emmett wouldn't be part of this family. So don't even try to tell me to stay away from Bella!"

"I wouldn't have a problem with it if you changed her. I have a problem with your desire to keep her human!"

"So you're telling me that if you had the choice to leave Emmett as a human rather than change him that you wouldn't have done it? You would have changed him, regardless of the situation?"

She had to think about that one. _It was different. _"He would have died."

"If you have found him healthy, normal. Alive and well. You would have left him alone?"

The confusion was as evident on her face as it was in her mind. _How can he ask me that? _

I was getting to her. "Just answer it, Rose. Put yourself in my position. Imagine for a moment that you first saw Emmett as a human and he was alive and unharmed. Would you have stayed away from him then? Left him to live out his life without any contact with you?"

"Yes," she said with difficulty, but I could hear the doubt in her thoughts._ I hope I would be strong enough to let him live._

"Now take it one step further. Imagine that he saw you. That he saw how beautiful you are."

_I don't want to hear this_.

Finally, I was getting somewhere. "He saw you and he couldn't leave _you_ alone. He wanted to talk to you, hear your voice, touch your skin."

_No. Stop._

Her resistance only made me press harder. "Can you honestly look me in the eyes and tell me that you would have walked away from him and never looked back?"

_STOP!_

"No, I will not stop, because I need you to know that this is what Bella is to me. I pushed her away, and yet she still came to me. Try as hard as I might, I'm not strong enough to resist her any more."

Rosalie's face softened some. _I can't believe it. Can he really love her?_

I nearly laughed. "I love her more than anything on this planet."

"Then change her."

I sighed in disbelief.

"You asked me. That's my answer. Had I found Emmett alive and unharmed, and he wanted to be with me, I would make the same decision to change him."

"How can you be sure of that?" I said skeptically.

"Because it's unnatural to be with someone who isn't my equal. I would want him to be a part of my existence, no mater how black it is."

"Even if it meant robbing him of his humanity?"

"If I gave him that choice, and he wanted this life, then yes."

I shook my head in disagreement.

"And I would have done it, too." Emmett said, entering the room and coming to stand beside Rosalie. "I would never want to live without her. What kind of life would that be?"

Their eyes locked and the thoughts that passed between them were personal and intense. I turned away, angry at how the conversation had ended, and headed up to my room. Rosalie's voice stopped me midway up the steps.

"Edward."

"What?" I said, not even bothering to turn around and face her.

"I'm still angry with you."

That didn't surprise me. "I take it our little excursion into Port Angeles is off."

"Actually, no. I'm more geared up for it now." I glanced at her over my shoulder as she continued. "I have to take my aggression out on someone."

I nodded and resumed my journey up the steps. At the top of the stairs was Jasper casually leaning against the doorframe to his and Alice's room.

_Have you given her a choice?_

I expelled my breath in frustration. "Look, she's only known the truth for about twenty-four hours. I haven't even admitted to her that I love heryet, let alone how deeply I love her. I think it's a little too soon to be offering eternal damnation, don't you?"

He shrugged. "Well, Edward, when you do get around to telling her how much you love her, I think she deserves the right to make certain decisions for herself."

This wasn't what I wanted to hear. "Would you have chosen this life? Be honest. Given everything that you know, everything that you've been through, would you have chosen this life?"

_Killing humans – no. I wouldn't want that. _

"There you go," I said, feeling triumphant.

"But Bella wouldn't have to kill humans."

My shoulders fell in rapid defeat.

"See, it's different for Bella than it was for me. I was brought into a life that I look back on with shame. I was taught to murder and to feel no remorse for my actions. My, for lack of a better word, "upbringing" has haunted me for over a century. Even now after years with Alice and all of you, it's still difficult for me to look at the humans as anything but food."

I shifted, nodding my head in agreement. Before I could comment on how he was expressing the very reason why I wouldn't change Bella, Jasper took a step closer to me, his eyes intense and sincere.

"But Edward, had Carlisle approached me and told me that there was a way to exist without taking human life by hunting animals– that I could have my immortality, my strength, knowledge of the centuries at my finger tips – without spilling innocent blood, and to top it all off, I get to spend eternity with Alice, I wouldn't even have to think twice about it."

"You would give up your humanity?"

"For Alice?" he smiled. "I would give up anything for Alice. Look at me – I gave up human blood for her."

I looked down at the floor, lost in thought and desperate for a convincing response to his words, but came up short. "Where is Alice anyway?"

"She got angry at herself for telling Rosalie what you do every night and didn't want to be here for the argument. She feels like she betrayed you."

"She didn't betray me. It was bound to come out anyway," I sighed. "She couldn't see that I would forgive her for this?"

"I don't know. You'll have to talk to her."

"Great. The one person I had on my side concerning this issue is now running away from me."

"I'm on your side."

That surprised me. "Are you?"

"I might not be really comfortable with humans knowing about our way of life, but I trust you, Edward. If you say that Bella Swan won't say anything, then I believe you."

His change of heart left me speechless. I felt his hand rest on my shoulder as a wave of comfort washed though me.

"Jasper," I started.

"It's not as if I say this very often, but Rosalie's right. You need to think through this clearly."

"Please don't try to persuade me to so something that is against my better judgment right now."

"I'm not persuading you to do anything. I just thought you might want to be calmed down a bit before you go off and teach those worthless humans in Port Angeles a lesson."

I gave a small smile in recognition of his concern. "Thanks, but I think Rosalie is the one who really needs your help right now."

He laughed. "Don't worry. I plan on getting to her next."

It was twilight before I saw any of my family again. I sat alone in my room listening to music in an attempt to drown out all their anxious thoughts about the argument I had with Rosalie and with my decision to stay with Bella in spite of her humanity. My own thoughts were concentrated on Jasper's words of admission and how I felt about that. I had no reason not to believe him, but I didn't want to. I wanted to believe that no one would willingly choose this life of darkness and blood, especially not Bella. She was too pure – too angelic to be counted among the damned. And yet I knew I would never be able to love her fully, as a man loves a woman, unless she was a vampire. They were all difficult and perplexing thoughts to consider, but as the sun began to set, I knew my time of contemplation had grown to an end.

I left my room and made my way down to Rosalie's room to find her standing in front of her full-length mirror admiring her reflection. I wouldn't have been surprised had she been dressed to the nines in high fashion, yet that wasn't the case this time. She was decked out, head to foot, in one of the trashiest outfits I'd ever seen. A skin tight, low cut blouse that left little to the imagination, a red leather mini-skirt that was more mini than skirt, and tall, black leather boots with stiletto heels.

"What are you wearing?" I gaped at her.

She smiled brightly at me. "I told you I wanted to teach those men a lesson."

"Right, but you look like…"

"A whore? That's the idea Edward."

I frowned. "You want to teach these men that they shouldn't flirt with a prostitute?"

"No," she scowled. "I want to show them that just because a woman might look like she wants it, doesn't mean that she really does." She put on her most innocent looking face and said, "Whores have feelings too, Edward."

"I assure you, I wouldn't know."

"What's the matter? You don't want to be seen with a hooker? Are you worried I'll tarnish that virginal reputation you have?"

I eyed her purposefully for that one.

She smiled seductively. "Emmett loved it."

"I bet he did," I muttered under my breath.

"The way I see this working out is that I go up to the men, lure them in, and then…"

"And then?"

"Well, it all depends on how aggressive they get with me."

"Am I supposed to just watch from the side lines?"

"No. You're free to jump in once things get going. After all, this is your fight I'm finishing."

I shook my head at her incredulously. "Your car or mine?"

She barked a laugh. "Do you think a hooker would drive around in a Volvo?"

"I cocked an eye brow at her. "Do you have something against my car?"

"It's not…feminine."

"Then it's the convertible."

_Convertible, yes…mine, no._

"Rose?"

"I got to thinking about it last night as I was planning the whole event. There aren't enough rich men in this area to pay a hooker enough money that she could afford a car as nice as mine."

"So, what did you have in mind?"

"Well," her eyes glowed with excitement. "I went out last night and found this little convertible Volkswagen Beatle - vintage – that's just perfect for this little charade.. It's common enough to pass for belonging to poor white trash but cute enough for a working girl. It's in the back lot at the dealership. I can hotwire it easy enough, borrow it for the evening, and have it back in place without anyone ever suspecting a thing."

Incongruous as it was, grease monkey meets fashion model, Rosalie loved her cars. But for now at least it was something we had in common.

True to her word, it took Rosalie all of three minutes to break into the car, get the engine purring, and head out onto the highway. Since I knew the general location the men would most likely be in, I lead the way into Port Angeles. We arrived just after dark and I made a mental note that the last time I made the drive it had taken nearly an hour. The old Beatle made better time than Jessica Stanley's car.

I headed down the familiar street where Bella had once walked, passing the bookstore she visited, and traveling down into the less populated area of town where I parked my car. Rosalie drove farther down the road to place a good distance between us, but not so far that I couldn't hear her thoughts.

_Honk if you can hear me._

It sounded like a bad bumper sticker, but I honked the Volvo's horn regardless.

_I'll just stand here by the car. They'll get the picture._

I glanced around, looking for any sign of the men we had come this distance for. Everything about the evening reminded me of the other night when I was here with Bella. Everything except for the annoying and impatient ramblings of Rosalie's mind.

_Where are they?_

Did she expect me to try to answer her?

Voices in the distance drew my attention as I watched four men step out from the shadows, deliberately change course, and head in Rosalie's direction.

_Don't get many like her down here._

_She is one hot momma._

_I bet she's tasty._

_All woman. Look at those curves._

Their minds were as vulgar and disgusting as I remembered.

_Ew. Is that them?_

Rosalie had obviously seen them, too.

_Flannel? Couldn't your little human princess get attacked by men with any taste? _

_Typical_. _Leave it to Rosalie to lower any encounter to the level of fashion and physical appearance._.

"Hey baby, you busy?"

The men took the bait.

"Maybe? Are you looking for a good time?"

"Oh sugar, with you I'm sure I'll have a good time."

"Then come one over here and let's talk business."

_The only business I have with you is getting in that skirt! I'm gonna do her so hard she can't walk in the morning._

With the men thoroughly distracted by Rosalie's flagrant display, I stealthily made my way down the street where I could watch more closely from the shadows of the alley way. They men were surrounding her. I could hear in their minds how they figured they had blocked her from any chance of escape. I could also hear in Rosalie's mind what her plan was for taking them out.

_The guy with the red hair here seems to be the ringleader. I'll take care of him first. It will be easy, but I need to do this quick. He's already got his hands on me…which are dirty by the way. You owe me a new outfit because there is no way I'm ever wearing this thing again. Not after this scum has breathed on it._

Typical Rosalie.

"So, what did you have in mind for tonight?" I heard her say in the most silky and seductive voice she could manage.

The man with the red hair ran his hand down her side, taking in the curve of her body. "I'm thinking I'd like to see you naked." The other three men cheered him on.

"Um…I bet you do," she said with a sexy smile. _Pervert._

"And I'd like to see it pretty damn soon before I explode." He grabbed the fabric of her blouse and ripped it open, showing off his so called strength. _She needs to know she's dealing with a real man._

"Wow," Rosalie said in wideeyed mockery. "You must go through a lot of buttons if that's how you take off your clothes."

"Only part of my clothes that are coming off is my pants, baby. It's your body that I want to see." In predicable form, his minions agreed in rude comments and groans. Repulsed, I was once again reminded of how they had behaved towards Bella

Rosalie snuggled up against him. "Well, that's a relief. I was worried that I would have to look at your naked body and pretend to like it."

His eyes flashed. "What did you say?"

"I said that I wouldn't enjoy looking at your naked body. You're such a little man…and you smell funny. So, as long as I don't have to pretend to enjoy this - "

"You little whore!" The man went to punch her, but was met with the hard, stone-like quality of her face. He gasped in pain and grabbed at his wounded hand.

Rosalie didn't look phased in the slightest. "Should I say ouch? Would that make it feel better?"

The injured man looked up at her in wonder and pain. "Who the hell are you?"

"I'm the last woman you will ever even think about hurting." And then she punched him.

A loud crack sounded and I wasn't sure if it was the sound of her hitting his face or the sound of his jaw breaking. The man stumbled backwards and fell to the ground, screaming in agony. One of the other men moved to help his wounded comrade.

"Leave him," Rosalie demanded.

"You're gonna pay for that, whore!" the second man said, temporarily ignoring her and bending down to help his friend.

That was a mistake. Rosalie didn't like being talked back to, I knew that personally. In a flash, the pointed front of her boot met his rib cage. There were no broken bones, but he fell over, wheezing and gasping for breath.

Predictably , the remaining two men took off running. They had no intention of falling victim to Rosalie, who was now alternating stomps between her original two adversaries.

_What is she some kind of Amazon?_

_I ain't sticken' around to see how this ends._

_We gotta get out of here. Can't believe I left my gun in the car._

They were both too busy looking back over their shoulders at the scene behind them to notice that there were about to run right into me. I casually held out my arms and waited for them to arrive. Upon impact, both men fell backwards in a thud, hitting their heads against the pavement so hard I watched their skulls bounce. I was sure they would each have a concussion.

"Leaving so soon?" I said, standing over them.

"What the…" _Who the hell is this guy?_

_Damn, him again. How many chicks does this guy run with?_

Rosalie crossed the street shaking her head at me. "Was that the best you could do? I would have grabbed them and knocked their heads together."

"Hey, they hit their heads on the pavement. Two blows for the price of one, that wasn't good enough?"

She rolled her eyes at me and bent down to have a word with the two men who were desperately trying to stand up. . "What's wrong boys? Why did you run? Don't tell me you were afraid of harmless little me?"

_This bitch is going down._

Unable to stand, one of them tried to trip Rosalie, but she wouldn't have it. She grabbed his arm in what I was sure felt like a vice grip, twisted it behind him, and flipped him head over heals back onto on his stomach. "Obviously my dear brother didn't take care of you as well as he thought," she said, glancing up at me. "He's gone a little soft, you see, but not me." And with that, she slammed his face into the rough pavement, breaking his nose in the process.

From the other side of the road, the red headed man yelled out a very violent, "Bitch!"

"I'll take care of him," I said, starting towards him.

Rosalie stood up to stop me. "Oh no, allow me. He needs to learn this lesson from a woman."

Casually, she crossed the street and stood directly in front of the snarling, red-haired man. "I may be a bitch, but at least I'm not a rapist."

The man made the mistake of spitting in her face.

With a swift and easy move, Rosalie sent her knee into the man's groin. Even I, who hadn't felt real pain in nearly a hundred years, could remember that kind of pain. With Rosalie's hard knee, it must have felt as if a wrecking ball had just slammed into him. Half bent over, face contorted, he froze in agony before falling back to the ground.

Wanting to drive her message into his stubborn head once and for all, Rosalie placed her foot on his throat and said, "Never EVER harm another woman again. Do you hear me?" She shifted her focus to the other man she had earlier attacked. "Do you hear me?" He nodded, taking a step away from her and coving his groin with his hands, his eye wide in fear.

She returned her focus to the man lying on the ground. "Just to make sure you can't ever hurt another woman…" As a finish to her sentence, she slammed her foot down hard on his groin, making the man squeal in total pain.

With a shake of her long, blond hair, Rosalie casually called over her shoulder to me as she strutted towards her car. "I feel better now. See you at home, Edward. I've had more than enough excitement for one day, haven't you?"


	20. Chapter 18

_AN: OH MY GOSH! I UPDATED! I know, you're probably falling out of your seat! In case you haven't visited the lexicon lately, I suggest you head over there and read my big announcement. It might explain why I've been MIA recently. Now that things have slowed down a bit, I can get back to working on my own fic. I promise that the next update won't take as long as this one did. _

_Many thanks to Stephenie for letting me use her dialogue and characters. And thanks to Red Devil and Pelirroja for the wonderful beta read._

_And thanks to all of you who pointed out that there were TWO cars at the end of this chapter. Grr….I feel really silly that I got that wrong._

**CHAPTER EIGHTEEN**

For the first time in a long time I did not go into Bella's room that night. I wandered in the woods near her home and kept watch over the house, making sure she was safe. The irony of the situation didn't escape my notice. A vampire, who had spent the greater part of the evening teaching a lesson to a group of human thugs was now trying to keep another human out of harm's way. I could hear Rosalie's taunting laughter in my head.

As much as I wanted to see Bella, I couldn't. Not after what I had done that night. The risk was too great. The anger I felt towards those men lingered in my chest, proving to me that I had no business being around Bella until my emotions were in check. That meant keeping watch from a distance. I'd kept away from her before. I could do it again, even though it would be more difficult now after all we had been through the last few days.

When I heard the first stirrings of life from within the small house, I hopped in my car and pulled around the corner. I turned up the music and let the thumping sound of the punk band drown out the voices coming from the surrounding homes. I didn't want to hear their common minds. I only wanted to see Bella.

Bella. Just thinking her name started to calm me down. I purposefully slowed my breathing and closed my eyes, imagining her face as she slept. So peaceful. So angelic. The heavy rhythm of the music filling the car provided a sharp contrast to the serenity I was trying to feel. I switched off the music and concentrated on Bella's home…Bella's face...Bella's scent. Everything Bella.

From my vantage point, I was free from being spotted by Chief Swan, who was nothing if not predicable. It wasn't long before I watched him exit the house, climb into his cruiser, and head off to work. Assuring myself once again that I was indeed back in control, I parked my car in the drive and waited for Bella to appear.

When she stepped out of the house, it was all I could do to not stare at her as I so wanted to. Instead, I kept my eyes forward, looking out into the forest. I didn't want to show her how desperate I was to be near her. Everything about her attracted me, her eyes, her mouth, the way her backpack slung down the small of her back so perfectly. I was sure my gaze would be intense, and I didn't want to scare her into knowing how deeply obsessed I had become with her. She had learned so much about me in the last few days that I had to remind myself to slow down and give her time to absorb it all.

She approached the car and paused briefly before opening the door and taking a seat next to me. Her scent washed over me and I breathed it in, filling my lungs with her delicious fragrance. Slowly, I let my eyes shift to look at her and take in the flush of her skin, reminding me that no matter how much I craved her blood, I craved her humanity more.

"Good morning," I smiled. "How are you today?" I hated not knowing what her troubles were. I depended on her habit of talking in her sleep so much that spending one night away from those unchecked comments left me feeling anxious.

She smiled in reply. "Good, thank you."

But I could see that she wasn't telling me everything, for there were circles under her chocolate eyes. "You look tired."

"I couldn't sleep," she admitted, hiding behind her hair, as was her normal routine when I made her uncomfortable with my perceptivity.

Wanting to lighten the air, I said, "Neither could I." With a click, I started the car.

She laughed in the most delightful way. "I guess that's right. I suppose I slept just a little bit more than you did."

"I'd wager you did." She had such a musical laugh that I consciously made a note to make her laugh more often.

"So what did you do last night?" she asked casually.

I chuckled darkly to myself as I remembered Rosalie's and my little excursion the previous evening. Bella wouldn't find it funny. At least she _shouldn't_ find it funny. Best not to say anything about it. "Not a chance. It's my day to ask questions."

"Oh, that's right. What do you want to know?" She frowned and looked worried, as if my questions would probe too deeply and make her that much more uncomfortable. I decided to start easy and work my way up to the more interesting questions when she was relaxed.

"What's your favorite color?"

She rolled her eyes. "It changes from day to day."

"What's your favorite color today?" I stressed, still trying to keep things light.

"Probably brown."

That took me by such surprise that I snorted in laughter. "Brown?" Was that even a color that could be considered a favorite? What about purple…red…blue. I remembered how lovely she looked in blue the other night.

"Sure. Brown is warm. I _miss_ brown. Everything that's supposed to be brown—tree trunks, rocks, dirt—is all covered up with squashy green stuff here."

I started into her eyes, completely drawn in by the honesty and emotion of the answer. She said it so matter-of-factly that it was almost as if she had time to prepare the answer. So much for starting off easy. She would never cease to amaze me.

"You're right," I conceded. "Brown is warm." Like her hair. The thick, chocolate mane that flowed over her shoulders and hid her neck from my thirsty eyes. Without thinking, I brushed her hair out of the way so that I could see the soft skin of her throat.

So warm. Her pulse raced under my touch. For that brief, fleeting moment I considered pressing my mouth to her pulse point. How tempting she was, but I had to resist and fight the monster with me.

I rounded a corner and pulled into the school parking lot, tucking the car neatly into a lone space in the back.

"What music is in your CD player right now?" I worried how she would take the question. Given how personal her answer about her favorite color had been, it was very likely she felt music choices were even more personal.

"Linkin Park," came the answer.

She had to be joking me. It seemed impossible to me that the same music I had just been listening to was the very one she currently had in her CD player. I smirked at her and flipped open the CD compartment of my car.

"Debussy to this?" I said, as I reached in and handed her my copy of Linkin Park's album.

She brushed her fingers over the disc while keeping her eyes hidden from me, but I could register her surprise from the way her pulse fluttered.

I reached over and held out my hand for her to give me back the CD. Gently, as if she were afraid to touch me, she placed the disk in my palm. The tips of two fingers lightly tapped against my skin and she jerked away as if she had been shocked. I desperately wanted to take her hand in mine – to pull her against me and savor her warmth. But as always, I resisted.

Taking control of my emotions, we climbed out of the car and I escorted her to her first class while I tried to keep the conversation light. "What's your favorite movie?" That should be a harmless enough question.

"Hum," she thought, and I wondered at the list of choices going through her mind. "I like Pride and Prejudice."

Interesting. "Lawrence Olivier and Greer Garson?"

"Colin Firth," she corrected with a blush. "I know it's more of a miniseries than a movie, but I like all those old time costume dramas. The misunderstandings, the long looks, the elegant clothes. Just the whole time period appeals to me. When your choices of how to spend your day came down to taking a long walk on the grounds or responding to some silly letter from your sister. Things were so much simpler then."

I immediately began imagining Bella in a long white muslin dress with her hair done up in the traditional coils of the era, smiling coyly across a dance floor at a potential suitor. She would blush, of course, and fan herself shyly.

"What's wrong?" her voice drew me out of my day dream.

"Nothing. I was just…thinking. You realize that those times weren't as simple as you think they were."

She squinted at me. "Speaking from experience?"

I chuckled. "Nice try." She had almost managed to get information from me that I wasn't ready to give. "Today is about you, not me."

She sighed and slumped against the door frame of her classroom. It didn't seem possible that we were in a school full of children, for I hadn't even noticed. There wasn't anyone else in my world at this moment. Only Bella.

"Well, I better get in there," she said reluctantly.

I nodded, smiling lightly. "Until the next passing period, then."

The first hour was long and dull, and I couldn't help but escape back into my imagination. It was a much more congenial place than this institution they called a school. In my mind, Bella was dressed in that same muslin dress. Only now, I was there by her side. We were husband and wife and there was no hesitation when I slipped my hand around her waist and led her around the dance floor. My impossible dream world included a moment when I swore I felt my pulse quicken under her intense gaze.

Dream world…an impossibility. A place and time that never happened or would happen. A situation that could never be.

The bell rang and I rushed from the room, not caring if anyone noticed how unnaturally I moved. I had gone an hour with only the thought of her. Now, every moment I could steal with her in reality was a precious gift.

To her credit, she didn't seem surprised when I met her at the door of her room. Her shoulders only fell when I started back in on my line of questioning.

"If Pride and Prejudice is your favorite movie, then I have to wonder – is it your favorite book?"

She pursed her lips. "I'm not sure. I mean, a book is very different from a movie, and there are so many more to chose from. I don't even know if I have just one favorite."

She was stalling. "Then pick one of your favorites."

"I like mostly anything by Jane Austen. Anne of Green Gables. Romeo and Juliet."

"That's a play."

"It's still literature."

I noticed that her list was made up of romances set in the past. It concerned me on a level I didn't quite understand. "Don't you have any modern favorites?"

"Modern like…Harry Potter?"

I laughed. "I was thinking more along the lines of Kurt Vonnegut…Toni Morrison...Sue Grafton? Something written in the last twenty years or so."

"Most modern authors are too real – too, well, modern. I like to visit times and places where character mattered and people had real manners. If I want stark reality, all I have to do is turn on Oprah or CNN. When I read, I want to escape."

"Then maybe I should ask about the subject matter of your favorite books rather than the authors."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, all of your choices were romances."

Bella, rolled her eyes. "Typical. Have you actually read any of those books, or just glanced at their covers? Because there's a lot more to them then just romance."

I had apparently put my foot in it and didn't quite know how I'd managed it. Hopefully my knowledge of the Bard might help. "Ok, I confess I haven't read Anne of Green Gables. I've glanced at Jane Austen. As for Shakespeare, 'Shall I compare thee to a summer's day?"

She blushed, and my head started to swim.

She stopped and turned to face me. "Do you have something against romance? Don't tell me you're afraid to read all the way through 'a chick book'?"

"No," I answered, looking her directly in the eyes. "I certainly don't have anything against romance."

She blushed even more and looked down at the floor.

Much as I wanted to pursue this line of questions, I decided to change the subject to ease her discomfort. "If you could go anywhere in the world, where would you want to go?"

"London," she said without hesitation.

It didn't surprise me, given her taste in books and movies. "That could be easily arranged," I offered with a smile.

"What?"

"England. It's a relatively easy destination to visit. There's not even a language barrier. Well, not technically."

She frowned at me. "You mean…to go?"

"Yes, to go. Silly Bella. That's what I asked."

"But I didn't mean that I wanted…well…I mean, you don't have to…"

"To what?"

She huffed, crossing her arms in front of her books and popping one hip. "It sounds as if you're planning on sending me on an all expense paid trip to London or something."

"Would you object?"

"Edward!" I loved the way she said my name, even if she was angry. "I can't…you can't..." She rolled her eyes and headed down the hallway.

"I can't give you a gift?"

"No! And a plane ticket is more than a gift. How would I ever explain something like that to Charlie?"

"So you don't like gifts. Interesting."

She opened her mouth as if to contradict me, but closed it without so much as a word.

The next few hours passed in much the same way. I would get in a few questions during the short passing periods and then spend the class hour dreaming about what her answers meant and how I could manage to fit into her world. Every time I came up with the same answer – I didn't fit. I didn't belong. She was above me – beyond me – totally out of reach. And then I decided that Bella didn't much fit either. She didn't fit in this world. She needed someplace all her own, where she could be free from the imbeciles that surrounded her on a daily basis and tried to mold her into something that she wasn't. A world where a monster wasn't craving her attention. It could never be, and yet my soul was unwilling to give up the hope that someday the impossible could become a reality.

When we met at lunch, I opted for a different approach to the questions. I was over thinking her answers and forcing her to tell me more than I think she was comfortable with. Thus, I started in on quick questions that soon yielded even quicker answers.

"Favorite animal?" I started.

"Domestic or in the zoo?"

"Either. Both."

"Cats for domestic and giraffes at the zoo."

"Favorite food?"

"Cheesecake."

"Favorite television show?"

"Anything reality TV."

"Favorite place you've ever lived?"

"Forks." The answer came with a blush and I resisted the urge to press for more information.

"Favorite subject in school?"

"English."

"Least favorite?"

"Math…and gym," she added quickly.

"Gold or silver?"

"Platinum."

"Favorite gemstone?"

"Topaz." She gaped at me almost in surprise and blushed to the tips of her ears.

"Is something wrong?"

"No…just…keep going." She was flustered and I didn't know why.

I tried to meet her eyes, but she kept them purposefully hidden from me. "Is there something wrong with liking topaz?"

"No, I just…forget it." She waved her hand at me, still refusing to look me in the eye. "Just go on."

"Tell me," I pressed.

"It's the color of your eyes today," she sighed, keeping her eyes locked on her hands as she played with a strand of hair. "I suppose if you asked me in two weeks I'd say onyx."

I had no response to that. I was falling in deep, and the more answers she gave me, the more I started to understand that she was falling, too. I wanted her to fall – to feel what I was feeling. It would be a dream come true if she could think of me as part of her life. I had to remind myself that I was playing a dangerous game with my heart and hers by letting things go this far. And yet, as deep as I was – as deep as we were – it wasn't enough. I would always want more.

I ignored my desires and set back in with the questions. "What kinds of flowers do you prefer?"

Bella looked almost relieved when she said, "Lilies."

"Favorite car?"

"Mine."

I couldn't let that slide. "I refuse to believe that. Of all the vehicles in the world, you would prefer to drive an old, beat up Chevy truck that can't go over forty-five miles per hour?"

"I never said that an old Chevy truck was my dream car. I only said that my car was my favorite. If I drove a Lamborghini, then it would be my favorite."

She had me there.

My information gathering continued until the time came for us to make our way to Biology. I lowered my voice, unwilling to stop until I absolutely had to. "What's your favorite thing to do on vacation?" I asked, taking my seat next to her at our table.

"I like sight seeing at historical places."

"No Disneyland?"

She made a face. "No thanks."

The huge audiovisual cart that Mr. Banner rolled into place could only mean one thing – more movie. Which meant that in no time at all, the room would be dark once more and quite…and Bella would be next to me the whole time. I had no idea what had caused the spark between us yesterday, but I had a feeling that whatever had happened then was about to repeat itself. As casually as I could, I scooted my seat away from Bella's, increasing the distance between us slightly.

But it didn't help. The lights went off, the movie came on, and the same electric charge passed through me. It was maddening and intoxicating. The desire to touch her was so strong. It took all of my strength to stay still and not give in to the temptation to reach over and pull her to me.

I glanced over my shoulder at her to find that she seemed to be struggling with something as well, but what was the cause of her struggle? Did she want me to touch her as much as I wanted to touch her? Or was she nervous because she was worried that I _would_ touch her? Was she afraid of me? She should be. Was she afraid I would never touch her?

Not once during the whole hour did she look at me. Her eyes stayed fixed on the television, but her tense body and the way she fidgeted told me that she had no more idea of the video's content than I did.

_Look at me_, I pleaded with her mentally. _Just one look._

I knew that if I could just see her eyes, I would know if she was wanting the same thing I was wanting. If I could just see her eyes, I would know if my touch was welcome. But she never looked up, and she never reached out to me.

It was all so perplexing. One moment I was sure that she had similar desires as mine. And then the next moment I questioned my own sanity and believed I was imagining the whole thing. What did she want? Would I ever really know?

Her eyes met mine at long last when the movie was over and the lights were back on. She sighed in relief making me wonder if she was glad it was over or if she was relieved that I hadn't touched her. It was torture not knowing her thoughts. Pure, unadulterated torture.

For the first time that day, we walked wordlessly to her next class. I was too concerned with her anxiety and finding the root of its cause to think of any rational questions. Hoping to find an answer, I gently stroked her face again, this time with the back of my hand. The heat from her skin was intoxicating and I craved more. So much more. But would she allow it? Did she want more? And if she did, would I be able to keep myself from crushing her to me and causing damage to her frail body?

The seconds ticked slowly. I looked into her eyes and waited for a sign that she craved my touch as much as I craved hers. If she would tilt her head and press her cheek into my hand, that would be sign enough. A smile even would do. But there was nothing but wide eyes and the familiar blush on her cheek.

All through my last class of the day I pondered my inability to figure her out. All of my innocent questions had only begun to scratch the surface of her character. I was still second guessing myself and my actions while around her. If only I could get inside her mind…find out the inner desires of her heart…then maybe I might start to unravel the mystery that was Bella Swan. I'd tip toed around asking the real questions all day and made up my mind to really focus on getting her to talk. No more one word answers.

When the school day finally ended and we once again came face to face, she smiled brightly at me, warming my soul and making me that much more determined to pry open whatever shell was keeping me from truly knowing this beautiful creature in front of me.

I started in with her home life in Arizona and just what exactly there was about the desert that she seemed to love and miss so much. I had been through Arizona once, but it was much too bright and sunny of a place for any of my kind to stay in for long. Even if I had been able to stay longer, I don't know if I would have. I had always preferred tropical locations with lush palm trees and ocean views to the stark bareness deserts.

However, as I listened to her descriptions of her home, I was totally drawn in to the previously unseen beauty of the land. She came alive as she tried to describe for me the sights and sounds…and even smells she grew up with. It only took a few small prompts to keep her talking. On and on she went, without any notice of the fact that we were now parked in her driveway or that it had started to rain.

Her voice rose in pitch and volume as she explained to me about the never ending sky that touched the tops of the jagged mountains, meshing vibrant blue with the black and purple rock. What I had once thought of as barren wasteland, she described as rich and full of beautiful vegetation that wound its way over the dry earth. The way the land seemed to be carved into various shapes – the way the sunlight danced over the sand and created a multitude of color in varying shades of yellow and gold and orange and browns. Everything was so beautiful to her. _She_ was beautiful.

It was then that I realized that Bella had that rare and precious talent for finding beauty in all things. That fact only made her more beautiful to me.

After a very precise description of her bedroom back home, including the stack of papers next to her computer and the pile of clothes she left behind, I decided that I should give up on unraveling this riddle tonight. She looked over at me, waiting for me to ask some other question that would set her off again, but I only smiled.

"Are you finished?" she asked in near disbelief.

"Not even close—but your father will be home soon."

"Charlie!" she exclaimed. She glanced up at the sky, probably wishing she had an umbrella as it was pouring outside. "How late is it?" she asked, glancing at the clock on the stereo.

"It's twilight," I murmured, looking out past the clouds to the distant setting sun.

I could feel her eyes on me. I savored it for a moment before turning to meet her gaze.

"It's the safest time of day for us," I explained. Maybe safe wasn't the right word. "The easiest time. But also the saddest, in a way…the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?"

"I like the night. Without the dark, we'd never see the stars." She paused before adding, "Not that you see them here much."

I laughed, marveling at her ability to always brighten my dark mood.

"Charlie will be here in a few minutes," I reminded her, even though it pained me to say it. "So, unless you want to tell him that you'll be with me Saturday…" I didn't finish the sentence in the hope that she would take the hint, but it didn't work.

"Thanks, but no thanks." She pulled her books together and said, "So is it my turn tomorrow, then?"

"Certainly not!" I said in mock horror. "I told you I wasn't done, didn't I?"

"What more is there?"

_So much more. Everything. I want to know all of you._ "You'll find out tomorrow."

Wanting an excuse to draw her closer to me, I reached across her and started to open the door. And then I heard them.

_Now to see if one of the cold-ones really is hanging around Bella. Charlie can't let this go on. Damn those vampires._

"Not good," I said under my breath.

_If Bella really has been spending time with a Cullen, I just might have to break that treaty and tell Charlie how much danger his girl is in. We're all in danger from those vicious blood suckers. . _

"What is it?" Bella sounded alarmed.

I looked up into her glorious face and saw her concern. "Another complication," was the only explanation I could offer just now.

I opened her door wide and moved away from her as quickly as I could. I wasn't too sure who it was that was heading our way, but I didn't really want to stick around and find out. It had to be a Quileute. No one else would know about us - no-one else would call us 'cold-ones'.

My suspicious were confirmed when a dark car pulled around the corner with two members of the Quileute tribe in it – an old man and a young boy. I recognized them from the color of their skin. Only our enemies had skin that color.

In the distance, I could make out the faint murmurings of Chief Swan's mind. He must be following the others.

"Charlie's around the corner," I signaled.

Bella took the hint and hopped out of the car into the pouring rain. I would have much rather walked her to her door under the protection of an umbrella, but with an enemy so near by, I didn't dare risk spending any more time here than necessary.

_Is that…? No. Bella was in a car with one of them? Damn that vampire to hell!_

And here all along I thought it was Chief Swan who would be most displeased about Bella spending time with me.

_Does she have any idea how much danger she is in? Stupid girl._

I glared at the old man in the car and could feel the hatred in his eyes as he glared back at me with fire in his eyes. My foot pressed down on the gas and I sped away, determined to find out the name of this enemy.


	21. Chapter 19

_AN: As promised, an update that didn't take me a month to get to. I was a bit shaky on where to end this as we have the meadow scene coming up. Someone pointed out in a review that the chapters full of dialogue directly from the book don't seem to be as original as the rest of the fic. This is totally the case and a real problem for me. Pretty much, from here on out, Edward doesn't leave Bella's side until she heads off to Arizona. So I apologize in advance that this chapter will pretty much be my last chance for a LONG time to really be totally on my own in what the characters are doing and saying. I have to stick to the book for actions and conversation, which leaves me only inner thoughts and reasoning to play around with. I hope that doesn't turn anyone away. I will try to do my best to keep it interesting. After all, it is the scene that tends to be everyone's favorite, right? Some of you probably know that scene better than you know your own address! _

_Thanks to Pel and Hellish for the great beta and for cheering me on when I get disgruntled. You both rox!_

**CHAPTER NINETEEN**

"Are you sure it was one of them?" Carlisle sat behind his desk, thinking over the events I had just described to him.

"Who else would refer to us as "the cold ones"?

He nodded, thoughts flashing rapidly through his mind. _So they know we are here. And Bella Swan knows what we are. Since they were the ones that told her…then they must realize that she knows what we are, too. Edward said the old man didn't like the idea of Bella being around us. I suppose he has good reason…still…the treaty…_

A thought came to my mind that I had to voice. "You're right that one of the tribe told Bella about us. Could they see that as an official break of the treaty, and if so, do you suppose they will start telling others about us?"

"You didn't pick up on anything odd from Chief Swan, did you?"

"No. Nothing at all."

"Then I doubt they've told anyone else. If they were going to say anything to anyone, they would have started with someone in charge, especially since his daughter is right in the middle of all of this." Carlisle leaned forward, resting his elbows on his desk. _Of all the girls for him to fall in love with, did it have to be the daughter of the Chief of Police?_

"Don't start in with my choices," I warned. "You've made a few odd choices yourself over the years."

His eyes flashed up to meet mine. "After nearly a century of hearing thoughts, you of all people should know that we don't always voice our opinions because we know better. I understand that you had no choice in whom you fell in love with. I was simply wishing it had been someone with no ties to law enforcement." He sighed and leaned back in his chair. "The important thing now is to decide what to do next in regards to the Quileutes. It's obvious they know what's going on, but what will they do about it? I think it's necessary to first find out who this man is."

"He was old, and a true believer," I said quietly.

Carlisle squinted at me. "Old enough to remember our last visit?"

"I don't think so." And then a thought struck me. "Silly superstitions," I muttered under my breath.

"What are you getting at, Edward?"

"Something Bella said to me. When she explained to me about the boy who first told her we were vampires. That Jacob Black kid – she said that he called it a silly superstition…an old legend."

Carlisle's brows shot up. "He didn't believe what he was telling her was the truth?"

"I don't think so."

"Then why would he warn Bella to stay away from us if he didn't believe we were - "

"That's just it," I said, taking a step closer to the desk so that I could lean against it. "He never warned her about us. He just told her what he thought was a superstition."

A smile formed on my father's face. "Are you suggesting that the younger members of the tribe don't believe in vampires?"

"I think so." My mind went back to the few moments when I gazed across at the two Quileutes in the car. The old man's thoughts had been so pointedly harsh that I hadn't paid much attention to the boy's mind at all. And yet, when I thought back over it, the only thing I registered coming from him was excitement over…Bella. Yes, that was it. The boy was excited to see Bella. "I didn't pick up any hostility from the boy, only from the old man."

"So even though the elders have told the rising generation about our history, the young ones don't believe them."

"It seems so."

His smile brightened. "That's good for us. If their own tribal members won't believe them, then that leaves little hope for anyone else they may chose to tell."

"Bella believed it," I pointed out.

"Ah, but Bella had proof. The younger Quileutes only have the word of some aging men."

"And now one of those aging men is considering telling Chief Swan about us." I shook my head.

"Charlie Swan is rather unimaginative. With a mind as grounded in common sense as his is, I highly doubt he would ever believe vampires existed."

"That may be so, but I would still like to know just who was in that car."

Carlisle cocked his head. "That shouldn't be too difficult to figure out." His eyes shifted to look out into the hallway. "Jasper," he called.

"Yes?" a voice replied.

"Can you come in here for a moment?"

It took Jasper all of ten minutes to pull up several things on the computer to help solve my little mystery. Jasper was the best tracker of all of us. He had the best skills in finding anyone or anything we needed. All of us were competent, but Jasper was the most trained – one of the useful residual effects of his former lifestyle and upbringing.

In an old newspaper article announcing Charlie's position as the new Chief of Police of Forks, he mentioned how much he loved the area for the fishing. He named one Billy Black as his usual fishing partner. There was also documentation on the sale of a 1953 Chevrolet Pick-Up Truck from the same Billy Black to Charlie Swan. Another search confirmed that Billy Black was the father of Jacob Black…and the grandson of the tribal Elder Carlisle made the treaty with.

No wonder I felt such hatred from the man. It all made sense now.

"So let me see if I understand this correctly," Rosalie snarled from the doorway where she had been listening. "Charlie Swan is best friends with the current Quileute leader who hates us and wants nothing better than to see us gone from here. Edward is in love with Charlie Swan's daughter, who learned about us from the possible future tribal leader and is currently playing hostess with them as we speak. Tell me...is there anything positive about this story that can make me feel any amount of comfort in the fact that Edward is consorting with the enemy?"

I rolled my eyes. "Bella is not your enemy."

"From where I stand, she is." Rosalie huffed, flicked her hair over her shoulder, and stomped up the steps.

"Don't worry about her," Jasper said. "I'll calm her down."

"Thanks," I said. "Speaking of calming down, is Alice ready to talk to me or does she still think I'm angry at her?"

"She's out back. Why don't you go and ask her yourself."

I eyed Jasper suspiciously.

_You know Alice. She always feels so guilty the moment anything goes wrong. _

I nodded in agreement and turned to Carlisle.

"Go. Talk to Alice. We can handle things here."

I hesitated a moment. "Should I say something to Bella about any of this?"

Carlisle inhaled deeply. "I would let her emotions guide you. If she seems distracted…tense…worried, then yes. If she mentions it to you, by all means you should discuss it with her. But if she acts as if there is nothing to fret over, I don't think it would be wise for you to stir the pot and make trouble. Hopefully, that man you saw realized Bella wasn't harmed in anyway and let it go."

"I doubt he would just let it go. The Quileutes are our enemies."

"Yes, and technically speaking, vampires and humans are enemies," Carlisle pointed out. "If I didn't believe it before, you have come to show me that anything is possible, Edward. Anything is possible."

I pursed my lips, not being in total agreement with that statement, but I didn't argue with him. There were so many things I wanted that were unattainable, and the vast majority of those wants centered around Bella. I would go and watch her sleep tonight, maybe gather some insight through her nightly verbal ramblings into what had happened after I left her home.

But that could wait. Right now, I wanted to make amends with Alice. It hurt me too much that she was avoiding me.

I found her at the edge of our woods, lying in the grass and looking up into the night sky. She made no movement at all until I was sitting next to her.

"I'm flattered," she said quietly.

"Why?"

"You chose me over Bella."

I smiled. "I love her, Alice, in a way I've never loved anyone before. But I've loved you longer."

Her eyes met mine in understanding. "I've missed you."

I chuckled. "This whole thing was silly. You know that, right?"

She sat up and shifted to face me. "I shouldn't have told Rosalie. She's been so angry at you lately. I only made things worse."

"I'm glad you did, though."

She tilted her head to the side and looked at me in confusion. _Glad? But…why?_

"Now the family knows what I've been up to. It was dangerous for me to keep it a secret."

"But it wasn't my secret to tell."

"No," I agreed. "Even still, it's better this way. I would never consciously do anything to hurt Bella. However, every moment I spend with her in private, I'm putting her at risk. It's better that you all know where I am and who I'm with. That way, if I were to hurt her -"

"You won't," she said quickly.

I gave her a half smile. "I wish I had your confidence."

"You would have my confidence if you had my talent for seeing the future."

"And what do you see?" I asked quietly, unsure if I really wanted to know what the future had in store for Bella and me.

"I see…Bella with you. She's very happy…and human." _Even though she wants to be one of us. _

I appreciated the fact that Alice chose not to voice the last comment. "And how far into the future is this?"

She shrugged. "She's still young. It can't be that far."

"Age is relative. Do you mean young as in younger than me or young as in…"

Alice laughed at me. "I meant that she doesn't look any different than she does right now. So…I guess that would be under twenty."

I nodded, but looked away. "Which means it could be a few years from now or tomorrow that you are seeing. That doesn't give me much comfort, especially considering Saturday."

"What's wrong with Saturday?"

For a moment I contemplated saying it was nothing, but this was Alice I was talking to. She had always been kind to me about Bella. Maybe she could help me. "I'm going to spend the day alone with her. I'm…worried…that I won't be able to …resist."

_You wouldn't hurt her. You love her. And she loves you._

"Alice…"

"Don't tell me it's not true, Edward."

I wet my lips, trying to keep my emotions calm while processing the idea that Bella could be in love with me. I wanted it. I wanted her. I knew she cared for me and sought my company. But love? How could someone so angelic love someone so damned?

"She loves you," Alice said, taking my hand and giving it a squeeze. "Don't fight it."

"I'm not fighting it. I just…don't believe it."

"Well, I think you should start believing it, because it's true. And you won't hurt her. I know that for a fact."

Suddenly I had an idea. "Will you do something for me?"

"Anything," she said with that pixie grin of hers.

"Will you hunt with me tomorrow?"

_Hunt? Why? We just…_

"I don't trust myself," I explained. "I don't want to be the least bit thirsty around her. It's impossible for me to think that I won't…want to…" I couldn't finish the thought. "If I'm not thirsty at all, maybe it will help. Maybe I could relax enough to believe that she will be fine."

Alice cocked her head to the side and bit her bottom lip. _Tomorrow's school._

"Would it really bother you to miss a day of school?" I joked.

"Of course not. But it will bother _you_ to go a whole day and not see Bella."

She had a point. "So we skip half a day. We'll leave after lunch."

"Lunch it is." She ginned mischievously. "Will you introduce me to her?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Oh, come on. What do you think I would do to her?"

"It's not what you might do that worries me, but rather what you might _say._"

She laughed full out. "Afraid of a little embarrassment?"

"Yes," I admitted without hesitation.

Alice placed her hand over her heart in a very feminine action and began speaking with an accent right out of Gone With the Wind. "Oh, Bella. How delighted I am to meet the woman who has stolen Edward's heart!"

"Stop it," I warned with a chuckle.

The act was dropped. "I wouldn't do that." She paused a moment. "It would be a lot more fun to pass notes about you in study hall."

I shoved her and she fell on her side laughing. "I'm going," I said, standing up and walking away from her. I could still hear her giggles when I pulled away from the house in my car.

By the time I pulled into Bella's driveway, the night sky was filled with stars and everything was quiet in the house. As was my usual routine, I slipped into her bedroom window and sat in the corner where the shadows of the room were darkest. In the stillness of the room, it was easy to pick up on the steady beat of her heart. I closed my eyes and breathed in deeply. Her scent was always strong, but here in a closed room filled with her clothes and her personal things, that scent was at its most potent. The fragrance was so thick I could almost taste it.

"Edward," she murmured, and my eyes shot open.

It always warmed my cold heart to hear my name on her lips. Slowly and stealthily, I crept forward, out from the shadows towards her bed to have a better look at her. Her face was turned just enough that the moonlight could reach her. She really was beautiful. How had I ever thought of her as anything but beautiful? The whiteness of her skin, the fullness of her mouth, the sheen of her hair… I could feel the warmth radiating from her body as her blood pulsed through her veins. The strength of her life force pulled me forward, drawing me in, tempting me.

I jerked backwards, alarmed at the dangerous turn of my thoughts and determined to set my mind straight. I didn't want her to die. I wanted her alive. I wanted to see her blush. I wanted to feel her body heat. I wanted…_her_. Yes, that's it. I pushed the vampire aside and concentrated on the human desires buried deep within me. The more natural desires, for it was natural for a man to desire a woman.

Bella sighed and rolled over in her bed, this time hiding her face from me. I took that as a sign to keep my thoughts in check – both the natural and unnatural thoughts. I knew Bella would be repulsed by my desire for her blood, but I couldn't help but wonder how she would respond to those other desires I craved.

Alice had said that Bella loved me. Loved me. The mere idea made my head spin. Love – and not the way a sister loves a brother, but the way a woman loves a man. Did she think of me in that way? Did she think of me as just a man who could love her the way she deserved to be loved? I wanted to be that man for her. I wanted to give her everything she wanted…within reason.

The dawn soon broke, and a new day began. Today, I would share her with the other adolescents in the school. Today I would only see her during the brief moments between classes. Today I would leave her to hunt, to better keep my thirst in check. And then it would be tomorrow. Then I would finally have her to myself. All day long. Just Bella. Nothing but her warm eyes and her soft smile. Tomorrow couldn't come fast enough.


	22. Chapter 20

_AN: In case you didn't see the front page of the lexicon, I want to say congrats to Stephenie for reaching number one on the New York Times best seller list. WOO HOO! Second of all, many thanks to all of you who have been holding out for an update. I hope this will tide you over a few more weeks. Third of all, thanks to Pel for looking this over for me. Hellish Red Devil, I hope you are doing well. If you find a typo, let me know!_

_Now then, a word to those of you who have criticized me for lack of originality. I know. Trust me, I know! That's one of the problems with doing a fic like this. I'm kind of locked into the words and actions of the characters. From here on out, pretty much every second of Edward's life is mapped out for me in Twilight. I don't have very many options for creativity. If that bothers you, I can understand it, but please don't frown at me for it. I'm worried enough about that dang meadow scene as it is! I hope I can live up to everyone's expectations and provide a delightful reading experience. If not – oh well. At least I gave it my all. I hope this chapter has enough "original" moments to satisfy your cravings for a good long while._

**Chapter Twenty**

Time passed slowly as I waited for Charlie Swan to leave his house so that I could once again see Bella's lovely face. As soon as was possible, I parked my car in the vacant spot in her driveway and waited for her to come out and join me. The day was fairly nice, considering how cloudy it was. I rolled down the windows and let the wind blow through the car. It wasn't long before her scent filled my senses.

She nearly bounced into my car she was so energetic this morning. I don't think I'd ever seen her so eager or excited and I was hoping that whatever it was that had her in such a state had something to do with me. She smiled at me as she closed the door, warming my heart and stopping my breath. She couldn't be any more beautiful if she tried.

She had her hair pulled back away from her face today, holding it in place with an over sized barrette. I liked her hair like this. It allowed me to see more of her skin by exposing her neck…which also meant I could smell her that much more strongly. When her eyes met mine, she blushed, and for the first time I noticed that the color that covered her cheeks reached all the way to her ears. How delightful!

I had so many questions for her today. More than I could even count. I wanted to know if she really did feel for me what I felt for her. Was that even possible? Could an angel fall in love with the damned? And if she did love me, what did I ever do to earn that love? I doubted I would ever understand why she chose me out of every other possible suitor. However, I didn't dare start our conversation off on such a deep topic. To her, we were still getting to know each other. I might end up frightening her with my obsession for her, and that simply wasn't what I wanted. She had many reasons to be frightened of me, but my love wasn't something I wanted her to fear.

I started off with something obvious. "How did you sleep?" I asked, hoping I didn't sound as anxious as I felt.

"Fine," she said brightly. "How was your night?"

"Pleasant." It was always pleasant watching her sleep.

"Can I ask what you did?"

"No," I laughed, wondering how she would respond if I told her the truth. "Today is still _mine_."

"Oh yes, how did I forget?" She slumped back in her seat. "What more is there to know anyway? I'm not that interesting."

I was stunned. "Forgive me, but I simply must disagree. I find you the most fascinating person I've ever met."

She blushed again and shyly gazed at me from under her lashes. I heard how her heart began to race and knew that if I were human, I would probably be blushing, too. She affected me so deeply that I almost believed I could respond to her in a human way.

"So where do we begin today?" she asked tentatively when I started the car and pulled out of the driveway.

"How about with your mother?" I had been curious about her ever since the first conversation I had had with Bella in Biology.

"My mom?"

"Yes. What's her name?" Basics first.

"Renee."

"And what does she do for a living?"

"Which year?"

I was caught by surprise. "Which year?"

"Yes. My mother changes jobs the way most people change clothes."

Fascinating. "How come?"

"She's easily distracted. She did spend several years as a kindergarten teacher, though. Now mostly she just travels around with Phil and either substitute teaches or does odd jobs here and there."

"So, she likes children then?"

She shrugged. "She likes play time."

That fit with her earlier description of her mother. "I remember that you once told me she was very child-like."

"I did?" She thought for a moment. "I guess I did."

How could she forget? Every moment I'd ever spent with her was burned into my memory permanently. How could she forget such a momentous occasion as our first real conversation? I had to give her the benefit of the doubt though. She was human, and at the time of that conversation, I wasn't exactly her favorite person at the time.

"Does she have any hobbies?" I probed, thinking that knowing more about Bella's mother would tell me more about Bella.

"She likes artsy stuff. Crafts. Anything creative and…messy."

"And you don't like mess?" I found that hard to believe, given the state of her room.

"Depends on the mess, I suppose. Dirty dishes and stuff like that are one thing. It's the never ending clutter and lack of directions that bother me. Mom likes to decorate things. Covers of books. Picture frames. Purses. And she's not really a 'less-is-more' type of person either." She made a face. "It's nice of her to do that sometimes, but it's not really my style."

I could see that. Bella wasn't about embellishments. She was natural – pure. I took notice that she didn't wear much make-up or jewelry. She didn't fuss with her hair, styling it for hours on end like so many of the girls do. There was a no-nonsense attitude to her style that fit her personality perfectly.

We continued on like that throughout the day. I found out that she had only known one set of grandparents, whom she spoke of rather fondly. I also discovered that she didn't keep in touch with the few school friends she had back in Phoenix. It made me curious as to why she didn't feel it necessary. Most humans tend to hold onto the past – especially people from the past. Family reunions and class reunions were proof of that. It was a trait that even some of my own kind had difficulty with – letting go of people and experiences and focusing on the future.

For a split second, I allowed my mind to consider how Bella would respond to letting go of all her human experiences to spend eternity with me. Would she let go of her father…her mother…her friends…for me? I chilled at the thought and forced it from my mind.

As I sat through English class, my mind contemplated all the various bits of information I had gathered about her. I knew if I tried hard enough, sooner or later I'd manage to piece it all together and unravel the mystery that was Bella Swan. I had purposefully asked her about friends from Phoenix hoping to find out if she had left a boyfriend behind. She'd never mentioned anyone special, and she certainly didn't seem to be pining away for anyone. It gave me hope, and yet I still had my doubts. Given the attention she had attracted here in Forks, I couldn't help but wonder at the numerous suitors that had crossed her path in the past.

When the bell rang, I quickly made my way to Bella's classroom to escort her to lunch. I chuckled to myself at how much I now look forward to lunch, given that it normally was the most boring time of the school day for me and my family. Now, with Bella sitting across from me with the freedom to speak without a teacher eyeing us, it was my favorite time of the school day.

I had meant to bring up the subject of past relationships very casually, but my curiosity got the better of me and I blurted it out rather abruptly. "Tell me about your last boyfriend." I couldn't have worded it more inappropriately if I had tried.

Color rose to her face. "You make it sound like I've had dozens."

"Haven't you?" Again, poor wording. Was it my fault that my mind had difficultly working correctly when I was around her?

She snorted, looking aghast. "No. Why would you even think that?"

"I have no reason _not_ to think it. You're kind, intelligent, and clever. You're very attractive. Why wouldn't you have had several boyfriends?"

She shied away from me, blushing to the tips of her ears. "Probably because most boys don't want to date a girl who trips over her own feet. Besides, most of the girls in Phoenix are prettier than me."

"I find that very hard to believe," I uttered quietly. To my pleasure, Bella's heart rate increased dramatically. I'd finally said something right in this bumbling conversation.

We took our place at our table, alone and distanced from the rest of the student body. Bella looked at me from across the table with embarrassed eyes. "I've never had a real boyfriend," she admitted.

"Really?" I was slightly astonished.

"I'm usually an idiot around boys that I…like. Boys that are friends are one thing. But boys that are…well…"

I waited anxiously to hear her finish the sentence. Alas, she never did. Damn that inaccessible mind of her.

"Usually when I would like someone, they would eventually say or do something that turned me off, and then I'd lose interest."

Was I hearing her correctly? I had to make sure. "So you never met anyone you wanted?"

She hesitated just a fraction of a second before responding. "Not in Phoenix."

The implication behind those words sent my emotions spinning. She wanted me. She wanted me and she'd never wanted anyone else. The feeling was mutual. And it only made me love her more. It took all of my will power to not jump out of my chair and kiss her right then and there. I wanted to kiss her. I wanted to hold her against me and tell her I felt exactly the same way. But I feared I would not only frighten her, but hurt her in my attempt to express the emotions burning in my chest.

Surprisingly, she didn't seem that phased by her announcement. She merely took a bite of her bagel as I sat and tried to gather my thoughts into a coherent sentence. From the corner of my vision, Alice waved at me. Just the distraction I needed to get my head out of my dreams and back into reality.

"I should have let you drive yourself today," I explained.

"Why?" she asked, looking puzzled.

"I'm leaving with Alice after lunch."

"Oh." She frowned in that way that told me she was disappointed. "That's okay, it's not that far of a walk."

I was hurt by the way she assumed I would do something so ungentlemanly as leave her without transportation. "I'm not going to make you walk home. We'll go get your truck and leave it here for you."

"I don't have my key with me. I really don't mind walking."

She was lying. The flutter of her heart beat told me as much. But about what? And I knew right where her key was. She had slipped it into the pocket of her jeans Wednesday. She really had no idea how observant I was when it came to her.

I shook my head. "Your truck will be here, and the key will be in the ignition—unless you're afraid someone might steal it." Now, that was funny.

"All right," she sighed, obviously not believing me. There was a challenge in her eyes, as if she was daring me to find that key. I was certain I would find it without any problems.

"So where are you going?" she subtly change the focus of the conversation.

"Hunting," I confessed with chagrin. "If I'm going to be alone with you tomorrow, I'm going to take whatever precautions I can." I looked over at her, feeling torn between the two desires currently warring inside of me. I _wanted_ her…and yet I wanted _her_. I would have to be very careful tomorrow…and she deserved to know that. "You can always cancel you know," I offered.

She looked down, hiding her eyes from me, and for that split second I actually thought she might say that she finally understood the danger. I held my breath in anticipation of her words.

"No," she whispered, meeting my eyes. "I can't."

"Perhaps you're right." I knew what she meant. She couldn't let go of me anymore than I could let go of her. At some point in time we had both crossed a line. For me, it was hearing my name tumble innocently from her lips as she slept. I wasn't sure when it was for her. But the line had been crossed, and there was no going back.

"What time will I see you tomorrow?" Her voice sounded cheerful, but there was disappointment in her eyes.

"That depends…It's a Saturday, don't you want to sleep in?" It didn't matter to me, for I would be watching her all the same.

"No."

I didn't need to hear her thoughts to understand why she had answered so quickly. She wanted to see me as soon as possible. I tried not to smile too brightly. "The same time as usual, then," I said. "Will Charlie be there?"

"No, he's fishing tomorrow." Her smile lit up her face, but it left me worried.

"And if you don't come home, what will he think?"

"I have no idea," she shrugged. "He knows I've been meaning to do the laundry. Maybe he'll think I fell in the washer."

She really didn't have any idea how sincere I was trying to be. I wanted to protect her, and she wasn't being very reasonable about it. Her father should know. Someone should know that she would be with me all day. Just in case.

"What are you hunting tonight?" she asked once the flash of my temper had subsided.

"Whatever we find in the park. We aren't going far." As if I could stand being that far away from her again. I would live on deer for the rest of my existence if I had to in order to see her every day.

Her brow furrowed together as she pondered something. "Why are you going with Alice?"

"Alice is the most…supportive." I suppose that's what I could call it. She was the only one who didn't think I would ever really hurt Bella.

"And the others?" Her voice was soft, almost timid. "What are they?"

I contemplated the best word – something that wouldn't scare her. "Incredulous, for the most part."

She twisted in her seat to look back at my family sitting at their usual table.

_I can't believe him._

_He really loves her, huh?_

_Personally, I don't see the attraction. _

_Whenever you're ready, Edward, I'm here. Bella will be fine._

"They don't like me," she stated rather matter-of-factly.

"That's not it." I very nearly said _Rosalie_ doesn't like you, but I held my tongue. "They don't understand why I can't leave you alone."

She made a face. "Neither do I, for that matter."

It was like taking two steps forward and one step back with her. "I told you—you don't see yourself clearly at all. You're not like anyone I've ever known. You fascinate me."

She looked back at me, incredulously in obvious disbelief.

How funny she was sometimes. How frustrating she was the rest of the time. "Having the advantages I do," I said softly, touching my forehead to make sure she understood to which advantages I was referring, "I have a better than average grasp of human nature. People are predictable. But you…you never do what I expect. You always take me by surprise."

Her eyes darted down, away from me, and I internally cringed. Something I had said upset her enough that she didn't trust looking at me. I wondered if I would ever get the hang of conversing with her without hearing her thoughts. How had I ever survived seventeen years as a human without this ability. I used to curse it, but now I found that I relied on it much more than I cared to admit.

"That part is easy enough to explain," I continued, for Bella would always be a surprise to me. I let my eyes focus on the seemingly perfect features of her delicate face. Her throat so exposed to my notice. The pulse of her blood in her veins. Then, without warning, my gaze drifted down along her body. My breath hitched unexpectedly. "But there's more…and it's not so easy to put into words—"

Suddenly, Rosalie flashed an angry stare over at me. No, not me. At Bella. Her eyes were fierce and dangerous.

_I can't stand this. You. A frail little human girl. You have no idea how you will upset our world. I hate you._

I growled at her. How dare she take her aggression out on Bella. This wasn't Bella's fault – it was mine. Bella had nothing to do with how tempting she was to me – how much I desired her. That was all my doing. I simply couldn't resist her, and Rosalie knew that. More than that, she knew Bella couldn't hear her thoughts. Rosalie's hateful display was for my benefit, not Bella's.

I glared at Rose until she looked away. Bella, confused and scared, turned around and met my gaze. I hated seeing her like that.

"I'm sorry about that," I apologized. "She's just worried. You see…it's dangerous for more than just me, if, after spending so much time with you so publicly…" I couldn't bring myself to word it.

"If?"

"If this ends…badly." There was no other way for it to end. There were only so many options here, and none of them had a very good outcome. They all ended in Bella's death or in my own, for I knew I wouldn't be able to survive long without her. I buried my face in my hands and wished with all my might that there was another way – another solution. I loved her…and it seemed to me that she had similar feelings, as insane as that was. And yet, there was no way for us to be together without someone getting hurt. More precisely, without Bella getting hurt. And I didn't want to hurt her. It was a conundrum of perplex proportions.

Softly, Bella asked, "And you have to leave now?"

"Yes." I lifted my face out of my hands, focusing on the beautiful woman in front of me and driving the horrible thoughts of the impossible future from my mind. "It's probably for the best. We still have fifteen minutes of that wretched movie left to endure in biology—I don't think I could take anymore."

_You okay, Edward?_

The thought came from behind me. I saw Bella's face pale.

"Alice," I said in greeting.

"Edward," she replied.

_Introduce me, silly._

"Alice, Bella—Bella, Alice," I said, waving my hand between them and trying to smile naturally.

"Hello, Bella," Alice chimed in her musical voice. "It's nice to finally meet you." _And it's about time, too. Considering that you'll be my sister someday…_

I flashed a warning at her with my eyes.

"Hi, Alice," Bella muttered shyly.

"Are you ready?" Alice asked me.

"Nearly," I replied. "I'll meet you at the car."

She wasn't upset by my dismissal, but she did have a final thought for me as she drifted out of the cafeteria. _I like her, Edward. She's very sweet. _

Sweet? Was she trying to be funny?

"Should I say 'have fun,' or is that the wrong sentiment?" Bella asked, snapping me out of my momentary distraction.

I grinned at her innocence. "No, 'have fun' works as well as anything."

"Have fun, then." Her voice was falsely cheerful and it warmed my cold heart to know she would miss me.

"I'll try. And you try to be safe, please."

She rolled her eyes. "Safe in Forks—what a challenge."

"For you it _is_ a challenge." Hadn't she noticed that she was a walking accident waiting to happen? "Promise."

"I promise to try to be safe," she said reluctantly. "I'll do the laundry tonight—that ought to be fraught with peril."

"Don't fall in," I warned.

"I'll do my best."

I got to me feet, hesitant to actually have to leave her. She echoed my actions and rose, too.

"I'll see you tomorrow," she said with a disappointed sigh.

"It seems like a long time to you, doesn't it?"

Her nod was sad.

"I'll be there in the morning," I promised, knowing that I would see her much sooner than that. Resisting the over whelming urge I felt inside my body to wrap my arms around her and never let her go, I slowly reached across the table to brush my fingers along her cheekbone. Dear God how I loved her.

Before my emotions could get the better of me, I turned and walked out to the parking lot where Alice was waiting by my car.

_Ready?_

My gaze lingered on the school for a moment.

_She'll be all right._

"Are you sure?" I asked, not looking at her.

"Edward," she said gently, touching my arm to pull my attention to her pixie-like face. "If Bella were in any sort of danger, I would tell you."

"Even if she were in danger from me?"

_You will never hurt her. Not like that._

I frowned. "But I could hurt her in another way?"

"She's falling in love with you, Edward." My breath hitched in my chest at her words. "And sometimes love hurts."

I glanced back at the school again, knowing Alice was telling me the truth.

"Come on," she ordered. "Stop fretting about it."

"It's easier said than done."

"Fine," she huffed. "Then I'm driving."

She only said that because she knew it would snap me out of my daze. "All right, I get the hint." I hated riding in a car when I wasn't driving.

We sped out of the parking lot and quickly made our way to Bella's house. I didn't have to explain it to Alice, for she already knew that we would be taking the rickety old truck back to the school.

Finding the key to the truck was much easier than I anticipated. I was almost disappointed it wasn't a bigger challenge for me. When I came to her house Wednesday morning, she hadn't been expecting me. She had anticipated heading out to her car and driving to school, which meant the first place I should look for the keys was in the pocket of the clothes she wore that day; the pale colored jeans with the frayed hem and a green sweater. The sweater had no pockets, so I only needed to hunt for the jeans.

I suddenly struck me that it had only been three days since I had rescued Bella in Port Angeles. Three days since she had uncovered my secret. Three days. It seemed longer than that somehow.

I slipped into the house through Bella's bedroom window as easily as I normally did and spent a moment to look around her room. The pile of laundry that usually sat in the corner was gone. I headed down the steps of the small house searching for the washer and dryer only to come to a full stop in the living room where a row of pictures lined the mantle.

Bella. Bella as a baby with her mom and dad. Bella as a small child. Bella as a young teen. The frames were all cheap and mismatched, but that didn't matter. To me, these pictures were like finding a gold mine. I scanned over each picture taking in the small changes from year to year. Her hair was short when she was small, bobbed at her shoulders with a dusting of bangs across her forehead. In another picture her hair was pulled up into two high pig tales with big ribbons holding them in place. Her smile was bright in spite of the fact that she was missing a front tooth. The next picture proved that the tooth had returned, looking too large for her still small face. Curious that I'd never really noticed her teeth before.

My eyes lingered over the last picture on the shelf, the one that was obviously taken most recently. Her smile wasn't as bright in this picture. It was subtle and somewhat mysterious, as if she was daring me to guess what she was thinking. Her eyes sparkled back at me, brown and warm and just as lovely as ever.

_Edward? What's taking so long?_

I sighed and pulled my eyes away from the images of Bella and returned to my hunt for her key. The laundry room was even smaller than I had suspected it would be. Sure enough, Bella's clothes were tossed haphazardly all over the floor. I began rummaging through the pile, catching the potent and tempting fragrance that lingered on them. I found the delicate blue shirt she had worn that night in Port Angeles and couldn't resist bringing it to my face so that I could inhale her scent more deeply.

So glorious.

The jeans were next, peeking out at me from under the sweater that had been paired with them. Sure enough, the key to Bella ancient truck was tucked into the right side pocket. Easy. A few moments later and I was back outside again, handing my keys to Alice.

"I get to drive the Volvo? But-"

"Surprise," I smiled, feeling proud that I'd actually been able to catch her off guard. Truth was, I didn't want to drive the old truck, but I knew it would be the last time for several hours that I would get the chance to breathe in her amazing scent. My journey through her house had only made me crave her that much more.

Slowly, painstakingly slowly, we drove back to the school to drop off the truck. If I could have my way, I would send this poor excuse for a vehicle off to the dump and buy Bella something appropriate for her. Maybe an Acura MDX or a Lexus LX, since she seemed to like trucks. A BMW X3 SAV would be a bit too showy, but it would probably be her best option considering her attraction to accidents. I'd even go so far as to agree to buy one that previously owned and had few hundred miles on it. Then again, I was getting ahead of myself. After all, it had only been three days.

The best three days of my existence.

I turned off the engine, leaving the key in the ignition, and climbed out of the cab. Alice pulled my car behind the truck and scooted over into the passenger seat to wait for me. I sat down behind the wheel and pulled out a piece of paper from my school things to write a small note to Bella. My hand paused as I contemplated what I wanted to say to her.

_I love you._

No, not yet. Too heavy. Something lighter.

_I told you so._

No, too pointed. Something more…meaningful.

_Be prepared._

Not a bad sentiment, yet the boy scouts had that one locked up. Be…be…what?

_Be safe. _

Perfect.

I etched the words on the paper and folded it up to place it on the seat of her truck. She would find it there and know that I was thinking of her. I was always thinking of her. All through the reminder of the day, as I hunted and drank from the animals in the park, I thought of Bella and what I would do to be with her. What I wouldn't give to be with her as a man – a human man. What I wouldn't sacrifice to keep her safe. And all the while longing for Saturday and the chance to be alone with her at last.


	23. Chapter 21

_AN: After hearing "Please up date your fic!" about five times face to face at the book signing in Austin, I figured I owed it to everyone to at LEAST get Edward into the sunlight. So here you go. Hoe this satisfies you for a few days, at least! I hope to have the rest of the meadow scene finished before the Nashville event, but we will see. It's a LONG scene and believe it or not, it's very difficult trying to change the "he saids" to "I saids", if you get my meaning. _

_Many thanks to Hellish, who came out of hiding long enough to beta for me, as well as my new found friend "R" from Austin, who helped me keep my integrity in tact. And Pel – well – you know I love you! _

**CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE**

Sunrise had come. I watched wordlessly as light began to fill the horizon, sending vibrant colors streaking across the wispy clouds that hid the blue sky. I rummaged through my bag and pulled out the tan sweater I had brought along.

_It's still early._

I smiled at Alice. "It's been over sixteen hours since I've seen her."

She rolled her eyes at me. _Wow. You've got it bad, Edward._

"What?" I laughed in reply.

"You're counting the hours between visits," she said incredulously.

"I love her," I shrugged.

"I know that, but still…"

"When was the last time you were away from Jasper for an extended amount of time?"

It was her turn to laugh at me. "It hasn't even been a full day! That's not what I call an extended amount of time."

"It is when you consider that Bella and I don't have a lot of time to be together to begin with."

Alice's face sobered. _You could have eternity with her._

I sighed, "I can't think about that this morning, Alice."

"Fine," she smirked. "Go and enjoy your…moment in the sun."

"Ha ha," I muttered, pulling my sweater on over my head. I turned and kissed her cheek. "Thanks for coming with me."

"Anytime." She picked up the bag, twirled around, and darted off through the forest towards home.

My emotions were all in a dither, and now that I was alone I couldn't help but contemplate the enormity of what I was about to do. A full day alone with Bella was something I had only dreamed of, and now it was about to become a reality. I breathed deeply and mentally readied myself for the day ahead. I wasn't sure if I would ever be fully ready for what was to come, but I knew that I wanted it. I wanted it more than anything I had ever wanted in my entire life.

I ran through the trees and came to the edge of the town before slowing down to a quick walk. The city was very quiet and mostly still asleep. In a few moments, I found myself outside of the small house Bella called home. Her father's car was nowhere to be seen, which was a good sign. I took note that I didn't see any lights on yet, so I wondered if Bella were still sleeping. I could always sneak up to her window and check, for I enjoyed watching her sleep. But I decided I would much rather see her awake, and so I gently knocked on the door, hoping she would hear me and come open the door.

Or maybe she didn't want to see me. Maybe she realized how dangerous this day could be and opted not to be here this morning. These thoughts barely had time to cross my mind before I heard the rumble of feet on steps and the click of the deadbolt as she fumbled with it.

And then she was standing in front of me, beautiful and delicate as always. She released a breath, and I was filled with her scent. Oh yes, sixteen hours was far too long to go without that luscious scent – far too long to go without those captivating eyes – far too long without that amazing figure.

It was then that I noticed what she was wearing. I couldn't help but chuckle as I greeted her. "Good morning."

"What's wrong?" she gasped, looking down at her body in slight horror.

"We match." For indeed we did match… as much as a divinely angelic human and bloodthirsty vampire could match. Her outfit was eerily similar to mine and from an outsider's perspective, it probably looked as if we had planned it. She laughed once she realized the silliness of the situation, blushing slightly and biting her bottom lip. Oh, she was so tempting.

Forcing forbidden thoughts from my mind, I turned away from her and walked over to her truck. I cringed at the idea that I had actually agreed to ride in this poor excuse for an automobile. Not only that, but Bella would be driving, which didn't sound too safe to me.

"We made a deal," she reminded me as she climbed into the car and unlocked the passenger door for me.

It would probably take us half the day just to get to our destination, given how slow the vehicle moved. And heaven only knew how many dangers lurked on along the way, such as sharp turns that her human reflexes weren't equipped to handle. But I _had _promised Bella. If it meant spending an entire day all alone with her, then I would forfeit my position as the driver and let her command the steering wheel for once.

"Where to?" she asked, once I was in my seat.

"Put your seatbelt on—I'm nervous already."

She gave me a dirty look, but did as I asked. "Where to?" she repeated, sounding a bit more agitated.

"Take the 101 north," I ordered.

I watched her closely as she carefully maneuvered the truck out onto the main road. A glance down at the speedometer told me that she was hardly even going the speed limit. Forget wasting half the day in the car. At this rate we'd be lucky to get there at all!

"Were you planning to make it out of Forks before nightfall?" I quipped.

"This truck is old enough to be your car's grandfather—have some respect," came her reply.

Eventually we did reach the city limits, passing the last few houses and heading into the thick, surrounding trees.

"Turn right on the 110," I said before she could ask. It surprised me that she obeyed me without so much as an arguement.

"Now we drive until the pavement ends." I couldn't help but tease her with the comment. I knew she could hardly manage on flat surfaces, let alone bumpy terrain.

"And what's there, at the pavement's end?" she frowned.

"A trail."

"We're hiking?" Her voice rose in pitch, which did little to hide her worry.

"Is that a problem?"

"No." She paled and her heart began to race. She was worried and she didn't want me to know it. How charming.

"Don't worry," I comforted. "It's only five miles or so, and we're in no hurry."

Unfortunately, whatever I had said didn't offer her any solace. Her face lost nearly all its color for a moment and her pulse quickened. It couldn't only be the hiking that worried her. Was it the woods that frightened her? Or did she actually fear being alone with _me_ in the woods? It would be a natural response to be fearful of heading into a deep forest with a monster such as me, but I had started to hope that she wasn't afraid anymore, though she had every right to be. Maybe I was wrong. I'd never know unless I asked.

"What are you thinking?"

She shrugged. "Just wondering where we're going."

I glanced out the window. "It's a place I like to go when the weather is nice."

She mirrored my action and looked up at the brightening sky. "Charlie said it would be warm today."

"And did you tell Charlie what you were up to?" I checked.

"Nope."

"But Jessica thinks we're going to Seattle together?" It was all right if she didn't want her father to know what she was doing. I wasn't certain if Charlie even knew anything about us at all, so I could forgive Bella for not telling him about today. At least Jessica knew. Women always spilled secrets to each other about the men in their lives. If anything were to happen today…even though I would move heaven and earth to make sure it didn't…Jessica could at least vouch for the fact that Bella was supposed to be with me.

"No, I told her you cancelled on me—which is true."

I froze in horror. "No one knows you're with me?"

"That depends…I assume you told Alice?"

"That's very helpful, Bella," I snapped.

How could she? Did she have no regard for her own life at all? After the countless times I warned her – after all the time I spent verbalizing my concern for her safety? I wanted to be alone with her, that much was true, but only because I felt some comfort knowing that, should anything happen to her, I would be held accountable by someone.

"Are you so depressed by Forks that it's made you suicidal?" I demanded angrily.

"You said it might cause trouble for you…us being together publicly," she said almost casually.

"So you're worried about the trouble it might cause _me_—if _you_ don't come _home_?" Incredible. Just incredible.

Her only reply was a simple nod.

I growled and muttered, "I should make her turn around right now. She has absolutely no idea the danger she is in."

She obviously hadn't heard what I had said. But then, I hadn't said it very clearly, nor did I repeat myself so that she would understand. I wanted this too badly. Every logical instinct I had told me that I shouldn't be doing this with her, and yet my heart simply wouldn't let me give up on the idea. It was pointless to try and make her see reason when I, myself, couldn't resist the temptation of doing what I knew was wrong.

In the moments that followed our little argument, Bella was very quiet. Her eyes darted to me once or twice, but other than that there was nothing. I didn't want to spoil the day by harboring any negativity towards the fact that she hadn't done what I asked of her, so I didn't say anything more on the subject.

Soon enough, we ran out of paved road and Bella brought her truck to a stop. She didn't wait for me to open her door. She simply climbed out on her own, pulled her sweater off, and wrapped it around her waist. I made a conscious decision then and there to go forward with my plan and not look back. I wouldn't let the monster within get the better of me today. With a determined sigh, I removed my own sweater, pulling it up and over my head and stepped out of the car.

The sun was hidden behind the clouds just enough so that the sight of my skin didn't startle her. The warm, pink color of her own skin was so much more beautiful than mine.

I knew I was unnaturally pale and must look like a piece of cut stone to her, but it couldn't be helped. She wanted to see this, and I had agreed. I only hoped that she wouldn't be repulsed by what she saw.

"This way," I said, wishing that I wasn't such a threat to her safety.

"The trail?" She sounded worried as she hurried up to my side.

"I said there was a trail at the end of the road, not that we were taking it," I explained.

"No trail?" she said in desperation.

"I won't let you get lost."

I turned to look at her then and was immediately struck by the fear I saw in her eyes. I hadn't seen emotion like this from her in a very long time, and it broke my heart to see it now. It was something I had been waiting for expectantly and had even told her she should feel. Yet now that I was seeing it, it made my breath catch in horror that I had brought this upon her.

She shouldn't be with me. I had no right to her.

"Do you want to go home?" It pained me to make the offer, but I knew that she would never own up to her fear if I didn't at least give her a way out.

"No." She closed the distance between us to reiterate the fact.

I didn't understand. If she were afraid of me…then why would she come closer to me? "What's wrong?" I asked, needing her explanation.

"I'm not a good hiker," she admitted reluctantly. "You'll have to be very patient."

Hiking? She was worried about…hiking? It wasn't me that she was afraid of, but rather the journey through the woods. How totally and utterly amazing she was.

"I can be patient," I said softly. "If I make a great effort." It was the total truth. I had been nothing but patient where Bella was concerned. I would never rush her or force her into anything she didn't want. No matter how strong the monster inside of me fought, I would never give in to its demands. And that alone took great effort.

The weak smile I was granted in return did nothing to convince me she was ready for this. "I'll take you home," I conceded.

Her face and voice both suddenly became fierce. "If you want me to hack five miles through the jungle before sundown, you'd better start leading the way."

It seemed that despite her growing fear, she was just as determined to have this day with me as I was to have it with her. It wasn't comforting at all to know that we both were operating against our better judgments. And yet it spoke volumes to the mutual need and desire we felt for one another. Well, I could only speak for myself, of course, since I couldn't hear her thoughts, but I had to hope that she was feeling something of what I was feeling.

And so it began, our morning-long hike through the forest, with me thinking of all the reasons why I shouldn't be doing this but unable to stop myself from giving in, and her being determined not to be afraid of me. Not a good start, but it soon got better.

Things went fairly well for about a half hour. I walked in front of Bella, moving aside the brush from time to time so she could navigate better. She was very shaky on her feet, and I considered asking her if I could just carry her. My way of traveling would be so much faster and we would have that much more time in the meadow. I wondered briefly how Bella would respond to running through the forest with me, but when we came to our first real obstacle on our journey, I was reminded instantly why that was a bad idea.

A fallen tree blocked the path. I climbed over it without hesitation only to look back and see a look of horror etched on Bella's face. She bit at her lip, contemplating just how she was supposed to maneuver herself over the log without falling on her face. Wanting to be a gentleman, I offered her some help by holding on to her arm at the elbow, balancing her and keeping her steady as she climbed over the mossy log.

Her skin was so warm, so soft. She flinched slightly at my touch and I knew the coldness of my hand must be distasteful to her. Even though I kept my touch as light as possible, I was starkly aware of the fact that if I applied any more pressure to her arm, I would snap it like a twig. Gentle…easy…careful. The words repeated in my head over and over again as I held on to her arm. The moment her feet were firmly on the ground, I pulled away from her, grateful that I had been able to help her without hurting her, all the while trying to keep my desire to touch her again under control.

She looked up at me as she steadied herself, a blush coloring her cheeks the most delicious shade of pink. In the stillness of the woods, with only the breeze and the distant bird song to offer a distraction, the sound of her heart hammering away in her chest was the most glorious sound I'd ever heard. My breath stilled and my body tensed as I considered the possibilities…or rather, the _impossibilities_.

I needed a distraction. I needed something else to think about other than her heart and her blood. Something other than her beautifully delicate feminine form…

"So," I started, trying to sound casual as I continued walking. "When is your birthday?" I knew the question sounded random, but it was something I had been wanting to ask her for a while now. At the same time, I tried to avoid topics that reminded me just how far apart in age we really were. But it couldn't be avoided much longer.

"September thirteenth," she answered.

I nodded in confirmation. I knew it was in September, but I hadn't known the exact date until now.

"Why?" she asked.

The question surprised me. "Is there a reason why I shouldn't know your birthday?"

"No," she said, "I just don't want you doing something crazy and making a big fuss over it."

I was puzzled by this. "You don't like being fussed over on your birthday?"

"I don't like being fussed over, period, especially on my birthday."

It was against what I knew about humans. Generally speaking, unless they were "over the hill," humans liked celebrating the day they were born. It meant gifts and parties and gathering with distant friends.

"What's wrong with birthdays?" I pressed.

"Oh, it's not birthdays I mind so much. It's the attention. I don't like it when everyone in the room is looking at me. It's like they are watching and waiting for me to trip over the carpet and land on my behind."

That made sense, considering Bella's tendency to do just that. "So birthday presents are fine, just no birthday parties?"

She made a face. "Depends on the present."

"What kind of presents do you like?"

"Simple ones, I guess. I don't like it when mom and dad spend more money then they have just to give me something I don't really need. It makes me feel…guilty."

"But if they gave it to you out of the kindness of their hearts - "

"That's not the way it usually works, though. Expensive gifts are only someone's way of trying to prove something. Prove they love you…prove they have money…prove they can give you something no one else can. I don't want that."

I stopped walking and simply looked down at her, amazed at the complexity of her character. Would I ever be able to figure her out?

"So no expensive gifts?" I sighed.

"I believe I've told you that before."

She _had_ told me. I just hadn't taken her totally seriously. I would never make that mistake again.

"And when is _your_ birthday?" she pressed.

"Isn't it my turn to ask the questions?" I asked in a poor attempt of avoidance.

"Oh, come on!" she huffed. "I'm just asking for the date."

I only frowned in reply.

"I told you mine," she reminded me.

It was silly of me to not want to share something like this with her. Her question only followed the typical pattern of human questions. However, I hadn't celebrated my birthday in nearly eighty years. In fact, it was the day I woke up from the change that I reflected on as the years went by and not the day of my actual birth. Yet how could I deny Bella this simple answer when she was looking at me so sweetly?

"June twentieth," I offered softly.

She smiled brightly at me. "See? Was that so hard?"

I only shook my head and continued walking.

We fell into a companionable silence for awhile. She slipped a few times, and I was right there to catch her until she felt secure again. We climbed over boulders and trees, and again I would help her as gently as I could. Her breathing was increasing naturally along with her heart rate. I had to force myself to converse normally with her in order to avoid being pulled into the rhythmic sounds and delicious fragrance of her humanity.

"Have you ever had any pets?" I asked after an hour or so.

She cringed. "Yes."

It was the most reluctant answer I'd heard all day from her.

"What's wrong?" I frowned.

"Well…I'm not…good…with animals."

Now my curiosity was piqued. "Just how bad are we talking about? You didn't forget to feed the dog, did you?"

"I've never had a dog – or a cat for that matter. Mom said I should start with something smaller to see how well I could care for it. If I did a good job, then we could get something bigger."

"Hamster? Bird?" I asked.

She shook her head. "Too expensive. And my mom knows nothing about saving money. Besides, if I were just going to murder an animal, I didn't want to pay a lot of money for it."

"Murder?" The word caught me off guard.

"Yep, murder. That's what it's called when you kill something, right?"

I ignored her tease. "And what animal did you murder?"

"A fish. Actually, three fish."

"Three?"

"Three. And not just three over several years, but three in a row. It took me all of about two weeks to kill three innocent little fish. Poor things."

I couldn't hold in the amusment that built up inside of me. I let it out, laughing more heartily than I had in a long time.

She simply shrugged. "After that, I kind of gave up on the whole institution of keeping a pet."

Oh, she was adorable! And she had no idea how irresistible she was, even with her so- called murderous tendencies. Amazing. Simply amazing.

Unfortunately, I didn't have long to dwell on the fact that I found her inability to keep a fish alive attractive. The sun had come out in full force and I spent the rest of our trek dodging the little patches of sunlight that broke through the canopy of trees above us. I didn't want her to see the sun's effect on my skin just yet. I worried what kind of a shock it would give her to momentarily catch a glimpse of my skin in the sunlight. If I were going to show her this, then I was going to do it right.

Just ahead of us was the meadow.

"Are we there yet?" Her voice broke through the quiet as if she had heard my thoughts.

"Nearly." I smiled, taking in the excitement I felt from her and the way she tried to hide it. "Do you see the brightness ahead?"

She squinted. "Um, should I?"

"Maybe it's a bit soon for _your_ eyes," I teased.

"Time to visit the optometrist," she said under her breath.

I couldn't resist smiling at her joke.

After a few more strides, I heard a sharp intake of breath come from Bella as she finally caught sight of the meadow up ahead. She picked up her pace and darted in front of me, heading into the meadow on her own without so much as a glance back at me.

Illuminated by the sun, her face shone with joy . She turned around and around, taking in the splendor of her surroundings and the magnificent colors that could only be found here in nature. Just as she gloried in the wonder around her, I gloried in her beauty, for I had never seen her look more beautiful than she did in that moment. Basking in the sun. Flowers blurring together behind her to create a perfect background of color. And Bella standing in the center of it all, smiling at me.

And then her smile faded. I stood a distance away from her, protected by the shade of the trees above for one more moment. I allowed myself this last chance to enjoy the way she looked at me. She would never again look at me like she was now. Once she saw just how foreign – how alien – how completely non-human I was, things would never be the same again. I wanted to share every detail of myself with her. I wanted her to know me. And yet, at the same time, I dreaded it horribly. After all, there was no way to predict how she would react to seeing just why I stayed out of the sun.

But I had promised her I would show her. She deserved to know.

She smiled at me, her eyes and hand inviting me to join her as she started to move towards me. I held up my hand to stop her, for this was something I needed to do on my own. I took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. It was now or never.

With all the courage and hope I could muster, I stepped into the sunlight, sending a rainbow of sparkles dancing around the meadow.


	24. Chapter 22

_AN: No, I didn't forget about this fic! I've feared this sectionthe most even though I know it's the part everyone wants to read! You have no idea how difficult it is to, essentially, replace the I saids with she said and the he saids with I said. GAH! Not to mention the fact that this section is pretty much what I used to write the whole start of the fic! So you already KNOW this story from Edward's PoV…why should I have to tell it again?!?!? Really, it's been very difficult getting this out. But I promised an update by New Years and so, here it is._

_Many many many many many (infinity) thanks to Pel, Hellish, and sillybella who all beta read this in the space of one hour after I sent it to them with the heading ASAP! You three TOTALLY rock! _

_Special note – the majority of this chapter is directly lifted from chapter 13 of Twilight. Stephenie is aware that I have done this. I am aware that it is mostly Stephenie's work. So there is no need to tell me! _

**CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO**

Bella's reaction to seeing me in direct sunlight was not what I expected, which I actually _should _have expected given the fact that Bella seldom behaved the way she should. Instead of being horrified and repulsed by the way the sun danced off of my skin, she was fascinated – almost transfixed. Her eyes were wide and her mouth hung open, but instead of a look of shock, her expression reflected that of amazement and wonder.

I waited for her to run, as I always did, but she stood still, rooted to the spot. Her heart rate increased, as did her breathing, and I almost expected her to faint. But then she granted me quite possibly the most precious gift she could ever give me – she smiled at me. And not a forced smile, but a genuine smile filled with happiness and excitement.

Emboldened by her reaction and longing to take in as much warmth as the sun could provide, I slowly raised my hands to the buttons on my shirt and began to undo them. One by one the buttons opened. Bella watched me, and I watched her watching me. It was delightful torture to see the blush rise on her cheeks, to hear her heartbeat become erratic. Her eyes skimmed over my chest as I undid the last button, taking in every detail of my unnatural, stone-like body. It didn't escape my notice that her gaze, innocent as it may be, fell south of my chest and down my hips and legs. She was looking – really looking at me. All of me. And I couldn't help but enjoy it.

The wind blew around us and her intoxicating scent combined with the way she was currently looking at me nearly overwhelmed me. Oh, how I wanted to go to her, to touch her, to wrap my arms around her and tell her how I loved her. To kiss her.

I pulled my mind away from the thought. I could never – I _should_ never—

But I couldn't deny that I wanted it all the same. She was innocent and I was a monster for thinking such thoughts. If she knew the depth of my passion, she wouldn't continue to look at me like that.

Needing to find someway to avoid giving into my desires, I lowered myself to the ground and lay back against the cool earth. I closed my eyes and imagined that circumstances were different – that Bella was mine and I was worthy of her. As the rays of the sun shone down on my skin, I tried to convince my mind that the warmth I felt was radiating not from a distant celestial star, but rather from Bella herself.

I don't know how long I lay there, but it was long enough for Bella to decide to sit down on the ground as well. I could hear every nuance of her body perfectly, every step, every breath, for there were no minds near enough to distract me from her. I could still feel her eyes on me, and it stirred my soul to know that she wasn't only here with me, but that she wanted to _stay_ here with me, even now that she knew just how foreign I really was.

The song I'd composed for her came to my heart and I began singing it in gratitude of this precious moment.

"What did you say?" I heard her youthful voice ask from my side.

"I'm singing," I explained. "Does it bother you?"

"No. Not at all."

The wind stirred the air and again her fragrance hit me like a wrecking ball, reminding me instantly of the promise I had made to myself to keep her safe – to keep her human.

And then, all reason was lost to me as I felt her skin against mine. A single, gentle finger traced a line over the back of my hand. Such an innocent and innocuous gesture, but I felt it slice through my body as if she had set fire to my very soul. She had no idea what she was doing to me – sitting so close to me that I could smell her – touching me in any way, regardless of how chaste the touch. She had a power over me that I was unable to deny or resist. I would forever be connected to this amazing woman and her divine warmth and heavenly scent. Yet I would never understand why she tolerated being with me, especially now that I had made it very clear how inhuman I was.

I opened my eyes to better judge her reaction to me. What a burden it was to not have access to her thoughts – to have to rely on my eyes to interpret her moods. She appeared content to be with me, but yet on edge at the same time. I didn't sense that she was particularly worried that I might hurt her, but rather that she might hurt _me_. As if her touch could ever bring me anything but joy.

It seemed to me that the more she learned about me, the more interested she became. With every new and frightening detail, Bella only grew in curiosity. It was the same effect she had over me. It was as if heaven were playing some kind of sick joke on the both of us. The idea nearly made me laugh.

"I don't scare you?" I asked, resisting my laugh and needing to verify what I was assuming to be true.

"No more than usual."

Dear Lord, how I loved this woman!

Her hand brushed against my arm sending a wave of pleasure though my entire body. She was so warm, so delicate, so careful in the way she touched me. More than that, she wasn't afraid to touch me. I couldn't remember the last time a human willingly reached out to touch me without flinching away. Even Bella. She had touched my hand that night in Port Angeles, but that was before she knew what I was and the danger she was in by being so close to me. Since that night, which seemed a life time ago, I had always been the one to initiate the contact, and even then it was only a few, fleeting times.

And now she wanted to touch me. I closed my eyes and let the thought plant itself into my mind – into my heart. Bella's skin against my skin. Oh, the glory of it! My need for more of it. For the first time since I had been changed, I felt a pleasurable stirring deep within my body.

"Do you mind?" she asked shyly.

"No," I sighed. She thought it bothered me that she was touching me? Never! "You can't imagine how that feels," I offered as an explanation.

She must have understood my meaning, for her tentative exploration of my skin continued. Her fingers dusted over my shoulder, tracing the shape of the muscle and then down the empty, dead vein of my arm to my wrist. I felt her instinct to turn my hand over and reacted accordingly. I must have moved too quickly for her human senses, for Bella's hand stilled on my forearm.

"Sorry," I murmured, looking into her surprised face. "It's too easy to be myself with you."

I scolded myself mentally, for I should have demonstrative better control. I should know better! She was human – she was everything good and pure and virtuous while I was a monster of the worst kind. She should be surprised more often. Her lack of fear and her willingness to be so close to me was not helping my ability to hold back. I felt somehow free, and yet bound at the same time. Free to be myself, and yet bound by the promise I made to not frighten her or hurt her in any way.

Her brows knit together as she turned my stone cold hand over, holding it in her own soft warm hand, and watched the sun glitter off my palm. She examined it closer, inspecting it for any missed detail. Her thumb stroked over my lifeline and down my ring finger, which I found intensely erotic.

"Tell me what you're thinking," I whispered before I could stop myself. I searched her face for any sign that she was feeling anything akin to what I was feeling. Probably not, for Bella was too pure of heart to think anything of that sort. "It's still so strange for me, not knowing."

"You know, the rest of us feel that way all the time," she teased.

"It's a hard life," I said in all honesty. "But you didn't tell me."

"I _was_ wishing I could know what you were thinking…"

Her words trailed off, indicative of the fact that she had more to say and was censoring herself. I wouldn't have that. "And?"

"I was wishing that I could believe that you were real. And I was wishing that I wasn't afraid."

I was stunned. She was afraid? She seemed so fearless sitting in a meadow all alone with a vampire who should never be allowed near her, let alone to touch her. "I don't want you to be afraid." She had ever right to be so, but I had hoped she knew by now that I would kill myself before I hurt her.

"Well, that's not exactly the fear I meant, though that's certainly something to think about."

She was hiding from me. Hiding her face behind that curtain of hair. Hiding her eyes from under her lashes. There was more to this than just a fear, and I needed to know exactly what was going on in that delightful mind of hers. Without pulling my hand away from her, I propped myself up on my elbow so that I could see her face and eyes better – so that there was no way she could hide her sentiment from me. Our faces were dangerously close. I could feel her sweet breath on my skin. If I had any sense, I would pull away from her now, but I had long ago abandoned sense for a more carnal desire.

"What are you afraid of, then?" I inquired.

Her eyes blurred and her breath stopped. I heard the fluttering of her heart, even felt the instant flush of her body. She inhaled deeply, and I knew from the hazy look in her eyes that I wasn't the only one who found another person's scent appealing. Her gaze dropped momentarily to my lips as she leaned forward, breathing me in and opening her mouth next to mine.

She was going to kiss me. My body reacted strongly at the implication.

Her pulse pounded in her throat, drawing me in, taunting me with the rapid thrum of blood through her external jugular vein. The scent of her blood mixed with the feminine fragrance of her hair and skin. My thirst roared to life, aroused by the very nearness of her. I could so easily take what I wanted right here and now. Her blood… her body… so tempting.

Somehow, in that split second, I managed to gather my thoughts and realize that this was wrong. I darted away from her as fast as I could, instantly feeling the regretful loss of her soothing touch, my body nearly shivering from the removal of such a powerful heat source.

I wanted her, that much was certain. And now, given how she had looked at me and moved towards me, I saw clearly that she wanted me, too. _She_ wanted _me_. My head was swimming with the knowledge, and I nearly leapt into the air for joy! But my joy could only last a fraction of a moment, for this could never be. Bella and I could never be. Not fully. Not wholly.

"I'm…sorry…Edward," she said softly, but I heard her as if she were standing right next to me. She had nothing to be sorry for. This wasn't her fault. I should never have pursued her. But I had, and now here we were. Here she was. Wanting me.

"Give me a moment," I lightly called out to her, hoping she wouldn't hear the tension in my voice. I had to take control over my emotions before I allowed myself any further contact with her. Desire… lust… more specifically, the lust for the whole human, body and soul, rather than just blood, was such a human concept and one I obviously hadn't mastered.

I slowed my breathing, forcing my body and mind to calm down in the process. Once I was certain I could manage these newly developed emotions of mine I slowly walked back into the open circle of the meadow, stopping several feet away from where she was to sit back down on the cool ground. The expression on her face was not a pleasant one, and it was my fault that she appeared unhappy. I purposefully inhaled her feminine scent again, checking to make sure I hadn't reached my limit, before offering my apology.

"I am so very sorry." I pursed my lips, trying to find the right words to describe to her what I was feeling. "Would you understand what I meant if I said I was only human?"

She answered me with a nod, and almost instantly I caught the sound of her increased heart rate as her face reflected the worry that I had been feeling only moments before. What was I doing to her? And why couldn't I stop?

"I'm the world's best predator, aren't I?" I accused myself. "Everything about me invites you in—my voice, my face, even my _smell_. As if I need any of that!"

To prove my point, I darted around the meadow, through the trees, circling Bella as she tried unsuccessfully to follow me with her human eyes.

"As if you could out run me," I laughed bitterly. As if there was anything she could ever do to stop me from taking what I wanted from her.

I reached up above me to grab hold of a low branch hanging from a spruce and easily snapped it off. Then, with just as much ease and a minimal amount of effort, I tossed it aside, sending it against the trunk of another tree where it shattered into a thousand pieces.

In what would seem like the blink of an eye to Bella, I moved so that I was closer to her, standing not two feet in front of her. "As if you could fight me off," I added gently.

I smelled the fear in her body, felt it even in the way she looked at me now. Her gaze was fixed onto mine, exactly the way it would be were I actually hunting her. I'd shown her now – I'd shown her nearly everything. She could no longer use ignorance as an excuse. It thrilled me to be able to move this way in front of her – to be natural – to be myself. I hid my true nature from her and from the majority of the world so much that it was a great relief to be able to relax and let go. And yet, at the same time, it pained me to know that she now fully understood just how dangerous I really was.

She knew exactly what I was capable of and how quickly I could do it. I'd once teased her that she needed a good, healthy dose of fear, but now that I'd given her just that, I almost regretted it. It wounded me to know how easily I had succeeded in frightening her, even though that had been my intent. Her face was sickly white and it broke my heart to know that it had been my actions that caused her to look that way.

And yet, that was exactly how she should look at me. Not with those romantically dreamy eyes from the previous moment, but with eyes that had seen me for what I was – a monster. A killer. A vampire.

I guess I should be careful what I wish for…

"Don't be afraid," I murmured, hoping I could somehow lure her back into a more peaceful state of mind. "I promise - I _swear_," I corrected, "not to hurt you." The promise wasn't just for Bella but for me as well.

"Don't be afraid," I repeated softly, for it was important to me that she not fear me. She needed to understand why she should be afraid, but that didn't mean I wanted her to be afraid. It was complicated and so complex, but then so was our entire relationship.

As slowly as I could, I closed the distance between us just enough that when I sat down our faces were only a mere foot apart. I gazed into her dark, wide eyes and willed her to believe me.

"Please forgive me," I said humbly. "I _can_ control myself. You caught me off guard. But I'm on my best behavior now."

She only stared back at me with the same wide-eyed expression.

"I'm not thirsty today, honestly." As a last attempt to lighten the mood, I winked at her.

She laughed, and I instantly felt better. There wasn't a more delightful sound than Bella's laugh – except perhaps her heartbeat.

"Are you alright?" I asked tenderly. As a sort of peace offering, I reached out slowly and carefully, and placed my hand in the warmth and softness of her hand.

She again examined my skin, taking in how hard it felt against her own. And then her gaze lifted and her eyes met mine. She searched my face, and I hoped with all of my might that she would forgive me for being so discourteous of her feelings. Her eyes returned to my hand as she once again took up tracing the lines of my palm with her delicate fingertips.

Then she smiled at me, and I felt as if my body had caught fire.

It was all I could do to refrain from shouting for joy.

"So," I sighed, forcing my mind into a safer place, "where were we, before I behaved so rudely?"

"I honestly can't remember."

I was ashamed of myself for confusing her with my startling behavior, but I wouldn't dwell on it now. "I think we were talking about why you were afraid, besides the obvious reason."

"Oh, right."

"Well?"

Again she looked down at my hand, drawing circles and random patterns over my skin. It seemed like an eternity that we sat there in silence as she formulated an answer. I held my breath in anticipation, wishing for the umpteenth time that her mind wasn't closed to me.

It was too much. The agony of waiting was unbearable. "How easily frustrated I am," I sighed.

She looked up at me and I swear I saw something change in her eyes – as if she came to some sort of personal understanding. Whatever it was, it gave her the courage to tell me what she was thinking.

"I was afraid…because, for, well, obvious reasons, I can't _stay_ with you. And I'm afraid that I'd like to stay with you, much more than I should." She hid her eyes from me as she admitted her feelings.

I rejoiced at hearing her confession, but also understood the sadness behind her words. "Yes," I agreed. "That is something to be afraid of, indeed. Wanting to be with me. That's really not in your best interest."

She frowned. And my heart broke to see her beautiful face expressing such painful emotions.

"I should have left long ago," I said out loud, revealing to her my own thoughts. "I should leave now. But I don't know if I can."

"I don't want you to leave." She mumbled it under her breath in such a way that I suspected it was something she didn't want me to hear. Had I been human, I probably would have missed it. But I wasn't human, and I felt the impact fully.

"Which is exactly why I should. But don't worry. I'm essentially a selfish creature. I crave your company too much to do what I should."

"I'm glad."

"Don't be!" I said rather forcefully, and suddenly regretted how harsh I probably sounded. I slowly pulled my hand away from hers, realizing that this must be confusing for her. One moment I'm calm and collected, and the next I'm barking orders. I tried to steady my voice as I explained exactly why she shouldn't desire my constant attention.

"It's not only your company I crave! Never forget _that_," I reminded her. "Never forget I am more dangerous to you than I am to anyone else." I hated myself for that fact, but she needed to know. Unable to hold her gaze, I looked away into the forest.

"I don't think I understand exactly what you mean—by that last part anyway," she said.

I returned my focus to her to find a genuinely inquisitive look on her face. It didn't seem that she noticed how angry I was at myself, and for that I was grateful. I smiled in spite of myself.

"How do I explain?" I mused. "And without frightening you again…hmmmm." It would certainly be difficult for her to comprehend. After all, the thirst for blood was the most powerful force known to a vampire. I wasn't certain if there was even a human equivalent that I could compare it to. It wasn't so much that I wanted to taste her blood, but that her blood was more potent, more desirable than any other blood I'd ever found in all my existence. How could I describe that so that she would understand? And most importantly, how could I do it without scaring her away permanently?

As a sign of gentility, I placed my hand back into hers, savoring the warmth of her touch. I felt her hand tighten around mine, increasing the amount of glorious body heat radiating from her skin onto mine.

"That's amazingly pleasant, the warmth."

Her warmth was like rain to a dusty field. Like the heat of a fire after a blizzard. Like a feast to a starved man. And not just a feast, but a feast of the most delicious, most tempting foods a man could ever consume. And then I realized just how it could be described.

"You know how everyone enjoys different flavors?" I began. "Some people love chocolate ice cream, others prefer strawberry?"

She nodded, and I inwardly cringed at the fact that I was comparing her to food – a consumable product.

"Sorry about the food analogy," I apologized. "I couldn't think of another way to explain."

Her smile increased. I returned the smiled repentantly.

"You see, every person smells different, has a different essence. If you locked an alcoholic in a room full of stale beer, he'd gladly drink it. But he could resist, if he wished to, if he were a recovering alcoholic. Now let's say you placed in that room a glass of hundred year old brandy, the rarest, finest cognac—and filled the room with its warm aroma—how do you think he would fare then?"

She stared back at me with a blank expression. Obviously I wasn't using the best analogy here. Bella probably didn't have much experience with addiction. Perhaps something a bit stronger would help her understand better.

"Maybe that's not the right comparison. Maybe it would be too easy to turn down the brandy. Perhaps I should have made our alcoholic a heroin addict instead."

Something flickered in her eyes. "So, what you're saying is, I'm your brand of heroin?"

She meant it as a joke. The smile on her face told me as much. But her analysis was spot-on. "Yes, you are _exactly_ my brand of heroin."

Her brows went up in surprise. "Does that happen often?"

Again, I was worried with how she would take my answer. I looked off into the distance as I formulated my answer.

"I spoke to my brothers about it. To Jasper, every one of you is much the same. He's the most recent to join our family. It's a struggle for him to abstain at all. He hasn't had time to grow sensitive to the differences in smell, in flavor." I looked into her face once I realized how I had phrased it.

"Sorry," I offered as sincerely as I could.

She smiled. "I don't mind. Please don't worry about offending me, or frightening me, or whichever. That's the way you think. I can understand, or I can try to at least. Just explain however you can."

I breathed in her scent once more as a reminder to what I was trying to describe and looked back up into the sky.

"So Jasper wasn't sure if he'd ever come across someone who was as…" Now…how to put this? As luscious? As tempting? As… "_appealing_ as you are to me. Which makes me think not. Emmett has been on the wagon longer, so to speak, and he understood what I meant. He says twice, for him, once stronger than the other."

"And for you?" There it was. She asked it. And now I had to answer.

"Never."

I saw her swallow and heard how her heart fluttered in her chest.

"What did Emmett do?" she asked in a shaky voice.

That was something I wasn't willing to talk about with her. Obviously, Emmett had killed the two humans and taken exactly what his body had craved. But how could I say that to Bella when I had just admitted to wanting her blood in the same way? I couldn't look at her, for the fear and regret in her eyes was too painful for me.

"I guess I know," she added softly.

Not wanting her to think too badly about Emmett, I looked into her eyes and hoped she could understand. "Even the strongest of us fall off the wagon, don't we?"

She gaped at me. "What are you asking? My permission?" Her tone was rather harsh for Bella. It was a tone I hadn't heard in a while from her, and it surprised me. And then, for some reason that I wished I could pull from her mind, her voice softened. "I mean, is there no hope, then?"

"No, no!" I answered quickly, penitently. "Of course there's hope! I mean, of course I won't…" I couldn't finish the sentence. I couldn't even finish the thought. How could I ever do that to her? No matter how much it pained me to deprive myself of her blood, I would do it because I loved her. And she had to know that. "It's different for us. Emmett…these were strangers he happened across. It was a long time ago, and he wasn't as…practiced, as careful, as he is now."

I wanted to say how much I loved her and that she would never have to worry about me taking her life in such a vicious way. That's what I wanted to say. But she asked another question, which led me to a very different admission.

"So if we'd met…oh, in a dark alley or something…"

Her scent burned in my nostrils. "It took everything I had not to jump up in the middle of that class full of children and—" Again, I couldn't finish the sentence. I remembered distinctly how quickly I plotted the demise of every student in that room just so I could have a taste of her. It shamed me to admit to being able and willing to commit such atrocities, but Bella deserved the truth. If nothing else, I owed her the truth. I was sure that at some point she would run from me and leave me forever. It would serve me right if she did. To love her so much – to come so close to having her as an integral part of my life - it would only be fitting if she left me now. But I hoped that she wouldn't. I restrained myself for her. Now it was her turn to restrain herself for me.

"When you walked past me," I continued, "I could have ruined everything Carlisle has built for us, right then and there. If I hadn't been denying my thirst for the last, well, too many years, I wouldn't have been able to stop myself."

I stopped, angry at myself for how I behaved that first day and how it must have affected her. "You must have thought I was possessed."

She tilted her head to the side, remembering the day in her innocent mind, completely void of murderous thoughts. "I couldn't understand why. How you could hate me so quickly…"

The confession spilled out of me. "To me, it was like you were some kind of demon, summoned straight from my own personal hell to ruin me. The fragrance coming off your skin… I thought it would make me deranged that first day. In that one hour, I thought of a hundred different ways to lure you from the room with me, to get you alone. And I fought them each back, thinking of my family, what I could do to them. I had to run out, to get away before I could speak the words that would make you follow…"

It would have been so easy. And I would have killed her so effortlessly. I had thought I had found the most potent, most precious blood on earth, when in reality I had found the only woman who would ever stir my soul. I had never realized how very empty my existence had been until I found Bella. I was grateful that I hadn't spoken the gentle words to lure her to follow me.

"You would have come," I said, finishing my thought out loud.

"Without a doubt," she confirmed.

I stared down at her hands and felt compelled to tell her everything. What was the point of holding back now? After all she knew – after all we'd been through. She knew I wanted to kill her and why. She knew her blood was more tempting to me than any other I'd ever found. And she knew that I had not killed her and vowed to never kill her. So why not tell her the whole story from the beginning? After all, she deserved to know.

I started by finishing off that first day. How I tried to rearrange my schedule only to be thwarted by Bella's scent once again. How I could have killed her right then along with poor, dirty-minded Mrs. Cope. I explained how I fled the school and went to Carlisle – how I was too ashamed to admit to my own family how weak I was. I rambled on about Alaska and how not even my beautiful friends in the north could distract me from my misery. I didn't even hold back from telling her that I came back not only because I was homesick, but also that I couldn't stand the thought of how an insignificant little girl had ruined my peaceful life in Forks.

To her credit, Bella just sat and listened, a mixture of wonder and horror crossing her face from time to time depending on what I was telling her. Hoping to ease her in some small way, I explained how I hunted more then usual as a precaution. I told her how I resorted to listening in on the minds of her simpleton friends to better judge her reaction to me. How I went so far as to talk to her with the intent of making her forget that first day when I had very nearly killed her. But of course, just like now, every time the air would swirl around her, I would once again have her scent thrust upon me.

And then I came to the point in the story where she was very nearly killed without any help from me. Tyler's van would have done the job had I not been there, watching you. I explained how dangerous it would have been to have her blood flowing freely right in front of me, but that wasn't the reason I saved her. I told her how, at that moment, all I could think was, 'not her' and how I reacted without so much as considering the outcome of my actions.

It was agony to admit this to her – to show her exactly where my weaknesses were and what a powerful control she held over my actions. But as I continued, Bella only seemed more interested, and her expression grew in sympathy.

After a long moment of silence from me, her faint voice asked, "In the hospital?"

I looked into her warm eyes and continued my shame-filled story. How angry I was that I had given her such power – how angry my family had been. I skimmed over the appalling details of the vicious fight I had with my family and how Rose, Jasper, and Emmett had wanted me to kill her right then and there. Bella tensed up at the mention of Rose's name.

And then I told her how I waited for her to break her promise to me – to tell someone what she saw and what she knew, and how surprised I was when she kept her word.

"I didn't understand you at all," I added. "But I knew that I couldn't become more involved with you. I did my very best to stay as far from you as possible. And every day the perfume of your skin, your breath, your hair…it hit me as hard as the very first day."

I looked into her glorious face, so happy that I'd never given in to the beast inside of me. So filled with joy that I had been given the chance, brief as it might be, to know her for who she is and feel what it means to truly love someone. How careful I had been… up until now. For right now, she was alone with me, and once again I was presented with the opportunity to take from her whatever I wanted. By her own confession, she would give it to me freely. No matter how much I loved her, body and soul, her blood would always call to me like a siren.

"And for all that," I voiced, "I'd have fared better if I _had_ exposed us all at that first moment, than if now, here—with no witnesses and nothing to stop me—I were to hurt you."

A multitude of emotions flashed over her beautiful face. "Why?"

"Isabella." Her full name fell from my lips like a sacred prayer. I couldn't resist touching her, running my fingers through her hair, filling the air with her heavenly fragrance. "Bella, I couldn't live with myself if I ever hurt you. You don't know how it's tortured me," I felt more ashamed of this than anything else, but knew I had to continue. "The thought of you, still, white, cold…to never see you blush scarlet again, to never see that flash of intuition in your eyes when you see through my pretenses…it would be unendurable." I willed her to understand I was telling the truth – that I would never hurt her – that I couldn't bear to live without her. "You are the most important thing to me now. The most important thing to me ever."

I should have finished by telling her I loved her, but I couldn't stand the thought of her not saying it in return. I waited patiently for her to say something, anything that would give me access to her feelings. She looked down at our joined hands, making it impossible for me to judge her reactions correctly.

"You already know how I feel, of course," she finally said, but her words were of no help. She needed to be more exact. Given all we had been though in the last few days, I suspected that her feelings were similar to mine, but the idea was ludicrous and I refused to believe it until I had it directly from her.

"I'm here," she added, "which, roughly translated, means I would rather die than stay away from you." Rather die… than stay away. I felt the same way. And that meant that she could only live while I was near. How ironic. "I'm an idiot," she finished.

"You are an idiot," I agreed with a laugh. Her eyes met mine and we found ourselves laughing together at the irony of it all. It was a moment I treasure above all moments for as long as I existed… which I decided then and there would only be for as long as Bella existed.

"And so the lion fell in love with the lamb…" I murmured, admitting to her for the first time that this feeling I was experiencing was, indeed, love.

She looked away from me, but I felt her skin flush with the heat of her emotion and heard her heart increase its gentle rhythm. "What a stupid lamb," she sighed.

As much as I thrilled at her words, I couldn't help but conclude the phrase. "What a sick, masochistic lion."


	25. Chapter 23

_AN: You aren't imagining things. This is a real, honest to goodness update. I make no promises for when the next one will be, but having E-prom and reading the first chapter of Eclipse has really inspired me. So, the Twilight muse hit and you all get another chapter. I only hope it lives up to expectations. I've been worried about this scene for a long time now, given how sensual I feel it is. I certainly hope no one is offended by my take on this scene._

_I have a whole host of people to thank. Pel, first and for most, for being the one who helped me tap back into the "Edward voice" as I refer to it. She called me out on a fair number of things that I had done wrong. Pel, the Carlisle moment is for you. SillyBella and Be My Escape for letting me argue with them about semi-colons and the use of "would" vrs "could." And Hellish Red Devil for giving up her Mother's Day to whip this out to the masses. You all rox! _

_And deep, heart felt thanks to Stephenie Meyer who allows us all to play in her fandom. She really is the genius behind it all._

**CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE**

I spent the next few moments simply staring out into the forest. I wanted more than anything to stare at her, to hold onto her gaze and let myself succumb to the love I felt for and from her in that moment. But I couldn't. I was too worried the intensity of my emotions would frighten her away.

"Why…?"

Her voice was hesitant. She probably wanted to know why, after admitting my love, I couldn't even look at her.

"Yes?" I said, purposefully looking back at her with a smile.

"Tell my why you ran from me before."

That wasn't what I had expected. "You know why."

"No, I mean, _exactly_ what did I do wrong? I'll have to be on my guard, you see, so I better start learning what I shouldn't do. This, for example," and she brushed her hand gently over the back of mine, "seems to be all right."

Her touch, so innocent, made my body feel so alive. "You didn't do anything wrong, Bella. It was my fault."

"But I want to help, if I can, to not make this harder for you."

"Well…" It was almost laughable to think that this would ever not be hard. I hoped that it would grow easier the more desensitized I would become to her scent. But the moment she was referring to and my reaction to her wasn't just because of the way she smelled to me. "It was just how close you were," I explained. "Most humans instinctively shy away from us, are repelled by our alienness…I wasn't expecting you to come so close. And the smell of your _throat_." I hadn't meant to say that. I looked into her dark eyes penitently, surprised to see her looking back at me, not in repulsion, but in understanding.

"Okay, then," she said rather casually, tucking her chin down to hide her slender neck. "No throat exposure."

A laugh spilled out of me. As if that one small change would stop me from wanting her blood. "No, really, it was more the surprise than anything else."

I don't know why I suddenly felt I could manage it, but I bravely raised my hand and placed it ever so gently along the side of her neck. I was instantly aware of how much warmer her neck was than her hands. How much stronger I could feel and hear her pulse. The vitality of her blood, the very essence of life. How easy it would be to pull her forward, replace my hand with my mouth, and drink.

I was also more aware of how soft she felt, and in spite of the fact that I knew how careful I would have to be, I couldn't help but want more. The pout of her lips. The longing in her eyes. The blush that now rose to her face as my eyes held fast to hers. She defined beauty, and I loved her all the more for trusting me with this much.

"You see," I reassured. "Perfectly fine." I was far from fine, but she didn't need to know that. I wanted more. So much more. More than her blood. More than the need to quench my unnatural thirst. I wanted _her_.

Her pulse thrummed quickly through her veins, picking up speed the longer my hand remained on her neck. The color on her cheeks deepened and there was a subtle change in her scent. As aroused as my hunger was for her, the passion blooming between us was even stronger. I could feel it, and there was no chance of ignoring it.

"The blush on your cheeks is lovely," I murmured simply, and I realized that words were fast becoming inadequate to express how she made me feel.

I wondered if I could ever express to her how much I cared for her – how much I loved her. Human expression of love was outward and visible with affectionate touches and kisses. Would those things ever be possible for us? I wished with all my might that I was human and I could freely demonstrate that form of affection to her. But her blood would always be an issue for me. If only there were a way to become more accustomed to it – more desensitized. The thought almost made me laugh, for I knew it was impossible. But still, I had to wonder.

I let go of her hands and carefully brushed her cheek, reveling in her warmth and the hope I saw in her expressive eyes. If there was ever to be a chance at loving her, at being with her without thinking of how tempting her blood was, I would have to force myself to do the very thing I found so impossible. If I wanted to be _close_ to her, then I would have to_ be_ close to her. I would have to let myself feel her, touch her, smell her. It was a great risk; I knew that much for certain - and it was selfish of me to ask her to be so reckless with her life, but I couldn't help it. I wanted this more than anything I'd ever wanted before. Now, to see if she would let me touch her.

I held her beautiful face between my hands and whispered, "Be very still."

I locked my gaze with hers, keeping watch for any sign of fear or regret or revulsion, and leaned forward. If she didn't want this, I would stop. It would be torture, but I would manage it for her sake. What I saw in her eyes was more startling to me than I had anticipated. I saw love. I saw desire. I saw trust. Before I lost my nerve, I lowered my cheek to rest against her throat just under her chin.

Heat. Pulsing. Blood. Life.

Bella.

The very essence of her humanity thrummed loudly in her chest. Her scent washed over me, over-powering me, making me feel dizzy, and not just from the thirst even though that was the most powerful pull I was feeling. The burning feeling spread through my body, filling me with a familiar, aching need.

Wanting to feel more of her skin, I slid my hands down the side of her neck, taking in the rapid pulse of her blood pounding away at her jugular. Her body tensed suddenly, and I was concerned that I was applying too much pressure, but I didn't stop. I couldn't just leave my hands on her neck. It would be too much of an unwanted temptation. My hands came to rest on her bare shoulders. Her heart rate increased, and her breathing hitched.

There was no way to describe the potency of her scent. It was powerful, intoxicating, and I couldn't resist skimming my nose along her collarbone. I breathed her in, feeling the rush and the thrill of having her so close. Her heart hammered away just under her skin. I turned my head and rested there, memorizing the sound and rhythm of her heart.

A sigh of pure ecstasy escaped me.

It was delightful and frightening at the same time. To have her heart just a fraction away from me – to hear it working – to feel the blood coursing through her veins was what frightened me. It would be so easy, _too_ easy, to take what I wanted – to satisfy my thirst. And at the same time I realized that I'd placed her in a very intimate position. That was delightful, as was the way her breasts rose and fell with each passing breath.

Sooner than I had expected, her heart rate slowed to a more normal pattern, as did her breathing. She was growing used to me – maybe even comfortable. I couldn't very well say I was used to her yet. I doubted that would ever be possible. But I certainly wasn't going to drink from her. I couldn't. I would hate myself forever. Not because she didn't deserve that kind of ending, but because I couldn't bear to think of existing without her. Being this close to her only made me want to keep her with me forever. I knew I would always be drawn to her blood, but there were other aspects of her that I was drawn to as well. It surprised me that I had reached this point after holding her for such a short time.

I loved her. I loved her with all my heart, cold as it was. And I took great pleasure in the feel and sound of her heart beating away, sending warmth though her body and radiating out onto my skin. Bella's warmth could melt any man's heart, and yet I was the lucky one to experience it. Having been this close to her, having held her in this way, I couldn't imagine ever being away from her again.

Something clicked in my mind and I understood fully what it was to love without measure. I appreciated what it was that made Emmett spoil Rosalie senseless. I knew why Jasper gave up his own lifestyle just because it was what Alice had wanted. I realized why Carlisle never spent more than twenty-four hours away from Esme. In that moment, I fully transformed into the hopeless romantic I'd always been accused of being. More importantly, I found peace with my love for Bella.

Breathing in her fragrance once more, I slowly released her and moved back to look into her wide eyes. She blinked once, that slightly dazed expression still alight on her face.

"It won't be so hard again," I assured her.

"Was that very hard for you?"

"Not nearly as bad as I imagined it would be." Which was the truth. I imagined I would want to drain her blood if ever I were allowed that close to her, and yet all I could do was love her more and more. "And you?"

"No, it wasn't bad…for me." She turned pink.

I smiled automatically. "You know what I mean."

She smiled back at me, but shied away with her eyes.

"Here." I took Bella's hand and rested it against my stone cheek. "Do you feel how warm it is?"

She blinked again, more dazed than ever, and I could feel her body tense and stiffen. Her heart began to race again, but her eyes held fast to mine. If only I could hear her mind I would know if I had made a mistake. Was my skin too hard to her touch? Was I still too cold under her heated palm? Did it only drive home for her how very different we were? I could only guess. And then she made the most surprising request of me.

"Don't move," she whispered.

I wasn't sure why she asked it, but I did as she bid. I closed my eyes and waited for whatever was to come.

Her hand moved over my face, delicately, carefully, as if_ I_ were the one who would break at any moment. I didn't have time to dwell on the irony, for her finger tips distracted my thoughts as she gently brushed over my eyelid and down around my eyes to the hollow beneath. I purposefully held my breath as she traced my nose, not fully trusting myself with her precious scent while she explored my facial features. It might have worked had she not continued down to my mouth, but her fingers dangerously slid along my lips. I couldn't help but open them and exhale the breath I had been holding. I could almost taste her skin, and for the first time in my life, I found myself on the edge of a precipice ready to jump in head first.

I wanted her. More than I'd ever wanted anything in my whole life, human or vampire. And it wasn't her blood that was calling to me at this particular instant, making my body react in this oh-so-foreign and yet pleasurable way. I'd felt it once before with her – I'd felt these stirrings in the pit of my belly, but it had never been this strong or demanding. It was so confusing to want her in this way when I wanted her in other ways.

Her hands dropped away and I granted myself the chance to look upon her face, hoping to see the same desire that I felt at this very moment reflected in her eyes. To my joy and complete and utter rapture, I found exactly what I wanted.

Having never experienced anything remotely similar to this, my mind had a difficult time absorbing this new concept of want. And I fought with all my might to keep my body in check.

"I wish," I whispered, "I wish you could feel the…complexity…the confusion…I feel. That you could understand."

Her hair rippled softly in the breeze, sending a strand in front of her face. For the first time, I didn't hesitate to brush it away so I could have an unobstructed view of her heavenly face.

"Tell me," she breathed.

"I don't think I can," I said honestly, for I was having difficulty explaining it to myself.   
"I've told you, on the one hand, the hunger—the thirst—that, deplorable creature that I am, I feel for you. And I think you can understand that, to an extent. Though," I sighed, "as you are not addicted to any illegal substances, you probably can't empathize completely.

"But…" I looked at her face and was instantly drawn to her mouth. So delicate, so soft, so feminine. I remembered just days ago thinking how wonderful it would be to actually kiss her. That desire hadn't faded, and now I knew it would never fade. It was something I desired more than anything at this moment. And yet, I couldn't. Not yet. I would have to be satisfied with only a fraction of a touch. Thus, my fingers traced the line of her lips, just as she had done to me earlier. "There are other hungers. Hungers I don't even understand, that are foreign to me."

"I may understand _that_ better than you think." She blushed, which sent my heart soaring.

"I'm not used to feeling so human." It was the gentlest way I could explain the desire I currently felt, for up until now, I'd never felt anything like this as a vampire, so it had to be a human reaction. "Is it always like this?"

"For me?" She paused, and I held my breath in worry that I'd opened the door to hear all about the men who had touched her heart before me. To my great relief, she said, "No, never. Never before this."

I clasped her hands between mine, covering them completely in my own personal metaphor for how I desired to cover her whole body with mine. It was such an impossibility that I almost laughed out loud at the very idea. "I don't know how to be close to you," I admitted. "I don't know if I can."

Holding my gaze, Bella leaned forward ever so slightly. I could almost hear the warning in the way her eyes looked up at me. And then, to my utter amazement, she rested her head lovingly against my chest. My breath caught and I momentarily lost focus on anything outside of Bella and the way her body felt against mine.

"This is enough," she sighed.

Whatever human instinct was left in my immortal soul kicked in as I carefully wrapped my arms around the precious woman resting against me. I didn't want to hold her too tightly, but I applied enough pressure that I held her in place, signaling how very much I wanted to never let her go. My eyes drifted shut, and I let my face drop until it came to rest on top of her silken hair. In any other romance story, my next move would be to kiss her and pronounce my intention to always love her. But this was no ordinary romance, in spite of my desire to follow through with the impulse.

"You're better at this than you give yourself credit for," she breathed.

"I have human instincts—they may be buried deep, but they're there." I reveled in those forgotten instincts and silently prayed that I would be able to find more of them within me.

I'm not sure how long we sat there like that. The perplexing, joyous, and still confusing emotions persisted. Yet I took great delight in the feel of her heart pounding away against my own chest. I didn't want to move. I didn't want this moment to end. Having been taunted by the way time moved so slowly in the mundane world for a vampire, I found it entirely too cruel that I wouldn't be able to stay in this moment much longer. More than the setting sun, I could tell from the way Bella's body shifted and tensed slightly that the time to leave had arrived. She exhaled slowly, having reached the same realization.

"You have to go," I mumbled into her hair.

"I thought you couldn't read my mind."

I smiled at her tease. "It's getting clearer."

It would take us hours to get back to the car if we walked at Bella's normal, human pace. If I was to get her home in enough time so that her father wouldn't worry, we would have to travel in a faster manner. My way of travel was infinitely quicker and much more exhilarating. Taking her shoulders, I gently moved her so I could look down at her face.

"Can I show you something?" I asked, not even trying to hide the excitement I felt.

"Show me what?"

"I'll show you how _I_ travel in the forest." She grimaced at me. "Don't worry, you'll be very safe, and we'll get to your truck much faster." Not that the truck would get us home in any short order. I could have her back at her house in a matter of minutes if we didn't have to bother with her antique truck. I smiled at the thought.

She squinted up at me. "Will you turn into a bat?"

A laugh burst out of me. "Like I haven't heard _that_ one before!"

"Right, I'm sure you get that all the time."

"Come on, little coward, climb on my back."

She hesitated, frowning at me as if I'd gone insane for a moment. Maybe I had, but I was in too deep now to turn back. I held out my hand for her, pulling her up and carefully slinging her onto my back. Her heart raced, but I wasn't sure if it was from the anticipation of the run or the fact that she was draped over my body in such an unusual way. Her legs instantly wrapped around my waist; out of fear, I guessed. As if I would drop her!

"I'm a bit heavier than your average backpack," she stated apologetically.

"Hah!" I laughed. I could barely feel her weight. It was more the fact that she was so close to me that worried me, not being held down by her weight. But it didn't matter. None of it mattered. I could walk on air at this moment.

It amazed me how confident I had become about having her close to me. Just this morning I feared for what I might to do her if she were to be this close. And yet now, all I could think about was being even closer to her. I took her hand and pressed the palm to my face. Breathing in her scent I muttered, "Easier all the time."

I ran through the woods with all the joy I felt. My feet pressing into the solid earth with such lightness as I'd never experienced before. I'd conquered so many obstacles along the way to find this comfort with Bella that the trees passing by me now were nothing in comparison. It wasn't much of a challenge anyway, considering what I was now able to accomplish. Given the peace I currently felt as I ran at top speed with Bella perched safely on my back, I wondered at the possibilities. More precisely, I contemplated the one thing I had been wanting to do for so long now – kissing her. It was unfathomable that I was even considering trying it, but I figured if I didn't try it now I might not have the courage to later.

I passed the last bend along the trail and came to a halt just a short distance from the road. "Exhilarating, isn't it?" I stated, both about the run and the fact that I'd decided to try to kiss her.

I paused and waited for Bella to climb down. When she didn't move, I twisted my neck to better see her. "Bella?" I asked anxiously.

"I think I need to lie down." Her voice was weak and raspy.

I hadn't considered that my running might have scared her. "Oh, sorry," I replied, but she still didn't budge.

"I think I need help," she said reluctantly.

I chuckled at her, hoping that she would relax and laugh along with me, but to no avail. If anything, her grip around my body tightened. I gently took her arms and pried them from the vice grip she had on my neck. Being careful not to squeeze too hard, I pulled her around to my front, stealing a moment to hold her in my arms once more. She was so small, so delicate, and the wooziness I saw on her face combined with her pale coloring broke my heart.

"How do you feel?" I asked, gently lowering her feet down to the solid ground.

"Dizzy, I think," she said slipping down to sit on the grass.

That wasn't anything out of the ordinary for Bella. Still, it pained me that I had been the cause of her illness, and not for anything romantic either. I told her she should put her head between her knees, which she did for a while. Her breathing was slow and steady, as was her heart rate. Feeling guilty for bringing this upon her, I sat down beside her and waited for her to scold me, as I deserved.

"I guess that wasn't the best idea," I concluded apologetically.

"No, it was very interesting."

She was trying to appease me, that much was clear, and she made me laugh for it. "Hah! You're as white as a ghost—no, you're as white as _me_!"

"I think I should have closed my eyes."

"Remember that next time."

"Next time!" she moaned.

She might not have realized it yet, but there would be a next time. I had come to a point where I knew now that I could manage to be around her. In fact, I was _too _delighted by my newfound peace to even think about staying away from her now. And I highly doubted that she would want to stay away from me, either, given her reactions when we were in the meadow. I chuckled at her again.

"Show off," she muttered.

I leaned closer to her, bringing my face very near hers. Her lips were but a fraction of an inch from mine. It was wrong of me to be so selfish that I wanted to kiss her now. I'd just put the poor girl through what seemed to her to be a horrific experience, and yet here I was, ready to kiss her regardless of that fact. Still, the opportunity was too perfect to ignore. "Open your eyes, Bella."

Her eyes fluttered open and she stared deeply back at me with her rich, brown eyes. How I ever managed to end up winning the love of this divine angel was a marvel to me.

"I was thinking, while I was running…" I took a deep breath, pausing to consider my word choice. I'd been thinking about this a lot longer than just during the run, but it was only now that I thought I could manage it.

"About not hitting the trees, I hope," Bella quipped.

"Silly Bella," I chuckled. "Running is second nature to me, it's not something I have to think about."

"Show off," she repeated under her breath.

She couldn't be that angry at me, for she still had her dry sense of humor. I loved her for that. I loved her more than I could explain, and now was my chance to try to show her… in the most human way I knew how. But I would let her reaction tell me how to proceed. I decided that I would hold her face in my hands. If she seemed afraid or appeared worried in any way, then I would only kiss her jaw and neck. But if I saw an indication that she wanted more than that – if she leaned toward me even in the slightest amount - then I would kiss her on her lips.

"No," I continued, "I was thinking there was something I wanted to try."

Gently, carefully, I placed my hands along the sides of her warm, flushed, beautiful face. I looked into her eyes and noted that she wasn't breathing properly. In fact, she wasn't breathing at all. Was that fear? I nearly pulled away, but Bella's mouth parted slightly… and then her chin jutted forward. It was the smallest of movements, probably imperceptible to the human eye, but it was the exact sign I was waiting for. Her mouth was so close to mine that I would have felt the warm air leaving her body were she breathing.

Then I realized that if I did kiss her, I would most likely taste that warm air. I knew that kissing her would mean tasting her lips, but I hadn't fully considered tasting her breath. I would have to be very careful and not allow myself too much, for I wasn't so foolish to assume I would be satisfied with only a mere taste of her breath. It would tempt me to want to taste… more than just that.

Having no experience with romantic kissing, I grew suddenly nervous about how it was properly done. I'd never even wanted to kiss someone while I was human, so I couldn't rely on my distant human memories for what it was suppose to feel like. And in my immortal life, though the opportunity had presented itself a few times, I'd never found it to be desirable. Movies and books were good for the imagination, but I was fast learning that they were mostly wrong about what true love really was.

All I had to go on was what I witnessed in my own family. Not that I purposefully paid that much attention to the romance between the couples in my family, but sometimes it was very difficult to miss. And after all, I was telepathic. It wasn't as if I could just tune everything out at will. But I remembered with perfect clarity the first time Carlisle kissed his beloved Esme. After all the time they spent together. After all the misunderstandings they worked through. After they had admitted how deep their love was for one another, the simple and yet significant moment he tilted his face so that his lips could touch hers left a profound impact on me. I remembered feeling as if my unobserved presence was unwelcome in such a pure moment that I had to leave the house to give them their full privacy.

I wanted my first kiss to be like that. More specifically, I wanted my first kiss with Bella to be like that.

I could do this. I wanted to do this. Bella wanted me to do this. My body begged me to at least try.

With caution and extreme delicacy, I pressed my lips against her soft, full mouth.

Pleasure lanced through me in that instant, consuming me. Nothing – no book or film – no tortured conversations with my brothers - not even my own imagination had adequately prepared me for what I felt in that moment. My mind went blank for a second until I could fully comprehend what was happening. Bella's heart rate sky rocketed, sending the blood pumping rapidly through her veins, warming her and drawing me in. It was as if her mouth had caught fire and I couldn't escape the intensity of it.

And then she breathed. She gasped, opening her mouth and inhaling deeply. My mouth was still pressed to hers, but I didn't dare respond in kind. It would be the death of her if I did. And so, I froze. I willed my body to be as still as stone while Bella kissed me and grabbed at my hair. Were I mortal, I would have kissed her as deeply and with as much conviction as she was kissing me, but that was simply out of the question.

Gently, yet with determination, I reluctantly pushed her face away from mine, keeping her at just a millimeter's distance. Her eyes drifted open, a dreamy, unexpected look covering her face.

"Oops," she breathed.

"That's an understatement."

I could taste her on my lips. Her. Bella. Her breath – her warmth – her very life force. And I wanted more. But again, I didn't dare push my limits. I was fortunate to have had enough control of myself to touch her as intimately as I just had. It was more than I ever dared to dream. Why risk it now? Why risk her life yet again when she'd already given me so very much?

"Should I…?" She shifted against me, trying to unwrap herself from our tangled position.

I didn't want her to move. I only wanted to stay like this for a moment longer, close to her, with the lingering taste of her mouth still fresh on my lips.

"No, it's tolerable," I assured her, holding her still. "Wait for a moment, please."

Slowly, time passed and the fire I felt rising between us began to fade. She watched me closely, and I wished beyond all wishes that I could know what she was thinking. What had she really thought of the kiss? Were my lips too much like marble? Too cold? Or had it been for her what it was for me? Pure, unbridled ecstasy.

I decided her feelings must have echoed mine to some degree, given her response. It was a very human reaction. That fact alone thrilled me to my very core.

"There," I said once the fire had passed completely.

"Tolerable?" she asked.

I couldn't hold in my laugh. "I'm stronger than I thought. It's nice to know."

"I wish I could say the same. I'm sorry."

"You _are_ only human, after all."

"Thanks so much," she grimaced.

I stood and reached out for her. Her eyes were wide as she looked up at me, and when she took my hand, there was a hesitancy there that made me wonder. Of course, I would always wonder about this creature whose mind was so inaccessible.

Suddenly, she teetered slightly, almost losing her balance. "Are you still faint from the run? Or was it my kissing expertise?" I teased with a shocking amount of light-heartedness.

"I can't be sure, I'm still woozy. I think it's some of both, though." Her honesty both surprised and delighted me. She had enjoyed the kiss. How thrilling.

"Maybe you should let me drive," I offered.

"Are you insane?" she protested.

"I can drive better than you on your best day," I grinned. "You have much slower reflexes."

"I'm sure that's true, but I don't think my nerves, or my truck, could take it."

"Some trust, please, Bella."

She slipped her hand in her pocket and deliberated over her choice. I wish I could say her decision surprised me, but it didn't. Bella didn't like being dependent on anyone for anything.

"Nope. Not a chance," she said with a shake of her hand.

I raised my eyebrows in a wordless reply.

She took only step to go around me and nearly fell to the ground. I easily caught her in my embrace and held her snugly around her waist. I wondered if she could even pass a standardized driving test at that moment. If the police caught her, she would most likely be accused of driving under the influence. She'd probably drive off the road if I didn't stop her.

"Bella, I've already expended a great deal of personal effort at this point to keep you alive. I'm not about to let you behind the wheel of a vehicle when you can't even walk straight. Besides, friends don't let friends drive drunk." The old adage brought a chuckle.

"Drunk?" she objected.

"You're intoxicated by my very presence." We always had that kind of an effect on humans, but to know I could bring this out in Bella was quite stimulating.

"I can't argue with that," she admitted to my eternal pleasure. She held up the key and quickly dropped it. I caught it without ever taking my eyes off of her. "Take it easy—my truck is a senior citizen."

"Very sensible," I approved.

"And are you not affected at all?" she asked, sounding irritated. "By my presence?"

She had no idea. Her presence was so delightful, so intoxicating I could hardly comprehend it. I took the chance to once again inhale her lovely scent by dropping my mouth to her jaw. I brushed my lips along the line of her jaw. Back and forth from her ear to her chin, reveling in the heat and the pulse of her blood. The soft, silky feel of her skin. The tension that caused her body to shudder against mine. The way my own body reacted. Oh yes, I was affected. Deeply.

"Regardless," I murmured, forcing my mouth away from her skin, "I have better reflexes."


	26. Author's Note 3

Nothing but an author's note this time.

I am going through a major upheaval in my personal and family life and need to concentrate all of my energy on my kids right now. Thus, The Lion and the Lamb is on permanent hiatus. I wouldn't be saying this if it wasn't a real, honest to goodness emergency. I have pulled out of everything I do including a play a was just cast in and one of my church responsibilities. Life right now is my kids and securing my future. I appreciate all of the wonderful reviews I have had on the story and the requests for more, and it is for that reason that I felt you all should know that as of this moment there will be no more. Yet on the bright side, one of the things I will be doing is focusing on an original story of my own that I hope to publish. No, it won't have anything to do with Edward or Bella, but I have to do what I can to secure my family's future. Again, I thank you all for the love I have felt from this fandom.

Thanks for all your support!

Alphie


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